Love or Duty

by Roberta Grieve

  She was still in bed when Louise left and she turned over and closed her eyes as she heard the front door close. A whole day to herself to be as lazy as she liked – and then an evening with her friends. Behind her closed eyelids floated an image of Steve Forbes’ lean, handsome face. She would do her best to make sure of a seat beside him at the restaurant.

  The day passed pleasantly in anticipation of the coming evening. But as she entered the restaurant she was annoyed to see that Lucia Lane was already seated next to Steve with Max Lloyd, the leading tenor, on her other side. She brightened when Steve looked up and waved her over, indicating the free seat on his other side.

  Sarah hadn’t enjoyed herself so much for ages – except when she was on stage of course. Without Louise to glare at her disapprovingly, she drank two glasses of wine, enjoying the pleasantly fuzzy feel they gave her. She would have had more but Steve restrained her.

  ‘You don’t want to get me in trouble with your sister, do you?’ he asked, his blue eyes twinkling.

  ‘She isn’t here, is she?’ Sarah giggled. She noticed Lucia glaring at her across the table. Of course, Steve had practically ignored her all evening. Still, she had Max, didn’t she? He was all over her. And it wasn’t her fault if Steve liked her better than Lucia.

  She leaned closer to say something to him but at that moment Lucia stood up. ‘We’ve decided to go on to a club,’ she announced, her hand possessively on Max’s arm. The rest of the cast got ready to leave too, leaving Steve and Sarah still sitting at the table.

  ‘Well – are you coming, Steve?’ Max asked.

  The thought of going on to a club was quite exciting, Sarah thought. But she would rather be alone with Steve. Surely he would stay. But he stood up and held out a hand to her. ‘I’m sorry, sweetie. I wish you could come too. But there’s no way they’d let you in. I’ll call a cab for you.’

  Sarah tried hard to hide her disappointment. But she couldn’t argue. She didn’t want to get anyone into trouble. The others had gone outside and were clustered on the pavement, waiting for Steve. He saw her into the cab and gave the driver the address. Then he leaned inside and kissed her – a brief but warm kiss on the lips.

  She gasped. ‘See you on Tuesday,’ she managed to say.

  ‘No – tomorrow,’ Steve said. ‘I almost forgot. I need to make a few changes in one of your scenes. Come to the theatre at two o’clock – don’t be late.’

  As the taxi took her home through the quiet Sunday night streets, Sarah wondered if the extra rehearsal was just an excuse to see her alone. Her heart beat faster and she pressed her fingers to her mouth where she could still feel the warmth of his lips. Suddenly the thought of being alone with Steve Forbes was a little unnerving. Well, she didn’t have to go, did she?

  But she knew she would.

  As she neared the theatre her steps slowed and she began to feel a little apprehensive. Would the rest of the cast be there? After all, Steve had said it was an extra rehearsal. But when she entered by a side door all was quiet. There was no sign of old Joe, the caretaker – or of Steve. She went down the narrow passage towards the dressing rooms but, finding no one there, decided to go up on stage.

  The auditorium was dark but the stage was softly lit. She walked on and glanced around. It was strange being alone in the theatre which was usually a bustle of activity. Even during rehearsals there was always someone coming or going, moving furniture, hammering, making running repairs.

  And during performances there was the audience – a quiet murmur, then a breathless hush as the cast swung into action – then later the applause. Sarah smiled, recalling Saturday night’s performance and the curtain calls she, Lucia and Max had taken.

  She walked to the front of the stage and curtsied deeply to her imagined audience – then spun round as a low chuckle broke the dusty silence. Steve was lounging in a deep armchair, almost hidden in shadow at the back of the stage.

  Sarah gave a little laugh, clutching her throat. ‘You frightened me,’ she said, then, looking round, ‘Where are the others?’

  ‘Come on, sweetie. You didn’t really think I wanted to rehearse, did you?’

  Of course she hadn’t – not really. But now that the moment had arrived, she felt unsure of herself. Well, she’d have to go through with it now, if she didn’t want to look a fool.

  ‘What else did you have in mind?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m sure you know exactly what I have in mind,’ he replied, getting to his feet and coming towards her.

  She backed away but his hands were on her shoulders, pulling her towards him and his mouth came down on hers – not the warm, gentle kiss she remembered from the night before, but hard, demanding, forcing her own lips apart. She gasped and he leaned back to look into her eyes.

  ‘This is what you wanted, isn’t it?’ he said.

  She nodded but she was still a little unsure.

  He took her hand and led her offstage to one of the dressing rooms. She followed mutely, her heart beating faster. He closed the door and pulled her down on the low couch beside him.

  He smiled. ‘You’ve never done this before have you?’ His voice was gentle.

  She shook her head but managed to smile.

  His kiss this time was less demanding and she found herself responding. ‘That’s better,’ he murmured and gave a low chuckle. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to.’

  It wasn’t quite how she’d imagined her first experience of lovemaking would be but Steve was a skilled lover. Sarah gave herself up to the feelings he aroused in her but at the last minute doubts arose. But it was too late to draw back and she called on all her acting skills to convince him she was enjoying the experience. Playing a part came easily to her now.

  Afterwards she lay in his arms on the couch and he stroked her hair. Suddenly he sat up and pushed her away. ‘I think I heard someone outside,’ he said.

  Sarah grabbed her clothes and dressed hastily. She wasn’t ashamed of what they’d just done but the theatre was a hotbed of gossip and she dreaded Louise finding out.

  Steve sensed her discomfort. ‘I think we’d better keep this to ourselves, sweetie, don’t you?’ he said. ‘Perhaps I’d better come to your digs next time.’

  ‘No,’ Sarah gasped. ‘My sister….’

  ‘Oh, yes, your chaperon.’ He laughed. ‘You don’t know how I’ve longed to get you alone but she’s always there. Doesn’t she realize you’re old enough to make your own decisions?’

  ‘She worries about me – so does my mother.’ Sarah felt like a child again. She stuck her lip out. ‘I am old enough. I’m not going to let them rule my life any more.’

  ‘Good for you, sweetie.’ He pulled her down beside him again and she trembled in anticipation. But he only took her hand and said,’ You’re going to go far – a real star. I’m going to let you in on a little secret.’

  She knew the run of Little Women was nearing its end and she felt excitement welling up. Was he going to offer her a part in another show? What he told her was beyond her wildest dreams.

  ‘Oh, Steve, that’s wonderful.’ She clapped her hands, her eyes shining.

  ‘Swear you won’t mention it – even to your sister? I want to make sure of all the arrangements before I announce it to the cast.’

  ‘I promise,’ Sarah said. But she wondered how she could possibly stop herself from blurting out both her secrets when Louise returned from Holton that evening.

  Chapter Nine

  Louise was glad she’d gone home although she hadn’t really enjoyed the weekend. At least Polly was managing quite well. The extra responsibility seemed to have given her more confidence. Although she couldn’t wait to get away after a just a few hours of her stepmother’s constant carping, Louise felt happier about going back to London, knowing that the household was in good hands.

  ‘Your father spends far too much time at the office,’ Dora said at breakfast on Monday morning. ‘What’s the point of young James being ther
e if he leaves most of the work to Stanley?’ She wiped her mouth with her napkin and gestured at her husband who sat at the other end of the table, his face hidden by The Times.

  Stanley looked up and said mildly, ‘I enjoy my work, Dora, and there’s plenty to keep both of us busy. I’ve put James in charge of the rental properties, which leaves me more time for the surveying side of things.’

  Dora tutted impatiently and picked up the hand bell from beside her plate, summoning Polly to clear the plates.

  Louise stood up. ‘I must pack,’ she said, anxious to escape the uncomfortable atmosphere.

  ‘Must you go back so soon?’ Dora asked.

  Stanley folded his paper. ‘If what I read here is true, I don’t feel happy about either of my girls staying in London,’ he said.

  For the past few months, Louise had lived and breathed the life of the theatre and had taken little notice of the news. Besides, hadn’t Mr Chamberlain come back from Germany last year declaring that there would be no war? Dora seemed to agree.

  ‘Nonsense, Stanley. It’s all alarmist talk,’ she said. ‘You can’t expect Sarah to give up her career now that she’s doing so well, just because some madman is marching across Europe. If we were going to war it would have happened in March when Hitler took over Czechoslovakia. He’s got what he wanted. Besides, we’re an island.’

  Stanley reached over and patted her hand. ‘I’m sure you’re right, dear. We shouldn’t believe everything we read in the papers.’ He sighed. ‘Well, I must be off.’ He turned to Louise. ‘It’s a lovely day. Would you like to walk to the office with me? I just have to pop in and speak to Miss Baines then I’ll see you off on your train.’

  Louise smiled and nodded. Upstairs she threw her things into her small overnight case and hurried down to where her father waited in the hall. Dora came out of the dining room and gave her a perfunctory peck on the cheek. ‘Make sure Sarah comes with you next time,’ she said. ‘I’d come up to London myself but I haven’t been feeling too well. With you gone and no cook still’ – she threw a malicious glance at her husband – ‘I can barely manage this big house.’ She gave a big sigh.

  ‘I’ll try to come again next week,’ Louise said. But she knew that if it wasn’t for her father she would not come back to Holton Regis at all. Although he had been quick to reassure her that he was quite well now, she still felt a little pang of guilt at leaving him. But she had to admit she was impatient to get back to the theatre.

  ‘Let’s walk along the seafront,’ Stanley said as they turned the corner. ‘You’re not in a hurry to get back are you?’

  ‘I thought you were busy at the office?’

  ‘Never too busy to spend time with you, my dear,’ he said.

  They strolled along in the sunshine and Louise breathed deeply of the sea air. Much as she loved her new life in London, she missed all this when she was in the big city. Hearing shouts and laughter she looked down from the promenade onto the sandy beach. A group of children, supervised by a couple of men from the council, wielded spades and shovels, filling sacks with sand.

  ‘What are they up to?’ she asked.

  ‘This is the sort of thing your stepmother chooses to ignore,’ Stanley said. ‘The powers that be must think war is inevitable. Why else would they be making preparations? These sandbags are intended to shore up the walls of important buildings, the council offices and such, in case we get bombed.’

  ‘Bombed? Surely not?’ Louise couldn’t imagine it happening in their quiet little town. But Stanley pointed out that France was only just across the Channel and the Germans had a navy and an air force to match our own.

  ‘It’s best to be prepared,’ he said.

  Louise was thoughtful, resolving to pay more attention to the news in future. When they reached the office, she greeted her father’s secretary, Miss Baines, and sat down to wait for him.

  A few minutes later the door opened and James Spencer came in. When he saw Louise he took off his hat and came towards her with his hand out. ‘Good morning, Miss Charlton. How nice to see you again,’ he said.

  Louise was somewhat taken aback by his enthusiastic greeting. The last time she had spoken to him had been at his father’s funeral more than a year ago.

  Instead of going to his office across the passage, he sat down next to her and began to chat amiably about London, asking how Sarah was getting on and promising to come and see the show soon. When the door to her father’s office opened, he jumped up and said a hasty goodbye, before disappearing into the other room.

  ‘Young Spencer late again?’ Stanley said to Miss Baines.

  She gave a rueful nod and Stanley tutted impatiently.

  ‘I thought you said he was pulling his weight,’ Louise said, picking up her suitcase.

  Outside Stanley gave a rueful smile. ‘He’s young yet. Perhaps I’ve given him too much responsibility.’ He sighed. ‘It’s times like this I really miss William.’

  Louise slipped her free hand through his arm for the short walk along the London Road. The quiet street, once so familiar, now seemed alien compared with the noisy bustle of London. She wondered how much longer it would continue to be like this if her father’s predictions proved right.

  ‘Is James often late for the office?’ Louise asked as they neared the station.

  Stanley gave a short laugh. ‘Punctuality is not his strongest suit,’ he said, patting her hand. ‘But he is very useful in his way – very good with the clients especially.’

  Louise hoped the young man really was pulling his weight. She knew James had been a bit of a ne’er-do-well in his school and university days and she’d been surprised to hear that he had settled down in the business. But his father wasn’t there to keep a rein on him now – and her own father was sometimes too easygoing for his own good. But she didn’t have time to voice her misgivings. The train was already at the platform, the engine snorting quietly to itself, like a huge beast gathering itself for flight.

  Louise heaved her case up onto the rack, then leaned out of the window. She reached out impulsively and touched her father’s cheek.

  ‘Look after yourself, Father,’ she said. ‘I’ll come again soon.’

  ‘You look after yourself, my dear – and Sarah.’ He clasped her hand as the whistle blew and the train began to move. ‘Be happy – both of you,’ he said.

  When Louise arrived back at Grenville Terrace, Sarah ran downstairs to greet her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes had a mischievous sparkle. She scarcely bothered to ask how her parents were or what sort of weekend Louise had had before launching into a description of how she’d spent her days off.

  ‘It was a wonderful meal, a really elegant restaurant,’ she gushed. ‘It must have cost a fortune but Steve and Phil paid for it as thanks for all our hard work these past months.’

  Louise had a feeling Sarah wasn’t telling her everything and she wondered what her sister had been up to while she was away. She just hoped she hadn’t done anything silly. ‘Sounds as if you had fun. Perhaps I should have stayed here,’ she said, trying to sound careless.

  ‘It was all theatre talk,’ Sarah said. ‘You probably would have been bored.’

  Trying not to feel hurt at her sister’s airy dismissal of her own hard work on the production, Louise brought the conversation back to their imminent return to Holton Regis. ‘I suppose this means the run is ending then?’ she said. ‘You’ll have to get on to your agent to find you a part in something else.’

  ‘Oh, I’m not worried about that. Steve said—’ She stopped and started coughing. When she’d recovered, she said, ‘Steve told me I’ll have no problem finding parts. He thinks I’m really talented.’ She flushed and giggled.

  ‘I’m sure he’s right,’ Louise replied, trying to hide her concern. Steve seemed to figure a lot in Sarah’s conversation and she was worried that her sister might get hurt. ‘And I’m sure Mother and Father will love having you home for a little while between engagements.’

  Sara
h twisted her lips. ‘I don’t really want to go home. I’ll be so bored.’ She laughed. ‘Anyway, I might not have to.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I could get another part straight away, couldn’t I?’

  ‘I suppose so.’

  As the evening wore on and Sarah continued to prattle excitedly, her conversation peppered with ‘Steve says …’ and ‘Steve thinks …’ Louise became worried. Something had happened while she was away. She settled down to sleep, praying that her suspicions were unfounded. Despite her grown-up looks, in many ways Sarah was still a naïve child. If Steve Forbes had taken advantage of her innocence, he’d have to answer to Louise.

  For the next few days Louise watched her sister and the director carefully but both seemed to be behaving normally. Besides, the show only had a couple of weeks to run and then they’d both be going back to Holton.

  Much as she too loved her life in London, Louise was anxious to return. She was sure something was wrong. When she’d phoned the office to speak to her father Miss Baines had told her he hadn’t been in for a few days. ‘A summer cold, so he said, but it’s not like Mr Charlton to take time off.’

  Miss Baines had sounded worried but Louise was reluctant to telephone the house in case her stepmother answered. She should go down soon just to reassure herself that father really was all right.

  Back at their digs after a mid-week performance, she voiced her concerns.

  Sarah lounged on the sofa chewing her nails. ‘I’m sure you’re making a fuss about nothing,’ she said.

  ‘You should pay them a visit at least,’ Louise said.

  ‘I suppose so. But I hate Holton now – it’s so dull after London.’

  ‘If there’s a war we might have to go back. I heard someone say that they’ll close all the theatres and cinemas. Besides, London won’t be safe.’ Louise was remembering those children filling the sandbags on the beach. Perhaps Holton wouldn’t be safe either but she wouldn’t tell Sarah that.