The Purple Heart

by Christie Gucker

  “Well, I’ll have to trust your judgment on this. But I … we want to meet him.”

  “How about Friday night? I mean, he’s living here, so it’s not like he’ll be crashing our girls’ night.”

  “Deal. We’ll bring enough pizza for four. Is he good with pizza? Does he like it?” He could hear her and shook his head in agreement.

  “He loves pizza. Sounds like the perfect plan. Talk to you later, then?”

  “Bye, Sweets.

  “Night, Love.”

  I checked my voicemail and there were no messages at all from Cheryl or anyone. I could only guess it was some sort of outage with the phone company again. I was sure they would come through later and I would delete them without listening, as promised.

  Chapter Eight: Aiden

  “Everything okay, Syd?” Aiden said, as he played with a strand of my hair.

  “Everything’s fine. It’s just my best friend, Cheryl. She’s worried about our relationship moving too fast. She doesn’t agree with your living with me, being that we just met. She thinks I’m crazy.”

  “Doesn’t she believe in love at first sight?” I could tell immediately he regretted his choice of wording.

  “Are we talking love here?” I couldn’t wait to hear his response. He seemed to fidget slightly in his seat.

  “I didn’t mean to imply anything by that. It’s just an expression.”

  “Oh.” I averted my eyes from his, as I had been hoping for a different answer.

  “You do believe in love at first sight, don’t you? I certainly do,” he proclaimed, his thumb on my chin, lifting my face so he could look directly into my eyes.

  I felt butterflies in my stomach as my face blushed. “I didn’t until I met you.” I looked up at him from under my eyelashes to gauge his reaction to my words. One side of his mouth turned up in a sexy smirk. I was amazed at how every small facial expression or way he said something made me want to jump his bones. I found him irresistible.

  “You have no idea how much that means to me, to hear you say that.” I could almost feel the irises of my eyes dilate as I stared at his handsome face, and actually heard him confirm we were experiencing the same thing.

  “Cheryl believes in love at first sight, but I don’t think she understands what’s happening between us. I think she’s afraid you’re some sort of stalker or secret murderer. She knows nothing about you.”

  “That’s absurd. I can assure you, I’m none of those things.”

  “You know, I really don’t know much about you. I’ve told you all about my family, friends and past, but you haven’t mentioned anything at all. I brought it up at lunch, but you never answered.”

  “Oh, but I did. I remember saying it didn’t matter anymore. My past is nothing but a shadow of who I used to be.”

  “Well, I’d really like to know everything about you. I want to know what your parents were like; if you have siblings. I want to know if you played sports in high school or maybe you were in marching band. Did you have a happy childhood? Were you an adorable little boy? Was your dad in the military and you’re following in his footsteps? I want to know what your favorite color is. What’s your favorite food?”

  “So you want the whole bio? Slow down,” he said with a chuckle. “Well, I can definitely say I was not in the marching band. My favorite color is blue. I like Thai food the best, but I’m a guy, so anything edible works for me.”

  “Well, at least I got something out of you.”

  “Sydney, why does it matter so much to you? Can’t I just forget my past and start a new life with you? Really, all of those things, none of them matter to me; not where I came from, not who my family is. I just want to be with you.” My heart quickly became a puddle in my chest. I wanted to give this man everything. I always believed that when love knocked at your door, you put your own feelings aside to give it anything the heart desired. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to make Aiden happy, even if it included returning him to his family and possibly losing him.

  “Don’t you miss them? Don’t you want them to know you’re alive and safe? At least let them know where you are?”

  “No, Sydney. No one needs to know where I am but you and me. Why are you asking me all these questions? Did your friend put doubts in your head about me?” He looked very upset, and even his voice had a quality of sadness. Or was it panic?

  “Actually, yes, but just a smidgen. When I’m with you I don’t care, because all I feel is what’s between us. And believe me, it’s so strong and deep. And I’m being a little bit selfish there too, because I want you all to myself. And right now, I have that. However, I’ve asked you things about who you are, and I get no response at all, or you just tell me it doesn’t matter. We did just meet. Getting to know each other is part of the whole experience. It’s part of the fun of a new relationship. It’s not fair that it’s so one-sided.”

  “Because it doesn’t matter. Trust me, it really doesn’t. All that matters is right here, right now.”

  “You keep saying that, Aiden, but I’m not buying why. I’m starting to think you’re hiding something.”

  His face grimaced as though he was in pain, and his skin tone turned a slight hue of gray.

  “Why can’t you just trust me? Please,” he begged.

  “Because I don’t know you, Aiden. I mean, I do trust you or you wouldn’t be here alone in my house with me. Honestly, I just need these questions answered for work.”

  “Please, don’t insult my intelligence. Work has nothing to do with this right now. Everything was fine until your friend starting making you over think everything.”

  “Maybe when she meets you on Friday, she’ll change her mind. And maybe, if you tell me some things other than benign facts, I’d feel more comfortable, too.”

  “I’d rather wait until you have faith in my existence with you, and then meet her. I’m not sure I make the best impression.”

  “What is that supposed to mean? You don’t want to meet my friends? You also don’t want to introduce me to anyone who knows you. Are you embarrassed of me?”

  “It’s nothing like that,” he said sternly.

  What was happening? Our wonderful day was quickly being ruined by this entire conversation. My emotions were all over the place. Getting some space between us, and fast, seemed to be the best course of action.

  “I’m going to my room. I want some time alone to think. I’m pretty sure you need to do the same thing.”

  “Sydney, please don’t go. I can’t exist without you. You mean everything to me. I’m sorry.” His pleas were desperate.

  I didn’t understand why he was acting as if this were the end of the world. I just thought we needed a break for a little while to cool down. I didn’t really want to leave him, but I needed to reset myself for his sake. An emotional Sydney is not the best person to have a serious conversation with. I was all about emotions first and logic second. It was an occupational hazard. Let your emotions free; don’t bottle them up. At this point, though, I certainly didn’t want to blurt something out that would hurt him anymore than I probably already had. I wanted everything to go back to the light-hearted fun we’d been having.

  “I’m just going to my room for a little while. You can help yourself to dinner. It’s still in the kitchen. I’m not really hungry right now.” I was sure my voice held no secrets to the fact I was pretty upset at the moment. I didn’t want to be.

  I walked up the stairs, and noticed he was following me with his head hung down like a child being sent to bed without supper. I was about to spin around to yell at him, but he walked past me, moving right to his room. It was almost eerie, as though I wasn’t even there and he was only a shadow of himself. I wanted to take back everything I had said to him downstairs that made him think I doubted him. I wanted to pull him onto my bedroom and make love to him all night. My guilt was taking over my emotions, so I knew what I had to do was let him think about opening up to me. I entered my room, and listened for his door
to shut.

  I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to cry or break something. I was furious with him for not letting me in. I was furious with Cheryl for putting all these stupid thoughts in my head in the first place. I also didn’t want to lose him. I felt the wedge that existed between us right now. It was ripping into my entire being, draining everything I had. My whole reaction to this was kind of freaking me out. It felt so real and serious. Maybe I was PMSing or something. I threw myself on my bed and felt my tears start. Within seconds I heard a soft knocking on my door.

  “Sydney? Are you crying? Please don’t cry. I don’t mean to cause you any pain. I can’t know that I’m the cause for your tears. It’s ripping my soul apart.”

  I ran to the door, flung it open, and fell into his arms. I desperately tried to stifle my weeping; allowing only muffled whimpers to break through. He pulled me close, holding my head against his chest, right over his heart.

  “Baby, everything is going to be all right. Please just let things happen on their own. I’m not hiding my past from you. Everything will come to light in time, and you’ll understand why who I was just doesn’t matter to me anymore. I feel like I came back to be with you, to have something better than I had before. You’re giving me that. Please don’t take it away. Please don’t turn away from me.”

  “I’m not turning away from you. I just don’t want there to be any secrets. It’s not the way to start a healthy relationship.”

  “I promise, that in time, you’ll know everything there is to possibly know about me. Anything your little heart desires, you’ll know. But not yet. I have to work through some things out in my own head first. You should understand; you’re my case manager. Isn’t this normal?”

  “There is no normal for soldiers returning. Every case is different. I’m sorry. I should’ve considered that as an option. You’re not ready, are you?” I was approaching epic fail status as his case manager. I wasn’t thinking straight, not for any aspect of my life. What was wrong with me? I really felt terrible.

  “No, not yet. I promise you. I won’t break that, not to you. Is that okay? “

  “I’m a complete idiot.” I wasn’t really thrilled with his answer, but he was right. I was completely neglecting the fact that he had almost died. That alone had to have a huge impact on how he felt about life and not what existed before he met me. I was almost ashamed of myself.

  “No, you’re not, not at all. You’re entitled to want to know who’s living with you. Let’s not let it ruin our entire day. It’s been wonderful and I just want it to continue. Please don’t feel badly. “

  “I’ll try?” I squeaked out. It wasn’t convincing at all.

  “How about a little smile for me? I’ll wrestle you if you don’t.” He looked like he was going to pounce on me, so I gave him an all-teeth-grin, which probably made me look like I was in pain.

  “I’ll take it. But I still might have at you for some fun,” he said.

  We headed downstairs, hand in hand. Dinner was not as lively as our day in the park had been. We were mostly quiet, occasionally sharing a smile with each other over forkfuls of food. I wasn’t sure if he was afraid to say anything so as not to start another fight. Maybe it was only because we were watching a movie during dinner. I would look up at him, only to always find him watching me, as though if he took his eyes off me, I might disappear.

  Aiden fell asleep somewhere around ten, halfway through the movie. I couldn’t keep myself from watching him this time. I had to keep checking to make sure he was really here with me. Maybe I was afraid if I took my eyes off him, he’d disappear. He was just so peaceful. I cleaned up dinner, and then woke him.

  “Hey, sleepyhead, why don’t you head on up? I’m going to finish watching the movie. You can stay here with me, if you want.”

  “Oh, did I fall asleep? It’s so easy to rest when you’re next to me. You’re so comfortable and warm. Plus, I don’t have any nightmares when you’re beside me. I think I’ll go on up. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Wake me if you get up before me so I can make coffee and breakfast.”

  “I will.” He kissed me gently on the top of my head and ran his hand down my cheek. I watched his sexy ass walk up the stairs. God, this man was really just too hot. I thought about following him, but then thought better about it. I didn’t want our relationship based on only desire, especially after we had our first disagreement today.

  After the movie was over, I shut everything down and moved upstairs to bed. I threw on a cami and a pair of boy short panties, and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I could hear small whimpers coming from Aiden’s room. I checked the door, and it was unlocked, so I went in.

  He was lying in bed, tossing and turning, making small noises that I could tell were not pleasant ones. He seemed extremely distressed. I crawled into bed to spoon him. I couldn’t help myself. As soon as I was next to him, I heard him let out a long, soft sigh, and he was back to restful sleep. Sleeping next to him made me feel safe and comfortable, too. Everything about him made me feel that way. I hadn’t realized how nervous I had been all this time living here alone. I also needed to be close to him. The fights we had during today had drained me emotionally. Not sleeping beside him was quickly becoming something I could not live without.

  * * *

  When light filtered into the room in the morning, I felt his fingers run down my arm. I stirred slightly, but he was so warm and cozy that I didn’t want to move. I gave him a slight smile, and then drifted back into semi-consciousness. His fingertips soon transformed into his lips, and he was running them up and down my arm. I could feel goose bumps starting to rise, along with a sweet ache forming between my legs. I turned toward him and started to kiss his chest and neck.

  He responded quickly by flipping me onto my back, and then rolling on top of me. Soon our lips were locked in a passionate kiss. Our hands began to wander everywhere. I was becoming increasingly hot for him, every touch, and every kiss overflowing with extreme desire for this man. His breath became ragged and his eyes were heavy with lust.

  “Sydney, I can barely hold back. We need to stop or this is going to get to a point where I won’t be able to. I want you so badly. You have no idea.”

  “Yes, I do. Right there with you.” Yet I continued to paw, nibble, and kiss.

  He took my hands, brought them above my head, held them there and stared deeply into my eyes.

  “I want you, Sydney, more than you can even imagine. But I want all of you, your body, your heart, and your soul. Do you understand?”

  His eyes bored into me. I felt like he was melting into me, as though we were connecting on some strange cellular level. My hips involuntarily started to grind into his. My body started to hum and tingle all over. His body responded in kind, and soon we were going through all the tender motions of making love but still in our clothing.

  I was aching for him so badly, but he continued to hold my arms captive above my head. I wanted to run my hands over every inch of him. It was almost torturous to be held back. As if he could read my thoughts, a deep groan escaped his lips and he relinquished his grip on them. Aiden hovered above me, running his eyes over my body and face.

  “You’re so beautiful, Sydney. I need to feel you against me. Please.” I nodded, and he was back on top of me. The feel of him was too much. I couldn’t take it. Apparently he couldn’t, either. Our tenderness turned toward intense passion. It was only a matter of time before I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from jumping out of my clothes and then aggressively jumping him.

  “Sydney, we have to stop. I’m not ready for this to happen.”

  Was he kidding me? He wanted to stop now? I wanted to keep going. In fact, I was ready to go all the way. He kissed me gently and started to move away from me.

  “No, don’t go, not yet. Hold me like this for a while, please. Don’t ever let me go.”

  He gave me a sultry smile and pressed his body back against mine. I wished we were completely undressed
, so I could have every inch of my skin touching his, but I knew that would be the end of slowing things down. I made no requests of him. He rubbed his body over mine, the feel of it sending shivers throughout me. I hugged him so tightly, hoping to pull his soul inside. The hum I always felt when we touched seemed to softly vibrate my entire being. I was getting too aroused again, so I began to take deep breaths to slow myself.

  “You’re not going to hyperventilate, are you?”

  “No, silly. I’m just trying to calm myself down. Tell me you’re not having the same problem?”

  “Oh, I’m definitely having a similar experience to yours. I’m sorry I’m holding us back. I just want this to happen at the right time.”

  “This isn’t the right time?”

  “Not yet. But I’m hoping it will be soon.”

  “Well, that’s very cryptic of you.”

  “Good things come to those that wait. It won’t be long, I can tell you that, based on how hard it is to stop today.”

  “I’m all yours, just say the word.” I didn’t care anymore. Being like this with him, everything was pure bliss. All the issues from yesterday seemed to have melted away at his touch.

  Chapter Nine: Cheryl

  I needed to head into the office, at least for a little while, to check my desk. It had been a few days, and although I had logged into my email, I wanted to make sure there were no new cases sitting in my bin. I was having small panic attacks and doubting that I had actually read the note that had been left on my desk correctly, second-guessing not having to be at work. The government was notorious for saying one thing, but doing something completely different. It was all about the red tape.

  I hated the thought of leaving Aiden. He withdrew when I told him my plan. He seemed to exhibit slight depression, and was obviously having a bit of separation anxiety. This was why I had never gotten a cat. I felt so guilty, and honestly, I didn’t want to leave him, either. He clung to me like it was the last time we would see each other. I assured him I wouldn’t be gone long, and kissed him deeply so he would know I meant it. He watched out the window as I drove away.