The Purple Heart

by Christie Gucker

  I didn’t even remember driving to work, it seemed automated. I tried to recall if I had run any red lights on the way here as I had been lost in my thoughts about Aiden. I parked in my regular spot, and continued over to security to sign in.

  “Good morning, Ma’am. ID please,” a young, pleasant-looking officer addressed me.

  “Here you go. Where’s Harry? Did he finally take that dream vacation he was always talking about?”

  “I’m sorry to tell you this, Ms. Porter, but Harry passed away.” My heart sank in my chest. I tried to maintain my composure.

  “Oh my God! When? What happened? I just spoke to him the other day.” I was truly heartbroken.

  “Two days ago, Ma’am. I’m not sure of the exact circumstances. Sorry for your loss.”

  I took my ID and shook my head in disbelief. He was one of the healthiest people I knew. He must have died the last day I had seen him. I would have to find out from Cheryl about his funeral arrangements. I was surprised she hadn’t mentioned it to me on the phone. She knew that I had a sweet spot in my heart for him.

  I did a quick drive-by my office, only to find a film of dust waiting for me. I guess I really had nothing to worry about. I turned direction and veered straight down to see Cheryl.

  She was sitting at her desk with her back to me, so I decided a sneak attack was in order. I tiptoed up behind her and right as I was about to put my hands over her eyes, she swung her chair around to face me.

  “Well, hello there, Lazarus. Came to join the living at work today?” she mused sarcastically.

  “Ha. Ha. Very funny, but I think you meant the Prodigal Son.”

  “Whatever. What forces have allowed you to grace our presence this fine day?” I could already see her sarcasm was here to stay.

  “I was nervous. I’m not used to working from home. I needed to come in and check my desk to calm my fears.”

  “Oh, I hear ya there.”

  “So, how come you didn’t tell me about Harry?” I was actually quite upset that she hadn’t even considered calling me with the news. She knew how much I enjoyed seeing him every morning. We even had an ongoing joke about my running away with him someday.

  “I’m sorry, honey. It completely slipped my mind. Occupational hazard, you know?”

  “Okay. It’s just, I hope I didn’t miss his funeral.” For me, the funeral was all about saying goodbye. They’re the best way to bring closure. Something about crying at a wake with the family and friends, then going to the cemetery, it just brought it all home for me. Every time I missed a funeral, it just felt open-ended, like I was waiting for something, just not sure what.

  “There’s a message on the board about it. You can check it out before you leave. Can you stay for lunch? I’m meeting Gina at the diner. I know she’d love to see you.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Aiden looked pretty upset that I left today. I should really get back to him.”

  “Sydney, what’s going on? Did this guy take over your life? First you decide that you don’t have to come into the office anymore. Now you have no time to spend with your friends. What’s going to happen when his case is over and everything goes back to normal?”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean? There’s nothing going on. I just like being with him. And who says everything is going to go back to normal?”

  “So you don’t like being with anyone else? Life can’t just end because of Aiden, you know.”

  “It’s not. You’re being ridiculous.”

  “It’s just that I did a little research.”

  “I’m not liking this already, Cher. What did you do?”

  “Okay, I’ll tell you, but promise not to get mad. I looked at incoming and couldn’t find anyone with the name Aiden.”

  “Because he’s highly classified, Cheryl. I told you that. You need special clearance. Are we going to get into this again?” I shook my head and looked down at the floor.

  “Nope. I’m done. I can tell you don’t want to discuss this anymore and neither do I. I’ve said what I had to, and anyway, Gina told me to zip my lips. Well, at least when it comes to Aiden. Otherwise, she likes my lips all unzipped.”

  “Too much information, Cher.” I put my fingers in my ears and made a la la la noise. We were suddenly back at ease and giggling together. It was always that way for us. One simple joke and all tension went out the door.

  “Please, won’t you come to lunch with us? I have something else I want to talk to you about.”

  “Is it good news?” I really needed some right now.

  “I should let Gina tell you. She’ll kick my ass if I ruin her surprise.”

  “A surprise? Can’t you give me a little hint?” I held my fingers up and showed her how little her hint should be.

  “No!”

  “Fine. I’ll go call Aiden and let him know I’ll be running late. Does that satisfy you?”

  “Not as much as Gina does, but it sounds like a plan, babe. I’m really happy you’re coming. I feel like I never see you anymore. I don’t like it. I miss you too much. Meet you back down here in a little while?”

  I shook my head as I walked away. It had only been a few days since I had been with Aiden. She was acting like it had been months without seeing me.

  Chapter Ten: Aiden

  I headed back to my office for some privacy. I dialed my home number, hoping Aiden would pick up.

  “Hello, Sydney. Is everything okay? I didn’t expect to hear from you until you got back.”

  “Hey, babe. I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to answer my phone. I was hoping you would. Everything’s just fine. Well, actually, not completely fine.”

  “What’s wrong? What happened?” He sounded truly worried, on the verge of panic even.

  “I just found out a friend of mine died.” I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry. Was it unexpected?” His voice was filled with concern and compassion now.

  “I guess so. I don’t know. Harry was always so full of life, happy, and healthy. I mean, he was an older gentleman, but seemed to be in great shape for his age. It’s just so sad that he’s not in my life anymore.”

  “Death isn’t final, you know,” he said softly.

  “It sure feels final. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

  “Death is just another chapter in our existence, Sydney. I’m sure he knows you’re grieving for him. I like to think that the dead are just on another level of consciousness. They can still hear the thoughts of their loved ones or those around them, until they choose to shut them off and move on.”

  “That’s a comforting way of thinking about it. If I died and could still be with my loved ones, I’d never move on.” I thought about his words in regards to my parents. For a few months after they passed, I felt their presence all around me. They seemed to have moved on after I was settled in the house and felt resolution and closure about what had happened to them. I woke up one morning and never felt them around me again.

  He mumbled something under his breath. I hadn’t been completely focused on him and had missed it.

  “What did you say?” I questioned.

  “Oh nothing. So are you leaving soon to come home? I miss you. I miss every single breath you take.”

  “That’s so sweet. I miss you, too. I won’t be home right away. I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be running a bit behind. I’m going to catch lunch with Cheryl and Gina. I haven’t seen them for a few days.”

  “Are you sure that’s wise? We’re running out of time.”

  “Running out of time? I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that.” It took all my strength to keep Cheryl’s voice out of my head.

  “I meant for nice weather. Sorry I didn’t finish my thought there. Sometimes I just assume you’re in my head thinking the same things I am with me. It usually seems to be that way with us. I like that. Anyway, we’re supposedly getting a bad ice storm later this week. I thought we could go for a walk
in the woods together today before the weather turns. But if you’re going to run late, we won’t have enough light when you get back.”

  “Can we go tomorrow morning? I was actually thinking of asking you if you wanted to go jogging with me. I haven’t gone since you’ve been staying with me and I’m feeling it.”

  “I’m not sure it’s wise for me to go jogging just quite yet.”

  “Right, sorry. I forgot since you won’t talk to me about anything yet.”

  “Sydney, we talked about that last night. Please let’s not go through this all again.”

  “Fine, but at least you could give me important medical information, so I’m not asking you to do stupid things.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m healthy, I just hate jogging. It’s been awhile, as you can imagine. I just thought you might not question me and let me get away with using it as an excuse.” He chuckled.

  “Oh, I see your evil plan. So, you’re cool with me going to lunch?”

  “I really wish you wouldn’t. I’d feel more comfortable knowing you’re here with me. But if you have to, I guess I don’t have a choice. Do I?”

  “Why are you being like this?” I was thoroughly annoyed with both him and Cheryl right now and thought about ditching them both, and only going to lunch with Gina.

  “Like what?” he responded innocently.

  “Difficult. You’re all over the place lately.”

  “Are you having doubts? And are they your doubts or someone else’s?”

  “That’s not fair, Aiden. I’m not doubting you,” I reassured him.

  “I just know if you go, your friend is going to start making you question things again.”

  “Cheryl is my best friend and I’ve known her forever, a heck of a lot longer than I’ve known you. She just points out things I might be missing because I’m on cloud nine when it comes to us. Sometimes she just opens my eyes and helps me work things out in my head.”

  “Sometimes you need to make choices of your own accord.”

  “This isn’t about making choices. I choose you both.” It was the truth. I didn’t have to choose one over the other. I wanted them both in my life.

  “What if you can’t have both of us?”

  What the hell is happening here? I had no idea how this phone call had gone so terribly wrong. The quick frequency of our recent arguments was starting to wear on my mind.

  “Look, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll be home before you know it. Time will fly by.”

  “Yes. Time does pass before us very quickly and then it’s gone.”

  “Oh so serious. Stop, babe. It’s just lunch.” I almost told him I loved him, but managed to get control of my mouth for once. It just seemed like I was supposed to say it. It felt right.

  “All right, Syd, but remember, I’m here waiting for you.”

  “How could I forget? You’re always on my mind. What will you be wearing when I get home?” I flirted with him, hoping to rebalance our conversation to a happier one.

  “Maybe nothing but a smile. You’ll have to hurry to find out.”

  “Noted.”

  “I miss you, Sydney.”

  “That’s a good thing, Aiden. The feeling is very mutual. I’ll be in your arms before you know it. Bye.”

  Chapter Eleven: Cheryl

  Gina was waiting outside the diner for us, looking adorable as ever in her black dance pants, pink leggings, and an off-the-shoulder pink sweatshirt. She kissed Cheryl and gave me her winning smile as they walked arm in arm into the diner. I used to be jealous of the love they had, but now I had found my own. I thought about Aiden and realized how lucky I actually was. It was like he had just fallen out of heaven and answered all of my prayers.

  “So, tell me. What’s the good word, G?” I noticed she shot Cheryl a dirty look as soon as the words left my mouth.

  “I told her nothing. You said not to speak of it, so I didn’t. I know what’s dangerous to my health and sex life.”

  “Good girl. Okay, well, I kind of lied to you the other day, Sydney. We found a donor a little over a month and a half ago. We didn’t want to jinx it until we knew he was on board.”

  “Oh my God, I’m so excited for you. So when are you going to do the nasty with him?”

  “Really, Syd? You know that’s not how it’s done,” Cheryl was speaking with pure jealousy at that point. No other woman, and for that matter, no man, was ever going to touch Gina in any way.

  “I kid. I kid. Give me all the deets.” I held my hands up in submission.

  I watched as Cheryl took Gina’s hand in hers and they shared a loving glance. Again, instead of pangs of jealousy, I felt bliss.

  “It’s already done.”

  “What’s already done? You already got the okay from him?”

  “No, we’re pregnant. It’s really early and I shouldn’t be telling anyone yet, but you’re family.”

  I literally flew over the table and grabbed them both into a huge hug. I was overcome with complete happiness at the thought of a new life coming into this world, their world. Our world. It made the loss of Harry today seem not as somber. One life left this world as another was entering it. It seemed so simple.

  “Oh my God! I don’t even know what to say. Congratulations! This is so amazing.” All three of us had tears in our eyes.

  “I think she’s more excited than you were, Cher.”

  “That’s because I’m scared out of my mind. I deal with death all day. This is out of my domain.”

  “You’re going to be a great mom. A great dad? Which one are you again?” I giggled.

  “You’re very cute, Syd. Or should I say, Auntie Nini?”

  I was going to be an aunt. I was having a hard time comprehending it all. I thought about if Aiden and I had children. Wow, I was actually thinking about having a child with Aiden? I wanted everything with him, a fulfilling life with all the bells and whistles. Hearing this news drove that home. It put everything into perspective. This had to be the true meaning of life.

  They filled me in on all the details about the father and why they had chosen him. He resembled Cheryl in appearance, which was very important to them both, since the baby would actually be Gina’s flesh and blood. Gina told me how they could’ve passed for siblings.

  The man was extremely intelligent, having a degree from Harvard in biology, and worked in pharmaceutical research. But most importantly, he was willing to father the child and be only an observer in raising the baby. They wanted to give their child the opportunity to know him, should he or she ever so choose, and also allow the donor to see the child growing up without any worries of him trying to reclaim it.

  They said he was a very kind man, who was heavily involved in fundraising work for cancer patients, having lost his wife to breast cancer. They had never had any children of their own before she died, but had wanted them dearly. He had told them his wife would have been thrilled he was doing this wonderful thing for them. He knew he would never marry again, as she had been his soul mate and the only woman for him. They had bonded over that, and knew he was the right man for the job. He had even turned down any payment for his services. He had donated in honor of his wife’s memory.

  I heard about due dates and doctor’s appointments, and how they were going to decorate the nursery. They even invited me to the first sonogram.

  I loved every second of our conversation. When we finally parted ways, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell Aiden everything. Again, thoughts of having a child with him were mulling through my brain. The desire to make love to him was growing exponentially greater, but wanting to bear his children made it more intense. I guess my biological clock was ticking louder than I thought.

  Chapter Twelve: Aiden

  I rushed through the front door calling for him. I heard some movement upstairs, and literally flew up two steps at a time to get to him. I opened his door, but he wasn’t there. I peered around the corner to see if he was in the bathroom, but the light was off. A knot began to
form in my stomach. What if he had left? Could he possibly have taken my absence as an opportunity to leave without having to tell me why?

  “Hey, I’m glad you’re home.” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his soft voice behind me, where he had suddenly just materialized. I had no idea where he came from, he had just appeared. I heard no footsteps coming up the stairs. It was rather creepy how quietly he moved. I was sure he was a covert mission op—he moved like a ninja about my house. I wondered if he had come from my room. What would he have been doing there in the first place?

  “You startled me.”

  “I didn’t mean to. Let me make it better.” He pulled me to him and placed a long deep kiss on my lips. Shivers of pleasure shot through me. I wanted more, but he released me.

  “Yeah, that made it all better. I’d like some more, please.” Even I could hear how sultry my voice sounded with that one.

  “That can definitely be arranged.” Now his voice was dripping with sexual overtones, too.

  “Well, what’s stopping you?”

  His hands were on me before I knew what was happening. He swept me off my feet and pushed me quickly onto his bed. I couldn’t keep from running my hands all over his body. His moved slower over mine, like a blind man trying to see every detail with his fingertips. It was as if he was studying every curve. I ran my tongue slowly over his neck, stopping only to taste him with a nibble. His breath quickened and he let out a soft breath with each bite.

  It wasn’t but a moment before I could no longer hold back. I wrapped my legs around his waist so he couldn’t escape this time, and began to grind myself against him.

  “You’re going to be the death of me,” he mused.

  “I don’t want to kill you, Baby, my plan is to show you what heaven feels like.”

  “Sydney,” he growled as he crushed his mouth over mine. Our kisses became more frenzied.

  “Everywhere you touch me, every move you’re making, it’s driving me insane, Aiden. I’ve never felt anything like this before.”