Belong to Me

by Laura Howard

  After a few minutes, I couldn’t contain my curiosity and climbed out of the bed to investigate. I opened the door and snuck a glance out, but I couldn’t see much beyond that the kitchen was empty and the apartment door was slightly ajar. Whoever was there, Noah was talking to him or her in the hallway.

  I tiptoed down the hall and into the kitchen, stopping when I heard voices.

  “I know, man,” Noah was saying.

  There was the sound of something hitting the wall. Then nothing.

  “Every time I close my eyes,” a soft male voice said. “It’s all I see. I can’t sleep, can’t eat. I don’t know what to do.”

  Noah sighed. “It’s just gonna take some time, I guess. You gotta hang in there.”

  Before I could stop myself, I opened the apartment door a crack. The squeaking sound was deafening in the silence.

  Noah was standing in front of the door, but he swung around to look at me. I gave him an apologetic glance before meeting the gaze of his visitor.

  A guy with a buzz cut was leaning against the opposite wall, his hands shoved into his pockets, his head hung low. When he heard me, his eyes flickered up. Fear flashed across his gaze, replaced by a strange hopefulness. I had no idea what to make of it.

  Swallowing, he pulled a hand out of his pocket and held it out to me. “Hey,” he said, his voice almost too low to hear. “I’m Jared.”

  I shot Noah a look before I reached out and took Jared’s hand. “Kate,” I said.

  Jared jammed his hands back in his pockets and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry to have disturbed you guys. I was just in the, ah, neighborhood, so I figured I’d stop by. I’ll talk to you later, man.”

  As he straightened up to walk away, Noah put his hand on Jared’s shoulder. “Stay strong, bro.”

  Jared’s pale blue eyes darted to mine again and he nodded, looking down. “Thanks, man. I’ll see you around.”

  Noah reached down and grabbed my hand as Jared started to walk away. I didn’t know what came over me, but I called out to him. “Hey, Jared.”

  Noah’s eyes widened. “Kate—”

  I shook my head, pleading with my eyes. Jared stopped just in front of the exit and turned around.

  “Yeah?”

  “Do you want to come in for a while?”

  Jared looked at Noah, who just stood there, frozen. “No, I—”

  Noah shook his head. “Come on in. Kate’s not usually this friendly, so you should take advantage of it.”

  I stood back as Noah held the door open for Jared. After our uninvited guest had walked inside, Noah gave me an unmistakable are you crazy look. I shrugged. Maybe I was.

  Jared walked into the living room, shoulders hunched, hands still stuck in his pockets.

  I went in and sat on the couch, gesturing toward the recliner in the corner. “Have a seat,” I said, tucking my legs up beneath me.

  He nodded and sat, scooting so he was on the very edge. His eyes darted from Noah’s framed Abbey Road poster to Jack’s bike helmet still slung on a hook by the bookcase.

  Moments passed in silence. “Do you live nearby?” I asked.

  “Yeah, just two blocks down. On Exeter.”

  “Oh, wow. So did you walk over?” I said, plastering a smile on my face.

  “Well, I don’t drive, so yeah.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, uncomfortable. “I love the pizza place on Exeter. We used to order from there all the time, didn’t we, Noah?”

  Noah snorted. “All the time,” he said with a smirk.

  “Yeah,” Jared said, rubbing a hand behind his neck. “It’s pretty good there.”

  I smiled, feeling awkward. “So, how did you and my brother become friends?”

  He scratched his cheek. “Well, we had a few classes together. I saw him at a party a few months ago, and we just started talking. That sort of thing.”

  I nodded. “Are you all set to graduate next month?”

  “Ah, actually I haven’t—”

  Noah jumped up from where he sat beside me. “I’m gonna grab a glass of water. You guys want one?”

  “Sure,” I said, looking at Jared.

  “Oh, sure. Thanks.” He rested his arms on his knees.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m not going to be able to graduate,” I said, giving Jared a small smile.

  He blinked, his eyebrows knitting together. “You were going to school in England, right?”

  “Yeah,” I said, licking my lips. “I just couldn't...get myself together enough to go back and finish the year.”

  Noah came in, handing a glass to Jared and one to me. I wasn’t sure why I was telling Jared about my situation, except I found myself wanting to let him know he wasn’t the only one who felt lost. It was like I wanted to comfort him.

  “Yeah, I haven’t been back to school either,” Jared said, looking at his hands. “I can’t.” He shrugged.

  Noah wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to his side. “You guys can finish up next semester. Then you won’t have to wear a cap and gown like the rest of us suckers.”

  I gave him a grateful smile. He was right; school would wait.

  Jared glanced at me, but he didn’t say anything.

  “If Jack were here, you know what he’d wanna do right now?” I asked. Both guys looked at me with a combination of confusion and surprise.

  I stood up, and walked across the room to the bookcase. I grabbed the deck of playing cards off the shelf and spun to face them. “He would want to kick our asses at Rummy.”

  Noah smiled and looked at me with a knowing expression. He slapped his thigh and stood. “You’re absolutely right. What do you say, Jared? Feel like getting owned at cards?”

  “By who?” I asked, flicking his arm. “You?”

  Noah snorted. “By you, of course,” he said playfully.

  “Oh, I don’t know…” Jared said, rubbing his hands on his knees.

  “Come on,” I said. “Just a couple hands.”

  He glanced at Noah, who nodded at him. He shrugged. “All right.”

  We ended up playing cards until I could barely keep my eyes open. By the time Jared left, he actually had a smile on his face. It was nice to see him relax a little. For some reason the evidence that he could enjoy himself made me feel a little better, too.

  I brushed my teeth and went to bed while Noah shut off all the lights and locked up. I felt the bed dip when he settled down beside me and I rolled over to look at him.

  “Thank you,” I murmured sleepily.

  His eyes widened in the darkness. “For what?”

  “For being so nice to him. I think he’s having a really rough time.”

  He leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. “Quit trying to sweet talk me. I’m too tired to give you hot sex now.”

  I grinned and rolled my eyes, knowing he probably wouldn’t see it in the dark. “Maybe tomorrow, then.”

  Uncle Paul’s band was playing at Club X, a gorgeous refurbished mill about twenty minutes from Moore Crossing. Noah brought me to my parents’ house Saturday afternoon to get something suitable to wear for the show.

  I planned to drive him crazy with a dress I’d bought while I was in London. Made of lavender chiffon, it had a deep v-neck and an open back. The skirt flared, but it only reached to mid-thigh. I had felt confident wearing it to the gay bars with Ben, since I knew I’d only be getting appreciation, no interest. But there was something exciting about dressing up for Noah. Despite my brash words and attempts at bravado, I liked reminding him that I was a woman.

  Gridlocked played everything from The Grateful Dead to Pearl Jam, so the dress was a little too dressy all on its own. I tossed a stonewashed denim vest and some old cowboy boots into my overnight bag and brought the garment bag downstairs.

  Noah sat on the barstool waiting for me. He raised a brow at the garment bag. “What do you have there?” he asked.

  I shrugged, a devious smile lifting the corners of my mouth. “Just a little som
ething.”

  “Oh?” he said, getting to his feet, eyes sparkling.

  I nodded. “Come on, I still need to shower. Being a girl is a lot of work.”

  “Now I understand,” he teased. “You’re being a girl tonight.”

  I gave him a light shove and walked out to the car, hearing him chuckle in my wake.

  Back at the apartment, I took my things straight to the bathroom and hung the dress bag on the back of the door.

  As I went to close the door, Noah stuck his hand out to stop it. “Mind if I join you?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

  I reached out my hand, trying to peel his fingers away. “I’ll be done in thirty minutes. I think you can wait.”

  “Please?” he asked, resisting my attempts to push him away.

  “The show starts in two hours. Let me get ready,” I said. “Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.”

  “I just want to help you wash your back,” he said, kissing the inside of my wrist. “I promise to behave.”

  I exhaled and stepped back, smiling in response to his victorious grin. Reaching up, I slowly peeled my T-shirt over my head, never taking my eyes from his. I took advantage of his distraction and shoved him out of the room and locked the door.

  He pounded on the wall. “You don’t fight fair.”

  “Never said I did,” I called out, turning on the shower.

  Once my hair was dry, I pulled it up in a loose chignon. I put on light makeup and slid the dress over my head. As a little preview, I opened the door and walked out, barefoot. Noah cleared his throat when I walked past the living room to grab my overnight bag.

  I looked over my shoulder at him, enjoying the appreciative way he watched me.

  “The shower’s free,” I said, playing coy.

  “Mmmhmm,” he mumbled, getting up from the couch and trudging toward the bathroom.

  Thirty minutes later, he was dressed in a fitted black henley T-shirt and dark jeans slung low on his hips. His hair was gelled into messy spikes.

  I stuck my arms through the denim vest as I watched him slide his wallet and phone into his pockets. Every movement caused the fabric of his shirt to stretch over his broad shoulders. I knew exactly how hard those shoulders were. I could practically feel his bare skin under my fingers. I shook my head, surprised at the heat of the desire flooding through me.

  Noah glanced over at me, eyes trailing from my boots up to the vest. “You ready?”

  “Yes,” I said, pressing my lips together.

  He frowned. “It’s kind of cool outside. Do you have a jacket?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need a jacket, we’ll only be outside for two minutes. Club X is like an oven.”

  “If you say so,” he said. He walked over to the hook on the wall and pulled off his black bomber jacket. “Let’s go.”

  We got to the club about thirty-five minutes before the show was scheduled to start. There was a line to get in around the front, but my uncle had arranged for us to be allowed in through the back entrance.

  The band was up on stage when we walked into the main part of the club. The lights were still on, reflecting off the oversized piping covering the ceilings and walls. The theme of the place was industrial, so everything was shiny metal and smooth wood. An enormous metal sculpture of a phoenix in flight hung over the stage, and several other sculptures were situated throughout the lounge—a horse, a lion, even a fish. Couches lined the wall on one side and a long wooden bar spanned the other wall.

  The band members had attended Jack’s funeral, but they hadn’t lingered to chat. I was glad to see them here, in their element. Uncle Paul stood in front of the mike, tuning his guitar and laughing at something Rick, the bass player, had said. When he saw us enter the room, his voice boomed across the dance floor. “There’s my girl. Come on over here and say hi to everyone.”

  “Hey, you two,” Tommy, the drummer hollered, the cymbals crashing as he, Uncle Paul, and Rick jumped off the stage so they could greet us on the edge of the dance floor.

  “Glad you could make it, kid,” my uncle said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and kissing my head.

  Rick and Tommy shook hands with Noah and took turns gathering me into giant bear hugs.

  “Is that Katie?” a female voice called out from the hallway Noah and I had just passed through. I turned to see Brenda and Steve, the last two members of the band, emerge from the back of the bar. Brenda was a petite redhead who sang back up and played a little bit of everything wherever she was needed. Tambourine, harmonica, castanets—you name it, she did it. Her husband, Steve was the keyboardist.

  “Hey Brenda,” I said. Brenda and Steve had been across the country visiting family when Jack died, so they hadn’t been able to make it to the funeral.

  She ran over and threw her arms around me. “Oh sweetie,” she said, her lips pulled down.

  Not wanting tonight to be about sorrow, I squeezed her. “It’s great to see you, Brenda.”

  She pulled back and blinked, but when I smiled, she smiled back, her pretty blue eyes sparkling.

  “We’ve missed you,” she said, patting my cheek. “As for you,” she said to Noah. You have no excuse for not coming around more.”

  Steve gave me a quick squeeze before putting his hands on Brenda’s shoulders and turning her toward the stage. “We better do a sound check,” he said looking back at us with a wink.

  “I’m gonna grab us a couple of beers,” Noah said, slipping away to the bar.

  Uncle Paul pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and twirled it in the air. “We’ve got some surprises for you tonight,” he said, stuffing it in his back pocket. With a grin, he spun around and headed back to the stage.

  Noah stepped up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist and holding me close, two beers in his hand. Leaning down to kiss the back of my neck, he whispered into my ear, “This is nice.”

  I shivered. “What is?” I asked, taking one of the beers from him so I could sip it.

  The band was warming up, but I could hear every word. “You, me, the music.” His breath was warm on my neck.

  I nodded, enjoying the closeness of him.

  The best part of being “with the band” was always getting up front and center. After the band finished warming up, they slipped behind stage again. Over the next twenty minutes, voices and footsteps came flooding in behind us as we stood, still connected, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the pop music playing over the speakers.

  I turned my face to look at Noah’s. “I forgot how much I like this bar. It’s really gorgeous.”

  “Mmm, I’m loving my view,” he said, his lips brushing my cheek.

  I laughed and shook my head. “This is the kind of place Jack would have loved to design.”

  “Yep,” he said, pulling me back against his chest again. “He loved coming here.”

  The club continued to fill up as we stood there in our little bubble. When the lights went down, the audience quit their buzzing. A man dressed in jeans and a T-shirt appeared on the stage and moved up to the standing microphone.

  He announced the band and the crowd went crazy. Gridlocked was a local legend.

  They came out with a flourish and jumped right into a cover of “Brown Eyed Girl” by Van Morrison. Noah sang in my ear, replacing brown with blue as he gripped my hips.

  One song bled into another, and when the acoustic guitar riff from “Patience” by Guns N Roses filled the club, I realized Gridlocked was playing through all Jack’s favorites. I spun in Noah’s arms and ran my hands up his chest, to his shoulders. “Uncle Paul said he had a surprise for me,” I said into his ear.

  “Are you okay with this?” he asked, his expression serious.

  I smiled up at him and finished my beer. “Definitely.”

  I was beginning to realize I didn’t mourn like most people. That didn’t have to mean there was something wrong with me. I didn’t want to forget Jack, but I definitely didn’t want to remember him only with sorrow.
I couldn’t get through five minutes without some funny memory of my brother coming into my mind. That was just the kind of bond we’d shared.

  I hooked my hands behind Noah’s neck and swayed my hips to the rhythm of G n R, singing along. The picture Maggie had found of two teenage twins singing their hearts out at the beach came to mind and I felt almost buoyant, the best I’d felt since Jack’s death.

  When the song was over, Noah went to get us more drinks. I stayed behind, knowing we’d lose our spot up front if we both left. Uncle Paul bent down to take a sip of water and when he approached the mike again, he winked at me.

  “Thanks for coming out tonight,” he said to the crowd, and was rewarded with whistles and loud hoots. “This is a special night for us because my niece Katie is here. She might not be able to see her brother Jack out there in the crowd, but I could swear I just heard him whisper in my ear that it was time for a little bit of The Boss. What do you all think?”

  The intro to “Glory Days” blared out of the speakers and even though I was alone, I threw my arms in the air and jumped up and down. The air was alive with electricity, and as my eyes filled with tears of gratitude, I decided my uncle was right. Jack was right there with me, hip checking me as I danced along.

  Noah appeared at my side, two beers in his hands. I took the one he offered me and clinked it against his. He watched me with mild amusement as I tilted my head back and took a long pull from the bottle. When I looked up he moved closer, grabbing my hips.

  “I think you're dancing more tonight than you have in all the years I’ve known you,” he said with a smirk, just as the song changed to “Touch Me” by The Doors.

  I pressed myself up against him and smiled. “Having trouble keeping up with me?”

  He laughed. “Not even a little.” He leaned in to place a kiss on my jaw. As we moved, he ran his hand from my hip up to the bare skin of my back. I’d taken the vest off before the show, knowing it wouldn’t be long before this place was packed with warm bodies.

  I sang the chorus into his ear as he held me. I’m gonna love you ‘til the heavens stop the rain. He grinned down at me and I reached up, still balancing my beer in one hand, and grabbed his face between my hands. Maybe it was the beer, maybe it was all the memories between us, I didn’t know. But I pulled his face to mine and pressed my mouth to his. He kissed me back with the same level of passion, causing my heart to flutter. We’d never been so affectionate in public before, and I was surprised at how much I liked it.