In His Eyes

by Nicole Hart

  “Yeah?” She continued counting the cash, bobbing her head. I stood in silence, waiting for her to look up. She pulled her eyes away from the cash and toward mine as she shoved the money into a bank envelope.

  “Oh, hey! How are ya?” She gave me a smile and walked around the counter, but the longer she held her gaze on me, her welcoming look turned to a frown.

  “Are you okay?” She shook her head as her eyes focused on the bruise that my cheek wore.

  “I need your help,” I whispered, before looking over my shoulder; I was finally taking her up on the offer she had given me more than once.

  My lifestyle had forced me into a constant state of repetition, a certain schedule I kept, never deviating from my daily tasks. Aaron made sure he knew where I was at all times. Grocery shopping day was always on Mondays, which led to my interaction and friendship of sorts with Cameron. It started as small talk, until the first time she noticed the black eye I was wearing but had tried my hardest to cover with makeup. The words she spoke to me that cold winter morning had stuck with me, planted a seed that would soon take root.

  “You don’t have to live like this. There’s always a way out.”

  At the time, I brushed her comment away. But I heard it loud and clear. And a few months later, when the fingerprint bruises covered my neck, she repeated her advice and assured me that she would help me if she could.

  Which led me to my current situation.

  I needed help.

  I needed a way out.

  I needed her to mean what she said.

  “Absolutely.” Her head bobbed up and down, then she bit her lip, waiting to hear what else I had to say.

  “Is there somewhere we can go and talk?” I looked over my shoulder again, fear causing my body to tremble, pressing Gracie in her seat closer to my side.

  “Come on.” She waved her hand and led me into what I assumed was the employee break room, which was empty, luckily. It had vending machines and aprons on hooks, with an old white refrigerator in the corner.

  “You’re safe in here.” She gave me a sympathetic look, and I realized just how much I hated that. I didn’t want to be a victim. Not anymore.

  “I’m leaving him. I mean, I left him. He doesn’t know yet,” I began to ramble, and my cheek began to quiver.

  “Thank God,” she whispered, and pulled me into an unexpected hug. My body flinched and stiffened, not used to any type of affection.

  “Sorry.” She pulled away and gave me that look once more.

  “I’m sorry,” I mumbled and shook my head.

  “Don’t apologize. What can I do?” She glanced down and gave Gracie the same look that she had just given me.

  “I need a ride to the bus station.” My voice shook as the words left my lips, making this whole situation all the more real.

  “Of course. Give me two minutes to tell my boss.” She held up two fingers and then patted my back as she darted out of the small room, with the fluorescent lights buzzing above my head. I placed the car seat on the nearest table and looked at my daughter, who was sleeping soundly.

  Less than a minute later, Cameron reappeared with her keys in her hand.

  “I know this is an inconvenience. I’m sorry.” I tried to give her a small smile, but my emotions wouldn’t allow it.

  “Stop apologizing. I’m glad to help. I’m thankful you’re getting out of that situation. Neither of you deserve to live like that.”

  She knew so much without me ever admitting anything to her. And I knew in my heart that’s why Aaron kept me in seclusion. His abuse was obvious, and he knew that.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. She was an utter stranger who was going out of her way to help me. But she was all I had.

  “Do you have money?” She stared as I pulled Gracie’s car seat back into the crook of my arm.

  “I’ve been saving however I can.” I tried to ignore the fear of being broke and homeless; pushing it from my mind. I had a plan, and all I could do was hope it worked out. It had to. I had to take care of my daughter.

  “Do you still have your debit card?”

  “Yeah.” I knew I couldn’t use Aaron’s money along the way; he would track my every move and kill me. I had no doubt about that. My plan was to leave my debit card in the car.

  “Then you get out every penny you can right now.” Her voice was demanding, but I knew it was with good intentions.

  “You’re right.” I nodded, knowing I could use every penny I could get right now. Besides, the ATM at the grocery store wouldn’t give anything else away of my whereabouts since my car would be here anyway. I hoped my tracks would run cold at this location.

  “Let’s go.” Cameron placed her arm gently on my back and led me to the ATM machine next to the customer service desk. I pulled the card from my wallet and inserted it into the machine, withdrawing $500. The maximum the account would allow.

  I tried to slow my breathing, but it was a lost cause. My nerves were shot, and I was scared to death of getting caught by Aaron. A punch in the face would be nothing compared to what he would do to me if he got ahold of me now. I had to hurry.

  “Did you bring anything else?” she asked, biting her bottom lip as her eyes kept glancing to my bruised cheek.

  “A few things in my car,” I mumbled, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  “We’ll grab your belongings from your car and load them into mine, then we’ll go.” Her voice was full of confidence that I wished I possessed.

  “We have to hurry,” I pleaded, nodding my head, and moving my feet.

  “Yeah, we do.” She gave me a glance as we made our way outside, the bright sunshine blurring my vision.

  We had my things loaded into her backseat, along with Gracie, in record time and then hopped inside her Honda Accord, into her backseat in record time, pulling from the parking lot. I glanced in the mirror and saw my car fading into the distance.

  “I can’t believe I’m finally doing this.” I looked over my shoulder and watched my daughter still sleeping peacefully.

  “You’re doing the right thing,” she assured me as she kept glancing in her rearview mirror. I knew she was making sure we weren’t being followed.

  “I found a women’s shelter in Texas.” I blurted out my future and realized what a turn my life was about to take.

  “That’s a long way from Ohio.” She glanced over at me with a small smile, before turning her eyes back to the road.

  “The further the better, I think.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed.

  “There’s a bus leaving in less than half an hour.” I bit the inside of my cheek once the words left my mouth.

  “You’re prepared, that’s good.”

  I had used Toddler Time at the local library to do my research. I was too scared that Aaron would find out my search history to use the home computer. That’s how I found the shelter and the bus schedule.

  Unfortunately, that’s all I had so far. But it was enough for now.

  I didn’t have a car. Or much money. Or a phone. Or a home.

  But I finally had an escape route.

  And I had Gracie.

  And that was enough.

  23 hours and 50 minutes

  AS THE BUS came to a screeching halt at the Dallas station, an enormous sense of relief washed over me. I buckled Gracie in her car seat and she started to squirm, tiny grunts of frustration filling the air around us.

  “I know, I know. Mommy is tired of this bus too. It’s been a long trip. But we’re here, sweetie,” I cooed at my little dark-haired beauty, and tickled her chin. My voice seemed to calm her, and she gave me a smile.

  We’re here.

  I gathered our belongings and followed the crowd of people making their way down the narrow aisle.

  “Sorry,” I whispered, bumping an older gentleman in the shoulder with the car seat as I maneuvered my way toward the front of the bus.

  As I stepped out, the morning sun blasted me in the face. I’d read about
Texas summers in books before, but this was more than I could even imagine. The sun felt as if it would blister my northern skin in a matter of minutes. I scolded myself for not packing sunscreen for Gracie. Her fair complexion didn’t stand a chance in this heat. But luckily it was still early, and I had time to get to our destination, hoping we would be out of the heat before it got any worse.

  I waited as the bags were unloaded, finding what belonged to us and scooping everything I owned into my arms. I walked over to the ticket window, trying my best to keep everything steady, not wanting to make a mess or a spectacle by dropping everything.

  “Excuse me, sir. Do you have a phone I can use?” He peeked over his newspaper, his brows cocked upward, and I knew he wasn’t happy about the interruption.

  “Sorry,” I whispered. I couldn’t remember a time when I didn’t have a cell phone, and pay phones were a thing of the past these days. But I needed help. He nodded in the direction of a public land line sitting on a table a few feet away.

  “Thank you.” I turned away from him and made my way to the table with the phone and the sign that read “Local Calls Only.” I pulled a folded sheet of paper out of my pocket and dialed the cab company I knew wasn’t far from here. I also knew the price of a cab would be steep, but I didn’t have a choice.

  ***

  An hour later, the sweltering cab pulled up to my destination. Gracie had fallen asleep after her bottle on the way over and was sleeping once again.

  “Thank you.” I stared at the fee on the screen in front of me and wanted to cry. The money I spent months saving was dwindling quickly and I was getting scared of making this work. But the truth was, I didn’t have a choice anymore. I’d made my decision and there was absolutely no turning back.

  I handed the cash to the driver and he was courteous enough to help me with my baggage. It was the least he could do after he practically robbed me.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled as I stared at the small building in front of me.

  I never thought my life would turn to this.

  I’d grown up in a modest but nice home. My father worked hard to support his family. And when my mother got sick, he worked even harder, trying to keep everything together for mom and me. But when she succumbed to her illness, it was too much to bare. I lost him less than a year after she died.

  Losing both of my parents while I was in college was devastating. That’s when Aaron came into my life. I leaned on him and overlooked so much. He was a wolf wrapped in sheep’s clothing. He looked good on paper and to everyone who knew him on the outside. But behind closed doors, he was cold and mean. He was calculating and vicious. And it was too late. By then, I was stuck.

  But I made it out, and everything inside me hoped that this place could live up to its name, because it was exactly what we needed right now.

  SAFE HAVEN.

  “Mamamama,” Gracie’s mumbles began as I started to walk closer to the door. I sat her car seat on the ground close to the entrance and knelt beside her.

  “Hello there, sweet girl,” I gushed, and pressed my lips to her forehead. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.” I wasn’t sure which one of us I was trying to convince. The sound of the heavy door opening drew my attention away from her perfect little face and up to the woman standing over me.

  “Good morning. Can I help you?” I stood up and gave her a nod, taking in her features. She had salt and pepper hair that framed her face. Her nose was sprinkled with freckles and a makeup free face that had a glow.

  “Um, yes. Hello. My name is...” I’d rehearsed this speech all the way from Ohio and now I couldn’t get my words out. I was so disappointed in the life I’d allowed myself to get wrapped up in. I brought a daughter into a household that was dangerous. I married a man who took pleasure in using me as his own punching bag.

  “I’m sorry,” I whimpered as the tears began to slide down my hot cheeks. And I was even disappointed in myself for crying at this very moment. I needed to be strong and I couldn’t even do that right.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to gather my composure and pull myself together. I had to show this woman that I was here to get my life together. I didn’t like the fact that I had turned into a charity case, and now I looked pathetic on top of it.

  “It’s okay, dear. Here. Why don’t you come out of the heat?” She touched my back gently and ushered me inside, the cold air an instant relief.

  “Okay, thank you.” My voice cracked, and I let out a shaky breath, gripping Gracie’s car seat tightly to my side. I could hear the laughter of children faintly in the distance and I tried to allow that sound to comfort me.

  SAFE HAVEN.

  SAFE HAVEN.

  SAFE HAVEN.

  I tried to convince myself that I was over a thousand miles from Aaron. I used cash for our bus tickets there was no way he’d ever have a clue that I came to Texas. It was a world away, and I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn’t going to kick in the door any minute.

  “Just follow me. You’re safe here.” Her voice gave me just the ounce of comfort I needed to follow her into the small office just ahead.

  She closed the door behind us and took a seat as I unbuckled Gracie, wiping the sweat from the back of her head, taking a seat across from the woman’s desk.

  “My name is Molly. I’m one of the admins here.” She gave me a sweet smile and pulled a folder from a stack on her desk.

  “I’m Ryan. This is my daughter, Gracie.” I pulled her closer to me, feeling the need to protect her.

  “It’s very nice to meet you. Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No thank you,” I replied, trying to ignore how dry my throat was, but pulling out Gracie’s sippy cup of juice, and watching as she pressed it to her lips.

  “I know it wasn’t easy for you to come here.” Her voice oozed sweetness and soothed me, just a little. I couldn’t respond to her comment, she didn’t know the half of it. So, I just nodded in agreement.

  “You’re safe here.” She repeated the words she used earlier, and I allowed myself to take a breath.

  “I left my husband. He hit me. A lot. And I knew it was only a matter of time before he started to hurt her.” I nodded toward Gracie and the tears began to fall once more, but I continued anyway. “I couldn’t take that chance. I searched women’s shelters and found this one. We took a bus from Ohio. I just need help. Some place that will keep her safe, keep us safe.” I began to cry the tears that I’d been holding back for so long.

  “Can you help us?” I asked, hoping that she could. This was my only hope. I didn’t want to live on the streets with my daughter. I needed a chance.

  “You’ve come to the right place.” She stood and walked over to the mini refrigerator in the corner, pulled out a bottle of water, and placed it in front of me.

  “Sadly, there are many women in your situation. You’re not alone in this. But you did the right thing. You got out. I know you’re scared, but we’re here to help you. It’s what we do here.” Her words of assurance gave me a sense of peace I hadn’t felt in years.

  “Welcome to Safe Haven.” She smiled and reached down, giving me a gentle hug, and then rubbed her perfectly manicured hand over Gracie’s long locks.

  “Thank you.”

  I HEARD A light tap on the door of my new residence and immediately jumped. I had to slow my breathing before standing to my feet, the trembling in my body making it hard to stand. I looked over at Gracie who was covering her stuffed bunny with a blanket and trying to shove her pacifier in its mouth that was sewn shut.

  “Babababa,” she babbled, slapping her hands over the pink animal’s face with a smile.

  I took another look around my new small room, taking in my surroundings and immediately worried that it was Aaron on the other side of the door. I tried to find something to protect myself, but the room was bare other than a twin-size bed with a crib and small dresser. Then I came to my senses and realized it couldn’t be him. There’s no way he could
find me, at least not this soon. Not to mention, he would kick the door in. A light knock wouldn’t be part of any scenario that he was involved in.

  I finally stood and walked cautiously over to the door, peeking my head out before opening it any further. I saw a short woman with black hair pulled into a tight bun, but it was her eyes that caught my attention. The chocolate hue was warm and kind. She gave me a tiny smile but didn’t speak until I opened the door a little wider.

  “Hi there. I’m Cheryl. I’m a volunteer here at Safe Haven. Is it okay if I come in? We can leave the door open if you’d like. Or I can come back later. It’s completely up to you, Ryan.” Her mouth formed a sympathetic smile as she waited for my response.

  I hated that everything made me so fearful. The rational part of me knew that everyone wasn’t out to hurt me. But I couldn’t shake the worry. I’d been so isolated for so long, I didn’t know what it was like to have normal interactions with people, let alone relationships. I spent years worried about every word that came out of my mouth or looking over my shoulder, scared that I was going to get in trouble for making an unscheduled stop at Target. I didn’t know what it was like to live a life without constant caution and fear.

  “You can come in.” I opened the door just enough for her to walk through and then I closed the door behind her, letting out an unintentional sigh.

  “Thank you.” Her voice was just as kind as her eyes, and I tried to relax, just a little.

  I sat back down on the bed, where Gracie was now crawling into my lap, pressing her face against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close.

  “So, this is Miss Gracie, she’s just precious.” She stood firm a few steps away from us, holding a note pad in her hand.

  “Thank you.” I allowed myself to smile as I rubbed my daughter’s back gently.

  “First, I want to let you know, that you’re safe here. No one can hurt you.” Her words were meant to assure me, but I wasn’t quite sure yet. She didn’t know Aaron and how controlling he was. I tried not to let myself imagine the rage that I knew he’d gone into when he realized I was gone. He would be on a mission to find me and hurt me—or kill me. I had no doubt about that.