Love or Duty

by Roberta Grieve

  ‘War – that’s all anyone talks about these days,’ Sarah said, flapping her hand.

  ‘Well, we must face up to it. Looks like it’s going to happen.’ Louise stood up. ‘I’m off to bed. I think I’ll go home tomorrow – just for the day.’ She turned in the doorway. ‘Why don’t you come with me?’

  ‘I’ve got better things to do.’

  Louise sighed as she went to their room. She couldn’t help thinking that Sarah was turning out to be just as selfish as her mother.

  The next day she tried to persuade her to spend the day in Holton but Sarah turned over in bed and drew the covers over her head. ‘I’m too tired. I need to rest,’ she muttered.

  ‘Well, I’m going. I’m worried about Father.’

  ‘It’s probably just a cold like Miss Baines said.’ Sarah sat up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. ‘You go if you want to waste your day off.’

  Louise bit back a retort and got her jacket out of the cupboard. ‘I’ll be back this evening and we can go out for dinner,’ she said.

  ‘See you later then.’ Sarah burrowed under the covers again.

  Louise stepped off the train and breathed deeply of the sea air. She enjoyed the freedom of her life in London away from her stepmother’s demands, but in many ways she missed her home town. She strode along the High Street and turned off down the narrow road that led to the seafront. A few fishing boats were drawn up on the beach near the pier but there were no children playing on the sands today.

  As she neared home she saw Dr Tate’s old Austin parked outside Steyne House. She broke into a run and burst through the front door just as the doctor came down the stairs.

  She grabbed his arm. ‘Is everything all right?’ she gasped.

  ‘Louise, my dear. I didn’t realize you were home.’ He patted her arm. ‘Come and sit down.’ He led her into the small sitting room just off the hall and forced her into a chair.

  Louise’s heart beat faster and she twisted her fingers together. She knew she should have come before. What was wrong with her father?

  Dr Tate smiled. ‘Don’t be alarmed. He’s been poorly, but he is recovering. Just a touch of summer flu and it’s left him with a nasty cough.’

  ‘I was so worried….’

  ‘I must admit I was a little concerned myself. However, so long as your father does what he’s told and doesn’t try to do too much, he’ll be fine.’ The doctor patted her arm. ‘He can be a bit stubborn, my dear, so I’m relying on you to make sure he follows doctor’s orders.’

  ‘But surely, he has Mother—’

  ‘Mrs Charlton is not in the best of health either. I think you’re needed at home.’

  ‘But, I’m working in London now at the theatre where my sister …’

  ‘I know. But I hear that the show finishes soon and you’d be returning to Holton anyway. Surely they’ll let you off early if you explain the circumstances.’

  Louise nodded. Of course she’d stay and look after her father. But she hated the thought of giving up her theatre work. She had enjoyed the comparative freedom of living in London and she dreaded a return to the narrow humdrum life she’d be forced to live under her stepmother’s roof. But she felt it was her duty; she loved her father and would do anything to please him.

  ‘I must give notice at the theatre, Doctor. But I’ll be home as soon as I can.’

  Dr Tate patted her hand. ‘You’re doing the right thing, my dear,’ he said.

  As Louise put her key in the lock, Sarah ran down to greet her, a smile lighting her face.

  ‘You’ll never guess what’s happened,’ she said, throwing her arms round her. ‘It’s so exciting. Steve said—’

  ‘What?’ Louise asked, heart thumping at the thought of what might have been going on in her absence.

  Sarah giggled. ‘Guess,’ she said, hugging Louise even tighter.

  ‘I can’t guess.’ She tried gently to disengage herself and get her to calm down. ‘Aren’t you going to ask about Father?’

  Sarah frowned. ‘He’s OK, isn’t he? I thought it was just a summer cold.’

  ‘It’s left him with a bad cough and Dr Tate says he has to take it easy.’

  ‘I’m sure he’ll be all right then.’

  Sarah followed Louise upstairs and started to giggle again. ‘I’m so excited,’ she said again.

  ‘I can tell.’ Louise couldn’t help smiling. She opened the door to their sitting room and put the case on the floor, shrugged off her jacket and turned to Sarah. ‘Now, sit down and tell me all about it.’

  Sarah threw herself down on the sofa. ‘Well, you know the show finishes its run in a couple of weeks? Well….’ She paused. ‘Go on, guess.’

  ‘Your agent has found you another role?’

  Sarah couldn’t contain herself any longer. ‘Better than that. Steve called a meeting of the cast this morning. He’s had an offer to transfer the show to America. Just fancy – I’m going to be on Broadway.’

  ‘America?’

  ‘Isn’t it exciting? Of course, I knew ages ago – Steve told me. He wanted to make sure I was up for it.’

  So that’s what that air of suppressed excitement these past couple of weeks had been about, Louise thought. She sighed with relief that she’d been worrying over nothing and slapped her sister’s arm. ‘You could have told me. I knew something was on your mind.’

  ‘Steve told me not to tell anyone.’

  Although Louise was pleased for Sarah, she knew her sister would have to be disappointed. She couldn’t possibly go so far away when their father was ill. And there was the threat of war too. ‘You can’t go, Sarah,’ she said.

  Her sister’s eyes flashed. ‘And why not?’

  ‘We need you here. Father really isn’t well, you know. Besides, I don’t think Mother will agree.’

  ‘She would if you came too. It would be an adventure, Lou.’

  ‘Maybe I’m not cut out for adventure.’

  ‘No, I suppose not. After all, you had the chance to go to Africa and turned it down. And you wouldn’t have come to London if it wasn’t for me. I suppose you want to spend the rest of your life in dreary old Holton.’

  ‘Of course I don’t. But if Father’s ill….’

  Sarah sighed. ‘You’ve already said it’s nothing to worry about.’ She stood up and began pacing. ‘You’ve got to come, Lou. Mother will have to let me if you agree.’

  For once, Louise wasn’t going to let herself be swayed by her sister. Exciting as a trip to America would be, she just couldn’t contemplate going away while she was worried about her father. She grabbed Sarah’s hand, pulling her down beside her again. ‘Please understand, Sarah. I can’t go.’

  ‘Father’s not really ill, is he?’ For the first time, concern showed in her face. ‘I don’t mean to be selfish, Lou, but—’

  ‘I do understand, love. But this offer couldn’t have come at a worse time.’ She told Sarah what Dr Tate had said. ‘I just feel that if I’m not there, he’ll carry on over-working. I can help him with the business, keep an eye on James Spencer and make sure he pulls his weight.’

  ‘Mother won’t like you helping in the office,’ Sarah said.

  ‘I’ll deal with that when the time comes.’ She patted Sarah’s hand. ‘I’m so sorry if you’re disappointed. I never dreamed of anything like this. I thought we’d go back to Holton and have a bit of time together as a family before another singing engagement turned up.’

  Sarah flung her hand off and stood up. ‘I know what it is. You were hoping I wouldn’t get another part. I do believe you’re jealous of my success.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, Sarah. Of course I’m not jealous. I’m proud of what you’ve achieved. But you have to think of others sometimes.’

  ‘So, now you’re saying I’m selfish.’ Sarah burst into tears and rushed into the bedroom.

  Louise was about to follow her when she heard the click of the bedroom door key. She threw herself down on the sofa with a sigh. The truth was she did
think Sarah was selfish but at the same time she could understand her disappointment. Still, she was young. There would be other opportunities.

  At the theatre the next day there was an air of subdued excitement among the cast, coupled with regret that the run was coming to an end. However, most of them would be transferring to the New York theatre, together with Steve, the director.

  There was still a strained atmosphere between the sisters. They’d hardly exchanged two words that morning, and had made their way to the theatre separately. Louise finished sorting out the costumes for the matinee and made her way to her usual seat at the rear of the auditorium.

  Steve had assembled the cast on stage and was talking about passports, booking berths on the Queen Mary and arrangements for their accommodation in New York.

  Sarah hung on his every word, her eyes shining and Louise sighed. She hated the thought of her sister’s disappointment when she realized how impossible it was for her to go with them.

  Julian came and sat beside her, gesturing at the group on stage. ‘Lucky things. Wish I could go too,’ he said.

  ‘Why can’t you?’

  ‘There wouldn’t be any work for me over there. They have their own theatre crew.’ He grinned. ‘Maybe I’ll get the chance one day. I envy Sarah though – getting the break so young.’

  ‘Don’t envy her too soon. I don’t think she’ll be going,’ Louise said, and went on to explain about her father’s health. ‘And I’m sure my stepmother won’t hear of her going all that way alone.’

  ‘But who knows when an opportunity like this might come again?’

  ‘Try explaining that to my stepmother,’ Louise said. But in her heart she knew he was right. Sarah’s singing and acting career meant everything to her. How could she be the one to sabotage it? She summoned a smile. ‘Don’t worry, Julian – I’ll do all I can to persuade Mother, short of agreeing to go along as chaperon myself.’

  Julian gave a rueful smile. ‘Don’t know why I’m so keen to see her go. I’ll miss her.’ He blushed a little and ran his hand over his face. ‘Well, you must know how I feel about her but I know I don’t stand a chance. The next best thing is to see her succeed.’ He laughed. ‘At least I can tell my grandchildren that I knew the famous Sarah Charlton.’ He stood up abruptly.

  ‘Looks like they’re taking a break. Better go and see what the boss wants me to do.’ Louise glanced up at the stage where the group was breaking up, still chatting animatedly. Sarah disappeared from view and Louise stood up. She had to talk to her, say she was sorry for her harsh words and promise to speak to Dora on her behalf, hard as that would be.

  As she mentally framed her apology, Sarah came towards her smiling.

  ‘I’m sorry I said you were jealous.’

  ‘It’s all right, love. We were both a bit het up.’ She took Sarah’s hand. ‘We have to talk about this though.’

  The smile disappeared. ‘There’s nothing to talk about – I’m going.’

  Louise bit her lip. ‘I know you’ve made up your mind but you must talk to Mother first. You don’t want to leave with bad feeling between you – or between us.’

  ‘I don’t mean to be selfish. But you must know how much it means to me.’

  ‘I do understand – really. I’m sure we can work something out.’

  ‘There’s only a few more days to run, then there’ll be all the preparations. I won’t be able to get home until just before we sail.’ Sarah put her hand on Louise’s arm. ‘You’ll have to talk to her for me, Sis. I’m sure you can get round her.’

  Louise wasn’t so sure but she promised to try. Little Women was due to close on the following Friday night and the theatre was fully booked for the last performance. She would be kept busy herself right up to the last minute. Then there were the costumes to be cleaned and pressed ready to pack into trunks. She didn’t think she’d be able to get down to Holton until the middle of the following week.

  Sarah should be the one to tell their parents that she was going away and Louise hadn’t given up hope that she would persuade her to come with her. But as usual she was just ignoring the problem, hoping that her sister would sort things out for her.

  When Louise arrived at the theatre on the Wednesday she was met by Phil Baxter, the stage manager.

  ‘Haven’t had a chance to talk to you lately. It’s all been a bit hectic.’

  ‘Sarah’s very excited.’

  ‘I know. But it’s you I want to talk about. I hear you won’t be going with her. What will you do now?’

  ‘Go home. I don’t know if Sarah’s told you that our father isn’t well.’

  Phil looked thoughtful. ‘That’s a pity. I was hoping to persuade you to stay on here. You’ve done such a good job—’

  ‘No, I can’t,’ Louise interrupted. ‘I’m sorry, Phil. I only came to London because my parents thought Sarah needed someone to keep an eye on her.’ That might have been true at first but Louise had come to love her work in the theatre and would like to have taken up Phil’s offer of a permanent job. It would have been easy enough to travel up and down to London on the train. But she wouldn’t give way to temptation and she went on, ‘With my father unwell I feel my place is at home. It will be hard enough for them with Sarah so far away.’

  Phil shrugged and said. ‘OK then, but if you change your mind….’

  The next few days were hectic, filled with shopping, meetings with Sarah’s agent and signing contracts. When Louise once again tackled her sister about going home, Sarah shrugged her off. ‘Didn’t I tell you? I phoned Mother yesterday. She’s really pleased that I’ve got this chance.’

  ‘Really? She was all right about it?’ Louise found it hard to believe. She grasped her sister’s wrist. ‘You did tell her I wouldn’t be going too?’

  ‘Of course. She said she understood and that she needs you at home anyway.’

  ‘I can’t believe she gave in just like that. Besides, I thought you wanted me to tell them.’ But Louise was relieved – she hadn’t been looking forward to breaking the news to their parents. ‘What did Father say?’ she asked.

  ‘He’s really pleased for me. He said not to worry about him. He’s much better – just a summer cold like we thought. He’s back at work now.’

  Louise was glad they seemed to have accepted that Sarah was grown-up enough now to make her own decisions. And it was a load off her mind to learn that her father was better. Perhaps she would talk to Phil about staying on at the theatre after all. But she’d go home first, make sure everything really was all right.

  As the days rushed by in a ferment of preparations, some of Sarah’s excitement rubbed off on Louise and she couldn’t help feeling a little twinge of regret that she wasn’t going too. She told herself there would be other opportunities but, as well as the fears for her father’s health, the threat of war seemed even nearer. Chamberlain had announced that he was willing to go to Germany again to try to come to some agreement with Hitler. But everyone knew that it was a futile gesture. As she hurried to the theatre, only half-listening to Sarah’s excited prattle, she realized it might be a long time before she could think of following her sister to America. At least if war came, Sarah would be safe on the other side of the world, she told herself.

  It was the last night of the show and there was a subdued feeling among the cast and theatre crew, along with a buzz of excitement from those who were to continue the run on the other side of the Atlantic.

  Louise was in her work room backstage sewing on a button when Phil came in, his face grave. ‘There’s a phone call for you. Someone called Polly. She sounds a bit hysterical….’

  Louise threw down her sewing and followed Phil down the narrow passage to his office. ‘Did she say what…?’

  ‘She said to tell Miss Charlton to come home and then she started crying.’

  ‘Oh, God, it must be Father.’

  ‘I don’t think so. She said something about the mistress and you’d know what to do.’ Phil paused at the office do
or and put his hand on her arm. ‘I do hope it’s not serious, Louise. But whatever the problem, can you not tell Sarah until after the show? I can’t have her upset. It’s a packed house out there for our last night.’

  Louise nodded and pushed past him, grabbed the phone and gasped, ‘Polly what is it?’

  ‘Oh, Miss, I had to phone you. I didn’t know what else to do.’ The maid’s voice was hoarse as if she’d been crying.

  Louise’s stomach lurched. ‘Is it Father? Is he ill?’

  ‘No, Miss. It’s the mistress. She’s in a terrible state. I don’t know what to do. I tried her smelling salts but she threw the bottle at me.’ Polly burst into loud sobs.

  ‘Where’s my father? Can’t he do anything?’

  More sobs.

  Louise shook the phone impatiently. ‘Polly, calm down. Tell me what brought it on. Are you sure Father’s not ill? Has the doctor been?’

  With a loud sniff, Polly seemed to pull herself together. ‘The master’s at his council meeting and I tried Dr Tate but he’s out too. I wish you’d come home, Miss.’

  ‘I’ll try. Just tell me what got Mother in such a state.’ Louise thought longingly of the evening ahead; she’d been looking forward to watching Sarah’s last performance as well as the party afterwards. She’d go down to Holton on the first train tomorrow. But Polly’s next words soon changed her mind.

  ‘She read it in the paper, Miss. About Miss Sarah going off to America.’

  ‘But, didn’t Sarah…?’ Louise sagged against the desk as she realized her sister had lied to her. How could she? And how could Louise herself have been taken in? She should have known Dora wouldn’t meekly accept her daughter going so far away with no one to keep an eye on her.

  ‘I told her it was the chance of a lifetime and begged her not to spoil things and she gave in,’ Sarah had said, smiling. ‘I knew she would.’