‘Steven Gerrard never looked like that.’ Jack said excitedly.
‘Why don’t you bring that wine over here and let me show you how sorry I am.’
Chapter Twenty-five
It was the eighth week after Ben’s life had been mangled beyond all recognition. Everything that he saw as central to his happiness had been a sham, nothing more than a cheap veneer that had come away to reveal the rotting mess underneath.
Rhia hadn’t rung for two days, perhaps realising, finally, that he wasn’t going to speak to her. To answer the phone would be acknowledging that he wanted to speak to her, and then he’d end up forgiving her. Except that he wasn’t going to forgive her and he wasn’t going to speak to her. As for Steve, he hadn’t bothered to ring either, the coward. Well, fuck him too.
After that messy, sleepless night spent slumped next to the telephone, when he was at his lowest point, Ben had been taking each day as it came. He forced himself to get up and go to work, refused to give up and retreat back to days in bed or nights in a bottle. He worked hard, using his job to occupy his thoughts and leave as little time as possible for contemplation. So far, so good.
Em had been superb over the past week, even ringing him at home to make sure he was alright. She’d included him in office banter, something that he’d never really seen the point of before. Now he found a few people speaking to him socially around the office, whereas he’d only ever discussed work with them before. All in all, he was finding it quite an enjoyable and enlightening experience and was grateful to Em for her efforts. He was pleased with how he was coping, apart from the moments when he was lying in the darkness waiting to fall asleep.
* * * * * *
For a split second when she spotted him standing next to her car, she considered making up an excuse and walking on down the road, but it was almost instantly too late as he’d seen her and started waving. She smiled quickly as if she’d only just noticed him, and surrendered herself to the fact that he’d messed up her plans again, whether he meant to or not.
‘Hiya Jen, you here to see Katie are you?’
‘Alright Jack mate, yeah; we’ve arranged to go shopping for a new dress.’
Katie had been seeing Jack for about a month now and their relationship had been going from strength to strength as far as Jen could gather. This pleased her since men had trampled Katie on numerous occasions in the past and she thoroughly deserved to be happy. To his credit, Jack seemed to be an extremely nice bloke, he was polite and considerate, good looking in a certain light Jen thought, and appeared besotted by Katie. Plus, Dave’s name had barely been mentioned which meant, Jen hoped, that emotional progress was being made.
All good, yet Jen found herself becoming increasingly agitated by his omnipresence. It seemed that whenever she called Katie or suggested anything, Jack was there wanting to join in and be one of the girls, part of the gang. The trouble was that Katie was more than happy for him to tag along.
The previous day, Jen had given Katie sketchy details about Norm and said that she was going out with him at the weekend and felt like treating herself to a new dress to impress him. She hadn’t said she was seeing him or anything, as it would only lead to countless questions. It was then that Katie had actually suggested they go shopping together for the dress and have some lunch at the same time. Jen was pleased at the offer and accepted gladly. So, she’d turned up outside Katie’s office, head full of ideas for her new dress, and now here was Jack.
‘Brilliant,’ Jack continued, ‘I thought I’d surprise her and take her out for lunch.’
Jen smiled politely. ‘Great.’ She was suddenly struggling for small talk. ‘So, what’ve you been up to today?’
‘Oh not much.’ He looked a little downcast. ‘I finished my last temping job last week so I’m just killing time ‘til the next one comes along. I’ve been applying for some stuff though.’
‘Yeah, cool. No luck yet though eh?’ Come on Katie; get your arse in gear.
‘Nah. Fingers crossed though.’
‘Yeah.’
They were silent for a moment and, just as it was becoming an awkward silence, Katie appeared through the rotating door of her office building.
‘Hiya,’ she said to Jen when she was close enough to be heard. Then, ‘Hey you,’ followed by a quick kiss on the lips and a one armed embrace for Jack.
‘You still fancying the shopping then or what?’ Jen asked, unsure whether or not Katie would still want to wander around various clothes shops when she could be sharing a plate of pasta with lover boy.
‘Too right I am. Jack can occupy himself for a bit can’t you chicken?’ She smiled at him as they walked along the street.
‘No problem. I was going to drag you off for some lunch but if you’ve stuff to buy, then I’ll go get myself a couple of burgers and buy a job paper. I trust I’ll be hearing from you later my sweet?’ He asked, sounding purposely cheesy and script-like.
‘Of course.’ Katie took his hand and moved in front of him. ‘I’ll ring you when I get home tonight.’ She kissed him goodbye and he ambled away happily.
Jen was surprised, but pleased, by this turn of events, and they spent over two hours rifling through racks of clothes, checking price tags and trying on various garments. Finally, Jen picked out a pair of pink shorts that hugged her everywhere and a handkerchief top, also pink.
‘What do you reckon?’ She looked at Katie over her shoulder in the shop’s full-length mirror.
‘It’s not a dress but I think he’ll get the message. Loud and clear baby!’ Katie nodded approvingly.
‘That’s the idea,’ Jen replied, disappearing back into the cubicle to get changed.
They walked through the town centre towards their respective offices, neither much caring that they were abusing the flexibility of their breaks to the limit, discussing Jack and how Katie’s relationship with him was developing.
‘So you’re mad keen then?’
‘Yeah. It’s like I said, I saw him that day with Simon and something just clicked. Either way, nothing’s gone tits up yet.’
‘Apart from you abusing his sister,’ Jen reminded.
‘Well yeah, apart from that. But how was I supposed to know? After all, if that’d been Dave then the blonde girl would’ve been someone else he was shagging.’
‘Any word from him lately?’ Jen’s tone was less agreeable.
‘Nah,’ was the quiet reply, ‘Nothing.’
‘And if there was?’
‘It wouldn’t matter, it’s finished.’
‘Hmm, good,’ Jen looked at Katie closely, her expression suggesting doubt but, realising the futility of pressing the issue, she said nothing more on the subject.
‘So,’ she began, moving quickly away from thoughts of Dave, ‘Jack seems like he’s pretty keen himself. He’s always about.’
‘Yeah, he is. But then he does live practically round the corner. Anyway, I can’t help it if he’s bending over backwards to keep me happy now can I?’
‘I thought that was your job?’ Jen suggested with a sly smile, raising her eyebrows.
Katie missed what she meant for a second and then rolled her eyes.
‘Give up you mucky cow. Mind you, we have been enjoying ourselves.’
They laughed dirtily and parted to return to their jobs for the afternoon, promising to call each other later. Jen walked away, feeling better about Katie and Jack, thinking that maybe she was being a little jealous and possessive, even protective of Katie, bearing in mind what had happened in the past with blokes like that git Dave.
That evening, Katie had just finished preparing a meal for her and Jack when she heard him calling from the street, below the kitchen window. She looked out to see him grinning up at her with a big bunch of flowers in his hand. She waved at him and went to let him in.
‘Thank you,’ she said gratefully, ‘What have I done to deserve these?’
‘Nothing much,’ he replied knowingly, ‘Only been great and made me happy
lately. Besides, you know what today is don’t you?’
She thought quickly and said she’d no idea what he was talking about. He shook his head in mock disbelief.
‘Today, my love is our one month anniversary. Cool eh?’
She laughed, pleased now that she was aware of it, his excitement at this landmark reminding her of past loves in her school years where a month was a lifetime.
‘Aww, that is so sweet,’ she pulled him closer with her free hand and kissed him, ‘I’ll put them in water.’
* * * * * *
While Katie and Jack were sprawled on her couch, sharing a meal, drinking wine and having a great time, Rhia was sitting in the kitchen at her sister’s house, determinedly working her way through a packet of bourbon creams. She felt miserable. In fact, she was totally fed-up and badly needed some proper sleep. Since coming clean and admitting everything to Ben, her life seemed to have reached an even lower point, when she’d thought that she was already at rock bottom. Not only had Ben thrown her out and Steve had a right go at her too, Ben was now refusing to even answer her calls.
She’d been ringing him almost constantly all week and had lost count of the times she’d listened to the recording of Ben’s voice telling her to leave a message. She had, of course, left messages, loads of them. She’d apologised, begged, cried, shouted and asked why until she’d nothing else to say. She hadn’t called him for two days now, hoping that this change of tactics might prompt him to pick up the phone and ring her. She reasoned that, until now, she’d been playing his game by chasing him. Her behaviour this last week had been obsessive and had bordered on stalking. Now she’d decided to ignore him for a while and wait for him to notice that she wasn’t making the effort anymore. When he came in from work, expecting to find half a dozen frantic messages from her, there would be none.
So far this new approach hadn’t produced any results, aside from the fact that she was brooding around the house more than before and now, instead of using the telephone as a means of aiding her attempts to get back on some sort of civil terms with Ben, she found herself feeling hindered by it; coming in from work and checking to see if he’d called and watching the phone for minutes at a time, willing it to ring.
All in all, Rhia was losing patience with the situation but could see no way of resolving things amicably. Besides, there would come a point when she’d have no choice but to accept that he really didn’t want anything to do with her at all. For the moment, though, this made her even more determined to speak to him and make him see that, despite everything she’d done to hurt him, she loved him and would do anything to make him want her. Although she’d been separated from him for two months now, she’d always felt that she was in control and could go back to him, to her life with him, when she felt ready. Now she didn’t have that option and was scared that she might have lost him, and more importantly the love he felt for her, altogether.
Chapter Twenty-six
It was two weeks since the day Rhia had dropped her bombshell and Ben was troubled by the fact that she hadn’t been in touch for the past few days. Although it’d been almost impossibly difficult to avoid clutching the telephone to his ear each time she’d rung, he kept telling himself that there was little point. As great as it would be to hear her voice and as easy, and natural, as it would be to tell her he loved her, he realised that as soon as they were past the initial excitement, the rot would set in because he was still so hurt by what she’d done to him.
Ben had been treading the fine line between coping and falling apart for a while now, but generally he was pleased to think that he was handling his situation and attempting to get on with the remains of his life, although it consisted solely of work and occasional drinks with Em at the Ape and Apple.
Whatever he was doing, and whomever he was with, Rhia was always on his mind. He sometimes went for minutes at a time without thinking about her, but then something would happen that would remind him and then he missed her. If he was having a bad day at work, he wanted to ring her to whinge and complain. At home, when a programme came on the television that he knew she’d be watching, such as Emmerdale, her favourite, it made him think of her, sitting next to him on the couch, keeping him up to date with storylines he’d no interest in, twisting her hair around her fingers then placing it behind her ears until it fell on to her face again.
It was worst at night, when he was lying in his double bed and he so wanted her to be next to him. To hear her breathing and watch her sleeping, to be able to reach out and touch her first thing in the morning when he awoke. At moments like this his thoughts turned, more often than not, to sex and then his mind would conjure images of them together. A favourite was on his birthday two years ago, when she’d made little fuss all day, then claimed to have a headache and be tired at bedtime. He’d gone to bed, sulking and feeling very hard done by. The next thing he recalled was being roused from a grumpy sleep to find her standing at the end of the bed wearing nothing but a Calvin Klein suit jacket and matching tie.
‘What’s that?’ He’d asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes. ‘What the hell are you doing?’
She’d smiled at him and replied, ‘This is your present. Why don’t you try it on to make sure it fits?’
He remembered clambering down the bed, watching as she’d unbuttoned the jacket for him. God, he missed her, but then, just as he was thinking about forgiving her and asking her to come back, he would picture her in bed with his best friend, laughing at him.
He wondered why she’d suddenly stopped ringing him, at least then he’d known that she cared enough to try, in spite of him telling her to leave him alone. Now he didn’t know what to do. His first instinct was to call her and see if she was okay, but he feared he’d be playing into her hands and he couldn’t allow himself to look like he was chasing her and wanted her back. It was all just a game, like being back at school.
At school, in the second year, he’d really fancied a girl in his class. She was taller than him and wore her skirts shorter than the other girls. He’d told a couple of his mates and they’d wound him up about it for a couple of days. He’d arrived for registration the next day and knew straight away that his mates had told the girl. Everyone looked at him when he walked in, a couple of the girls laughed. The girl had marched up to him in front of everybody and said ‘I wouldn’t go out with you if my life depended on it you minging bastard. I fancy men, not boys.’ He’d turned bright red and was only spared further mocking by the teacher coming in to take the register. By first break, he’d told all his mates he never really liked her anyway and that he thought she was a bit of a porky slag. Someone had told her about that as well and her boyfriend, a lad in the fifth year, flattened him and chucked his shoes on to the roof of the school.
The way Ben saw things, he’d no choice but to struggle on and hope that it would get easier with time. As he lay in bed that night, he felt lonely and far from convinced that he was going to get used to life without Rhia.
* * * * * *
Jack pressed the doorbell of Katie’s flat, the second one up in a row of four. A few seconds later he heard her slightly robotic, distant voice come out of the speaker on the panel next to the doorbells and he announced himself. Inside, he ran up the stairs and into her flat where she was waiting for him, looking puzzled, but intrigued.
‘Are you alright?’ She asked, watching him panting.
‘Great. Double great. I’m taking you out.’
‘Where to? It’s only half ten and I haven’t even been in the shower yet,’ she protested.
‘You look spot on to me,’ he commented, ‘now come on.’
Five minutes later, an eager Jack was hurrying Katie down the street, and although still no wiser as to their destination, she was beginning to enjoy herself.
‘Do I get to know where we are going yet?’ She asked for the third time.
‘In a minute,’ he replied, looking back over his shoulder to wave her on with his head.
Jack led her acr
oss roads and around corners, Katie wondering what on earth he was playing at, some game or other, but she’d absolutely no clue what was coming. She took the opportunity to catch her breath when Jack was forced to wait impatiently at a set of traffic lights, her short legs struggling to keep up with his long strides. Again she quizzed him as to where he was leading her, but he refused to tell her. Then, finally, he stopped opposite Piccadilly Gardens and turned around to face her, a beaming smile on his lips, eyes shining with excitement.
‘What?’ she asked, half laughing at the bizarre situation.
‘You see that window there?’ He pointed up at the building in front of them.
‘Narrow it down for me,’ she said, looking at the large, gothic style building, which formed part of the impressive offices near the centre of town.
‘Seventh floor up, third window along from the left.’ He was still looking up at the window in question.
She picked it out and asked what was so special about it.
‘I can see my house from it. More importantly, I can see yours from it too.’ He turned to grin at her, like a schoolboy showing off in front of his friends.
‘What the hell are you talking about, you bloody nutcase. What are you, their flaming window cleaner?’ She was bemused by his particularly unusual behaviour.
‘I can see where you live from inside.’ He was still looking at her, waiting for her to grasp what he meant.
‘Did you break in last night just to admire the view?’
‘No, I went to an interview yesterday afternoon and the letter arrived this morning. As of Monday morning I will be in the employ of J.D. King.’ He put his elbows to his sides and stuck his forearms out and proceeded to dance around in front of her like a teenage raver on ecstasy.
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