She's No Angel

by Janine A. Morris

  “Well, I hope your mother isn’t upset that you’re pregnant before we are married.”

  “I know, I thought of that. I doubt she will be upset, she knows the wedding is being planned.”

  “You never told her ...”

  “No, I couldn’t,” she responded.

  “How could you—”

  “Isaac, please don’t judge me. I couldn’t break the news to her. I guess I was praying for a miracle.”

  “Well, I guess you got it,” he said, reaching out and touching her stomach.

  “I guess,” she said.

  “Well, maybe we should speed things up,” Isaac said, sounding excited about his thought.

  “What do you mean?” Charlene asked with a smile on her face.

  “Ya know ... Have a quick, small wedding in a few months or just elope.”

  “I don’t want to elope. I want a wedding.”

  “OK, so plan something quick and close.”

  “I’ll look into it,” Charlene replied.

  “Let me know what you need help with.”

  “I’m happy to see that you care so much about this, but where is this coming from?”

  “What? I just don’t want your mother to be upset and embarrassed by us ... and I want my dad to make it to the wedding.”

  “OK, I’ll look into it for sure,” Charlene said, readjusting herself on the couch, seeking new comfort. “Did you tell your father yet?” she continued.

  “Not yet. I didn’t want to tell him until everything was cool.”

  “Cool?”

  “Like that it was for sure, and cool between me and you.”

  “He is going to be excited?”

  “Is he? This is his dream, and mine, too. I just hope it’s a boy.”

  “Don’t do that.”

  “I do ... You know the carrying of my father’s family name is very important to us.”

  “Well, what if it’s a girl?”

  “We can keep trying,” Isaac said.

  “I look like a baby factory?” Charlene asked, laughing.

  “No,” he replied. “I’m just saying I’ll love the baby regardless of the gender.”

  “But you’ll be happier if it’s a boy?”

  “Basically,” he said, chuckling at himself.

  Charlene laughed back. Even though she already knew why Isaac wanted a child, it felt nice planning their family together and discussing it as a reality.

  “So you didn’t tell anybody yet?”

  “I told Lacy.”

  Immediately Charlene could feel herself getting upset. She looked at him in his eyes to see if he had an idea, to see if he had said it on purpose. It didn’t look as if he knew, or at least he played it off very well.

  “What?” he asked after looking back in her eyes.

  “Nothing,” she said, deciding to leave it alone.

  “What, Lacy? I couldn’t tell her?”

  “You can tell whoever you want,” she replied.

  “But you would have preferred me not tell her ...” he replied with slight sarcasm.

  “Not at all, I don’t know how I feel that she was the first person you told, but hey.”

  “She just happened to be who I spoke to, and I told you why I didn’t tell my dad or anyone else yet,” Isaac replied.

  “That’s cool. I know that’s your friend.”

  “Do you really? Or do you think me and her have something going on?”

  “I don’t know what you had going on for the past month or so, but prior to that all I knew was that y’all were pretty unusual friends.”

  “How are we unusual?”

  “She just seems too comfortable, like she has been everywhere with you before.”

  “She has, but not sexually. Not everything is about that. She and I have just been cool enough that we have done a lot together.”

  “Yeah, well ... like I said, I know y’all are friends. It’s cool.”

  “Whatever, Charlene,” Isaac said, sounding a bit annoyed at the sudden transition in the mood.

  “What? I’m just saying. I wasn’t complaining.”

  “What are you saying?” he asked.

  “She is like your ideal woman, and it makes me wonder sometimes.”

  “Makes you wonder what?” Isaac asked as he pulled Charlene to hold in his arms. “You are my ideal woman, Charlene ... you and only you. She is my ideal friend,” he continued.

  “Yeah, OK,” Charlene said, blushing. “Mrs. Perfect Lacy, unscathed, silver spoon in her mouth, perfect upbringing, nose always up in the air ... little Mrs. Black Barbie.”

  Laughing, Isaac replied, “That’s what you think, huh? You’re obviously not her friend. She is far from perfect and she really isn’t stuck up like that. She just knows how to act that way. She is pretty and her life is straight ... but perfect, that’s a stretch.”

  “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Just let me know when you tell your father,” Charlene said to try to change the subject.

  All that talk about Lacy’s beauty and perfection was not her idea of good conversation. At least not the conversation she wanted to have on the night of her engagement, well, second engagement.

  Chapter 31

  “How am I supposed to hide it until the wedding?” Charlene asked.

  “I don’t know, but you shouldn’t be waddling around letting the world know you been fornicating,” Charlene’s mother replied.

  Charlene was expecting her mother to make some sort of comment about the premarital sex, but she hadn’t expected her to go this far.

  “Mommy, the wedding will be very soon and I’ll have the baby as a married woman.”

  “I hope you can find a dress that doesn’t show your belly,” she replied.

  “I’ll be looking next week.”

  “OK, well, keep me posted.”

  “Ma?”

  “What?”

  “No excitement, no congratulations? Just advice on hiding it?”

  Charlene knew that her mother was aware of the miracle it was that she was even pregnant. As much as her mother tried to deny and erase the incident, she was right there when the doctor told Charlene that she probably wouldn’t be able to have children. Also, through the years even though the incident was one of the unspoken truths in the family, inferences were made about Charlene not being able to bear children, so she knew her mother knew. That’s why it hurt Charlene so much that she was saying the things she was saying.

  “I’m excited for you, baby,” her mother said. “I just don’t want people thinking you’re fast.”

  “Mommy, I’m grown and I’m getting married. What can they possibly think?”

  “All of my church folks and family—what can they think? They can think you weren’t waiting until marriage.”

  Charlene knew she couldn’t say what was on her mind, not to her old-fashioned Christian mother. But God heard every word of it, unfortunately. To prevent the conversation from getting any more unbearable, Charlene decided to cut it short. She told her mother to go ahead and tell her father, and that she would call her back later.

  Once Charlene was off the phone she jumped in the shower and started getting dressed. She had taken the day off, and she and Isaac were meeting for lunch to officially celebrate. Charlene still felt a little awkward about everything. She wasn’t sure how to just be her, she didn’t know what to still downplay or what to always be honest about. She felt like a fish out of water, not quite knowing what to do with herself. She felt like she and Isaac were pretending, pretending to be something they were not. In the past that wouldn’t have bothered her at all, she was a professional at pretending. However, for some reason now she didn’t quite feel comfortable with it. It could have been because she didn’t know what was behind Isaac’s wall, or because she finally thought she could stop pretending and be real. But it seemed that this time around, she didn’t have control over that.

  She finished drying herself off in her bedroom and began to apply lotion to her body. Char
lene had beautiful caramel skin all over her body, and she loved moisturizing it carefully. Her skin was the root of her self-esteem, not because it was beautiful but because it was light caramel. Around her way, her light skin was what made her hot. The guys loved the light-skinned girls, and along with her hazel eyes they thought she was damn near a goddess. As the years went by and Charlene got looser, the only thing that kept her close to what she was was the skin that she lived in. It kept the real Charlene hidden—her insecurities, her fears and her secrets. It was like people didn’t see through her bright smile and skin to her dark side.

  When she was done lotioning up, she began to get dressed. They weren’t going anywhere too fancy, but Charlene knew Isaac liked his lady to always look dashing. Besides, it had been a while since the two of them had gone out and she wanted him to feel impressed that she was his wife to be. She threw on her blue Arden B silk button-up shirt with a hot new black pencil skirt she hadn’t worn yet. She decided to wear blue pumps and a blue and black purse to accessorize the shirt. She kept her jewelry classy but simple, just some diamond studs, a tennis bracelet and a diamond drop necklace Isaac had gotten for her one Christmas. To finish up the look of perfection, she applied M•A•C blue eyeliner, mascara and lip gloss. She was feeling quite sexy for a pregnant woman.

  Just as she was putting on the finishing touches, the phone rang. She thought it was Isaac calling to give his estimated time of arrival, so she quickly picked up the phone before it went to the answering machine.

  “Hello,” Charlene said.

  “Can take the girl out the hood, but can’t take the ho out the girl,” the female on the other end said.

  Startled, Charlene replied, “Who is this?”

  “Takesha,” the girl said.

  “What do you want, Takesha?” Charlene asked with an attitude.

  “I want to let you know that I am going to beat your ass if you see Rich one more time.”

  “I don’t want Rich. I have a man. Now don’t call my house with this shit no more, Takesha, that’s my word,” Charlene said and slammed down the phone.

  Charlene was fuming. How did these chicks get her number? she wondered. What if Isaac answered one of these random calls one day? she thought to herself. Somehow she was going to have to put a stop to it. Charlene tried to regain her composure so that she would be back in the right mood for her afternoon out with Isaac. To help, she threw on her Robin Thicke CD and floated along to his sultry voice.

  Isaac showed up about twenty minutes later. She’d had just enough time to get ready and relax for a bit. He was looking quite spiffy himself. He was wearing a black Gucci sweater with a gray and red stripe through it, black knit hat with the same colored stripes, black slacks and black leather Gucci loafers. When he removed his hat, Charlene saw his haircut was fresh—a low-cut caesar, just how she liked it. It wasn’t unusual for Isaac to look his best, but still Charlene got the feeling that this was a special day for him, too. Maybe he noticed that he shouldn’t have risked losing her after all, or maybe he was just happy to have her back. Charlene didn’t know but she was feeling much better walking out the door with him than she had when he walked in.

  Once they got to the restaurant it was as if nothing had changed. They were chatting and laughing at stuff as if their relationship was problem free. It was as if their emotional roller coaster of a breakup hadn’t happened at all.

  “So, how did your dad react?” Charlene asked him.

  “Charlene, you should of saw the look on his face. It almost made me cry.”

  “Why? What did he say?”

  “At first he said nothing. He was just so happy, he had this look of shock, but then he tried to fight off his tears. It was real emotional for him.”

  “I’m happy to hear he was so excited.”

  “I knew he would be. He doesn’t know how much longer he has, every time he goes to the doctor they tell him different lengths of time, he was starting to give up hope. This gives him something to keep fighting for.”

  “That’s good. I hope it’s a boy, too, because I know how bad you want a junior.”

  “Yeah, me, too. That would be the biggest blessing.”

  “I know,” she said, laughing.

  “So, what did your parents say?” he asked.

  “I haven’t really spoken to my dad yet, but my mother was happy.”

  “Happy?”

  “Well, of course she was a little concerned with the fornication and how it will look walking down the aisle with a belly—”

  “I figured she would,” he interrupted.

  “Well, you figured right, but overall she was happy that I’m pregnant.”

  “Was she surprised?” he asked.

  Charlene was surprised he chose to address that. She thought they had a silent understanding to leave that awkward conversation in the past.

  “Not really, she was more concerned with the fornication, but she said in so many words that she was happy that the doctor made a mistake.”

  “So all these years your mother knew about this, but it didn’t bother her if you couldn’t have kids.”

  “It may have bothered her, but I don’t know, really.”

  “Did your dad know?”

  Charlene was not pleased that Isaac was asking so many questions, but she knew she couldn’t afford to be evasive with him so she answered them.

  “I’m sure he did but me and him never discussed it.”

  “Never?”

  “Never!” Charlene snapped.

  Isaac’s expression showed that he was startled by her response.

  “I’m sorry for snapping like that,” she added. “It’s just that it was kind of like a taboo conversation in my family so I’m not used to discussing it much.”

  “I understand,” Isaac replied, although he looked confused.

  Charlene knew that she shouldn’t keep Isaac in the dark about anything if she could help it. She just hoped that from being with her for the time that he had, he knew enough about her parents to realize that he shouldn’t try to understand them. If anything, it could help him understand Charlene and where she had learned to live in denial so well.

  After they had completed the main course they were well into some great conversation. They talked about everything from possible baby names to what was going on at their jobs. Charlene had to admit, she hadn’t seen Isaac quite so happy or talkative in a long while. Before this, they had hit the place in their relationship where there wasn’t much to say. So, although it wasn’t that special in the scheme of things, this pleasant little lunch had made Charlene’s day, or rather month. It gave her hope that she and Isaac were meant to be after all, like she hadn’t faked her way into his life and they had a real relationship.

  Chapter 32

  Charlene had finally gotten used to all the attention from people asking and congratulating her about the baby. In the beginning it made her uncomfortable, but as time went on she began to like the interest. Coworkers were constantly asking about the wedding plans and she got to show them her ideas and dress options. Before Charlene knew it she was in the world of make believe. It was like a fairy tale all around her, she was once again this perfect little princess planning her big ball. With none of her past in her way, everyone treating her like she was so special and deserved to be, it was almost surreal. Even her mother had become really involved with the pregnancy and wedding. Other than some morning sickness and back pains, Charlene really didn’t have much to complain about, or so she thought.

  One morning she was leaving for work and she couldn’t find her gray blazer. The weather had started to be crisp and the brisk air no longer allowed for light jackets. Charlene had put on a black sweater with a gray stripe through it, her ever-so-stylish gray tweed slacks with black boots. Although the black waist-length leather jacket in her closet would have gone well, she was kind of set on wearing her gray blazer. She looked around for it a bit until she remembered that she had left it at Isaac’s. Although it seem
ed a little frivolous, she decided she would stop by Isaac’s on the way to work to get it. It would only make her about fifteen minutes late, and she thought seeing her boo boo would be a great start to her day. Besides, since she was pregnant her boss probably assumed it was morning sickness that often held her up, because he never questioned her.

  She left with just enough time to make it to Isaac’s, get her jacket, give him a snuggle and be on her way before the flex-schedule staff made it in. She called Isaac once she got in the car to let him know she was coming and to maybe have the jacket pulled out, but there was no answer. She figured he was probably in the shower or still asleep with his lucky self. Because Isaac was such a big shot at his company, he pretty much started and ended his day when he got good and ready unless there was a meeting scheduled or it was a busy season. Not thinking twice she continued on her way over to Mr. Isaac Milton’s condo by the river.

  Once she got there his Mazzerati was parked out front, and half the block looked empty except for a few cars. She walked up to the front door and keyed in, and tried to enter quietly so she wouldn’t startle or awaken Isaac. She stepped inside and saw dishes on the table from what looked like his dinner the night before. Isaac was a neat freak and it was unlike him not to put the dishes away, yet it wasn’t something that he had never done before so she brushed it off and went ahead and took the dishes to the kitchen. As she was placing them in the sink, she realized there were too many plates for just Isaac. She couldn’t see what meal he could have eaten that would have required two dinner plates and a dessert plate. She was eating for two and wasn’t eating that much, and she couldn’t help but wonder why Isaac would be cooking for two. Ready to inquire about what he was doing or who he had had over last night, she finished up in the kitchen. She had tried to be quiet, but there was the inevitable clatter from some of the dishes and she figured Isaac might have heard it.

  She was halfway up the stairs to his bedroom when he appeared at the top of the stairs. She had her head down watching her steps—as a pregnant woman her worst fear was to fall, especially down some stairs. She looked up when she heard a sound, and it scared her because she wasn’t expecting him. Isaac looked just as startled, because he clearly wasn’t expecting her, either.