She's No Angel

by Janine A. Morris

  As the night got later, the girls got looser. They were cracking up at each other’s stories and jokes, and they were conversing with all the guys that stopped by to flirt. All of a sudden, Charlene looked up and saw Rich coming toward the table. Her facial expression changed.

  “Hey, ladies,” he said as he approached.

  They all greeted him back.

  “So, I thought it was a rumor, but it’s true, you are pregnant,” he said.

  “Yes, I am,” she replied.

  “Who is the father?” he asked.

  Everyone kind of looked at him in shock, not sure if he was being insulting or serious.

  “My fiancé, Isaac,” Charlene replied.

  “Oh ... OK,” he said, giving her an awkward look. “I just thought you would have told me.”

  “Things have been kind of hectic, but I planned on contacting you.”

  At this point Paige and Jasmine were looking back and forth between Charlene and Rich like they were watching a television program. They both knew what had happened between the two of them and were finding his subtle hints quite interesting.

  “OK, well, before you head out of here I’d like to talk to you,” he said, realizing that he couldn’t continue on with his live audience.

  “Sure, I’ll come over there by you,” Charlene replied.

  Rich walked off, and Charlene made a face of irritation.

  “I knew that was coming,” she said.

  “What?” Paige asked.

  “Him wondering if the baby is his,” Charlene replied.

  “You would think he’d just be happy that you’re not saying the baby is his,” Jasmine added.

  “Yeah, you would think,” Charlene added.

  They tried to resume their mood and tempo for the evening as if that hadn’t happened, but it was taking a bit of effort. Rich had bust up the groove, definitely for Charlene. As she started to wonder if she was playing herself, calling Isaac her fiancé with such confidence, her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and got all excited. She wondered if Isaac had an answer for her, and hoped that he didn’t want to have some deep conversation right then when she wouldn’t be able to have one. Still, she answered with anticipation, hoping that he had called to say he loved her.

  “Hey, babe,” she answered, kind of loud over the music.

  “My father died,” he replied.

  Chapter 35

  She was numb sitting there at the funeral. There were over two hundred and fifty people there, and although she was proud to be there as the fiancée of Isaac, she would have much rather not have been there.

  People were crying and breaking down, and some were sitting there paying close attention to the preacher. Isaac’s mother was a wreck, and his aunts and other family members weren’t holding up too well, either. Charlene felt emotionally absent; she didn’t know how to feel. Isaac was just quiet and still. He hadn’t said a word all day, and even though he looked like he was crying there were no tears falling from his eyes. Charlene could only imagine what was going through his mind.

  The preacher said some great things about Mr. Milton and every word of it true including what an honor it was to know him. The more he discussed what a great father and husband he was, the weaker Charlene got. Eventually she let go and the tears came. Charlene and Isaac’s mother both had faces moist from tears and Isaac was still dry-eyed. Charlene was crying for him, too, though, for the pain she knew he felt. His father meant everything to him; he wanted to be just like him. Charlene silently prayed that this wouldn’t prevent him from being the father and husband he wanted to be, and that even though his father didn’t get to see the baby as planned it wouldn’t change his heart about being a family man, now that there was nobody to show. It was a silent and selfish prayer, but Charlene did worry about it some.

  After the funeral everybody gathered at Isaac’s parents’ house. Charlene sat in the corner with one of Isaac’s younger cousins. Tatiana was seven and she was as cute as a doll baby. Charlene sat with her, hoping to avoid all the depressing faces scattered throughout the house including Isaac’s. She knew he had every right to pout but she didn’t know what to say or do. Some of his family members came up to her to rub her belly and tell her how excited they were. Some of them asked about the sex, and if male was she going to name him Isaac Junior. She told them she thought that’s what Isaac wanted, and if so then, yes, she would. She was happy that the baby inside of her was causing a more positive conversation, one about life and not death. She wished that Isaac could even for a second think that way. She could only hope that even if he didn’t then, that he would at some point soon. What she was afraid of was that he wouldn’t, or not for a long time. She knew it was hard, the death of his father was literally his worst nightmare come true. He loved his father so much; it would take more than the birth of his child to erase the pain from the death of his father.

  Chapter 36

  The next couple of weeks were definitely tumultuous for Isaac and Charlene. Charlene had only two weeks left before she had to go on maternity leave and remain bedridden. Isaac took only a week off before he returned back to work full time, and to most people it didn’t appear as if he’d had a sufficient amount of time to mourn his loss. As much as it was his fear to lose his father, the one man on Earth that he treasured and looked up to, he hadn’t prepared himself mentally or emotionally for that day. Then again, he knew, we are never quite prepared.

  It had crossed Charlene’s mind that Isaac might feel differently about marrying her now that his father was no longer around to see it. She was saddened by his death as well, but she also couldn’t help but worry about her future and the future of the life growing inside of her. Charlene had grown a lot over the past few months. She had not only learned about herself, but also about other people. For the first time in her life, she was happy that she had had the past that she did, because she realized that otherwise she wouldn’t be the person she was today. She wouldn’t be aware of the good and the bad in the world; she wouldn’t know what a lack of self-esteem can do to a person, and how easy it is to mistake sex for love and acceptance.

  Charlene knew that she probably wouldn’t get an answer from Isaac anytime soon, because the timing was wrong. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder what his answer was to her question, about whether he could handle it now that he knew about her past. She was dying to know but never had a chance to bring it back up, and no time ever felt right. She hoped that he wouldn’t bring it up one day and tell her he decided that he couldn’t. That was one of the reasons she went ahead and set the date for their wedding. She figured she would make it that much harder for him to back out. The day she told him, she thought he could use a happy conversation. He did seem excited and agreed upon the date, so she figured that he was all for things moving forward.

  A couple of days later he called and asked what the wedding colors were, and that took Charlene by surprise. She didn’t know why he asked because he didn’t say before he rushed off the phone, she was happy that his mind was on the wedding and not constantly harping on his father’s death. She got the feeling he was telling somebody or doing something with the information, because he asked the question and said he would call her right back. The girls were wearing fuchsia, black and white and the guys a blush pink, black and white. Initially she wanted a destination wedding, but she decided against it because she would be too far along to travel.

  The wedding plans were the only thing that kept Charlene in a great mood. She was able to drift off to her fairy-tale land, and just plan for and imagine her fairy-tale wedding. Her parents were paying for most of it, but Isaac already told her whatever they didn’t agree to pay for he would cover, so she was in heaven. She was having it at Palisades Palace, and the ceremony was to be held outside in their beautiful chapel. She’d ordered a dozen doves and a dove trainer to release the doves upon the announcement of man and wife. The reception hall was one of the most exquisite in New York. It had three sections of tabl
es, raised at different heights. It was ideal for the ballerina she’d always dreamed of having at her wedding. She wanted a ballerina dressed in all white to do a nice ballet dance, and she had finally hired someone she really liked. Things were coming together. Soon she would have to do everything over the phone from home, so she tried to do a lot in advance.

  She was in the middle of looking at the new Brides magazine when her phone rang. She answered and it was Rich.

  “What happened to you that night?” he asked.

  “I’m sorry. Isaac’s father passed away and I rushed out.”

  “Oh, you guys are back together.”

  “Yeah, we worked most of it out.”

  “No wonder you said it’s not my baby.”

  “No, Rich, I said that because it’s not.”

  “I think we need to sit and talk,” he said.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come over.”

  “Meet me at Sammy’s restaurant,” he said.

  “When?”

  “In an hour ... We need to have this covered so that it doesn’t come back up later.”

  “It won’t,” she said.

  “Yeah, OK. You say that until the Maury Show is calling me.”

  “Fine, Rich, I will come for a second. I can’t stay, though.”

  Charlene felt a little uneasy about going to meet Rich, but for some reason she was always a little weak for him. She wasn’t sure if it was because of all the guys she’d dealt with before Isaac he treated her the best, for what that was worth, or just that he was so damn fine. Either way, she knew that it would be one more secret from Isaac. After some thought, she figured she would rather get it out of the way, than risk it becoming a rumor or some misunderstanding that got back to Isaac.

  Once she got to the restaurant, it was crowded, and she immediately wanted to back out. Just as she was contemplating getting back in her car and calling Rich to clear it up she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and it was Rich. He was dressed in a tan sweater with saggy jeans and his constructions, with a Padres baseball cap. He had two huge diamonds, one in each ear and a dangling diamond chain with a cross at the end. It looked like he’d just gotten there himself, because he had the keys to his Benz still dangling in his hand. As usual his beautiful complexion and big brown eyes turned her into mush as soon as she looked at him.

  “Hey, I was thinking what a bad choice of location,” she said.

  “I know. Well, you said you weren’t staying long, so let’s sit and chat over there for a second,” he said, pointing at an almost-empty corner of the place.

  They started to head across the floor, asking people to excuse them and trying to make room for her to waddle through. She passed one large group of people, and she heard a voice that was too familiar.

  “Charlene?”

  Charlene looked up and it was Isaac. She almost fainted. She felt like this was one more thing to add to the big mess her life had become. There was a point when she practically had a second identity, and now she couldn’t seem to sneak and do one damn thing without getting caught.

  “Hey, Isaac,” she replied with a nervous twitch in her voice that was a new problem she’d acquired.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  Charlene knew that he’d already seen Rich, because he looked right at him when he called her name. Luckily, Rich was smart enough to keep walking, but that also made her look guiltier.

  “I stopped by to get some of those shrimp, I was craving them.”

  She wanted to disappear. What was she to say? To lie or not to lie, at this point what was the difference?

  “Oh, OK. Go ahead. Your friend is waiting for you,” Isaac said and turned back around and started chatting back with the guy that he was sitting with.

  Charlene looked at the back of his head for about five seconds. Then she glanced over at the corner and saw Rich sitting there looking in a different direction trying to look normal. Charlene heaved her oversized purse over her shoulder and walked right out the exit.

  Chapter 37

  She ended up at Paige’s house that night.

  She cried on the way there, and by the time she got there she was ready to try to face the fact that maybe happiness wasn’t for her. Maybe she couldn’t change who she was, no matter how hard she tried. Maybe we are who we are, and although we can grow into better people maybe we can’t erase the innate creature that we are. What bothered Charlene the most was that she had had so many bad vibes about going to meet Rich and still she went. Trying to be slick, trying to do wrong and think she could hide it away and look right.

  The part that hurt so much was that she knew Isaac would have no reason to believe anything that she said about it. She wasn’t even going there to see Rich with bad intentions, but still there was no explanation. She couldn’t tell Isaac that the only reason she went was to assure Rich that the baby was not his. She drove erratically down the highway, oblivious to all the other cars surrounding her. Her mind was filled with a million thoughts including replays of what had happened.

  Just as she exited off the highway, her cell phone rang. She looked on the caller ID and it was Rich. She was hesitant to answer, but she realized she owed him an explanation and she was curious if he and Isaac had had any sort of conversation after she escaped.

  “Are you OK?” he asked.

  “I’m fine,” she said.

  “I’m really sorry about that ... That was Isaac, right?”

  “Yeah, it was. I have some kind of luck these days.”

  Rich slightly laughed. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you to let you know if the baby was mine I would be there, and I wanted to tell you that face-to-face.”

  “I appreciate that, Rich. You are such a sweetheart,” she said as her emotions got the best of her and tears started forming in her eyes.

  “I mean that.”

  “I almost wish it was. But from the date the doctor gave me I was already pregnant that night I saw you.”

  “Wow, OK.”

  “But if something changes, you’ll be the first I let know.”

  “All right, baby, take care.”

  Charlene drove the rest of the way to Paige’s in deep thought. She found herself in that place quite often lately.

  Once she got there, before she even took off her coat she was telling Paige the story, detail by detail.

  “You are sure that Rich is not the father, right?” Paige asked.

  “Yes, it was only one time and according to how many weeks I am, I was already pregnant.”

  “Well, you need to make sure things are smoothed out with Isaac, because I’m sure him seeing you with another man doesn’t help his doubts.”

  “If it was another man, that wouldn’t be as bad as it being Rich,” Charlene replied.

  “That’s true.”

  “It’s a waste trying to explain myself, it’s just going to sound like one big lie or excuse.”

  “So you think it’s best you ignore the elephant in the room? I know you can’t be saying that, because you and him are supposed to be getting married this year. That’s not a healthy relationship.”

  “I will say something. Besides, I’m sure if I didn’t, he will, and we will have a huge fight or he will call off the engagement again,” Charlene said.

  “Well, do something, Charlene. You and Isaac need to be able to let go of the past, and look forward to your future with your baby and making your marriage work.”

  “It all sounds so easy, but yet it isn’t that simple,” Charlene said after thinking over what Paige said.

  “Life isn’t simple, sweetie,” Paige responded.

  Charlene was frustrated and confused. She knew Paige was right, and certainly her life hadn’t been easy. She knew in her heart that she was blessed, but she felt like the deceit from her life had become a curse. What was stressing her most was that she didn’t know how to read Isaac’s reaction. She had called him on the phone and he still acted calm and as if he wasn’
t even upset, but she knew that he had to be. At Sammy’s he had said to her that her friend was waiting, and she was certain he had looked dead at Rich, so she didn’t quite get why he wasn’t asking any questions or flipping out. She didn’t know if it was his version of what she had done when she found Lacy in his bed that morning, or that he had given up. She wanted to believe that he didn’t want to upset her while she was pregnant, but she couldn’t imagine he would let that roll off his back.

  Chapter 38

  Charlene was grocery shopping to prepare for the many hours she would spend in her home until the baby was born. She wanted Isaac to come but he had said he had errands to run. Charlene had already figured the real reason was that he was in no mood to be around her. They had been having some generic conversations since they saw each other in Sammy’s, and she finally offered the information one day on the phone.

  “Just in case you were wondering, me and Rich met that day to put some things to an end.”

  “OK,” Isaac replied.

  “Seriously, Isaac, it was nothing like that.”

  “OK. I believe you.”

  “I know you probably don’t have a reason to, but you have to know that I am not the young dumb girl I was back then. I am not up to no good. I was meeting Rich to make sure some things were clear and over.”

  “OK, that was much needed, I’m sure.”

  Charlene gave up. She couldn’t decipher his comments and didn’t feel like a fight so she let it go. If he wanted to be so cool and let it go, so would she. She still had to go shopping by herself, though, this afternoon. She got all the snacks and drinks she wanted, food to cook and easy food to microwave. She felt like she was getting ready to hibernate for the winter.

  Just as she was almost done with her food shopping, she turned down an aisle and instantly became a little uncomfortable with what she saw. There was a young girl about sixteen years old, and she was with a guy that looked about four years her senior. They caught her attention because he was touching on her in inappropriate places and kissing on her, and the girl was giggling away. She was about 5’5”, 125 pounds with a pretty, curvaceous shape. She was medium brown with light brown slanted eyes, pouty full lips and a pair of adorable dimples. She was gorgeous and looked full of life. She was dressed in a tight shirt, which showed too much of her boobs, and infectious jeans—that’s what Charlene called jeans that were so tight they could cause a yeast infection. The guy was dressed like a typical urban young male in a music video, with saggy jeans and a fitted hat. They were looking for whipping cream in the refrigerated section, and Charlene could overhear them making reference to their plans for it when they got home.