The Heartbreak Cafe

by Melissa Hill

  ‘Well I should hope not, otherwise you must have to do some crazy things to make it in Hollywood these days.’ Then seeing her hurt expression, his tone softened. ‘Ruth, it’s starting to feel like everything is an accident with you.’

  ‘You and me both,’ she said, her bottom lip trembling.

  ‘And you just found out this morning,’ he repeated. ‘Yet you let me kiss you, and you kissed me back …’ She knew by his tone that it found it disturbing and he was right; it was awful.

  ‘I know but for a minute there, I sort of … forgot.’

  Charlie was dubious. ‘You just ‘forgot’ you were pregnant?’

  ‘Yes! Look I didn’t expect to see you, let alone find that I still…’ She shook her head, not wanting to go down that road. There was no point. ‘Charlie, I’ve had a really bad morning, first I find this out, then I tell Troy and tells me to stuff it and – ’

  ‘He told you to what?’ Charlie’s eyes narrowed.

  Ruth explained how the conversation with the father of her baby had not gone well. ‘I’m still not sure why I even told him but I really felt it would be the right thing to do.’

  ‘It was the right thing to do, but maybe not so soon. You should have given yourself time to think about it first.’

  He was right of course, but that was Charlie, always the sensible one.

  ‘So he immediately assumed I would have an abortion which made me so mad, so I told him to go to hell that I was going to have it anyway – even though I hadn’t actually decided anything at that stage.’

  ‘And are you?’ he asked. ‘Going to have the baby, I mean.’

  Ruth sighed. ‘It’s not ideal, especially with the business I’m in …’

  ‘I can imagine.’ His eyes moved to her midriff and she knew he was trying to imagine what pregnancy would do to her body. Ruth had tried to imagine that too but couldn’t. And the truth was that despite what she’d said to Troy, she still wasn’t one hundred percent sure how to deal with this. OK, so she could perhaps sacrifice a few months of her career to have the baby if needs be – but what about afterwards? She couldn’t realistically continue her acting career as a single mum with a baby in tow, could she? ‘And what does he think about you keeping it?’ Charlie asked then.

  ‘He wasn’t happy about it but there’s not a whole lot he can do about it.’

  ‘But he’s going to support you surely?’ Such things were clear in Charlie Mellon’s straight-as-a-die world.

  Ruth shook her head. ‘He told me I wouldn’t get a dime. Not that I want anything from the stupid ass but…’

  Charlie looked horrified. He stood up and started to pace back and forth, which made her feel uneasy. Still it was sort of a relief to have someone to talk to about this, someone who was able to discuss the matter and take it seriously. But she couldn’t help wondering how different things would be if it had been Charlie’s and not Troy’s baby she was carrying.

  ‘You know Ruth, you were always good with surprises.’

  She looked at him, ashamed. ‘Look, I know I shouldn’t have let you kiss me and I certainly shouldn’t have kissed you back. That was crazy.’

  ‘That much we can agree on.’

  ‘And with all that’s happened lately, I’m sure you probably think I’m some kind of slut or something,’ she said, herself feeling somewhat cheap and common at that moment. ‘But for what’s it worth, I’d like you to know that up until that night with Troy, which I agree was a mistake and it wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t had so much champagne…’ she said, realising she was babbling. ‘My point being that, up until that night, I hadn’t slept with anyone in a long time. As a matter of fact, I’m probably the least slutty woman in Hollywood. This was all just one big mistake.’

  ‘But one that will steadily progress all the same.’

  She nodded defiantly. ‘Yes, and I’m just going to have to live with it.’

  Charlie stopped pacing and sat back down on the chair next to her. ‘I just don’t know what to do here Ruth, I can’t say I’ve ever been in this situation before.’

  ‘What situation? You don’t owe me anything – you can get up and walk out that door the same way you walked in.’

  ‘You’re right, I could and truthfully, when you first told me about this, I almost did. But –’ He shook his head. ‘He really told you he wanted nothing to do with it?’

  ‘Yes, he did.’

  ‘You’re not lying.’

  She looked at him, stung. ‘Charlie, I may be a lot of things, but I have never been a liar.’

  ‘No, no, I know that; it’s just I …’ his voice trailed off. ‘I just don’t know what my next move should be. I still care about you Ruth; I can’t deny that. And before this I was wondering if we might be able to put the past behind us and maybe .…’

  Ruth put her head down, and found she couldn’t even summon tears, she was all cried out. The way Charlie was putting it; it felt like she was damaged goods.

  ‘You know, there was a time when I thought we would have kids together,’ he said softly.

  She looked at him. ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Ruth put her head in her hands. ‘Oh this is all such a mess. I don’t know what to do, if I’m making the right decision …what it’ll do to my career…’

  Charlie took her hand. ‘I don’t think now is the time to be second guessing yourself, regardless of your career or what I’m telling you. Honestly, I think you might have spoken from the heart when you were on the phone with …him.’

  Ruth hadn’t considered that, that maybe this time she had made the right decision. She had made so many bad ones as of late, she didn’t know if she was even capable of a good one.

  ‘Charlie, I’m really sorry … for everything.’

  He nodded and patted her hand. ‘I suppose I should go.’

  ‘That’s probably best.’

  He stood up and placed a light kiss on her cheek. ‘Regardless of what you might be thinking right now, I know you will be a fantastic mother.’

  She smiled sadly. ‘I’m glad one of us does. Any child of mine will probably have hooves.’

  Charlie chuckled. ‘Possibly, but it’s also going to have a very special person for a mum, so it won’t be all bad. Bye Ruth.’

  ‘Bye.’

  Ruth stayed motionless on the chair as she watched him leave the room. Once he was gone it felt as if all of the air had been sucked out of it.

  Could she really do this? she thought, staring at her midriff. No one wanted her, Troy didn’t want her and after what he’d learned just now, Charlie certainly wouldn’t either. She patted her belly. It would just be her and her baby. Whatever happened, she would just have to live with it.

  Suddenly, Hollywood felt a million miles away. It was as if over the course of a few short hours her priorities had suddenly shifted, and she felt almost like a completely different person. The things that had been so important up to now, things that held so much glitter and excitement seemed to have faded.

  And Ruth didn’t have the faintest idea what to expect next.

  Chapter 18

  Nina never made it to Ruth’s house in the end. As she was on her way into town, Ruth called and explained that she wasn’t feeling well and needed to lie down for a while, and could they do it some other time?

  Nina thought she sounded upset, like she’d been crying, but when she’d enquired as to whether she was OK; Ruth assured her she was fine.

  It was no business of Nina’s and she didn’t want to push it, but again she wondered if there had been another newspaper rumour or suchlike. She didn’t know how Ruth put up with such intrusions and knew she would go insane if she had to live a life like that. As it was she found it hard enough putting up with this morning’s intrusion by her dad. Not that it could be called that really; but there was no doubt that he’d had some kind of reaction to her appearance. And such reactions were rare from her father, particularly when growing up she used to go out of he
r way to try and get his attention.

  She was so busy pondering this thought while walking down Main Street that she almost collided with the person going in the other direction.

  ‘Whoa, slow down there,’ the person joked and Nina looked up to find that it was Dave, the guy she and Trish had met at Ruth’s homecoming party a few weeks before.

  ‘Oh …hi. Sorry about that, I was miles away.’

  ‘You sure were.’ Nina couldn’t help notice how his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, which he was doing now. ‘Nina isn’t it? I see you’re still here then.’

  ‘Still here?’

  ‘Yes. I thought you said you were only planning on visiting your father for a little while.’

  ‘That’s right.’ She shrugged. ‘I suppose the time just sort of slips away before you know it. Anyway, I’m enjoying spending time here, and I got a job … at Ella’s.’ Nina wasn’t sure why she was giving him so much information, particularly as she barely even knew him, but there was something about Dave that made her want to keep talking to him.

  Which was crazy considering.

  ‘At the café? I didn’t know that.’

  And what would it matter if you did? Nina wondered. ‘Just part-time, whenever Ella needs me.’

  ‘I know where to go if I fancy a doughnut then,’ he grinned and Nina coloured, sure he was flirting with her.

  ‘Yes, certainly,’ she mumbled, unsure how to feel.

  ‘Well, I’d better get going. I was just on my way back to the office,’ he told her and Nina recalled how he’d mentioned something before about being involved with the local brewery. ‘See you around Nina.’ With that he flashed a smile that immediately made her insides feel weak.

  Or was that the baby making his or her protests?

  ‘Sure, bye now.’ Shaking her head, Nina continued across town and back towards her father’s house. What was she doing, having those kinds of thoughts about some guy she’d only met once or twice? There was no denying that Dave was extremely good-looking and seemed very nice, but at the end of the day didn’t she have enough to be going with on at the moment, rather than making eyes at one of the locals? Anyway after Steve, she’d had more than enough of men and their carry-on …

  Approaching the house, she hoped against hope that Patrick had since gone out and that she wouldn’t have to face trying to avoid him for the rest of the day – or worse actually have to face him.

  She climbed the steps and put a tentative hand on the door handle, willing it to be locked. If it was locked, Patrick wouldn’t be here. Her fingers tightened on it and she twisted it, hoping she would find resistance but it started to turn, which meant that he was still home. Oh well…

  Nina didn’t know why she’d thought any different; it wasn’t as if Patrick actually went anywhere – other than out to collect more of those TV relics.

  Stepping inside, she went straight into the living room to find her father sitting there alone, staring at her. Immediately she felt uneasy – it was almost as if he’d been waiting for her.

  She tried to sound casual. ‘Hey Dad, what’s up? Nothing to work on today?’

  Patrick said nothing for a while, until finally his eyes locked on hers, something that was hugely disconcerting as typically her father had trouble meeting anyone’s gaze. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. ‘Do you have something to tell me, Nina?’ he asked evenly.

  Her heart began to pound. ‘What? What do you mean?’

  Patrick started to fidget; it was clear that he was finding it just as uncomfortable as she was. ‘Are you having a baby?’ he asked then, and Nina wasn’t sure if it was the directness of the question or the tone behind it that shocked her. He sounded furious.

  ‘What … what do you mean?’ Nina wasn’t sure why but all of a sudden she was terrified. She didn’t think she’d ever seen her father so calm and controlled, especially when he was always so restless and fidgety. It was hugely disconcerting.

  ‘You’re the same as your mother.’

  ‘What?’ Her mind raced - the mention of her mother was the last thing she expected. And what the hell was that supposed to mean?

  ‘I don’t know what you – ‘

  ‘You’re having a baby,’ he stated flatly, all the while kneading his fists in what Nina realised was barely controlled fury. But why was he so angry? What business was it of his? OK, so she might be living under his roof but it wasn’t as if she expected anything from him….

  ‘Dad, I –’

  ‘This is not good,’ he muttered, almost under his breath. ‘Not good.’

  The cold, almost callous way he was talking about it put Nina on the defensive.

  ‘What business is it of yours?’ she challenged, tears springing to her eyes, but she made an internal vow that she would not allow him see her cry.

  ‘It’s a big mistake, a big mistake. Just like your mother,’ he continued and all of a sudden Nina realised what he was saying. The mistake he was referring to … was it hers, or actually her? Was she herself the mistake that Patrick and Cathy had made way back when?

  If so, it certainly explained a hell of lot with regard to how they’d ended up together. Back in those days, an accidental pregnancy would have generated huge pressure on the parents to make things right by marrying. Which explained why her lovely, fun-loving mum had got stuck with a man who was almost her complete opposite.

  Yes that had to be it, Nina thought, and although the realisation was troubling, she decided it wasn’t all that much of a surprise. It made sense. But why hadn’t Cathy said anything? Shotgun marriages were two-a-penny in those days and it wasn’t as though her mother had remained stuck in loveless marriage. Nina would have understood, of course she would and there was certainly no reason for anyone to feel ashamed.

  Still, whether she was technically illegitimate or not, Nina was still Patrick’s daughter and perhaps she owed him an explanation.

  ‘You’re right, it is a mistake and honestly, I’m still not sure what to do about it.’ She decided to try and appeal to his better nature. ‘I was going to tell you but I needed some time … to think about it. And Mum doesn’t know yet so please don’t tell her.’ This was highly unlikely as to the best of her knowledge her parents were barely in contact and it wasn’t as if he would be able to track Cathy down in the wilds of China. Still she wanted to be sure.

  ‘This is why you’re here.’ It was a statement more than a question, as if it was something he’d been puzzling over.

  ‘In Lakeview? Yes. The baby’s father and I…well, we split up. He’s not going to have anything to do with it.’

  ‘Well you can’t keep it here,’ he said coldly, as if he hadn’t even heard her admission.

  ‘I wasn’t planning to,’ Nina said, wounded by his callousness. ‘As I said, I needed some time to think about this, and I had nowhere else to go. It’s not due for a fair few months yet so don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’m long gone by then.’

  Patrick nodded. ‘That’s good.’ And with that, he stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Nina feeling like something he’d just cleaned off the bottom of his shoe.

  Outraged, she followed him out into the hallway.

  ‘That’s good’? Is that all you have to say?’ she cried, hurt by his indifference to her feelings. Is this how he’d treated her mother, like some kind of worthless tramp? ‘I’m your daughter, for Christ sake, and I’m going through a tough time at the moment. OK so maybe I should have told you from the start but this is hard Dad, can’t you see that?’

  Patrick just stood there fidgeting. ‘You shouldn’t take the Lord’s name in vain,’ he replied finally and Nina’s mouth dropped open. After everything she’d just said … that was all he was worried about? And when did he get so pious all of a sudden?

  By now tears were streaming down her cheeks. ‘Wow, now I completely understand why Mum left you – you’re nothing but a heartless bastard!’ she cried.

  At this Patrick’s head snapped up, a
lmost as if she’d slapped him and Nina immediately felt guilty. She didn’t mean to say that; hadn’t meant to be so mean, so nasty. Although his expression was impassive, his face flushed and it was clear that she had hurt him.

  She tried her best to take it back. ‘Dad … I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that… I didn’t mean it.’ She stretched out her hands, not sure if she wanted to embrace him, or just entreat him not to walk away.

  But Patrick wouldn’t look at her. He just stood there blankly, the side of his mouth twitching, and Nina sorely wished she could read his thoughts. ‘Dad? Really I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of those things.’

  Little by little his face lost its colour. ‘This isn’t right Nina. You’ll see.’

  ‘What …?’ She stared at him perplexed. Was he so bound by religion that he couldn’t see past the morals and try and understand what his daughter was going through? Or try to understand how bloody difficult and confusing this was for her? Some of her earlier anger simmered beneath the surface and she fought hard against lashing out again. No, she would not do that, she would not give him the satisfaction.

  ‘Fine,’ she said finally. ‘Don’t worry yourself about any of this. I won’t be here much longer. As soon as I can I’ll get out of your hair and take my problems with me.’ She placed a protective hand over her stomach, oddly guilty about referring out loud to it as a ‘problem’.

  Patrick looked at her with an expression so unreadable it was confounding. It was like he was a million miles away … as if he’d suddenly forgotten what they were talking about.

  ‘Well?’ she asked, throwing up her hands in exasperation. ‘Is that all? Am I free to go back upstairs now?’

  ‘Of course you are, Nina.’

  ‘Fine. And just to let you know that as soon as Mum gets back, I’m out of here.’

  ‘Yes, that’s a good idea,’ he said, all agreeable now.

  Nina turned on her heel, annoyed and now feeling almost trapped by this house. She pounded up the stairs to her room and collapsed on to the bed, still shaken by the encounter.

  She crawled under the covers, not bothering to take off her clothes and found herself crying again. Damn hormones, she thought, always crying at the drop of the hat. Although this time there was of course more to it.