by Ashley Beale
"Yeah," she answers reluctantly."
"Wow, I wasn't expecting that. I'm... shit... I'm speechless." After a second of nothing from either of us, I realize she could have taken that the wrong way. "Oh, wait, Cassie. I'm happy, I'm really happy. I promise you, I'll be the best damn father there is. I promise you, I'll take care of you both, no matter what."
There is another pause, and as I'm about to check the phone to make sure she is still there, she finally speaks softly again. I can hear the emotion in her voice, and I'm pretty sure she is crying. Crying because she is happy? Because she is upset? Confused? I'm really not sure, and I'm not sure I want to ask on the phone. I'd rather be there for her in person. Fuck, I wish I was there in person. "Thank you, Pierce. That means a lot."
"Can I see you soon?" I ask hesitantly.
She does this awkward laugh thing on the other line. "Yeah, Pierce, that sounds good. I need to go though."
"Okay, I'll talk to you later. Thanks Cassie, for everything."
The phone goes quiet and I just sit here and stare at it a few moments while I process this new information. I think all along I believed the baby was Avery's, so this is just fucking unbelievable. I'm so happy, and proud, and thrilled, and all these other things I didn't know I could be all at once, over something I didn't think would happen. Over something I didn't think I wanted to happen.
I turn around to tell my brother the news and my bliss comes crashing down on me as I look at Miah laughing alongside Evan. Fuck, this is going to ruin us, whatever this is between us. Of course she knew most of the situation, but I'm pretty sure reality hasn't quite hit home with her over it.
Walking back to them, I slide the phone in my pocket and realize I'm ready to call it a damn night. I can't sit here with Evan and Miah, laughing and joking. I need some time to process this all. I need to think long and hard what this means for me. What it means for Miah and I, Cassie and I, my family and I. Shit, I'm going to a father. A fucking father! And I'm not even man enough to still be with Cassie.
I should have never left her.
I stand behind Miah's chair and face Evan, who stops talking to look up at me questionably. "You okay? You look pale as fuck."
"Yeah, yeah. I'm ready to head home, how about you?" I look down to Miah, who has her head tilted up to look at me with a small smile upon her beautiful face.
She nods her head and looks back towards Evan. "Good catching up. I'll talk to you soon, Evan." She stands and starts walking towards the house.
"Hey, Miah, give me a minute? I got to talk to Evan."
"Of course," she answers, before walking through the door, closing it softly behind her.
I look over to Evan. "The test results came in."
"I assumed. And?"
I clear my throat and look away from his disapproving face. "I'm the father."
After a moment of complete silence, I face Evan again, who is just shaking his head slowly. He doesn't look disappointed, just maybe sad for me. Sad for the situation in general, I'm sure.
"You'll make a damn good dad, that is for sure."
"You think so?"
"You're a Danielson, I know so." He winks at me with a small grin. "I'm happy for you, even if its not the best circumstance. I hope you and Cass can stay civil through everything."
I raise an eyebrow. "And Avery."
Evan starts laughing while slamming his hand down on his knee. "Right, fuck, ha. That is awesome. Well, no, not really. I do hope it all works out. I'm glad to be an uncle though."
"Thanks man."
"Anytime."
We say our goodbyes, and I go inside to say bye to my mom as well, who is currently involved in a meaningless conversation with Miah. Miah seems to be a good sport about it though, and is keeping the conversation flowing. The more I see Miah laugh and talk with my family, just in these few minutes, the more I hurt for her. I'm ruining our relationship before it even starts.
In the truck, I decide not to say anything yet. I want to process the information myself before I bring this drama in between us. Miah, however, doesn't have the same plans as me. "You okay?" she asks after only a few minutes down the road.
"Yeah, fine."
"Pierce, really?"
I glimpse over at her and force myself to smile. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why, what’s up?" Stupid question to ask, but I don't think it through beforehand.
"Maybe because you got a phone call and have been acting weird sense. I don't like thinking that something is wrong."
"Nothing is wrong. Just complicated. Don't worry about it."
The silence that comes after has me thinking she is giving up, but I quickly dismiss that idea when she blurts out randomly. "I like you, a lot. More than I expected to."
I look back over at her, confused. "I actually really like you a lot, too." And its the truth.
"Are you getting back with Cassie?" She looks down at her lap and I have the urge to pull her close and hold her, but I don't because I’m driving.
Focusing on the road once more, I shake my head, even though she isn't looking right now. "No, I'm not. It's just-"
Fuck! It happens so fast, I don't even know its happening until its too late.
The feeling of my head slamming against the glass burns like crazy, and everything becomes blurred between lines of white, black, gray... and red. Lots of red. Where is all that coming from? Why can't I focus? Damn, this shit really fucking hurts.
The screaming of a female comes from the right of me and I try to reach out, but a sharp pain comes shooting through my wrist. I can't tell what it is, but I can feel warm liquid trickling from around it, falling to my face. More screaming erupts and I hear distant voices asking how everyone is.
How am I? I'm not sure! I can't answer. I can't talk. I can't focus.
"Pierce?" I hear a weak voice call out. I think it's Miah, but I'm not sure.
"She's losing a lot of blood."
"Nine-one-one is on its way, sir. Please stay with us."
I don't know where these voices are coming from, but they are getting blurred as well. My vision is practically gone and I try like hell to call out for Miah. For someone. I just want to know why it hurts so damn much. Why all I can see is a face of an angel.
"I'm not sure he is going to make it!"
"Pierce, Pierce, wake up. It's me, wake up."
"Ma'am, please back away and let us do our job."
It hurts to breath. It hurts to think. It hurts to feel. So I let it go. I stop feeling, I stop thinking, and I stop breathing.
"Well, he is a fucking loser, Cassie. Don't worry about it. I'm here for you."
She pushes at me and shakes her head. "No shit Avery! I know you are, and thank you, but you don't understand! I wish you did, but you don't. He hasn't answered my damn calls in three days. I tell him he is the father, he promises to be the best dad, and then nothing!"
I wish she could see that he is just a deadbeat, like many other father's out there, but I won't be. I won't pull away from her or this child, they're both mine. Mine forever. It'll always be that way. I don't care about the blood relation. It hurt like hell when I was told I wasn't the biological father, and I admit, I cried like a bitch after I found out, but I still have Cassie, and I'll still treat this baby like my own, every damn day.
Cassie goes into the bathroom and slams the door. I really can't blame her. I don't blame her. I give her the space she needs, and from my own damn phone call Pierce. Nothing. Of course nothing. It just goes straight to voicemail. What is this bullshit, seriously? Who does that!
I call up Mason and head out into the hallway of the complex, not wanting Cassie to hear the conversation. "Hey man," he answers.
"Hey, what is Aubrey up to?"
"Uh, on the couch sleeping, actually. Dakota kept us up all night. She's teething and its ridiculous."
"I don't know what to do. I was hoping to get some of her advice. Pierce won't answer his phone and she is freaking the fuck out. I don't know if to comfort her or
leave her alone. I don't know if the hunt the cock sucker down, or let him continue his damn charades."
I can hear as he snorts out dry laugh. "Well, damn. I didn't peg him to be that much of a tool. I thought he cared enough about her. I don't know, but I can have Aubrey call you when she wakes up. Or better yet, I can have her head over there, give the girls some time to vent or whatever it is they do."
"Thanks Mason."
"Yeah, listen. If Aubrey heads over, why don't you come over here? I'm sure you could use some beers and to shoot the shit. I'm sure this has taken its toll on you as well."
"Damn right it has. Give me a call when she wakes up and let me know."
I walk back into the apartment after hanging up the phone and walk towards the bathroom. I can hear the water running in the tub, so I open the door and peek my head in. Cassie is lying in the tub while it fills with water and she just stares blankly at the wall. "Can I get you anything?" I ask.
She looks over at me and shakes her head softly. "No. I'm sorry, Avery. I always take my anger out on you."
I walk into the bathroom, closing the door behind me because I know she likes when the room fills up with steam. I bend down next to the tub and run my fingers through her hair. "I can imagine you're stressed out, babe. I'm sorry you have to go through this all. Just be careful, I don't want you stressing the baby out too much." I rub my free hand over her belly, which is anything but submerged in the water like the rest of her body.
She smiles softly at me. "You're way too good for me, Avery. I don't deserve you."
"Stop," I interrupt. "I'm far from perfect. We both are. But we're perfect for each other."
She rolls her eyes and smiles even wider. "I love you so much."
"I love you, too," I tell her.
I turn the water off when its filled to the limit, then I lean against the wall, watching her relax in the water. My phone goes off, so I reach into my pocket and pull it out. "Hey," I answer when I see it's Mason calling already.
"You didn't hear, I take it."
"Hear what?" I ask, confused.
"About Pierce. Dude, apparently his truck was totaled the other night. I don't know many details, but I guess its not good."
I can feel my face pale. I didn't know I'd care this damn much, but knowing how this will effect Cassie and the baby, fuck, this shit is destroying me. "Thanks." I reply quickly. "Do you know who I can call for more information?"
"I'm assuming his family."
I hang up without saying anything more and I look over to Cassie. She is already so stressed out, I'm not sure if its the smart thing to do or not. I don't know if I can freaking say anything. "Get out, and get dressed."
I stand up and walk out of the bathroom. I hate myself right now, but I can't look at her. I can't look at her and know that I'm about to break her damn heart. I need to get ahold of someone in his family and get more details. This isn't good, not good at all.
When she comes out of the bathroom in her towel, she tilts her head and just stares at me, confused. "I'm sorry, Cassie. Just get dressed and I need your phone."
"Are you going to tell me why?"
"Not until after I call someone. It's real quick, babe, I promise. Get dressed, get your shoes on."
Her eyes start to well up, almost as if she is sensing what is going on, but she doesn't say as much. "Its on the kitchen table."
I walk over the kitchen table, grab the phone, and walk outdoors. Once I'm in the parking lot, I scroll through her contacts. I don't fucking know Pierce's family's name! Danielson... there has to be a Danielson in here somewhere. "Evan Danielson," I say his name out loud. I can only assume he is related somehow.
The phone picks up after a handful of reads. "Evan," he answers curtly. His voice sounds very rough, and I try to sense the emotion in it, but its hard with only the simple word.
"Hey, uh, this is Avery Manning. You happen to be related to Pierce?" I hate asking that way, but how else am I supposed to fucking ask the damn question!
"Yeah, I uh, I'm his brother," he answers in a much softer tone than before. Definitely a sad tone, and I don't like the idea behind it.
"I'm sorry to be bothering you," I tell him, "but I heard Pierce was in an accident. Cassie doesn't even know, and I'm trying to find out what happened before telling her."
I can hear him sniffle and immediately I'm cursing myself. "Can you get Cassie down to Sharp Memorial soon?"
"Yeah, I just would like to tell her what to expect when she gets there."
"Nothing too wonderful. I got to go." He hangs up the damn phone before I can ask any more.
I turn to head into the building and see Cassie standing there, arms crossed, not too pleased right now. "What should I expect when we get where?" She cocks her head to the side and looks straight pissed right now.
"Cassie, get in the car. I need to bring you the hospital."
Her eyes squint at me, like she is going about curse me out, before all her emotions drain and I can see her body slump. "Who is it? Is it Pierce?"
I walk towards her and hurriedly pull her into my embrace. "Yeah, angel, it is. I don't know his condition, just that he was in a bad wreck the other night. That was his brother, he asked we come down to the hospital."
Her body starts to shake and I can feel her crying. I don't know how to comfort her in this situation, especially not knowing the actual result, so I just hold her until she is ready to get into the car. I basically have to pull her towards the car, I buckle her in even, and close the door for her.
When we arrive at the hospital, one of the nurses directs us the trauma unit. The only thing I can think, is he must be alive if it was days ago and he is still in the hospital, but that doesn't mean much. It could mean a range of possibilities, including being paralyzed or in a comatose state. Been there, done that. I don't wish that shit upon anyone, not even Pierce, not even after everything we went through.
Cassie runs into the arms of someone who looks just like Pierce just as we're outside the unit. He looks hesitant on holding onto her, but he does. He looks over at me and gives me a tight smile. His face is red and puffy, and he has certainly been crying. Cassie pulls back and looks up to him. "How is he, Evan? Please tell me something good."
He swallows hard and looks away from Cassie and I. "He is in and out of it. He survived, but barely, and there is a possibility he may not make it still. They had to revive him several times." He looks back at me, not Cassie, and continues. "I don't know all these fancy medical terms, but they say his levels are low or something like that. He has to be forced oxygen and shit like that. He is unrecognizable right now. And if he does survive, they're still not sure if he'll have mobility in his right arm."
"I'm sorry," I say, not really sure what else to say in this situation.
Cassie takes a step back from this Evan guy, who I assume must be his brother from their looks, and she walks back over to me. I hold her close, kissing the top of her head while she cries against my chest. Is this how Pierce felt when I was in the hospital? I feel guilty for ever hating him, I feel hurt for Cassie, I feel anger towards so much. I can't explain the shit I'm feeling inside, but damn, I know how newfound respect for Pierce, that's for damn sure.
We get a chance to talk to a doctor after a little while, but the conversation goes much the same. It's touch and go, and there is no guarantee of anything if he wakes up. If he does come to, then he could have issues with motor function and all sorts of scary shirt.
The two of us also talk with Pierce's parents. That was awkward at first, especially when his mom broke down about Pierce not being able to meet his own son, but after a little while, we all sat there supported one another in different ways. When it came to be close to supper time, they had us leave. I called Cassie's mom, and she had us go over there for dinner. I felt like Cassie needs to be surrounded by everyone she loves and that loves her. She didn't fight me on it, but watching her scares me, because she walks, talks and stares like she were a zombie. I'v
e never seen her act this way.
Through dinner and desert, Cassie started to lighten up a little bit, but I noticed her hands just kept going to her belly, as if protecting it. It hurts me so much to see her this way. I don't know what I can do to ease her mind. When we get home from her mom's house, she goes straight into our room and lays down on the bed. When we sold off my furniture, she made me keep my bed, and instead sold hers. We converted her room into ours. We haven't started in the nursery yet, but I know we will in time.
Cassie lays down on the bed, and I lay down beside her. My hand wraps around her and rests on her stomach. "I love you, Cassie. More than life itself."
"I love you, too, Avery," she whispers back.
"I have something for you," I tell her and get up from the bed. I walk towards the closet and pull out my guitar hanging up on the inside. When I turn back to face Cassie, she pulls her eyebrows together in question, but doesn't say anything. She sits up, crossing her legs, and giving me her full attention.
I adjust the strings, tuning the guitar, then I strike a few chords to make sure it sounds right, then I sit on the edge of the bed, turning my body some to see Cassie better. "I wrote this a while ago. I wanted to sing it to you, but I never thought it was perfect enough. Then it kind of defeat its purpose, because this was meant to be sung to you while you were still with Pierce."
"Um." She doesn't say anything more, but she cocks her head, obviously confused.
"Just let me sing it. I'm not leaving you, and I hope you'll never leave me. I think this can explain just how I love you though." She nods her head with a small smile upon her beautiful face, and I start to play, losing myself in the music.
"If it took a hundred years, that'd be okay.
If I told you even a day too late, that'd be okay.
As long as you know, it'll all be okay,
Because everything I need is...
Is for you to know.
And if you said you didn't love me, that'd be okay.
And if you said goodbye, I'd be okay.
As long as you know, it'll all be okay,
Because everything I need is...