The Art of Reading People

by Ian Tuhovsky

  Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations

  What does this mean?

  Again, when you are an impulsive person you do not think about long-term things. Psychopaths are unable to consider how they need to act for the next day, let alone weeks, months, or years. Some psychopathic people are able to act like psychopaths and still plan ahead, but a true psychopath, under the DSMV definition, would not be able to do so.

  What harm does it do?

  Because they treat people like they will never need them, spend like money will never be scarce, and treat work like it will be there forever, they are completely unprepared for when these things disappear. This not only affects them, but everyone around them.

  Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing

  What does this mean?

  Going back to their lack of empathy, a psychopath does not feel bad about the results of their actions. Someone could do all the above and although they would be a dangerous person, they would not be a psychopath. Psychopaths are genuinely comfortable being who they are. They do not mind hurting people. Much like the solipsist, the only time they regret their actions is when they are suffering the consequences. And even then, when the consequences end, they rarely learn from their mistake. They often do the same things repeatedly.

  What harm does it do?

  This means that everything a psychopath does to hurt you will happen repeatedly. You can never correct them. No matter what you say or do, as soon as they are free, they will repeat their behavior and cause the same damage again. [27]

  At this point, you are probably starting to see why psychopathy was renamed Antisocial Personality Disorder. It is literally a threat to society. Civilization was built by people looking forward, putting aside their primitive animal instincts, and looking out for one another, to build a better future for all. Psychopathy is literally the opposite of civilization and, in that sense, the opposite of humanity. Everything that makes us different from animals is missing in a psychopath. They are the raw, primitive human beast that we all wish had been left behind.

  It is important to remember this, because it helps us to understand psychopaths. On some level, a psychopath lives within all of us. They do not have anything extra that we are missing, but we have extra traits that make us more civilized. We have the ability to control our instincts. We have forward planning. We have empathy, even for people we have never met. They lack all of this. They are us, without our ability to think about the future or to care for others. [28]

  It is also important to consider that not all psychopaths are dangerous to us. All psychopaths could potentially harm us, but many of them go about their lives without ever hurting anyone or doing anything obvious. They are acting on impulse every day of their lives, but not everyone has criminal impulses. We hear a lot about the psychopaths who have an impulse to kill, have constant sex, or binge eat, because the media loves sensational stories. But 1-2% of humans are psychopaths, and most of them are just normal, everyday people on the outside.[29]

  That makes them more dangerous, because out of every 100 people you meet, one or two of them are the sort of person who, if they really felt like it, would hurt you without a second thought.

  Lesson 12: Spotting the psychopath.

  The DSMV diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder is a great place to start when we are trying to spot psychopaths, or people with psychopathic tendencies. A psychopath acts on impulse, which makes them fairly easy to spot.

  Psychopaths are usually unsuccessful people. We often think of psychopaths as being incredibly successful in their chosen field, whether it's the ruthless billionaire CEO, or the serial killer with hundreds of bodies in the basement. Really, psychopaths are more likely to be working at a fast food chain, or people arrested for starting scuffles in bars. Being successful takes self-control and lots of planning, two things most psychopaths lack.

  If you do know a successful psychopath, chances are they succeeded thanks to luck. Lottery winners, people in the right place at the right time, or people with a unique talent can make up for their lack of planning ability. Another way psychopaths succeed is by exploiting the hard work of others. Many wealthy psychopaths had wealthy parents or married very wealthy people. Most psychopaths who climbed their own way to the top did this by letting other people do the work and taking the credit for themselves. This is as close as a psychopath can get to forward planning and is very rare.

  Psychopaths will be hedonists. This doesn't automatically mean a psychopath will be an overweight, alcoholic, shopaholic, nymphomaniac, because not everyone likes food, alcohol, consumables, or sex all that much. What it does mean is that everything a psychopath does is for their own pleasure. They will probably have a hard time staying in shape, have tried drugs at some point, and have a long list of past sexual partners. They could also be workaholics, or compulsive exercisers, if they genuinely enjoy these things. The key is that they avoid sacrifice like the plague and live just for pleasure.

  Because they did not earn their successes, and because they are hedonists, psychopaths have a hard time holding onto wealth of any kind. A psychopath is more likely to be broke than other people with their income, less likely to own a house than other people of their age and with their income, and less likely to have anything else that comes with wealth, such as marriage, family, or status. Even if you know a successful psychopath, if you see them in a year's time they could be unsuccessful again.

  Exercise:

  When trying to work out if you know any psychopaths closely, look for unsuccessful people who are completely focused on their own pleasure. Usually, an unsuccessful person is focused on improving themselves, so they can succeed. A psychopath cannot learn, so they will happily stay unsuccessful as long as they can indulge their hedonistic lifestyle. They will only do the bare minimum to keep this lifestyle.

  It is important to identify these people because they are exactly the ones who do dangerous things “out of nowhere”. Do not be deceived if they are charismatic, funny, and sexually attractive. Psychopaths are often all these things, because looking like a nice person is the easiest way of manipulating people. It is important to not develop an intimate relationship with psychopaths, because they can suddenly turn against you. It is also important not to be cruel to them, or even to put too much trust in them. There is always the chance that they will decide you need to be hurt. Why? Just because they feel like it.

  Do you know any psychopaths, or people with psychopathic tendencies? If you know someone you are not sure of, it is better to be careful. Assume they are psychopathic until they prove otherwise more than once. Your safety might depend on it.

  CHAPTER TEN: SHALLOW AFFECT AND EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

  Shallow affect is a key aspect of many Bad Guy personalities and mental disorders. Narcissists, psychopaths, and borderlines, for example, all show shallow affect. When someone does not experience the same range or depth of emotions as the average person it’s referred to as shallow affect.

  To understand this, let's use the example of color. We all see color in some way unless we are blind. Some people may see colors more vividly, some people may see more differences between similar colors, but in general our experience of color is very similar. That is why most people enjoy combining similar colors. That is why we often agree on what paintings are fine art and which ones are not.

  But then there are a few people who are color-blind. Some of these people do not see all the colors we see. For example, red and green may seem the same to them. Or red and brown. Or blue and yellow. They are simply missing some colors the rest of us take for granted.

  Other color-blind people see all the same colors, but they are faded. They could separate red and green on a page, but they could not tell apart a richly colored item or something painted in pastels or dusky colors

  People who are color-blind do not se
riously suffer because of their condition. They have often lived with it their whole lives, and even if they have not, we adapt fast to changes in the way we see things. They just understand the world very differently to those who recognize color well. They may not react the right way in front of a stop sign. They may not be able to read a certain advertisement. They may not feel the same way we do about fashion or art.

  If you swap color for feelings, then we have a perfect picture of shallow affect. Quite simply there are people out there who are missing feelings, or who do not experience any intensity in their feelings, or both. Maybe they cannot feel angry, disappointed, bored, irritated, or frustrated, only sad. Maybe they can feel all these things, but their feelings are never enough to get them to act. They have been a little bit annoyed, but never angry enough to shout or get physical. They have been sad, but never miserable enough to cry. The sort of extreme emotions that we see in films aren't just rare for these people: they are impossible, and probably very confusing.

  Shallow affect does not have to be a bad thing for the sufferer or the people around them. You can go through your whole life without feeling the same feelings as other people and have no problems. To put this in perspective: there are feelings that many of us do not experience.

  Schizophrenic, transsexual, and bipolar people often experience something called dissociation. They feel their body and their self is separate. Autistic people can experience a sensation of overwhelm caused by something meaningless to the rest of us. Schadenfreude, or epicaricacy, is the feeling of enjoying seeing someone else suffer. These are real feelings that some people experience, but that most of us will never really understand.

  We are not incomplete for not having these feelings. We do not need these feelings to treat the people who have them as people. We can empathize with, relate to, and interact with these people despite not having the same feelings they have. It's about humanity, not shared experience. In much the same way, someone who has never been truly angry can empathize with, relate to, and interact with us. Even if they do not have our same experiences. Because there is one experience we all share: the experience of being human.

  When we combine shallow affect and other Bad Guy symptoms, we get problems. This happens because some of the things which help us to be good people are based in emotion. Not everyone has a robust moral compass. Many, many people do not see the difference between “good” and “good for me”, or “evil” and “bad for me”. The way that these people know how to behave is by checking in with their feelings. Our emotions guide us and show us whether what we are doing is good or bad. This supports us morally and makes sure we make the right decisions for our civilization.

  Guilt is an emotion nobody likes feeling, but a very important one. Guilt lets us know that society actively disapproves of something we’ve done. It makes us feel uncomfortable, even if nobody else knows about it. It encourages us not to do this again.

  Without guilt, many people would be able to do the same bad things repeatedly because sometimes it can be hard to relate to the struggles and suffering of another person. But we can relate to their pain, sadness, or anger. So, we do, and then we experience guilt. When we cannot experience guilt, we cannot correct our behavior

  Joy is an emotion that encourages us to keep doing the same things. This is why we experience joy when we eat great food, spend time with people we love, or do something kind.

  Without joy, many people turn to simple rushes like sugar, drugs, sex, or games to make themselves feel good. There is no true accomplishment in these things, but they trigger our simplest reward instincts. This means we will do simple, instinctive things repeatedly, rather than deeper, more meaningful things that will make us happy in the long-term.

  Shame is an emotion that lets us know how to fit in. Humans are social animals and we deeply want to fit in with a small, closely connected group. We experience shame when we break the rules or expectations of the group. The other side of shame is discomfort. We get uncomfortable when someone else does something that would make us feel ashamed.

  Without shame, we do things that at best make our group feel uncomfortable, and at worst actively hurt it. Shame is our way of drawing boundaries that are not described by morals or by laws.

  Anger is an emotion that lets us know when we have been hurt. Anger provides the courage we need to fight for the things we are passionate about. Sometimes when we get angry, we can effectively defend ourselves and our loved ones.

  Without anger, we are at risk of getting hurt or abused. We could also allow our loved ones to be hurt and abused. Someone who does not experience anger may not care when they are wronged.

  Fear is another emotion that lets us know when we have been hurt. Fear is present when there is something dangerous that we are not able to fight. When we get scared we are preparing to confront or avoid a threat.

  Without fear, we risk running head-first into danger. We are also likely to get our loved ones involved in dangerous situations. As both fear and fearlessness feed off the emotions of others, our loved ones will not feel as scared because we seem fearless.

  These are not the only emotions which could be missing in someone with shallow affect, but they are some of the most dangerous ones. Without even one of these emotions we could act in a way that hurts us or the people around us. Again, normally a person without these emotions will adapt. If they are also narcissistic, or solipsistic, then they may not notice or care that their lack of emotions hurts others.

  Likewise, when emotions are numbed in general people can become dangerous and unpredictable. This happens in part because this person does not relate to us at all. And in part because humans like feeling things. Feelings are an integral part of our humanity. When someone does not have intensity in their feelings, then they will try and enhance their lukewarm response somehow.

  Thrill-seeking is one way of enhancing feelings. Thrill-seekers will do anything to cause pain (e.g. martial arts) or fear (e.g. parachute jumping). They do these things because pain and fear trigger the release of feel-good hormones that will lift their mood a bit.

  Over indulgence is another way of enhancing feelings. Over indulgers will keep doing the same thing repeatedly and compulsively to enjoy the positive feelings that come with fulfilling their simple instinctive needs.

  Some people with shallow affect try and live feelings vicariously through others. Vicarious feelers will do nearly anything to get a reaction out of someone. It doesn't matter if the emotion is positive or negative, but the more intense the better.

  All three of these ways of enhancing emotions are technically harmless and can be done safely. But when combined with literally any other Bad Guy behaviors they become a problem, and the more Bad Guy behaviors there are, the more dangerous the person could be. [30]

  Lesson 13: Identifying shallow affect.

  Identifying shallow affect may sound like a challenge, but it is actually really easy most of the time because our emotions are very visible on our faces and bodies. Most of the time we can tell when someone has normal emotions and when someone has shallow affect just by looking at them.

  A person with normal emotions will show their emotions in the ways our culture deems acceptable. They will smile when something good happens. They will seem upset when something bad happens. How extreme their expressions are will vary. It depends on both our culture and on how outgoing the person is. But they will show their emotions whether they intend to or not.

  Likewise, someone with shallow affect will not show much emotion, whether they intend to or not. They will seem a little stone-faced at all times and may not react to things that happen to them, whether they are good or bad. They might try and imitate normal expressions, but it will always seem insincere.

  We can make mistakes when using this method. Most of these mistakes will be false positives, that is, we will assume someone has shallow affect when they do not. For example, someone from a more modest culture, or from a subculture like emo culture, ma
y intentionally hide emotions. This could at first look like someone without much emotion. However, over time you will begin to see their own personal ways of showing their feelings.

  Sometimes we can get a false negative, which is when we assume someone has more depth of emotion than they do. This is rare but usually happens when someone with shallow affect knows they have shallow affect. The key to discovering these people is to catch them off guard. When surprised, it can take them a few minutes to work out what the “right” emotion is. If this person is cold and calm in unexpected situations, then they may have shallow affect.

  Exercise:

  A great exercise to help us identify shallow affect is identifying normal, healthy emotion levels. Spend some time looking at yourself in the mirror. When talking to friends and family, watch their eyes, eyebrows, mouth, and cheeks. You will slowly begin to notice what a normal emotional reaction looks like. There is a huge range of what is normal, of course! The more people you watch and the more varied situations you are in, the more you will discover the pattern of what is normal. And when you know what normal looks like, it is much easier to identify abnormal emotional reactions, for example shallow affect.

  Again, always remember that shallow affect, on its own, is not always bad. But if you meet someone with shallow affect who is also, for example, selfish, or a liar, then you might be looking at a Bad Guy.