Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  As we walked along the beach, I looked up at the road and noticed what looked like the same car I’d been seeing around my house. “It can’t be the same car,” I said quietly.

  “Excuse me?” Brian asked.

  “Oh nothing, I’m imagining things,” I said, and then focused on the ocean shore.

  The lights from the boats sparkled on the water. It was very romantic and I felt very comfortable with Brian. I thought maybe I could be happy with someone like him. He asked me if he could hold my hand as we walked along the beach. “I don’t want to rush you and its okay if you don’t want me to.”

  He was so nice, exactly the kind of boy my parents would approve of. He even comes from a “good family,” which my mother seemed to think was an important aspect for any guy I dated. I looked up at his very tall 6 foot, 3 inch frame and said, “I think I’d like that.”

  When he took my hand, I expected to feel something...maybe not the electric shock that Logan’s touch sent through me, but something, anything. But, it was like holding hands with my brother. He was so nice, and any other girl would be overjoyed to be in my shoes. But I was fooling myself into thinking that he could be a replacement for Logan. I wasn’t over Logan, and Brian deserved better than someone who was pining away for another guy she couldn’t have.

  I looked up at him sadly and he said, “He’s crazy, you know?!”

  “Who?” I asked, confused.

  “Logan. How could he have possibly been able walk away from you?”

  I looked down at my bare feet, trying not to show the hurt in my eyes.

  “Delaney, it’s okay. I understand exactly how you feel. I’m not asking you for anything. I hope in time, maybe you’ll feel for me what I feel for you. But I know he’s still on your mind and I can handle that.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, still not meeting his eyes.

  “For what, being human?”

  “No, I’m sorry I don’t feel that way about you. You’re a great guy,” I said, finally looking up at him. “What did you mean when you said you understand exactly how I feel?”

  “I meant that while you were watching him, I was watching you,” he sighed. “Should we head back to the party?”

  “Sure,” I smiled. “Would you tell me something?”

  “Anything.”

  “Was I that transparent to everyone?”

  “Only those of us who pay attention to you, which is pretty much every guy at Jamison High. You really don’t know how wonderful and beautiful you are, do you? Delaney, I think everyone knew you had a thing for Logan.”

  I ignored his compliment. “I always thought my feelings for him were my own private secret. Wow. So I’m assuming that he must have noticed, too.” The thought actually made me blush.

  “I don’t know. I can’t believe that if he knew how you felt about him that he wouldn’t be the one here with you now, instead of me.”

  “It’s complicated,” I said, unwilling to share anything about Logan’s personal life.

  Brian turned toward me, took my hand again and said, “Look Delaney, I really like you, I guess you know that now. But I meant what I said about not rushing you into anything. I won’t stand in your way if he suddenly comes to his senses and comes back for you. But, you should know that I’m here and I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

  “Brian, I…”

  “Come on, let’s go inside. You owe me a dance.”

  We ran into Molly and Jason then and we all headed onto the dance floor. I did my best to follow Brian’s lead, but managed to walk on his feet more than my own. We laughed, and then danced through a few more songs. After the third or fourth dance, we were both tired and thirsty.

  “What would you like to drink, and are you hungry now?”

  “I’m not hun…” I started to say, and then realized he probably wouldn’t eat if I didn’t. “You know, I think I am a little hungry now.”

  We headed over to the buffet line. He handed me a plate and then grabbed one for himself. I wasn’t really hungry, but I put a few pieces of fruit and veggies on my plate. I noticed he loaded his plate full of everything.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t let you eat earlier.”

  “It’s fine. I wasn’t hungry until now, anyway.”

  “Well, why don’t I go get us something to drink and you can finish filling your plate. What would you like?”

  “I’ll go get the drinks.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll go.”

  “Oh, okay, I’d love a cola of some kind. Thanks,” he said, still intent on the enormous amount of food on the tables.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I headed over to the bar, “Hi. One Coke, and I’ll have a Sprite, please.” Chad cornered me while I was waiting for our drinks. “So, are you having fun?” he asked, with a smile I found to be unnerving.

  “Um, yes. Thanks. You did a great job putting all of this together, Chad, really,” I smiled at him.

  “Just wait, I have something very special planned for later,” he grinned and then reached around me and handed me our drinks.

  “Thanks,” I said, still unnerved by him.

  I walked back over to Brian. He handed me my plate and I handed him his cola. “Um, I believe there is a bit more food on my plate now than when I left.”

  “Oh yeah, sorry, I ran out of room on mine.”

  I laughed and said, “I didn’t mean to starve you. Now you’re going to make yourself sick with all of that.”

  “I always eat like this.”

  “Oh.” I guess it took a lot to fill that huge frame.

  We sat down with Molly, Jason, Carrie, Jim, Beth and Ted and before long we were all laughing and carrying on about stupid things we’ve all done over the last four years, when suddenly I wasn’t feeling very well. “Are you okay, Delaney?” Brian asked me.

  “I’m kind of warm. Can we go outside and get some fresh air for a few minutes, please?”

  “I’m a little warm myself,” Brian agreed and escorted me outside.

  We stood outside on the back deck, enjoying a quiet moment and the cool air. “I forgot how pretty it is here,” I said, looking at the lights dancing on the water and listening to the waves crashing on the shore.

  “Not as pretty as you. Here, you should wear my jacket. It’s pretty cool out here,” Brian said, wrapping it around my shoulders once again.

  “Thank you. You are too nice to me. Whoa, I really don’t feel very well.” I grabbed on to the railing to steady myself and noticed Brian was looking a little pale himself. “I wonder if it was something we ate.”

  “Well, let’s focus on what you ate, because I ate everything.”

  “Oh, yeah, you know I really don’t feel…” The last thing I remember was Brian calling my name and reaching out to catch me.

  I woke up alone and in a room I didn’t recognize. I looked around, trying to figure out where I was and how I got there. My eyes were really out of focus and my head ached. I sat up then, and was horrified to realize I was naked on a bed. I reached for the blanket and covered up with it. I looked over and noticed my dress on the floor, next to a man’s dress jacket.

  “That’s Brian’s jacket,” I said to myself, remembering standing on the deck outside the banquet room with him. “How did I get here?” I asked aloud.

  Suddenly I was shaking and I was certain that whatever had happened wasn’t good and it had happened without my consent or knowledge. I wrapped the blanket around me and got off the bed. I reached down for my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. I noticed my dress was torn in more than one place. I wasn’t sure if I was in shock or denial, but I put my underwear and dress back on as best as I could, but my bra was torn in half. I walked back toward the bed and pulled Brian’s jacket back on, grateful that it was so large and long. I saw my shoes and sat down on the edge of the bed to put them back on. As I bent over to put my shoes on, I noticed streaks of dried blood that had run down the inside of both of my thighs.

  I clos
ed my eyes and a flash of male laughter echoed in my head. I was shaking again as I realized what truly had happened and who was responsible. I had only one memory after Brian reached out to catch me and that memory sent chills down my spine. I finally understood what Chad said about having something special planned for later. I was the plan. The image of him leaning over me was so vivid; it sent me running from the room, terrified.

  I ran out of the room and out of the hotel. I didn’t know what time it was or where I was headed. All I knew was that I had to run far away from that room.

  I was running along the beach again, not sure where I was heading. When I couldn’t take another step, I dropped on the side of the road. I was trying to catch my breath so that I could run some more, when a car pulled up beside me. All I saw were headlights and then I heard a door open. Suddenly I panicked, and I got up to start running again when a familiar voice called my name. I stopped and turned to find Logan heading toward me.

  “Delaney, what’s wrong? What happened to you?”

  “Logan, oh Logan, please don’t look at me.” I said, pulling the jacket tighter around me. Suddenly it was too much for me to endure, and I collapsed on the ground.

  I woke up in a panic, once again unsure of where I was. “It’s okay, you’re fine!” Logan said, immediately at my side.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “I’m afraid that’s something you’re going to have to tell me,” he said, looking very concerned.

  “I don’t know…I don’t remember,” I said blocking out what I didn’t want to face.

  “Delaney, I think we should call the police.”

  “Why?”

  “I think you were…hurt.”

  “No, I’m fine.”

  “I don’t think you are. Do you remember why you were running down the road?” he asked, trying to make me remember what I had tried so hard to block out.

  “No.”

  “I think you do,” he said, touching my cheek.

  “NO! I don’t! I’m fine,” I lied, but still in denial as to what I was lying about.

  “Okay, you just rest now,” he said, standing up.

  “NO, don’t leave me!” I said, reaching for him.

  “I’m not going anywhere.” He sat down next to me on the bed and pulled the blankets up around me, tucking me in.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, finally realizing that I was actually with Logan.

  “I live here, most of the time, anyway.”

  “You live here? You live on the island?” The island, suddenly I remembered what had happened and I jumped up. “Oh no. Oh no. NO NO NO!”

  “It’s okay. You’re okay now!”

  “No, it’s never going to be okay again. NEVER!”

  “You’re safe, Delaney. No one can hurt you here, I promise.”

  “I need a shower.” I realized I suddenly needed to wash all memories of the night away.

  “I really think we should call the police first,” he urged.

  “No! I have to shower now! PLEASE! Please. Oh please,” I begged, frantic.

  He looked at me like he understood my urgent need for a shower and led me to the bathroom.

  “Will you be okay?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I have to do this right now.”

  “I’ll be right outside the door.” He shut the door gently.

  I threw off what was left of my clothes and stepped into the shower. I only turned on the hot water, and as hot as it was and as red as my skin turned, it wasn’t hot enough to wash away the memory. I scrubbed; using an entire bottle of body wash, then scrubbed my hair and used the rest of the shampoo on my body as well. When I was out of all soap products I just stood under the hot water, certain I would never be clean again.

  The water finally turned cold and I slid down the shower wall and curled into the fetal position on the floor of the shower, and cried.

  I didn’t know how long the cold water washed over me and I didn’t answer Logan when he asked if I was okay. I just laid there, shivering at the bottom of the shower, wishing the tears would stop and the night had never happened.

  The next thing I knew, Logan had turned the water off, wrapped me in a towel and carried me back to the bed. He held me for what seemed like hours while I cried.

  When I was finally spent and had no more tears, Logan said, “Delaney, we really should call the police.”

  “I can’t. I can’t re-live…I just can’t.”

  “Whoever did this to you NEEDS to be punished,” he said, sounding very angry; an emotion I had never seen Logan express before.

  “Please don’t call the police. I couldn’t bear the humiliation,” I pleaded.

  “Would you at least tell me who...did this?” he asked, his hands clenched into fists.

  “I…I don’t remember,” I lied, fearing that Logan may go after Chad and I couldn’t live with that, either.

  Logan sighed and asked, “Was it Brian?”

  “NO! Brian wouldn’t…NO!”

  “I’m sorry. I had to ask.”

  “How could you think that Brian would…?”

  “I know he was your date to the party. I didn’t think he would…hurt you, but I had to ask.”

  “How did you know he was my date?” I asked, curious now.

  “I um, I saw you two walking on the beach earlier tonight,” he admitted shamefully.

  “You were on the beach?”

  “Yes. I saw you get off the ferry. You looked so beautiful. You are beautiful. I parked outside the hotel, hoping to see you again. When I saw you two head to the beach, I drove down the highway and followed you. I know I have no right to be jealous, but I was. Delaney, you have to tell me who did this to you, PLEASE!”

  “I told you, I don’t remember.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you.”

  “It’s true. I think I was drugged. Both Brian and I got sick…Oh, I hope Brian’s okay. What time is it? I have to get on the ferry.”

  “It’s after 3 am, so the ferries are done for the night. I’m afraid you’re stuck here.”

  “Oh no, what am I going to tell Molly and my parents? They can never know about this! It would kill them!”

  “Don’t worry about it right now. You can call Molly in the morning. Would you like to put some clothes on?” he asked; glancing away from me as the towel slipped off my shoulder, exposing the top of one of my breasts.

  I pulled the towel up and said, “Yes, but I can’t put that dress back on, and I don’t have anything…”

  “Here,” he said, handing me one of his shirts.

  “Thank you.”

  He turned his back so that I could change. “I’ll be right outside the door.”

  “No, it’s okay, I’m already dressed.”

  He turned back around and took a deep breath. “I thought you looked stunning in the dress, but I don’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful than you do right now.”

  “I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t know what to feel.”

  “Please tell me who did it. You know who it was; I can see it in your eyes.”

  “I don’t…I can’t.

  “Why are you protecting him?”

  “I’m NOT! I’m protecting you.”

  “From what?”

  “From doing whatever it is you’re planning. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “He deserves to suffer, Delaney. He had no right to…”

  I started to cry again, and Logan was there, holding me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, again.”

  “Please, can you just let it go? Please?”

  “Can you?”

  “I have to try. I have to. If I go after…him, then everyone would know. And I can’t live with that.”

  “Okay, we’ll talk about it in the morning. Why don’t you just sleep now? You can take a ferry home tomorrow.” He stood up and started to walk out the door.

  “Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone.”

&nbs
p; “I’ll stay.”

  “Would you hold me, please? I feel so…lost and alone.”

  “I’m afraid I won’t ever want to let you go,” he said.

  “It’s okay. I understand if you can’t,” I said and pulled the blankets up tight around my neck.

  He climbed onto the bed, laying on top of all the blankets, and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Just sleep now, okay. You’re safe.”

  As long as Logan’s arms were around me, it was easy to forget Chad and the horrible thing he had done to me. I leaned into Logan, and exhaustion finally took hold. I fell into a deep sleep.

  When I woke up, I thought I was still sleeping and having the most wonderful dream. Logan was next to me, with his arm snuggly wrapped around my waist. “Please don’t let me wake up from this dream,” I said out loud to myself.

  He smiled then and said, “That’s what I said all night.”

  I wanted so badly to reach out and touch his face, certain I was dreaming. But a gnawing feeling kept inching its way back into my subconscious, reminding me of recent events and that it really wasn’t a dream at all.

  “What, what time is it?” I asked, sitting up in the bed, Logan’s bed. Suddenly I felt completely self-conscious and very vulnerable.

  Logan must have sensed my distress because he stood up and walked over to the chair.

  “It’s 9:30. You slept for about six hours.”

  “Oh. I guess I should get dressed…” I remembered then that I didn’t have any clothes to wear.

  “Hold on one minute. I’ll be right back,” Logan said.

  He came back a few minutes later with a skirt and blouse. “Thank you,” I said, staring down at the clothes and wondering where he got them.

  “I’ll wait downstairs for you, okay? There are clean towels and everything you should need in the bathroom.”

  I stood up then, and remembered I was only wearing one of Logan’s shirts. I pulled it down as it had climbed up my thigh while I slept. He took a deep breath, turned around and said, “I, I’ll see you downstairs.”

  I was surprised to find a close match in the size of the clothing. He had even managed to supply me with a new bra and panties. The bra was very snug, but I felt I needed to wear one, so I squeezed my breasts into the all too small cups. All of the clothing still had tags on them, so I knew they were new. I found a new toothbrush, and all of the toiletries in the bathroom I could possibly need. I noticed that there was no sign of my torn dress anywhere. I was glad that I didn’t have to ever see it again. When I felt I was presentable, I headed down the stairs, noting how beautiful and large his home was.