Hanging With A Time Surfer

by Celine Chatillon

  "True, but you can't execute me until all this new evidence has been considered, can you?” Quentin waggled an eyebrow.

  Chryton shrugged. “I suppose not. A pity. Still, we've got Barris to execute, don't we? Agent Manstun?"

  "Sir ... I encountered some difficulties while apprehending the suspect."

  The murmur around the kilometer long table rose to an almost unbearably loud hubbub. “Quiet, please!” Chryton cleared his throated, stroking his gray-stubbled chin thoughtfully. “Would you care to explain?"

  "Not really but I will. The short explanation is that Barris and his crew escaped before we reached the time gate, and after I'd permanently rigged the navigational computer to take us here."

  A groan rose from the assembly followed by a thousand hands smacking against a thousand foreheads, or what passed for foreheads among the non-humanoid, of the august body of Time Regulators.

  "And you thought you were royally screwed, Quentin,” Ivak muttered to his play pals sitting beside the hot tub. “Guess who's got a date with the executioner tomorrow morning now."

  * * * *

  Being able to see Ivak's outline at last brought about mixed feelings in Shelby. It wasn't that he wasn't handsome. Far from it. The man was far from unattractive. The real problem was that in spite of the visibility grid posted over his cell opening he still preferred to run around naked. His taut pecs and strong shoulders tapered down to a svelte waist, a sturdy pair of strong legs and a long, thick cock that look as good as it felt pumping inside her only a few hours ago. And she found it difficult, if not impossible, to look him in the face while conversing with him.

  "Ivak, I don't see how you being thrown into jail is a part of your plan to get the charges dismissed against Quentin.” Shelby turned to blow a kiss to her lover in the holding area opposite. “Cat's giving her testimony now, and a review of the ridiculousness of the charge will free him. But there's nothing we can do to get you out of trouble unless we capture Barris and bring him to justice."

  "Exactly."

  "Pardon me? How can Catriona and I alone manage this impossible feat? We don't have a time device, and we don't know how to fly a spaceship. Besides, the Time Regulators want him in custody by tomorrow morning. It just doesn't seem possible in such a short period of time."

  "Linear thinkers!” Ivak's phantom outline threw up his hands and sighed. “I don't know how you can stand to be around them for too long, Quentin. Their lack of imagination would drive me mad."

  "Yeah, at times they can be a bit infuriating.” Quentin chuckled. “But get a load of her cute ass wiggling when she stomps her feet."

  Shelby felt like stomping her feet in anger but stopped. There was no sense giving them more ammo to taunt her with so she pressed her nails into her palms instead. “Will you two quit teasing me? I'm being serious. I'm trying to think of a plan."

  "Watch how her tits sway back and forth as she deliberates, too. Makes you want to reach out and squeeze one, doesn't it, Invisible Man?"

  He chuckled. “It does—among other things. I know exactly where I'd like to squeeze this growing hard on of mine."

  Shelby immediately stopped pacing and shot them both a dirty look. “Keep your kinky thoughts to yourselves for now. Okay, I've got an idea."

  "A whole idea,” Ivak teased. “Does your pretty little head ache terribly?"

  "Ha, ha. Now listen, you two ... Quentin once told me that I was what you time cops termed a ‘Chosen One'. Doesn't that title demand some respect from these stuffed shirts around here?"

  "It does,” Ivak agreed.

  "Good. I'll demand that they restore Quentin's time device and surf board to me forthwith and then I'll use it to go back in time to gather up Barris and his gang and make sure they end up here when they're supposed to tomorrow morning.” She smiled and crossed her arms across her robe. “How's that for thinking non-linearly?"

  "Not bad.” Ivak's ghostly image grinned at her. “There are some real brains in that curvaceous body. I see what Quentin sees in you now beyond your obvious talents. But there's something you need to be made aware of before attempting such a stunt."

  "And that is?"

  "Temporal paradox. You can't run into yourself in a previous time line or else—kapow!"

  "Kapow?” Shelby frowned and scratched her head. “Can you explain that in layperson's terms?"

  "Kapow. It's a very technical time traveling term. It essentially translates into ‘kablooey!’ Big time kablooey.” Quentin made an explosive sound and smacked his hands together. “If you meet up with yourself in another time line it could mean the very end of time, space, and existence itself."

  Shelby's throat suddenly went dry. “You mean ... I'd blow up?"

  "Not just you, Shelby.” Ivak flashed her a kind smile. “The whole of creation would be zapped in that moment."

  "The whole of ... creation?” She gulped hard.

  "Yes, the whole shebang. A temporal paradox is a very dangerous phenomenon. That's why time surfers like Quentin avoid visiting the same place in the same time twice in a row. If they miscalculate and show up at the exact same spot and run into themselves..."

  "Kaboom?"

  "You got it."

  "But wait a moment. Quentin was in the same room twice over once when we first met. How come the universe is still here now?"

  "Are you sure it is?” Quentin smirked. “You could be dreaming this."

  She stomped her foot. “Stop it. This is not the time to be messing with my mind."

  "Why not?” Ivak asked. “We're time travelers here. We've got all the time in eternity to mess with your mind. But to answer your question fully, Shelby, did Quentin touch himself?"

  "Huh?” Shelby rolled her eyes. “He hasn't had the need to since he met me."

  Quentin collapsed onto his cell bunk in a fit of laughter. Shelby could hear Ivak's long and exasperated sigh.

  "What I meant to say was did Quentin acknowledge his other self? Talk to his other self? Walk to the other ‘him’ and shake his hand for instance?"

  "Well, no he didn't. It was all over in a couple of seconds and then everything went back to normal."

  "There's your explanation. Because Quentin's two selves didn't acknowledge each other's presence or have physical contact with one another the universe still exists—barely. Both his selves understood the delicacy of the situation and acted, or didn't act, appropriately. But because it is so tricky to pull off, that's why it's not a recommended procedure except in extreme temporal emergencies."

  Shelby felt faint. She could destroy the universe by making one little innocent mistake of running into herself? How could she run into Barris on his spaceship and not run into an earlier version of herself? They both frolicked in the orgy pit at the same time, hung out in the playroom together and then almost ran into each other in his quarters...

  "That's it!” She stomped her foot and jiggled her breasts as she laughed for her enjoyment as much as theirs. “It's brilliant—just like I am, of course."

  "What's brilliant?” Quentin smiled, his erection beginning to peek out from under his short robe.

  "My plan to return the moment after we all jumped down the garbage chute in Barris’ bathroom. That way my previous self will safely be down in the engine control room with Ivak and Cat and you while my current self waits for Barris in his bedroom. If I can keep the bastard there until the ship is safely through the time gate and prevent him from sending out a silent alarm for his crew to abandon ship then the Time Regulator Council will have their villain. Ivak will be set free."

  Ivak laughed. “It is brilliant! I apologize for teasing you, Shelby. You truly are a Chosen One. It's the perfect use of time travel to generate a justifiable outcome for the good of sentient life everywhere in every time. I'm in awe of both your genius and beauty."

  She blushed. “Why, thank you Ivak. Quentin? What do you think of my plan?"

  Quentin frowned, furrowing his brow. He looked positively grim. “How will you keep
Barris and his goons occupied for several hours? The time gate's location wasn't particularly close to where we encountered his ship. And your current self can't be aboard the ship when it lands here today or else you'd run the risk of running into yourself—kablooey!"

  She sighed. Why did men always have to try to pick apart her best-laid plans?

  "That's easy. I'll entertain Barris like he wanted to be entertained in his playroom. I could go to the playroom, couldn't I?” she asked Ivak.

  "You can go anywhere on the ship at that point except the engine control room."

  "And she'd have to avoid the hot tub and orgy pit areas, remember?” Quentin added.

  "Not necessarily. Think about it. If Shelby keeps Barris and company occupied so they don't attempt to alter course or abandon ship, they'll all still be on board. Since the four of us are outnumbered we'd all stay put in the barricaded engine control room until we landed here at Time Point Central."

  "Hey, who's to say we don't decide to take on Barris’ crew? It's not like there was more than a dozen crewmen running his ship. We could take them on if we got to the ship's arsenal and arm ourselves to the teeth."

  Shelby noted Quentin's tone contained hints of hurt mixed in with the bravado. Was he jealous that she'd offer herself sexually to an enemy in order to distract him? She smiled kindly at her lover. “But you're forgetting that Ivak is with us. There would be no raid on the arsenal because it wouldn't be worth the risk for such short-term gain. Right, Ivak?"

  "Once again you're spot on, Shelby. There would be no need to risk the mission for such macho nonsense. We'd stay put in the barricaded engine room, safe and sound, as I planned."

  "As you planned—yeah right!” Quentin snorted. “How come you didn't plan on Barris and crew abandoning ship in the life pods? Tell me that, Mr. Smarty No-Pants!"

  The Invisible Man was at a loss for words. “Well, I ... uh, the test simulations didn't account for that feature. There isn't much known about the life pod features of his particular make and model vessel and..."

  "You screwed up because they weren't taken into account.” Quentin flopped down on his cell bunk and crossed his arms beneath his head. “Case closed."

  "Hey, I didn't have to tell Chryton to check out the details on your rap sheet. I knew it had to be a bureaucratic fuck up, but I could have kept quiet and turned you in, Takahashi."

  "Boy, boys!” Shelby sighed and raised her hands for silence. “You're not helping matters here. My mind is made up. I understand the risks involved. Now, tell me, Ivak, who do I need to talk with to retrieve Quentin's time device?"

  "Don't ask for my old beat-up junker, Shelby. Ask them for a new one to replace it. She'll need a special model, won't she, Ivak? Protocol Twenty-four and all..."

  "Yes, exactly. Protocol Twenty-four has to be taken into account."

  "What the hell is this ‘Protocol Twenty-four’ you guys keep talking about?"

  "Nothing important,” Quentin said. “But you'll be opening up a time vortex in space aboard a moving spaceship. You'll need a special time device to do it safely. Be sure to tell them to issue you a Protocol Twenty-four device."

  "All right. So how do I go about requesting one? I talk to the high council?"

  "Yes, just go to Chryton and ask,” Ivak said. “Be sure to mention the protocol and it should be no problem."

  Quentin chuckled. “Yeah, just bat those gorgeous blue eyes of yours at him and ask nicely. If he doesn't seem enthusiastic, offer him a blow job in trade."

  Her lover's current sour attitude really ticked her off. “All right, damn it, I will, thank you very much. If I wiggle my ass and jiggle my tits at him, will that help, too?"

  "Brilliant!” Ivak clapped his hands. “It certainly couldn't hurt."

  Chapter Fifteen

  "Are you certain you don't want me to go back with you?” Catriona's big, golden cat eyes glistened with unshed tears. Otherwise, the dim lighting of the visitors’ lounge at Time Point Central cast her furry features into shadow.

  "I only want to risk one big kaboom, Cat. With two of us crossing the time line ... Ivak made it fairly clear how dangerous that could be."

  "I don't want you to face that horrid Barris creature alone. You haven't forgotten what he wanted to do with you in the ... playroom, have you?"

  "No, I haven't forgotten. Don't worry. I'm not going to let my ‘entertainment’ progress to anything serious. I figure I only have to keep him busy for about three hours top. By then we'd have crossed the time gate and I can zap myself back to this time line."

  Shelby glanced over the lengthy written instructions that Chryton had insisted on giving her once more for safety's sake. He had insisted she take a top of the line time device and board for her “personal business". On the reverse side of the instructions he had scribbled, “February 14, 1906, Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, room 812. Dress casual.” Suddenly the Time Regulator's unexpected generosity became crystal clear. She laughed.

  Catriona pouted, her tail flickering nervously. “What's so funny?"

  "Nothing really. It's just that time bureaucrats have their own style of pick-up lines of sorts. At least, I think that's what it is."

  Catriona slinked over to the leather couch and curled up beside her, stroking Shelby's cheek tenderly with her tail. “Don't tell me. He left you the address and a date for his favorite one-night-stand locale."

  "However did you guess?"

  The cat woman stretched and sighed. “Simple. So many time agents have tried to pick me up that nothing about their behavior surprises me anymore. The best thing about time travel is that you really can enjoy a one-night-stand, over and over again."

  Shelby's eyes widened. “Really? What about the temporal paradox?"

  "Oh, you can't make it at the same time each time you want to fuck each other's brains out, but you can sneak off and spend a day with a handsome—or at least horny—time agent and then zoom back home the minute after you left. Your linear husband or boyfriend is none the wiser for it. You have to admit time travelers make ideal lovers in that regard."

  "No kidding."

  And they make ideal lovers in all other regards as well. Quentin was incredibly sexy and handsome and brave in his own way. Better yet, he certainly wasn't the cloying, jealous type. He was the complete opposite of her ex-husband, what's-his-name.

  Wow ... she'd forgotten his name! The time had flown by so fast since she'd begun traveling with Quentin. Time truly healed all wounds. She felt like a whole new woman, a completely different person. She felt assured of her sexuality and able to express her needs and desires openly. No longer did she feel the need to prove herself in the business world in order to get people to take her seriously as a blonde munchkin. And she had Quentin to thank for that.

  Shelby stood and took a deep breath. “It's time that I was off to yesterday or whenever our little escapade occurred on Barris’ ship."

  Catriona sniffed and wrapped her tail around Shelby's waist, pulling her into her arms for a kiss good-bye. “Be careful."

  "Don't worry. Ivak double-checked this time board and programmed the outgoing and return locales and dates. Wish me luck, Cat."

  "Good luck, Shelby. May your time jump be purr-fect."

  Squeezing her eyes shut, Shelby held out her arms and pointed the key chain toward an empty corner of the room. She engaged the time board and stepped upon its surface as it reached full size. The swirling plaid and paisley lights of the fabric of time began to fray at the edges. The opening grew wider and deeper until it sucked her in and jettisoned her to the near past location of Barris's quarters aboard his party ship.

  * * * *

  "I'm afraid it's going to have to be in here.” Quentin opened a short cupboard door and pointed inside. “Ladies first."

  "No, you can't mean—aaaggghhh!” Shelby found herself sliding head first down a very narrow auxiliary chute, Catriona and Quentin close on her heels.

  A blink later, she found herself standing where she had stood ju
st nanoseconds earlier in the captain's bathroom. The big difference this time? She was alone with an angry Barris shouting orders to his crew on the other side of the door.

  She swallowed hard, plastered her best saleswoman's smile on her face, and swung open the door.

  "There's no need to involve the crew with our private business is there?"

  "Huh?” Barris blinked his beady dark eyes and stared at her. “Where are the others? Where's Takahashi?"

  "There's no one here except me and you, Lover Boy.” Shelby sashayed from the bathroom entrance over to the giant and threw an arm about him. “I got lonely waiting for you in the playroom, so I asked one of your crew for directions to your quarters. Didn't they tell you?” She coyly sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned back on her elbows, allowing the silk robe to droop off her left shoulder and to part open at her thighs. “Nice place you got here."

  A summons at the cabin door did little to divert Barris’ drooling attention from the pretty picture she made lying on his bed. So far, so good.

  "Excuse me a moment, won't you?” His leer grew larger than his lust-filled eyes. “I'll be right back."

  She batted her lashes. “Don't be too long."

  "Is he in there, Boss?” Reks asked under his breath, tapping his reptilian claw impatiently against the metal, gravity-plated deck. “I can't believe we missed the bastard in the laundry room. He must have climbed up the disposal chute. Are the playmates in there as well?"

  "No, I was mistaken about the noise,” Barris lied. “We must have picked up some space rats at our last port of call. The noise ... They're crawling about the ducts. Takahashi is probably somewhere on the lower decks. Continue to look for him there and leave me the hell alone for a few hours. Understood?"

  Reks's eyes widened as he spied a flash of flesh lying against the black velvet comforter behind his captain.

  "Yes, completely understood. Should we hold course as planned? Can we engage auto-piloting systems?"

  "Yeah, sure. Knock yourselves out and have a party. Now get the hell out, Reks, and leave me to entertain my guest in peace."