Forgive Me

by Ashley Beale

  Once we head back towards the kitchen, she asks, “so do you have plans tonight?”

  “I’m a mom, that is my plan.” I turn to look over my shoulder at her and give her a small smile. It’s true. Being a young, single mom, you don’t have much of a social life unless it includes reality television or a romance novel behind closed doors.

  She starts to open her mouth when I hear Magnolia speak up. “Actually, your brother and I wanted to see if we could take him to our house tonight. Gunner works in the morning on the farm and wanted to bring Justin with him. Show him the ropes, get him used to the animals and all that. We all want our fair share of him while he is around.”

  “Oh, well I’ll see what he thinks, but I’m sure that would be wonderful.”

  Bray claps with excitement. “Perfect. I have somewhere I want to bring you.”

  Before I know it, I’m sliding my newly manicured feet into a tall pair of black heels, which so happens to match the strapless dress Bray had me put on. Its very tight in the chest area then falls into a silk mass until my upper-mid thigh. When she saw the blue and white stripped full butt, cotton panties I had on, she made me take them off and put on a pair of boyshorts she had in her closet, with the tags still on them. They’re black, too, and I actually feel like I’m covering more up now.

  I’m not one to dress so… dirty. I mean, I look classy as can be considering what I’m wearing, but I don’t typically wear things that show off cleavage or leg, or that is so breezy, I can feel the wind go up my legs until it reaches below my breasts. Plus, I’m not wearing a bra.

  If it weren’t for Bray putting long spiral curls into my thick, brown locks, or adding on just the right amount of makeup and jewelry, I probably wouldn’t go out. But I look myself in the mirror and I hardly recognize myself, and hell, I’ll admit it, I look hot. Scolding, sizzling hot.

  Apparently the place she is taking me to requires short skirts and tall heels. As long as you have those, you’re good to go. Bray goes to get ready while I call and check to see how Justin is doing.

  When she enters back into the room, all of a sudden I feel like a nun. She has on a school girl skirt, she is wearing more of a bra than a shirt, and minimal jewelry- making it known she is there for one thing, and one thing only. I shake my head at her and she just starts laughing. Her almost white hair bounces with her laughter but she gathers it and piles it on top of her head, allowing a few curled pieces to fall down. She clips it in, then grabs some perfume, spritzing the both of us.

  “Ready?” she asks.

  I look her up and down with a raised brow. “You tell me. Are you going to get dressed before we go?”

  She laughs, not caring one bit that she looks like a slut. “Sweetie, when you’ve been married and divorced more than once at the age of twenty-five, I promise you, you’re not looking for a happily ever after. You’re looking for a fuck.”

  My face turns red, I can feel it. I hardly swear, let alone talk dirty. Heck, I even get embarrassed when a book turns me on. Bray was never the shy one though, and that is why we got along so well.

  She pauses while sliding her own feet into a pair of white stilettos. “Please tell me you get some action?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  Her jaw drops and her eyes turn into saucers. “I’m speechless,” she says after a few awkward moments. “How long has it been?”

  “Can we just get going?”

  “Not until you tell me how long it’s been.” She stands tall once both shoes are on, and she crosses her arms under her redesigned breasts. There is no way those are real. Her lips are puckered and her brows are raised. Yeah, there is no getting out of this one.

  I pretend to think on it but sadly, I know. I know the date and the time. “A few years,” I say instead of the actual truth.

  “How many guys have you been with, Lexi?”

  My eyes look in any direction but directly at her. She lets out a gasp. “Is it just Zander?”

  “Can we go now? Please?” I beg, still not looking at her.

  She laughs. “Wow, we are finding you a man tonight.”

  I roll my eyes and walk past her, out of her room.

  While waiting on her to finish up her makeup, I scroll through my phone to catch up on some e-mails. Anything to keep my mind off from the fact that Zander never showed back up, at least not until after I left. Justin was gone before me, so I didn’t have to worry about any awkwardness there. Emerson didn’t seem to suspect a thing, which is good. Things went smoothly, and everyone enjoyed themselves the remainder of the day, but my mind wasn’t in focus. Now I’m going out drinking with Bray, which could be wonderful or it could be a total disaster. I guess it depends on if I can keep my mind away from all my personal drama and focus clearly on having a great time.

  Bray walks out and I’m surprised she doesn’t have on hooker makeup. She actually looks pretty incredible, considering her attire. We head out into her convertible Lexus but she puts the top up so we don’t look wind-blown and hideous before we get there.

  The night club is most certainly not what I’m used to. The women here look as though they bath in diamonds and gold, the men look thirsty for a mistress, and the drinks look like they cost more than a house payment. Short skirts and high heels are absolutely in the dress code, while the guys wear tight jeans and tighter shirts. I really don’t belong in a place like this and can’t seem to get myself comfortable, not even with the fact my clothing attire blends with everyone else’s.

  I look to Bray before we even get to the bar and shake my head at her. She just grins wider, proving herself as mischievous, which I’m in no way surprised by. We get to the bar and she shows the bartender two fingers. He walks over and grabs the most gorgeous blue bottle of liqueur I’ve ever seen, and mixes some cranberry juice into the cups with it. He walks back over, places the drinks down and walks away. That’s all.

  “My husband owns this place.”

  I look up to Bray mid sip. I’m not sure if I heard her right, so I just take a small sip, savoring the strong yet juicy drink. She looks at me after a few sips of her own. “Yeah, we’re getting divorced, I know, but its free drinks. Plus, it won’t hurt when I start flirting with people. He’ll be in a rampage, which in the end, only makes me happier.

  I don’t understand her logic, so I don’t say anything. I decide to be grateful for the free drinks and the highly attractive guys all around.

  Two more drinks in, I can barely stand up. Bray and I found a pretty great place on the dance floor to shake our hips, something I’m most certainly not used to doing. A few different strands of guys have made their way behind us, dancing with us too, but no one stuck around. Every time anyone got too close, a bouncer would come up and show a little teeth along with a growl. Apparently Bray’s husband is somewhere in the bar, keeping his eye on her, but not showing his actual face.

  Its too loud for conversation, so I point to a tall table and stools, indicating I need to sit down. She nods, understanding what I’m asking, and together we push our way through the crowd. A few elbows here and there, and a lot of sweat is smeared on us, but in just a few moments we’re both sitting down, wiping our own sweat off ourselves with a napkin.

  She pulls her phone out from her bra and starts to text before looking around. I just sit here, calming my breathing while working through the alcohol in my system. Bray leans in close, so she doesn’t have to yell too loud, although I still can barely understand her over the thumping. “I’ll be right back.” She climbs out of the chair before I can beg her not to leave me here alone.

  I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Bray hasn’t changed much at all.

  Less than a minute later, her chair is being occupied by a very attractive man, except he looks to be in his late thirties. “Drink?” he yells out to me.

  I smile and shake my head no. He runs his hand over the top of his head with a shyer smile. “I’m Wyn.” I can’t tell if he says win or wind, but I just smile and nod my head.
He chuckles, so it looks- I just can’t hear it. “Wyn, W-y-n,” he spells out.

  “Oh, okay. Lexi,” I yell out. His smile disappears as fast it comes and he looks behind me instead of at me. I wish those damn bouncers would leave me alone. It’s not like Bray is even with me anymore.

  “Nice to meet you Lexi,” he yells and stands, walking away faster than he showed up. Man, those bouncers really scared him off. Seconds later the seat is occupied again and I’m about to tell this next poor soul not to even think about it until I notice who it is.

  I smile largely at Tanner. “Hey,” I yell. Is he the one who scared off Wyn? That is strange, but kind of funny.

  He nods his chin and looks out at the crowd. Okay then.

  When he finally looks at me, its not to say, but instead he yells, “where is my sister?”

  I shrug my shoulders. His guess is probably better than mine. He scoots out of the chair and faces me. “Let’s dance.”

  With a smile, I place my hand in his and we walk out through the crowd until we’re in a more open area. He spins me around so my back is to him, then he pulls me close. He sways us side to side, his hands firmly on my hips, directing us completely. I lean into him, allowing him to take completely control. My head rests on his shoulder and I can feel the warmth of his breath on my ear.

  The song is a fast beat but we’re going pretty slow considering. I do enjoy it because I’m not dripping in sweat and my feet have a chance to relax. I’m used to heels, but I’m in no way used to dancing in them.

  Once the third song starts, he twirls me to face him. He grabs one of my legs and props it up around his hip and thrusts forward so I look as though I’m about to salsa with him. His hands guide mine to go up and rest over his shoulders, then his slide down my body and curves until its met with my butt. I can feel his fingers just under the hem of my dress and I’m surprised to find myself incredibly turned on.

  I’m sure it has a lot to do with the amount of alcohol I’ve consumed, mixed with it being so long since I’ve had sex, along with the fact Tanner is extremely attractive. Yeah, there are a lot of reasons I’m turned on and instead of telling myself it’s a bad idea, I think of the fact that I actually do deserve this. That is, if this is more than a dance.

  A finger of his plays with the hem of my panties and I squirm ever so much. He smiles down at me, his eyes hooded with what I assume to be desire, and I have to clench between my legs. All at once, everyone and everything around me disappears, and we’re the only two in my existence. My breathing increases and I can hear his hitch, probably not expecting me to be so turned on over something so damn simple.

  I watch him run his tongue along his bottom lip before they come in closer to mine. I’m greedy as I bring my lips to his, pressing them together with a power I didn’t realize I had. His tongue caresses my lip, asking for me to open up to him, and I have no problem allowing it to happen. A moan reverberates through my throat at the feeling of his wet warmth mixing with mine, which causes him to pull me into him more.

  He grows between his legs, meeting me where I want him. The fact we’re in a club immediately angers me and I pull my head away from him, panting with uneven breaths. “Can we g-“

  I don’t finish my question before he grabs ahold my hand and pulls me behind him. We leave the club and I feel guilty leaving Bray behind but damn if I don’t want this. Damn if I don’t deserve it.

  Do not dwell in the past,

  Do not dream of the future,

  Concentrate the mind on the present moment.

  -Buddha

  “Keep them on,” Tanner tells me when I start to slide my heel off. I look up to him, wide eyed and confused. His shirt is unbuttoned, hanging open to show off his deliciously chiseled chest, and he is currently working his belt while watching me intently. “Trust me,” he says with a wink, sliding the belt out of the loops.

  I watch in pure admiration as his continues to undress himself.

  When he is down to just his low riding boxers, he walks over and helps me stand back up. His hands slide my dress up over my head, caressing each curve of my body, causing heat to stir deep within. I’ve felt like this before but not nearly this intense. His lips come down onto mine, moving against them before pulling my button lip between his teeth. My eyes open slowly to look at him, just to see his are already opened, watching my expression.

  “I’ve dreamt of this for so long,” he whispers against my mouth.

  My head falls backwards as a moan involuntarily leaves my mouth. “Tanner,” I whisper-pant.

  Using the palm of his hand, he slides from between my breasts down until his just over my panty line. My breathing increases to an embarrassing level but its not something I can concentrate on right now. My legs are feeling weak, my head is in a haze, and my body is humming with energy, craving more.

  Tanner comes forward and licks the area below my ear lobe. I stand here, soaking him in, letting him tease me. I’m too embarrassed to do anything myself, so I allow him to take complete control. His hands come to my hips, pulling me closer and my hands go to his chest.

  I run my hands down the front of him until they meet his boxers, then I run my hands back up. “Do you want to do this?” he whispers lightly in my ear before pulling the ear lobe between his teeth.

  My body shakes in anticipation and I find myself nodding my head fast. Yes, yes, I want this so damn bad! I want to scream it out but I can’t seem to find the words.

  He backs away just slightly, enough to look down at me with his hooded gaze. His lips are swollen from all the kissing we’ve done and I want those lips on mine. I want them on my body, tasting me and teasing me. Tanner seems to almost read my mind when he comes forward and takes one of my erect nipples into his mouth. My body naturally arches into him and I moan out loudly.

  I didn’t realize that could feel so damn good.

  “Mm, Lexi,” his whispers before licking the swell of my breast and taking the next nipple into his mouth. My hands find his hair and I pull when he bites down ever so slightly, pulling back with it between his teeth.

  Everything between my legs becomes even more wet and I’m pretty sure if something isn’t done soon, these underwear will be ruined.

  “Tanner, please,” I beg. I don’t even know what I’m begging for. I may as well be a virgin, I’m so inexperienced. I don’t say as much, and I don’t seem to need to, because Tanner has been taking control and doing a damn good job at it.

  He falls to his knees and pushes on my hips until I’m sitting on the edge of his bed. “Lay down,” he mumbles against my skin. I lay down, leaving my feet on the ground. His kisses, licks and nibbles until he is met with my panties, then he slides them down.

  When his tongue tastes between my folds I can’t help but scream out. Shit! I’ve never felt anything so- whoa! Oh my god!

  As he keeps going with his tongue, he gradually adds a finger as well and I’m completely mesmerized. I’ve read hundreds if not thousands of romance novels, I’ve sneaked a few peeks at porn out of curiosity, I’ve seen tons of movies, but none of them can explain the euphoria that comes with having someone’s mouth between your legs. Nothing has ever compared to the amount of pleasure I feel in this moment and my body quickly starts to feel light as unknown sensations take over.

  The vibrations of his chuckle bring me back to reality and I loosen the grip of my hands in his hair. I hadn’t even noticed I was grabbing ahold of his locks. Needing something to hold myself in place, I grab the sheets underneath and completely give myself to Tanner.

  This incredible, unexplainable sensation starts in my lower stomach, then tingles spread everyone within. I’ve brought myself to an orgasm before, there is no denying that, but having someone bring you there is a whole different playing field. My body quakes and starts to convulse so sporadically, its all-consuming. My head feels ten times lighter and I feel like I’m having an out of body experience.

  When I’m unsure if my body can take much more, I start scr
eaming out for Tanner to stop, even though at the same time I’m wishing this would never end. My body starts to jerk as he adds pressure and my toes curl inside my heels, which are digging into the carpet below.

  Tanner then stops and stands above me, looking down with desire filled eyes. With a few deep breathes and a clearer mind, I’m ready for more, hoping it’s just as pressuring, maybe even more so.

  He tells me to move back on the bed, and as I do, he reaches down into his jeans, pulling out a foil wrapper. I look down as he applies the condom and my eyes nearly bug out of my head. Are they really that big? Oh no!

  Climbing onto the bed, Tanner adjusts us so he fits perfectly between my legs. He places light kisses on the edge of my mouth while his hardened, lubed cock pushes at my entrance. When he stops the kissing, he looks down at my face. The only words I can describe right now is that his eyes and face are filled with adoration towards me. A lust of his own, just for me. Something I’ve never fully experienced. Zander always loved me, and he proved it well, but we were too young that we didn’t take the time to appreciate each other this way. I’ve never been looked at quite like this, and my heart immediately starts to spasm.

  “Are you sure you want this?” he asks softly.

  The only thing I can do is nod my head. Words have completely failed me since this all started, besides a few moans and pants.

  Tanner then moves his hips forward and the sensation I feel between my parted legs is not of pleasure but purely of pain. I bite on my lip to stop myself from screaming in agony. Did it hurt like this before and I just forgot? Ouch! Tanner pulls back ever so much, his brows pinching together, then with a little added pressure he pushes his hips forward again.

  “Fuck,” I breath, not meaning to say it.

  Tanner pauses completely and watches my expression closely. “Lexi, I’m sorry, I thought-“