Falling Into Darkness

by L. M. Brown

  Michael hoped the demonic aspect of his child didn’t put the three men off the idea. If they refused, Michael hoped Raphael had another plan up his sleeve, because Michael had nothing.

  Machidiel invited the two archangels to stay to dinner, and the five men shared a pleasant meal together. Afterward, Michael and Raphael left the trio to talk things over. They didn’t have to make a decision right away, there was a little time before the baby arrived. It would also give Michael time to think about whether he could go through with this at all.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Michael returned to his home, he found Lucifer sitting on his beach, staring out over the waves, just as Michael enjoyed doing. Gabriel watched the fallen angel from the kitchen, no doubt keeping an eye on him. It would not be a good idea to let Lucifer wander the realm alone. Who knew what mischief he could get into?

  “Where have you been?” Gabriel asked. “I think Lucifer is getting impatient.”

  “Raphael and I were visiting Machidiel and his partners.”

  “Ah, I see.”

  “Do you?”

  Gabriel nodded. “I can’t think of anyone better to raise your child.”

  “They haven’t agreed yet, and neither have I.”

  Gabriel patted him on the shoulder. “They will, but why wouldn’t you?”

  “I never thought I’d be a father. This is probably the only chance I’ll get. Do I really want to give that up?”

  “You cannot live as an angel on Earth,” Gabriel said.

  “I know.” If he wanted to take on the role of a father and give his child a normal life, he would have to do so as a mortal.

  “Could you really give up your wings, not to mention Lucifer?” Gabriel asked.

  “Yes, I could. If the child were a mortal it wouldn’t even be a question. My concern is that without my powers I can’t protect him or her if I need to. My child will be a target and as a mortal I’d be powerless.”

  “You know what Lucifer would say?”

  “Lucifer is selfish. He would say whatever suits him.”

  “Perhaps you should go talk to him. Maybe he’ll surprise us.”

  Michael nodded, said goodbye to his best friend, and went to join Lucifer on the beach.

  “Are you settled in?” Michael asked.

  Lucifer smiled at him and kissed him on the lips. “I am now. Where have you been?”

  Michael explained, again, where Raphael had taken him and the reason why. Lucifer, predictably, thought it a marvelous idea. With someone else raising Michael’s child, it meant Michael could devote more of his time to keeping Lucifer happy. Michael had no doubt Lucifer’s response was selfish in origin, though he wished it were not so.

  “It’s an option,” Michael agreed. “I’m not sure whether they’ll agree, though, and even if they do, I’m not sure I’m ready to give my child to someone else to raise.”

  “You wouldn’t have time to raise a child on Earth as well as attend to your archangel duties.”

  “No, but I wasn’t thinking of trying that. Besides, angels are forbidden from residing permanently on Earth without giving up our wings. After a year I would have to become mortal.”

  “Of course you must,” Lucifer agreed. “It’s one of the many rules He has decreed with which I disagree.”

  Michael had no wish to argue about the laws the angels lived by. “The earth is the kingdom of man. If an angel wishes to live amongst mankind, he or she must live as they do, without powers. I accept that and will make my choice accordingly.”

  “You’d give up your wings?”

  “Maybe.”

  Lucifer shook his head. “You’re an archangel. It’s all you’ve ever known, all you’ve ever been.”

  “I know.”

  “You don’t even know if you could survive as a human.”

  “I guess I’d find out.”

  “What would happen to us if you gave up your wings?” Lucifer asked. “You couldn’t visit the Underworld, and I couldn’t go to Earth unless one of the other archangels escorted me, and we both know how unlikely that would be. We’d never see each other.”

  “I know, but that’s not what’s important.”

  Lucifer glared at him. “I thought I was important to you.”

  “You are, of course you are.”

  “But I’m never first in your life, am I?” Lucifer muttered. “How many more hundreds of years are you going to put everyone else before me?”

  Michael sighed and buried his face in his knees. “How many hundreds of years is it going to take before you believe I love you?”

  “I know you love me, but that’s not what I’m asking. I’m tired of being the last one you consider whenever you need to make an important decision in your life.”

  “That’s not true and you know it,” Michael snapped. “I am always putting you first, because you make such a fuss when I don’t.”

  “You’re seriously considering giving up your wings to raise this child, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “What’s stopping you?” Lucifer huffed under his breath. “Obviously your feelings for me don’t factor into your decision.”

  Michael had heard enough. “Is that what you think? Really, Lucifer? I should be considering how my choice will affect my recruits. I need to think about whether Gabriel will take on the role of leader of the archangels again. I need to be sure I can protect a child without my wings and powers. But the only thing I can think about right now is how you’d survive if I did this!”

  Lucifer cringed away from him as Michael lost his temper for the first time in centuries.

  “The entire world does not revolve around you,” Michael raged. “I’m going to be a father and, whether you like it or not, my child is going to come before you. The sooner you accept it, the better.”

  Michael didn’t wait for Lucifer to reply. He stormed back to the house and crawled into bed. He lay awake for hours, but Lucifer didn’t join him. Finally, shortly before dawn, Michael went to the window overlooking the beach. Lucifer hadn’t moved from his place on the sand. Michael yearned to join him, but he didn’t want to fight again. Instead he dressed and went for a walk.

  He didn’t know how he wound up in Gabriel’s gazebo, but he was still there when the archangel rose and found him there the next morning.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be monitoring Lucifer?” Gabriel asked.

  “We had a fight.”

  “Already?” Gabriel shook his head. “You’ve not even been living together for a day. How are you already fighting?”

  “He doesn’t like the idea of me giving up my wings to raise the baby myself.”

  “Lucifer is nothing if not predictable.”

  “I know. I should have waited before bringing it up, let him get used to the idea of me being a father.”

  “Should haves are a waste of time,” Gabriel said. “He knows what you’re considering and he has to deal with it.”

  “I should go back and talk to him,” Michael replied. “Not to mention, as you rightly pointed out, I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on him.”

  “I suspect Lucifer has too much on his mind right now to be considering recruiting angels to his cause.”

  “I hope so.”

  Gabriel walked Michael back through the garden. His presence was reassuring as always, but ultimately Michael had to make his own choices and follow his heart. He wished he had any idea as to what he should do.

  Michael arrived home to find Lucifer asleep in his bed. Exhausted after his own sleepless night, Michael slipped in beside him and wrapped his arms around his lover. He closed his eyes and slept at last. Maybe things would look better when he wasn’t so tired.

  * * * *

  They slept until early afternoon, and although Michael could have stayed in bed for another hour or two, he had to head to the training grounds. Lucifer came with him, causing quite a stir amongst the lesser angels, none of whom had seen him before. He radiated power and wa
s clearly one of the reclusive favored ones. Michael didn’t introduce him to his recruits and no one spoke to Lucifer, who watched silently from the sidelines. The archangels had decided it was for the best not to draw attention to Lucifer if they could avoid it.

  “What are you going to do about them?” Lucifer asked after Michael had finished work for the day. “Your recruits, I mean.”

  “The other archangels will take care of them for me.”

  “Can they teach them everything you can?”

  “No, just as I couldn’t teach an angel everything Gabriel, or Raphael, or any archangel could.”

  Michael wanted to take Lucifer’s hand as they walked along the main concourse, but he didn’t dare. They drew enough stares from the angels they passed already. Michael had no intention of feeding the rumors by revealing the true nature of his involvement with Lucifer. Even if most didn’t recognize the fallen angel, there were some who were old enough to remember him, at least if they looked closely enough. The fewer angels who knew they were lovers, the safer it would be for everyone concerned.

  “Let’s check on Ardat,” Michael suggested when they arrived back at the beach.

  They visited the demon for a short while, just long enough to ensure she was settled and safe. She made it clear she didn’t want them to disturb her and they soon left her and headed back to the realm of angels.

  “Dinner on Earth?” Michael asked.

  Lucifer agreed and Michael took him to Earth, finding a pleasant, quiet restaurant. They ordered their meals and ate in comfortable silence.

  Only when they had begun dessert did Lucifer raise the subject Michael had hoped to avoid for at least the duration of the evening.

  “What will you do if you give up your wings?” Lucifer asked.

  “Raise my child, of course.”

  “I know that. I meant for a job, to earn money. Where are you planning on living?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve not thought about it yet.”

  “You’ll be living as a human—don’t you think it’s something you should be thinking about? You’ve never lived without your powers.”

  “Neither have you,” Michael pointed out.

  “No, and I don’t intend to. But look at it this way. We’re sitting here in a restaurant you didn’t have to book a table at, because you used your powers to get us in here. When we’ve finished you’ll be able to pay because your wallet will have the exact right amount of money in it, no matter what we ordered. When you go to your cupboards at home, they always have what you need in them. Other than the occasional treat you buy here on Earth, you never have to shop and you don’t have to hold down a job to make money. You’ve never had to pay bills. You have no idea what it’s like out there.”

  “And you do?” Michael countered. “You don’t exactly have a nine-to-five job yourself.”

  “I’m a demon. I know humans and human needs, because I preyed on those needs for years.”

  “Most of the human race manages to survive without angelic or demonic assistance. I’m sure I’d be able to get by.”

  Lucifer looked as if he wanted to say something else, but for some reason he held his tongue. Michael tried prompting him, yet Lucifer remained stubbornly silent.

  Michael pretended to let the subject drop as they sipped their coffee. In reality he did something he had never done before. He used his powers to delve into Lucifer’s mind to see what he was thinking.

  “He doesn’t even realize he’ll be a bigger target than his child. Every demon alive will want the honor of slaying the archangel Michael. I won’t be able to protect him. I’ll be trapped in the Underworld while he’s vulnerable on Earth. They’ll both be dead within a year, and I’ll be powerless to prevent it. I’m going to lose him. I’m going to lose him. How can I be expected to watch him die?”

  Michael closed his eyes and disconnected from Lucifer’s mind. Spoken out loud, Michael would have brushed aside Lucifer’s words as his usual selfish attitude, thinking only of how it would affect him. That his lover had kept them to himself made Michael consider them closer.

  Could Lucifer be correct? Would Michael be targeted by demons if he gave up his wings?

  Who was he kidding? Of course he would. Michael had been the one to lead the angels during the great war. He was instantly recognizable to every demon alive. As soon as word got out he had given up his wings the demons would search every corner of the earth until they found him. He would be powerless to stop them killing him and the child.

  A child could be hidden, especially if only a select few knew of its existence. Michael was another matter entirely. He couldn’t expect the other archangels to neglect their duties to protect him, even though they wouldn’t hesitate to do so if he were to ask.

  Michael didn’t speak of what he had heard of Lucifer’s thoughts and his lover never brought the subject up. They returned home and Michael took Lucifer to bed, making love to him until the early hours of the morning.

  For the next few days they settled into a routine and Michael mulled over the decision of what he should do. He didn’t want to give up his child, but he had to do what was best for the baby. Leaving Lucifer under the watchful eye of Raphael, Michael headed to Gabriel’s garden, seeking his best friend’s advice once more.

  “Do you think I’d be in danger from demons if I chose to live as a mortal?” Michael asked, getting right to the point.

  “Yes, I do.” Gabriel sounded sure of himself. “You’ve been a thorn in the side of every demon who has crossed your path since the day Lucifer fell from grace. They’ll be queueing up for the pleasure of killing you if they discover you’ve made yourself vulnerable by living as a human. You know, as well as I do, every angel can hide their angelic aura from demons, but only while we retain our powers. If an angel gives up his or her wings, they lose the power to hide their aura, and it shines out like a beacon for demons everywhere. As an archangel, your aura will be the brightest on Earth. And, while most former angels are ignored by demons, that won’t be the case with you. Your face is instantly recognizable to everyone in the Underworld and that will be your downfall.”

  “My child will have the same aura,” Michael pointed out. “He or she will be equally vulnerable.”

  “If the child is raised by Machidiel and his partners, any demon will assume they have used a surrogate and the aura is inherited from Machidiel. No one is likely to suspect the child might be yours.”

  “They might if I visit them as frequently as I would wish.”

  “Then you’ll have to be careful,” Gabriel said. “I know you’ll always put the welfare of your child first, even if it means stepping back and letting others take on the role you would like to have for your own.”

  “I feel as if I’m being selfish by not taking on the duties that are mine.”

  Gabriel shook his head. “If you were a regular human, with a child on the way, you know as well as I do you’d never shirk from your responsibilities. These are unusual circumstances, and you’re not just some random mortal. You’re an archangel, and like it or not, you have many enemies. You need to do what’s best to protect your child from those forces.”

  “I know. I just wish the decision wasn’t quite so hard. I’m ready to give up my wings and face up to my responsibilities.”

  “If you feel that’s the best course of action, I’ll stand by your decision.”

  “I don’t know if it is,” Michael admitted.

  “Well, you have a while yet before you need to make your choice, perhaps things will seem clearer once the baby is born.”

  Michael nodded. He hoped that would be the case, because right now he felt torn in different directions and he had no idea what to do for the best.

  * * * *

  Michael paced on his beach, waiting for news from the Underworld. Ardat had refused to allow his presence in the chamber when she went into labor, and no amount of arguing would change her mind. Instead, he was forced to wait for the news from the two lesser ang
els who had gone into the Underworld to assist with the birth.

  Finally, one of the angels appeared in the entrance. “It’s a girl,” she called as she waved Michael over.

  Michael ran to the tunnel, Lucifer close at his heels.

  He was halfway down the steps when he realized Lucifer was no longer behind him. He wanted to see his child, but he had a duty to ensure Lucifer wasn’t left unattended in the realm of angels. Sighing with frustration, he did an about face and hurried back up the stairs. He met Lucifer at the entrance.

  “What are you doing?” Michael asked.

  “Just taking a last look at the sea,” Lucifer replied. “Ardat will be going back to her former residence, and I’ll be expected to return to the Underworld. No more playing house with you, I’m afraid.”

  “I’m sure she’ll need a day or two to recover,” Michael pointed out.

  “She’s a demon,” Lucifer reminded him. “She’s no doubt already recovered and eager to be on her way.”

  Michael didn’t believe him, but when they arrived in Lucifer’s chambers he discovered he wasn’t far from the truth.

  Ardat was out of bed, dressed in her usual attire and brushing out her long hair. If it weren’t for the newborn baby sleeping in the arms of the angel, Michael would never have believed the demon had just given birth.

  “Ah, good, there you are,” Ardat said. “You have a daughter. Lucifer, thank you for the use of your chambers. I’ll be leaving in just a few minutes, if you’d be so kind as to fetch my belongings from your bathroom.”

  Lucifer gaped at the succubus, not because of her eagerness to depart, which he had predicted a few moments before, but rather, Michael suspected, because she spoke to him as if he were an errand boy.

  “Don’t you want to know about our plans for raising the child?” Michael asked.