The Light Between The Shadows

by Tsukiko Spark

  He had always had high expectations of himself as well as of his surroundings. He suddenly thought of Tina; there was great similarity in the way in which they both made demands on themselves and the people around them. They both demanded perfection. Had I married Tina, like she wanted, I wouldn’t have gotten into this mess, he thought bitterly. But he regained his senses very quickly. He was even surprised by the fact that he had considered—even momentarily—the concept of marriage.

  “You will be mine, Ben Brattler; you just need some fixing,” he recalled Tina whispering in his ear after having wild sex.

  A chill went down his spine. That’s what she always wanted, to fix me. Maybe she ordered the treatment? Ben went back to his obsessive thinking on this matter; it was like there was a ball bouncing endlessly in his head.

  I would have done the same had I wanted something, use everything I could for the cause. She had a good teacher. He continued to think about Tina until dinnertime. Then Shira broke his train of thought with some unimportant cat tale.

  DAY 22

  Ben woke up late at night and couldn’t go back to sleep. He sat cross-legged on the mattress. The studio was still; only the clanging of the metal chain hooked to his neck could be heard. Feelings of depression and loneliness flooded him again. He was a very social person, always surrounded by friends and beautiful women. He was the center of attention at every social event and glamourous party.

  And now he was here, bound and forced into darkness and silence, with no other soul around but Shira, who obviously didn’t appreciate his social skills. He felt a desperate need to talk to someone. He would give anything to see his good friend Fred and talk to him. They were always cheerful together. He recalled their last aikido practice.

  “Chill out, Ben!” Fred was upset. He always felt that Ben was too aggressive in their joint practice. “You’re exploding in my face!” Fred lashed out. He could still feel the pain from the hit he just took.

  “What’s the problem?” Ben asked amicably. “I’m just releasing some energy,” he bragged.

  Fred was perspiring and gasping, while Ben hardly broke a sweat. “I don’t think it’s right to release so much aggression in an aikido practice; it’s supposed to be more harmonious and less forceful,” he tried to explain. But Ben moved on to the next exercise and attacked him. He was taken down effortlessly once again.

  “I think you’ve become too ‘harmonious’—I mean wimpy—since you met Josephine.” His friend mocked him. The practice had taken place before Fred broke up with his girlfriend, and he was head over heels for her.

  “You don’t know the first thing about love, so you can’t appreciate it.” Fred tried to get up for another round.

  “Appreciate it? Look what it’s doing to you! You don’t eat well, you’re not focused, and this is one of your worst practices ever.”

  “I guess it doesn’t bother me—only you.”

  Fred wasn’t upset by his friend’s words. He was actually encouraged by them because it assured him he was all right. He knew his friend couldn’t understand. “Let’s just continue more calmly, please.”

  Ben was especially violent during that practice. He seemed to be unleashing anger specifically at his friend. “I’m not planning to calm down—if you want to finish the practice, you’re welcome to.”

  Fred stayed till the end of the practice, taking another series of painful hits. After that, he decided not to practice with Ben for at least a year.

  How come he’s not looking for me? Ben kept on wondering on the mattress in Shira’s studio. He knew I was going to her house the night before the flight. He expected Fred to be the first one to suspect something was off and try to rescue him. Fred was always there for him; he knew almost every detail about his life, and if he was in distress, his friend always helped him.

  It was Fred who insisted that I go to her, he thought crossly. He’s partly to blame for this situation. He recalled Fred pounding his fist on the table at the restaurant. Yes, he was also interested in Shira. Ben’s mind brewed. It’s him. Raging anger began to ooze from inside him.

  How could he do this to me? He began to imagine Fred as an evil character, like a cunning creature with writhing arms and claws. But as much as he tried, those images had no hold in reality, and they diminished fairly quickly. He clearly remembered Fred’s kind heart.

  He wouldn’t have sent me here had he known what it was about, he concluded.

  …But perhaps Fred did send me, not knowing the extent of it all… Perhaps Shira misled him too and managed to confuse him with her sweet nature.

  DAY 26

  The intercom suddenly buzzed between breakfast and lunchtime.

  “I wonder who it is,” Shira thought out loud. “Probably that Mika woman; I haven’t heard from her in a while.”

  She went to check and left Ben alone in the studio.

  She returned after a few moments. “Come, Ben, there’s a cop here, and you must tell him everything is fine and that we’re lovers engaged in some kinky business.” She sounded a little eager.

  He couldn’t believe his ears. His heart pounded. It was the moment he had been waiting for. His nightmare was about to end.

  Shira grabbed him and pulled him to the front door.

  “Hello, sir,” said the policeman. “Is everything okay here? I got a report that Ben Brattler’s car was seen parked outside, and here you are. It’s you, isn’t it? You can’t tell with that blindfold.” The officer sounded cheerful. “We’ve been looking for you for a few days now, since you never showed up at the hotel you booked.”

  Ben couldn’t believe this was happening to him. “Yes, right, it’s me,” he mumbled in a hoarse voice. Here was the salvation he was waiting for. He didn’t feel very comfortable in the policeman’s presence, but he couldn’t take the treatment any longer.

  “Sir, take me away from here. This woman is keeping me here against my will! She’s kidnapped me and imprisoned me. Put her in jail for decades!” he demanded angrily, and shook himself loose of Shira’s grip.

  Silence reigned for a moment. He didn’t know what was happening around him, when Shira and the cop burst out laughing.

  “We were just testing you… You fell for it.” She continued laughing.

  “It’s okay, you’ll only get a small punishment. I can be easygoing too sometimes. Now open your mouth.”

  The dumbfounded Ben refused to.

  “You know what happens when you refuse.”

  He opened his mouth unwillingly, and she inserted the gag. He dropped his head; he had been certain he wouldn’t have to hold that object in his mouth again.

  “Meet Alex. He works with us. We collaborate with him sometimes.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Alex, meet Ben Brattler.”

  He felt exposed, embarrassed, and humiliated before Alex.

  “Alex has an S&M business,” she continued.

  “It’s not a business. I am a master of seven slaves who live with me,” Alex proudly explained.

  “Yes.” She didn’t really understand what he meant. “Anyway, in our treatment, we use some of the accessories Alex imports for us,” she explained to Ben. “Come, let’s go into the studio.”

  She took Ben inside and invited Alex in. When they entered the studio, she positioned Ben in front of the large column close to the storage room and hooked a chain from the floor to his collar.

  “Ben, you’ll stand here for the next two hours.”

  He was mad, but he didn’t move.

  She walked over to Alex. “Would you like something hot to drink? It’s a little chilly today.”

  “Yes, black coffee, no sugar. Thank you.”

  Alex sat down at the table while Shira went to the kitchenette. “So, is he giving you trouble like the noise he makes in the media?” he asked, referencing Ben.

  �
��Nah…nothing serious. I see his potential.”

  “You know some people wouldn’t agree with you.”

  “Yes, but they don’t know him.”

  “Some of the caretakers think you took too much on, and others think you took his case because of…ulterior motives.”

  “Let them think.” She dismissed his words.

  “Rona was most suited to treat him, and she knew how prestigious this case is, but she turned it down after giving it some thought. She recognized her own limitations as well as those of the treatment.”

  “I don’t understand. What are you trying to tell me? That I made a mistake?” she asked crossly.

  “No,” he said pleasantly. “I care about you, and I want you to be aware of the hardship here. I think it’s great that you’re challenging yourself. On the contrary, I want to help.”

  “Thanks, but so far, everything is under control.”

  The pair spoke with complete disregard for Ben’s presence, though he stood in the middle of the room and heard everything. The very thought of Alex handling him in any way gave him the chills.

  “If you need help, call me!”

  “Okay, thanks.” She approached the table. “Here you go,” she said, and served the coffee.

  “So tell me, how is he coming along? Is he being cooperative or totally unrestrained?” the man asked eagerly.

  “There was a lot to restrain at first… I guess I just managed to put him in his place. See for yourself. Isn’t that true, Ben?”

  Ben fidgeted uneasily. He didn’t like her words and he was angry.

  “And… Come on… Give us some more detail.” Alex goaded her.

  “That’s enough. Let’s change subjects.” She regretted the last things she’d said. “Did you want to discuss the new shipment of accessories you received?” She brought up a different topic.

  “Ah, yes, it’s in the car… Shall we go?”

  “Yes.”

  They got up and left, leaving Ben alone in his spot.

  A while later, Shira returned alone. “Come now, Ben, Alex is gone and your two hours are over.”

  She released him from the large column, removed his gag, and led him to his spot.

  Anger filled his entire body.

  “You accepted your punishment very nicely really!” she said happily.

  He lost it. “You kept it nicely… How great.” He mimicked her childish tone and waved his head foolishly.

  The gag went back into his mouth. He tried to resist, but it was too late.

  “Are you angry about something?” she asked.

  He didn’t respond.

  “Who am I kidding…You’re angry all the time.” She sighed.

  “I’m going to make us lunch; you’ll remain gagged for two more hours and then join me for the meal.”

  He kept silent though he roared inside.

  She removed the mouthpiece before lunch, and they continued with the usual daily routine.

  In the late afternoon, she was preoccupied with her work and he was in his usual introspection time when they were both startled by her cell phone ringing.

  “Hello.” She answered.

  The person on the other side spoke.

  “Yes and…did they like the first chapter of my book or not?” A pause. “Uh-huh.” She listened for a minute. “Uh-huh.” Another pause.

  “Yes, I see… They didn’t like the book. It’s okay.” She sounded disappointed. “Yes… uh-huh… Well, we can find another publisher; there are many,” she said, trying to cheer herself up.

  She listened to the voice on the other end of the line. “Okay.” She paused. “What do you mean my book is suitable for children?”

  Ben chuckled to himself.

  “That’s your opinion.” Another pause. “Then I’ll approach a different agent who will handle my book more respectfully.” Shira was mad. She listened to the caller. “And perhaps you’ll be ridiculed when my book is a success?” she argued. The voice said something else.

  “Keep your favors to yourself. Good-bye!” she said furiously, and hung up.

  “That rude man thinks he owns the publishing market and can decide who reads what.” She sounded angry and downhearted. Her voice disclosed that her self-confidence was shot.

  “It’s really unfair to generalize like that, now isn’t it?” she asked Ben—the only other person in the studio.

  He broke into spiteful laughter—the more he laughed, the more he enjoyed himself and continued even louder. He so wanted to ridicule her and get back at her for what she had done to him.

  A loud slap rang in his ear. He fell on his side. A strong pull of the collar toward the floor and his head was smack against the floor again.

  “But laughing is allowed,” he started to say, but the bitter gag was shoved in his mouth for the third time that day. He writhed and yelled faintly as Shira ran out of the studio crying.

  He was livid. He had obeyed all of her preposterous rules for weeks, and now this madwoman changed them as she pleased. He could not trust her and her “treatment.” He had to get out of there; he simply had to!

  DAY 27

  Shira retuned to the studio the following morning. Ben wasn’t showered or groomed. He’d slept on the cold floor all night, and his mouth smelled bad.

  “Let’s go take a shower,” she said, quiet and sad. She removed the gag and took him to the bathroom.

  He didn’t feel any remorse or sympathy toward her. He felt like he had been greatly wronged.

  Toward lunchtime, while she was cooking in the kitchenette, he kept his mind busy with possible escape plans. This was probably his favorite topic during his introspection time, aside from his revenge plans for Shira when the treatment was over.

  Suddenly, he felt Panda rubbing against him. He tried to shoo him away but failed as usual. The cat rubbed against him, rolled next to him, climbed on top of him, and finally snuggled between his legs and fell asleep.

  What a stupid animal, Ben thought, to trust such a treacherous creature as man. No wonder he isn’t allowed outside. And Shira loves him so much. Someone can easily harm him. Wait… A bold idea came to him.

  He bent over so that his stomach pressed the cat to his knees. “Not a word now, Shira,” he said in a quiet, threatening voice.

  She turned around and looked at him in surprise.

  “If you don’t release me right this minute, I will crush your cat with my legs! I swear!”

  Her heart skipped a beat.

  “I’ll break his neck easily—you know I can!”

  Panda purred peacefully on Ben, unaware of the danger he was in.

  Shira wasn’t sure if Ben meant it or not, but she opted not to wait. She acted quickly and determinedly. She opened a cupboard under the sink, quietly pulled out a tuna can, and popped it open. It all happened so fast that he couldn’t fathom what was happening until it was too late.

  Panda heard the sound of the can opening and quickly jumped out of Ben’s lap as cats do, running toward his favorite dish.

  Shira was filled with boundless fury.

  He was perplexed. “Come on, I wasn’t really planning to kill him. I was just trying to convince you to release me,” he tried to explain before she shoved the mouthpiece in. “I was joking, you realize that, right? Umm!”

  The gag was shoved in his mouth. His legs were swiftly cuffed.

  “Are you out of your mind! That’s a new record you just broke!” She was very upset. “To hurt an innocent, helpless animal?”

  He kept quiet. He didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire.

  She paced back and forth in the studio. “I need to get out of here, away from you,” she said as if he repulsed her.

  She gathered her belongings in a violent rage. “I’ll tell you what your punishment is when I get back.” She storme
d out of the studio with Panda in her arms.

  Ben froze; deep anxiety set in. What else could she do to him?

  What could be worse than all that he had been through so far?

  He had also frightened himself—would he have really killed the cat? How could he do such a stupid and risky thing? He knew the punishment was going to be very severe—probably worse than before. He was filled with anxiety. He tried to breathe calmly and gain control over it.

  It wasn’t the first time he was so afraid. He knew this fear; he had experienced it before. It was the fear of something terrible and unknown that was about to happen. His thoughts took him back to the past, to experiences he had many years before.

  At age sixteen, about two years after his mother passed away, he had become a reckless youth. By that time, he had managed to change schools a few times, mainly due to severe behavioral problems. He left his mark everywhere he went. Sometimes he quarreled with other students; other times he destroyed property. None of the schools could expect him to invest in his studies.

  His father was no great educator. Amos’s solution was always to transfer him to a different private institution. This process involved lengthy pleading to every new headmaster to accept a student with a long history of disciplinary problems. Sometimes it even required financial bribing.

  The last professional school that agreed to accept him had strict disciplinary rules, but that didn’t bother him. In a carpentry class led by an elderly teacher, the students were asked to build a dovecote. Ben didn’t intend to participate in class as required. He began to play around with the electric saw and randomly saw wooden planks. When the teacher noticed, he got mad and yelled at him. “If you’re planning to destroy the school like you did everywhere else, you better leave now!”

  He ignored him.

  “Get out!” the teacher yelled.

  Finally, Ben got up and walked past the teacher on his way to the classroom door. When he was behind the instructor, he jumped on his back and began to strangle him. He banged the teacher’s head against the table saw and started to threaten him. “You don’t talk to me that way, or would you like me to turn your head into a dovecote?”