Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5)

by Amy Clipston

  Joshua snickered, and Lydia silently admired him. He shot her a warm smile and warmth filled her. Even though they hadn’t talked much lately, Lydia was glad Joshua still had his special smile just for her. But she couldn’t help wondering where he’d been for the past couple of weeks. Didn’t he care about her?

  “They weren’t as good as usual,” Joshua said as he again wiped his mouth with a napkin. “But I guess we all have our off days.”

  “That’s for certain,” Lydia muttered. She lifted her plastic cup and sipped the freshly mixed meadow tea, which her mother always picked up at the Amish bulk food store. The spearmint flavor was refreshing after hanging out the laundry.

  Joshua seemed concerned. “How are you, Lydia? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

  I’ve been working nonstop, have gotten almost no sleep because I’m worried my sister might die, and have been wondering why you haven’t come near me in several weeks. Other than that, I’m fine. Instead Lydia said, “I’ve been busy taking care of the family.” She gripped her cup. “I don’t seem to get out much, but I’m thankful that people are helping me. Your mamm was a big help with the laundry. I appreciate the time she spent here today.”

  “How’s Ruthie?” he asked.

  “I guess she’s okay. I don’t really know.” Lydia placed the cup on the little table in front of her so she wouldn’t crush it in frustration. “My mamm left a message last night and said things are okay. I’m not really sure what that means. Ruthie didn’t seem okay on Saturday, but I don’t think my mamm wants to worry me more than she has to.”

  “We missed you last night,” Nancy said. “You’ve missed the last two youth gatherings.”

  “I know,” Lydia said quietly. “I heard it was at Lizzie Anne King’s house last night.”

  “That reminds me.” Nancy looked at Amanda. “Did you see Mahlon Sunday night? He and his group took off alone again. I am starting to wonder if they are doing drugs. Lizzie Anne said she smelled something funny behind the barn when she went out there to look for her cat.”

  “Mahlon’s at it again, ya?” Joshua shook his head, and his eyes focused on Lydia. “I guess they never learn that drinking and drugs are bad and will get them in a lot of trouble.”

  Lydia’s teeth gnawed on her lower lip as she studied Joshua’s face. Had Joshua witnessed the attention Mahlon had bestowed upon her after church on Sunday? If so, did he suspect that Lydia and Mahlon were more than acquaintances? She swallowed a gasp.

  Or is it worse than just a suspicion? Does Joshua know? Did Mahlon tell him I drank with them one night?

  The questions echoed through her mind while Nancy and Joshua continued to analyze Mahlon and his reasons for going wild.

  “I don’t understand why his friends go along with it,” Nancy said while eating another potato chip. “You would think they would know better.”

  “I think it’s because Mahlon can be so … Oh, what’s the word?” Amanda pushed the ribbons from her prayer covering over her shoulder. “You know what I mean. He can be mesmerizing with his blue eyes and sly smile.”

  “Mesmerizing?” Joshua snorted and rolled his eyes. “Please.”

  “Actually, Amanda is right,” Nancy said. “Mahlon has a way about him. The girls really are taken by him if they don’t know any better. He intrigues them because he knows just what to say. And he can be persuasive with just a mere look.”

  Joshua shook his head. “They must be naïve, because I see him for what he is—a sneak. He can’t be trusted. He broke my confidence too many times before I just stopped talking to him altogether.” He looked at Lydia. “What do you think, Lydia? Is Mahlon mesmerizing and intriguing? Can he persuade you with just a smile?”

  “I don’t know.” Lydia shrugged and her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I don’t think so.”

  Joshua shook his head. “He’s playing with fire. When he gets caught, his father will give him the worst whippin’ of his life. His father is strict, stricter than most from what I’ve seen and heard.”

  “Where is the youth gathering going to be this week?” Nancy asked after finishing the last chip on her plate.

  “I don’t know,” Amanda said. “Do you know, Lydia? Has anyone told you?”

  Lydia shook her head. How could she possibly know? She’d missed the last two because she had to care for the children. She was certain she wouldn’t be able to attend the next one either. For all she knew, she’d miss them the rest of the year and Joshua would choose another girl to court. The thought caused her stomach to sour.

  Her cousins didn’t realize how difficult life was for her now. In fact, they sounded like spoiled brats discussing the upcoming youth events. Didn’t they realize they were hurting her feelings?

  She needed to excuse herself from the conversation before she said something she would regret later.

  Lydia stood and gathered up her and Amanda’s plates. “I’ll take in our plates and grab some dessert for us. I saw that Aenti Kathryn brought some treats from the bakery.” She turned to Nancy and Joshua. “Can I take your plates too?”

  “Danki,” Nancy said as she handed over her empty plate. “That was delicious.”

  Joshua shook his head. “Danki, but I’m still working on mine.”

  “I’ll walk with you,” Amanda offered as she stood. “I’ll get a plate full of desserts to share too.”

  Lydia wished Amanda would stay behind and continue talking to Joshua and Nancy. She didn’t want to be pressured to share her feelings right now.

  The children raced out the door and headed to the field. Once they were gone, Lydia and Amanda stepped into the kitchen, where her aunts were cleaning up. Lydia dropped the dirty plates into the trash and then snatched a new one from the pile. She moved to the table and loaded up the plate with cookies, whoopie pies, and small pieces of cake.

  “Was iss letz?” Amanda whispered while filling another plate. “You’ve been awfully quiet.”

  “Nothing is wrong,” Lydia said, keeping her focus on the plate of goodies. “I’m just very tired. I haven’t been sleeping much because of all my worry.”

  “You seemed very uncomfortable outside,” Amanda pressed on. “It was like you didn’t want to talk to us. Are you angry with me because I said you should sit with Joshua? I really didn’t mean anything by it. You know I like to tease you about him.”

  Lydia sighed and met Amanda’s concerned gaze. “Did you ever consider that maybe I feel left out?” She turned toward the sink and saw that her aunts and Anna were talking while working. They seemed completely oblivious to Lydia and Amanda’s discussion.

  “Left out?” Amanda’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. We were all talking to you. Even Josh asked how you were and how Ruthie’s doing. How could you feel left out?”

  “You just don’t get it, do you, Amanda?”

  “Get what?” Amanda frowned. “You’re not making sense.”

  “I am making sense,” Lydia said. “You, Nancy, and Joshua can go out and be with our friends while I’m stuck here taking care of Irma and Titus. I’ve missed two youth events, and I would imagine I’ll miss a lot more. Perhaps it hurts my feelings when you talk about it so much.”

  “Oh.” Amanda’s eyes filled with hurt. “I’m sorry.”

  “Forget it.” Lydia waved off the comment, headed out to the porch, and sank onto the swing.

  “Is that for all of us to share?” Joshua asked, examining the plate on Lydia’s lap.

  “Ya.” She held it out. “Help yourself.”

  Amanda stepped onto the porch and scowled as she sat beside Lydia. Seeing the hurt on Amanda’s face caused Lydia to regret her harsh words. How could she treat her best friend that way?

  “I always love the treats from the bakery,” Joshua said as he grabbed some chocolate peanut butter cookies. “I wish my mamm would work there so she could bring home treats every day.”

  Nancy chuckled. “Have you told your mamm that?”

  “Ya.” He chewed a
cookie. “I told her once, and she laughed. I told her I wasn’t joking and she laughed even harder.”

  Nancy snickered and took a whoopie pie from Lydia’s plate. When her eyes met Amanda’s, she thought Amanda looked strange. “Are you okay, Amanda? You look upset.”

  “I’m fine,” Amanda said, giving Lydia a sideways glance. “Everything is just fine.”

  Lydia stared down at her plate and was thankful when Nancy started a discussion on the weather and the upcoming summer. Joshua chimed in, discussing how nice his mother’s garden looked.

  Lydia sensed a tense air emanating from Amanda while Nancy and Joshua talked. She knew she needed to apologize, but she somehow felt justified for her ugly words. Why didn’t her cousins realize how she was feeling? Didn’t they know how much she wanted life to be normal again?

  The kitchen door creaked open and then slammed with a loud bang as Amanda’s mother came out to the porch. “I think it’s time to head home,” Kathryn announced. “Your dat wants to feed the animals and get ready for bed.” She looked at Nancy. “Your mamm is packing up soon. Your dat is also ready to go.”

  Lydia stood and hugged her aunt. “Danki for everything. It was wunderbaar gut.”

  “Gern gschehne,” Kathryn said, touching Lydia’s prayer covering. “You know I’ll do anything I can for you while your mamm’s gone. Don’t hesitate to ask.”

  Nancy’s father stomped down the porch stairs and yelled to his children to pile into the buggy.

  Nancy jumped up from her seat. “That’s the signal to go.” She gathered up Lydia and Amanda’s empty plates. “I’ll take these in and throw them away for you.” She disappeared into the kitchen and emerged a few moments later followed by Joshua’s parents and Lydia’s father.

  After saying good-bye, Nancy joined her family at the buggy. Lydia waved as they loaded up and started down the driveway toward the main road.

  Joshua stood and stretched. “This was fun. I guess it’s back to reality now. Tomorrow is another work day.”

  “That’s right,” Amanda said, standing. “I better get to the buggy before my dat starts yelling for me.” She turned to Joshua. “It was gut to see you. Have a nice week.” Then she spoke to Lydia with some hesitation. “Gut nacht, Lydia.”

  “Amanda —” Lydia began.

  “What?” Amanda’s expression was hopeful.

  “Danki for dinner,” Lydia said. The words were rushed, and there was so much more she wanted to say. An apology or the right words to smooth things over between them, however, didn’t come to her.

  Amanda bristled. “Gern gschehne.” Her tone was flat and void of true emotion.

  Before Lydia could respond, Amanda was down the steps and climbing into her buggy.

  Lydia was left on the porch with Joshua, wondering what she could possibly do to mend the rift she’d just created between her and her best friend.

  “Is everything okay?” Joshua asked. “You were quiet tonight.”

  “I’m fine,” Lydia said, even though she knew lying is a sin. “It’s just been a long day.”

  “How’s Ruthie, really?” he asked again.

  “The doctors say the chemo is helping her, but she looks very sick,” Lydia said. “She was very weak on Saturday.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” He touched her shoulder. “I hope she’s better and home soon.”

  “Danki,” Lydia said. “I really want my family back and I want life to be normal again.”

  “I know you do,” he said. “I hope the rest of the week goes well for you. Maybe I’ll see you.”

  Her heart swelled with hope. Would he come and visit regularly?

  “Joshua,” his father called. “It’s time to head home. We need to feed the animals.”

  “Gut nacht, Lydia,” he said. “See you soon.”

  “Gut nacht,” she said before waving to his parents and brother.

  While the Glick family started across the pasture, Lydia’s father climbed the porch steps. “What a nice surprise tonight, ya?” he asked.

  “Ya, it was. I was very surprised too.”

  He wound his arm around her shoulder and led her to the door. “The Lord has blessed us with a very caring community.”

  She looked up and her heart turned over when she saw him give a true, genuine smile. “Ya,” she whispered. “He has.”

  11

  Wednesday afternoon, Lydia picked up the last of the primers and set them back on the shelf. Rain beat on the roof in the loud cadence of a thousand drums while thunder rumbled in the distance.

  “I can’t believe how much the kinner misbehaved today,” Barbie said while packing up her bag. “I haven’t seen them that out of hand in a long time.”

  Lydia grabbed the broom from the corner. “I guess it’s truly spring fever.” She moved the broom over the floor, and the whoosh of the bristles was barely audible above the rain.

  Barbie frowned. “I am going to have to speak to Jacob Ebersol’s father. He was out of control again today, and that’s three days in a row. I can’t tolerate that behavior.”

  “I understand.” He seems to be following in the footsteps of his older brother, Mahlon. Lydia waved toward the door. “You should go ahead home. I’ll finish cleaning up.”

  Barbie raised an eyebrow. “Are you certain? It’s raining pretty hard. We should probably both head out before the roads start to flood. It will be a muddy mess when you walk home.”

  “I have an umbrella,” Lydia said. “I won’t melt in the rain. Go ahead and go, Barbie. I’ll be fine.”

  “Fine, fine.” Barbie pulled her sweater on over her blue frock. She gestured toward a nearby bucket into which water steadily dripped. “Remind me to tell the school board we need a new roof.”

  “I will,” Lydia said. “The sooner they know, the sooner they can put it in the budget. Maybe they can even get it repaired in the first part of summer.”

  “I hope so,” Barbie said, buttoning her sweater. “It’s going to be raining inside if it gets much worse. Well, I better get out there and start my walk home. Be careful. I’ll see you Monday.”

  “You be careful in the rain too,” Lydia said while pushing the broom toward the front of the room. “Geb acht uff dich.”

  “You too.” Barbie pushed the door open, and the rain sprayed into the schoolhouse. “Ach,” she said. “It’s going to be a wet walk home!”

  Lydia grimaced. “I hope it slows down some.”

  “I’m going to make a run for it,” Barbie called. “Good-bye!” She disappeared out into the weather, slamming the door behind her.

  Lydia continued to sweep. The rain beating above her seemed to represent her emotions. Aside from her frustrations with the children, she’d also been in a wretched mood after seeing her father break down in tears last night while talking with Titus about Ruthie. In her whole life, Lydia had never seen her father cry. The scene, which she’d witnessed in secret from the hallway outside of Titus’s room, was just too much for Lydia to bear.

  A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance, and Lydia decided she needed to get home before the storm worsened. She stowed the broom and snuffed out the lanterns. After pulling on her sweater, she fished out her keys and umbrella from her tote bag and then hefted the bag onto her shoulder. She stepped out into the blowing rain and locked the schoolhouse door as the wind blew her skirt around her legs.

  Lydia opened the umbrella and tried to hold it straight despite the angry wind. She lost her footing and began to slip down the steps, but she righted herself before falling down.

  Biting her lower lip, Lydia started down the rock path toward the road. The cool raindrops sprayed her tights and the puddles soaked her black sneakers. She moved slowly down the road, gripping the umbrella with two hands while balancing the tote bag on her shoulder. The rain pounded the umbrella while the wind battled to blow it out of her hands. With the rumbling thunder growing louder above her, she pushed on through the storm, dodging muddy puddles as she headed down the road towar
d her home.

  Lydia was nearly a block from her driveway when a gust of wind turned her umbrella inside out and knocked her backward. She tried to right herself, but instead, she tripped over a rock, stumbled back, and landed on her backside in a cold, muddy puddle. Her tote bag blew off her shoulder and splashed into the puddle beside her.

  With tears filling her eyes, Lydia stood and stared down at the bag and her books floating in the mud.

  Can this day possibly get any worse?

  She heard the loud rumble of a car beside her, but Lydia kept her focus on collecting her wet and muddy papers and books that had escaped the protection of her tote bag. She heard a car door slam and she inwardly groaned, hoping no one had stopped to gawk at her.

  “Can I give you a hand?” a voice asked.

  Turning around, Lydia found Tristan giving her a concerned look. “Tristan,” she said. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was just passing by and I saw you.” He picked up the rest of her books and motioned toward the car. “How about we continue this conversation in the warm, dry car?”

  A flash of lightning lit up the sky before a loud crack of thunder sounded above her. Lydia jumped with a start.

  “Come on,” Tristan said, taking her arm and tugging her gently toward the waiting vehicle. “Before you get pneumonia or hit by lightning.”

  She climbed into the front seat of the two-door vehicle. Although she didn’t know anything about cars, she guessed it was an older model due to the fading of the seat covers and dashboard. The engine boomed over the noisy racket of music blaring through the speakers.

  Shivering from the cold, Lydia settled into the seat and smoothed her soaked dress over her legs.

  Tristan climbed in next to her and turned off the radio. Glancing over, he frowned. “You’re freezing.”

  “No,” she said, her voice trembling along with her legs. “I’m fine.”

  He shook his head. “You’re a terrible liar.” He hit a few buttons on the dashboard and heat blasted at her through the vents. “How’s that?”

  “Much better.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m thankful that you came along when you did.”