Love Out of Order (Indigo Love Spectrum)

by Green, Nicole

  “Yeah. Just one,” John said, his voice hardening.

  “None of my business, I guess,” the woman murmured, typing something into the keyboard on the desk in front of her. “You’ll need two beds then?”

  “No. We only need one,” John said.

  Her lips puckered. She ran a hand through her brittle hair and then scratched her forehead. I noted the spidery blue veins and age spots on the back of her hand, keeping my eyes away from her face. Her gold-plated name tag had the name “Roxy” printed on it.

  “So do you have a room for us or not?” John asked. His nostrils flared and he clenched his wallet in his fist.

  “I’m sorry. Looks like we’re all booked up.” She twisted her lips, giving us a sour look.

  “Really? Is that the same answer your supervisor would give us?” John asked.

  Roxy’s sour faced puckered up even tighter. “He’s not here.”

  “You have a phone number for him?”

  Roxy glared at John for a moment. It looked like she was deciding whether or not she wanted to push the issue. Finally she made a sound in her throat that reminded me of the growl of a dog that feels threatened. Then, she looked at her computer screen. “Oh, well look at that. I guess I missed a room. Y’all mind a smoking room? No vacancies in the non-smoking rooms.”

  “Is that okay with you?” John asked, rubbing my shoulder and pulling me close. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Roxy give a little shake of her head.

  “Sure,” I said. I just wanted to sleep. I could have curled up on the couch in the lobby and been fine as long as Roxy didn’t kill me with her scathing looks.

  John turned back to Roxy and registered us.

  We were walking away from the desk when I heard her mutter, “Some people have no respect for themselves. Mixing like that.”

  John turned back and opened his mouth.

  I grabbed his arm and shook my head. “It’s not worth it.”

  He looked uncertain, but I tugged at his arm, pulling him in the direction of the elevator. Still looking unsure, he followed me. He set our bags on the floor of the elevator and pulled me close to him.

  When we reached the room, I flopped down on the bed and closed my eyes.

  “You hungry?” he asked. The bed sagged slightly under his weight.

  “No,” I said without opening my eyes.

  He ran his hand over my back and kissed my cheek. “You sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I’m going to run out and get something. I’ll be right back.” I heard him moving around the room and then I heard a door open. “If you were hungry, what would you feel like eating?”

  “Anything,” I said.

  The door closed and I rolled over and pulled a pillow over my head.

  John came back with pad thai and prawns. I sat up on the bed and looked over to the table where he’d set the containers.

  “Looks good,” I said, sniffing the odor of the spices in the air.

  He grinned. “There’s enough for two, you know.”

  I went over to the table and sat across from him. He handed me a paper plate and a bottle of water. I was hungrier than I’d thought and for a while we ate in silence, too hungry to talk. I sucked down noodle and prawn so quickly that I almost didn’t notice how well spiced and tasty the meal was.

  Eventually I looked up and saw John toying with the top to his water bottle, the corners of his mouth tilting down in the beginnings of a frown. I lay my fork aside and pushed my chair back from the table.

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said, still spinning the top.

  I stood and paced the floor just in front of the table. “This is the dumbest thing in the world. Why are people like this? Why does it have to matter what color our skin is?”

  John finally looked up at me. “It doesn’t.”

  “What are you talking about? Your parents. That asshole downstairs. You know it does. You should see your face right now.”

  He stood and wrapped his arms around me, stopping me from pacing. “It doesn’t matter to the only people whose opinions count. And all of those people are standing in this room right now.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “Tell me you believe that. Because I have to be with you. Please don’t let the inconsequential opinions of some close-minded people come between us.”

  “I want to believe it,” I said, closing my eyes as he trailed feathery kisses down my cheek, my neck.

  “Please. It’s only us. Only we matter.” He pulled my sweater over my head and put his hands under the hem of my T-shirt. His hands were warm against my skin, almost hot. I lay my head against his shoulder and he slipped his hands into my jeans.

  I turned my face up to his and pressed my lips to his. I was only aware of his tongue against mine for a moment and the next time I was aware of anything, I lay under him on the bed in only my panties and he was shirtless. I remember vaguely turning out the light at some point before that. His kisses were deep and wet in the valley between my breasts. I pressed my fingers into his back as his mouth closed over my nipple. His hand slipped inside my panties and I reluctantly grabbed his wrist.

  “No,” I moaned, motioning for him to move aside. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest.

  “What? Why?” John sounded genuinely confused. Maybe I was as well. Because part of me wanted to pull him back on top of me.

  “We’ve only been together a little over a month,” I lied. That wasn’t really what bothered me. I didn’t want to mess things up with sex. Sex always messed things up. The furthest I’d let him go so far was heavy petting.

  John lay back on his elbows. I could see his face in the shadowy light from the street lights coming through the curtains. His features were soft. He licked his lips and a fresh wave of warmth flooded over me as I thought of better uses for that tongue.

  “Well . . . I just—” I started, and finished in my head, am afraid I’ll get even more emotionally wrapped up with you. Scared I’m no good; I’ve only been with one other guy.

  “What?” John interrupted my internal war. He moved closer and started rubbing circles on my inner thigh with his finger.

  “Uh, well, I think we should wait.”

  He kissed the spot where his finger had been. “For what?”

  That was a good question. It was hard to think. I throbbed with desire for him, and he must have felt the dampness when he brushed his finger over my panties.

  “You know how long I’ve been waiting for you, Denise? I haven’t had sex since I met you.”

  “But Sasha was—”

  “I haven’t had sex with anyone since August.” He emphasized his words with kisses. To my stomach, thigh, hip. “You really don’t want to?”

  “Not tonight.” It took all of my willpower to say that.

  “Okay,” he said, kissing my side. He then kissed my shoulder before bringing his lips back to mine. Then he rolled away from me and stood.

  “Where you going?” I asked, disappointed.

  “I have to take a shower or I’m not going to be able to leave you alone.”

  “You don’t have to leave me alone. We can do other stuff.”

  “Denise, I’ve been thinking about making love to you all day. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do anything right now,” John said, walking toward the bathroom.

  I lay back on the bed with a groan, wondering about the wisdom of stopping him.

  * * *

  When we got back to Richmond on New Year’s Eve, it was snowing. We went to the train station to pick up my car and then he followed me home. We went straight to my place. John said he didn’t even want to see his roommates, which made me exceedingly happy.

  We walked in and Tia and her boyfriend were sitting on the couch, making out. They didn’t bother to stop at the sound of us coming in.

  “Hi, Tia,” I said loudly. They reluctantly tore themselves away from each other and looked up at us.

  Tia’s brow
wrinkled in confusion. “I thought you weren’t coming back until the day before classes start.”

  “Yeah, well, we had a change of plans,” was all I was willing to volunteer. “You have a good break so far?”

  “Yeah. Terry’s been over here the whole time.” Tia grinned at her boyfriend. I had to will myself not to roll my eyes. “Did you, Denise? John?”

  “Yeah. It was great,” John said flatly. He brushed a hand over his short, bristly black hair, knocking the snow from it. I wondered what he’d done with his hat.

  “Why are you back so early, though? I thought you two had big New Year’s plans at your parents’, John,” Tia said.

  “Well, the party got canceled and my dad had an emergency work trip to take the day after New Year’s anyway, so we thought we’d have more fun here,” John said.

  I wasn’t sure it sounded convincing to me, but Tia and Terry seemed to buy it. Not that they were probably all that concerned with what we were doing. For one thing, they could barely keep their eyes off each other even though Tia was attempting to carry on a conversation with us.

  “You two have plans for tonight?” I asked.

  “Nope,” Tia said. Her small body was nearly swallowed up by Terry’s looming form.

  “Well, do you want to go to dinner and make a trip by the ABC? Then we could all just come back here,” I said.

  “Is Astoria coming?” John and Tia asked together. I laughed. Ms. Banks was notorious.

  “I hadn’t planned on asking her if she wanted to. I was just gonna call Suse and see what she and Charles are doing,” I said.

  “Okay, sounds like fun. Anywhere special you want to go?” Tia said.

  “Nah. You guys can pick. I’m gonna go call Suse,” I said, taking out my phone and heading for my room. John followed me.

  “Hey. Having fun in Connecticut?” Suse answered the phone. We had gotten even closer since I didn’t like spending a lot of time with Astoria anymore. Suse had been cool with John and I ever since John had broken up with Sasha. I guess the sneakiness really was what she had disapproved of. Well, at least that was her story and she was sticking to it.

  “Actually, I’m back in Richmond.”

  “Really? What happened? Where’s John?’

  “He’s with me. Long story,” I said, and quickly got to the point before she could ask more questions. “You and Charles have plans tonight?”

  “No, not really.” Suse sounded confused. Yeah, I didn’t blame her. “Charles and I were just going to head out to Louisa.”

  “Well, I was wondering if you’d want to come over. It’d be me, John, you, Charles, Tia, and Terry. We could have dinner and hang out here after that.”

  “Okay,” Suse said. “Let me run it by Charles, but I’d say count me in.”

  “How about you come over around . . . seven-thirty?” “Sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

  “Bye,” I said, hanging up the phone and turning to John. “You want to go to the ABC?”

  “Maybe in a little while,” he said, putting his arms around me. A devious grin lit up his face.

  “We might miss it,” I said, not making any attempt to stop him from pushing me back onto my bed.

  “Well, if we do, we do. I can find alcohol like it’s my job,” he said before kissing me. I laughed. I didn’t doubt it.

  We lay in my bed talking, kissing and touching for hours. I was seriously thinking about doing more when my eye caught the time on the alarm clock on my nightstand.

  I began to untangle myself from John.

  “No,” he murmured, pulling me closer.

  “Yes,” I sighed. I rolled away from him. “It’s time to get ready. I must have a shower before we go.”

  “We have to get up?” John asked, sounding disappointed. He moved next to me.

  “Yes,” I laughed, his tongue tickling my ear. “It’s already close to seven.”

  John reached over me to turn on the lamp, and I stopped him. “What?”

  “I don’t want you to see . . .” I felt awkward for the first time since we’d climbed into my bed.

  “Okay. What’s this thing you have about me seeing you naked?”

  “It’s just you’ve been with girls like Sasha and . . .”

  “So? I know I’ll love your body. If you just let me see it,” he said in that tone I hated because I couldn’t say no when he used it, or when he kissed the back of my neck like that. I took my hand off of his arm. He turned on the lamp. At first, I was afraid to look at him. Until he turned me to face him. I looked into his eyes and I didn’t see disgust. I didn’t see laughter. I saw desire. So much desire I thought about giving him what he’d been trying to get since the night before.

  “We really do have to start getting ready to get out of here,” I said, but I made no attempt to move from the bed.

  “I wish I hadn’t turned on that light. ’Cause now that is all I’m gonna think about all night. As if it wasn’t hard enough already to behave.”

  “You call what you’ve been doing behaving?” I teased.

  “Oh, yeah. This is the best I can do. You’d have thrown me out by now if I wasn’t trying,” John said, reaching for me.

  I shook my head, laughing as I stood. I grabbed my robe and turned to look at him one last time before heading to the bathroom. Wow. He was really in my bed.

  By the time John and I finally showered, got dressed, and made it out of my room, it was a little past seven-thirty. I was surprised when the front door opened and Tia came in, followed by Terry carrying a huge cardboard box. I had assumed they were in her room.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “We went by the ABC. I figured it would be too late by the time we got back from dinner,” Tia said as Terry sat the box down on our dining room table.

  “I was thinking the same thing, but we obviously never made it.”

  “Yeah . . . it didn’t seem like you were leaving your room any time soon,” Tia said. She and Terry laughed. All of the blood in my body seemed to rush to my face.

  “So, how much do I owe you?” I avoided the awkward innuendo.

  “Consider it my Christmas present to you,” Tia said, smiling. Tia wasn’t so bad after all. I was going to ask her what she’d gotten when there was a knock on the door. I ran to answer it. Suse and Charles were standing there.

  “Suse!” I grabbed her and gave her a huge hug as she came through the door. Her pink coat was wet with snow, and I felt the cold dampness of it through my shirt before pulling back from her. “Hey, Charles.”

  “Hey,” he said. His black hair had a few flakes of snow in it. His large frame filled most of the doorway until he came inside and closed the door behind him.

  I proceeded to make introductions all the way around. Suse and I exchanged Christmas stories. She told me all about mud bogging on Christmas Day and hunting things with her dad and Charles. She seemed excited that they were starting to get along. Her parents had never really liked Charles from the beginning. Suse said realizing there was no getting rid of him must have been making them warm up to him.

  After some more chatting, Charles spoke up, saying he could eat a horse.

  “Well, where does everyone want to eat?” I asked. “How about that sushi place near Short Pump we went to for the SBA thing last semester?” Tia suggested. Charles made a face and Suse patted his shoulder.

  “There’s that Chinese buffet near it,” Suse said.

  “Ugh, that place is so greasy,” Tia said.

  “The steak house down the street,” Suse said.

  Everybody agreed on that and we left for dinner.

  Shortly after we ordered and had our drinks, we started talking about how we’d spent other New Year’s Eves and I listened to every word out of John’s mouth carefully, wondering if he’d mention Sasha. I tried to tell myself it wouldn’t matter if he did.

  I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Astoria standing behind me next to a guy whose grin revealed a gold tooth.


  “Denise. Denise, girl! How you doin’?” she slurred, grabbing my shoulder. “And your boy, John! Hi, John!” She’d obviously started her celebration early.

  “Hey,” John said, annoyance flickering over his features.

  “Everybody, this is Irvin. Irvin, these are my worthless friends who didn’t invite me out with them for New Year’s Eve.”

  We exchanged tense, awkward greetings.

  “This one.” Astoria glared at me. “She didn’t even tell me she was back in town.”

  “I just got back,” I said, but it was hard to defend myself when I knew she was right.

  “Yeah, okay. Mind if we join you for dinner?” Without waiting for our answer, Astoria sent Irvin off to find a couple of chairs.

  Dinner went okay even with Astoria there. She mostly behaved herself, but she kept making snide comments to Irvin loud enough for the rest of us to hear over our conversations, most of them about John. And her drunk ass did order a cocktail, much to the consternation of everyone else at the table.

  I still had a good time. John sat next to me and he mostly ate with one hand, the arm of his free hand wrapped around me. He kept whispering things to me that made my ears burn. Occasionally, I forgot we were sharing our table with six other people.

  When we got back to the apartment, everybody was ready to drink, mostly so we could bear Astoria’s company. I had almost strangled her when as we were leaving the restaurant, she told John she was surprised to see him out in public with me. He handled it really well, but that didn’t make it okay.

  Terry started making our drinks. In his varied and interesting travels, he’d become a mixologist while living in Denver. Terry had traveled for a few years before “settling” in Richmond. He’d been there for five years—the longest he’d been anywhere since graduating high school. I didn’t know where Tia had come across him, but he wasn’t a law student. Really, I had no idea what Terry did.

  Once everybody started drinking, Astoria came up to me, wanting to have a “serious conversation.” I should have smelled the trouble. My filter was off and I was going to be too honest. But it was time for the conversation we were going to have, anyway.