Writing Deep Point of View

by Rayne Hall

  WRITING DEEP POINT OF VIEW

  by Rayne Hall

  WRITING DEEP POINT OF VIEW

  by Rayne Hall

  Writer’s Craft Book 13

  © 2015-2019 Rayne Hall

  Cover Design by Erica Syverson

  August 2019 Edition

  ISBN-13: 978-1519231758

  ISBN-10: 151923175X

  All rights reserved. Do not reproduce in whole or in part without the author’s permission.

  British English.

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  Chapter 1

  FRESH PERSPECTIVES7

  Chapter 2

  WHOSE POINT OF VIEW?9

  Chapter 3

  ONLY ONE AT A TIME14

  Chapter 4

  FILTER THROUGH CHARACTER’S INTERESTS17

  Chapter 5

  THE SENSORY EXPERIENCE21

  Chapter 6

  MALE AND FEMALE POINT OF VIEW24

  Chapter 7

  SITUATION AND MOOD FILTERS30

  Chapter 8

  ESTABLISHING THE POV35

  Chapter 9

  CHARACTER THOUGHTS39

  Chapter 10

  TRIGGER AND RESPONSE43

  Chapter 11

  CHARACTER EMOTIONS45

  Chapter 12

  SIMILES FOR BACKSTORY53

  Chapter 13

  WHAT DOES THE POV CHARACTER LOOK LIKE?58

  Chapter 14

  BODY LANGUAGE63

  Chapter 15

  WHAT DO THE OTHER CHARACTERS FEEL?66

  Chapter 16

  WHAT GOES ON ELSEWHERE IN THE WORLD?69

  Chapter 17

  WORD CHOICES72

  Chapter 18

  SWITCHING POV77

  Chapter 19

  RETELLING MYTHS83

  Chapter 20

  OTHER FORMS OF POV87

  Sample Story

  TEN SIXTY-SIX90

  Sample Story

  FOUR BONY HANDS94

  Sample Story

  ONLY A FOOL100

  INTRODUCTION

  Do you want to give the readers such a vivid experience that they feel the events of the story are real and they’re right there? Do you want them to forget their own world and worries, and live in the main character’s head and heart?

  The magic wand for achieving this is Deep Point of View.

  Deep Point of View is a recent development. Victorian authors didn’t know its power. They wrote stories from a god-like perspective, knowing everything, seeing into everyone’s mind and soul. 20th century writers discovered that when they let the reader into just one person’s head, stories became more exciting and real.

  If we take this one step further, and delve so deeply into one person’s mind that the reader’s awareness merges with that character’s, we have Deep Point of View.

  Readers love it, because it gives them the thrill of becoming a different person. The reader doesn’t just read a story about a gladiator in the arena, an heiress in a Scottish castle, an explorer in the jungle, a courtesan in Renaissance Venice—she becomes that gladiator, heiress, explorer, courtesan.

  Deep Point of View hooks readers from the start. After perusing the sample, he’ll click ‘buy now’ because he simply must read on, and when he’s reached the last page, he’s grown addicted to the character, doesn’t want the story to end, and buys the next book in the series at once.

  A reader who has been in the grip of Deep Point of View may find other books dull and shallow. Who wants to read about a pirate, when you can be a pirate yourself? Immersed in Deep PoV, the reader enjoys the full thrills of the adventure from the safety of her armchair.

  In this book, I’ll reveal the powerful techniques employed by bestselling authors, and I’ll show you how to apply them to rivet your readers. I’ll start with the basics of Point of View—if you’re already familiar with the concept, you can treat them as a refresher—and then guide you to advanced strategies for taking your reader deep.

  This is not a beginners’ book. It assumes that you have mastered the basics of the writer’s craft and know how to create compelling fictional characters. If you like, you can use this book as a self-study class, approaching each chapter as a lesson and completing the assignments at the end of each session.

  To avoid clunky constructions like ‘he or she did this to him or her’ I use sometimes ‘he’ and sometimes ‘she’. With the exception of Chapter 6, everything I write applies to either gender. I use British English, so my grammar, punctuation, spellings and word choices may differ from what you’re used to in American.

  Now let’s explore how you can lead your readers deep into your story.

  Rayne Hall

  Chapter 1

  FRESH PERSPECTIVES

  Instead of explaining Point of View, I’ll let you experience it. Let’s do a quick practical exercise.

  Wherever you are right now, look out of the window (or step out into the open, or do whatever comes closest). If possible, open the window and stick your head out. What do you notice?

  Return to your desk or notebook, and jot down two sentences about your spontaneous observations.

  You can jot down anything—the cars rushing by, the rain-heavy clouds drawing up on the horizon, the scent of lilacs, the wasps buzzing around the dumpster, the aeroplane scratching the sky, the empty beer cans in the gutter, the rain-glistening road, whatever. Don’t bother writing beautiful prose—only the content matters. And only two sentences.

  When you’ve done this—but not before—read on.

  *

  *

  *

  Have you written two sentences about what you observed outside the window? Good. Now we’ll have fun.

  Imagine that you’re a different person. Pick one of these:

  A 19-year-old female student, art major, currently planning to create a series of paintings of townscapes, keenly aware of colours and shapes.

  A professional musician with sharp ears and a keen sense of rhythm.

  An eighty-year-old man with painful arthritic knees which get worse in cold weather. He’s visiting his daughter and disapproves of the place where she’s living these days.

  A retired health and safety inspector.

  An architect whose hobby is local history.

  A hobby gardener with a keen sense of smell.

  A security consultant assessing the place where a foreign royal princess is going to walk among the people next week.

  Once again, stick your head out of the window. What do you notice this time? Return to your desk and jot down two sentences.

  I bet the observations are very different! Each time, you saw, heard and smelled the same place—but the first time you experienced it as yourself (from your Point of View) and the second time, as a fictional character (from that character’s PoV).

  You may want to repeat this exercise with another character from the list, to deepen your insight and practice the skill. If you’re an eager learner, do all seven. This will give you a powerful understanding of how PoV works.

  Now let’s take it one step further: Imagine you’re the main character from the story you’re currently writing (or have recently finished). How would he experience this place? What would he notice above all else? Again, write two sentences.

  Now you’ve experienced the power of PoV, this is how you will write all your fiction.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Repeat this exerc
ise in a different place—perhaps when you have time to kill during a train journey or in the dentist’s waiting room.

  Chapter 2

  WHOSE POINT OF VIEW?

  In this chapter, we choose the character whose experience the readers get to share.

  CHOOSING THE CHARACTER

  Deep PoV stories are best told completely through the eyes of one person who experiences it all. Decide from whose perspective you want to tell the story.

  This is probably the main character (MC), the person who has most at stake and takes action to achieve the story goal—the detective hunting the serial killer, the adventurer on a quest to find the magic jewel that will save the land, the governess seeking true love.

  Some stories can be told from the PoV of an observer, like Dr. Watson watching Sherlock Holmes’s actions. This can be an effective technique, but only if you don’t want to rouse the reader’s emotions.

  Pick a character who is present at all story events, at least during the critical scenes.

  If a story needs several perspectives, you can switch from one PoV to another, for example, the PoV in a Romance novel may alternate between the heroine and the hero, a Thriller may intersperse the investigator’s PoV with glimpses inside the serial killer’s mind, and when the first PoV of your Historical novel dies on the battlefield, his son may take up his PoV as well as his sword.

  If you choose multiple perspective, keep to one PoV at a time, then change. Later in this book I’ll show you how you can make the switch and still keep most of the depth. However, the reader’s emotional involvement is greatest if she stays inside the same person’s mind.

  FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD PERSON

  The next decision is whether to write in First, Second or Third Person. This will affect your story’s voice and style.

  First Person: I grabbed my bag.

  Second Person: You grabbed your bag.

  Third Person: She grabbed her bag. Or: He grabbed his bag.

  All possible and valid options.

  Third Person

  Third Person gives you most flexibility, especially if you plan to use more than one PoV. It suits almost every story and genre, so if in doubt, opt for this one. The only drawbacks are stylistic: you may get a lot of pronouns (he/she/him/her/his/hers), and in scenes with several people of the same gender, it can get confusing who the ‘he’ is.

  Here’s the beginning of one of my stories in Third Person, The Devil You Know:

  Lucie clutched the pole by the exit, willing the train to go faster, urging it to take her further away from Jake.

  “May I see your tickets?” singsonged a male voice. “Tickets, please.”

  While the seated passengers dug into pockets and rummaged through bags, Lucie reckoned she had about two minutes before she was found out.

  She was in luck: the train slowed and hummed to a halt. She pushed the ‘open’ button and jumped out.

  The place was dark and deserted, one of those small unstaffed stations. Behind her, the doors beeped and whooshed shut. The train accelerated with a growl and vanished into the night.

  First Person

  First Person is a powerful choice because it takes the reader really deep into the experience.

  It’s great if the character does a lot of thinking, if you aim for a conversational tone, or if you want to rouse the reader’s emotions with the character’s inner conflict. If you struggle with the concept of PoV, First Person is useful because you’re not likely to hop accidentally into a different character’s head. The main drawbacks are that switching to another character’s PoV feels unnatural, and if the character dies at the end, it feels implausible because she obviously lived to tell the tale. With First Person PoV, it can be tricky to establish the character’s gender and show what she looks like. In some genres—such as romance—First Person storytelling is considered ‘wrong’ but this is simply a convention, not a rule you must obey.

  This is the start of one of my First Person stories, Through The Tunnel:

  “Is this your idea of a date?” I asked. “Driving from one motorbike shop to another?”

  “The next one’s only ten miles away.” Tony slammed into a lower gear and forced the car up the steep road. “You said you liked motorbikes.”

  All right, I’d said that. I fancied Tony like crazy and would have claimed to like yellow toads if that got me his attention. And when he suggested driving around the country stopping in a few places, I’d jumped at the chance to spend a day with him. But then I always rush into things which seem a good idea at the time.

  “You didn’t say we’d be looking at motorbikes all the time,” I grumbled.

  “Well, what did you expect?” he snapped.

  What did a city girl expect from a day out in the Welsh countryside? Picnic in a flowery lakeside meadow, surrounded by frolicking lambs. Holding hands by a bubbling brook while the birds twittered in the branches above and majestic mountains glistened in the distance. Not looking at one motorbike shop after another. Heavens, I had no idea the countryside was littered with them!

  Tony admired the Suzuki’s sleek body, the Yamaha’s spirit, the Harley’s class. He barely noticed my very sleek miniskirt and stylish black heels, not even my shapely legs, however decoratively I displayed them.

  Second Person

  Second Person is tricky. It can be difficult for the writer to pull off, and tedious for the reader to absorb. Second Person storytelling tends to feel unnatural, and is seldom a good choice. However, it’s a stimulating creative challenge, so perhaps you want to have a go. Although it doesn’t work for most long fiction, it can be effective for very short pieces.

  Here’s the beginning of a piece I rewrote many times in different ways, and it never worked... until I tried Second Person. Suddenly it grabbed me, and I think it grabs my readers, too. It’s called Only A Fool.

  The clack-clack-clack of your heels echoes through the night-empty street. The drizzle paints needle-streaks in the light of the fake Victorian lamps. Already, the pavement grows slippery with roadside rubbish, rain and rotten leaves. You should have called a taxi while you had the chance. Now it’s too late. Around here, the payphones are vandalised.

  You stop to consult your London A-Z in a street-lamp’s jaundiced glow, bending low to shelter the pages from the rain. The map suggests a shortcut. If you turn left into that alley, zigzag through the lanes, cut across the wasteland, you’ll get home in under an hour.

  Once you walked past that waste ground in daylight, and didn’t like it. At night, you’ll like it even less, but the drizzle thickens and creeps into the toes of your patent shoes. Why did you have to stay on at the party until after the last bus? Stupid woman. Better get home now, fast.

  You dip into the gap between the dark façades. The alley smells of rotten fruit and piss. Two shattered windows wink.

  Darkness folds around you.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Decide who the PoV character of your story is, and whether you need more than one. Will you write in First, Second or Third Person?

  Chapter 3

  ONLY ONE AT A TIME

  The first skill you need to master is to stay inside the PoV character’s head. You can only show what the PoV character sees, hears, smells, touches, tastes, thinks and feels.

  Anything going on elsewhere in the world or in other characters’ minds doesn’t fit into the story.

  Whatever happens on the page, don’t leave the PoV, or the reader will lose the connection.

  POINT OF VIEW MISTAKES

  Here’s a list of what you need to avoid, with two examples of each mistake. The PoV character is Mary.

  Don’t hop into another character’s head and heart to show their thoughts and feelings.

  Mary mustered all her teaching skills to interest Johnny in French declensions, but Johnny’s mind was on how t
o get selected for the football team.

  When they clinked their champagne glasses, Mary expected John to propose marriage, but John thought about the mysterious woman he had met last night.

  Don’t tell us what the PoV does not notice.

  Mary was so focused on helping the injured cat that she didn’t see the thug come up behind her.

  Mary didn’t realise that her hand was turning the door knob.

  Don’t tell us what takes place elsewhere.

  Mary blocked one attacker with her shield and drove her axe into the second man’s skull. On the other side of the battlefield, the valiant king swung his sword.

  While Mary chopped the potatoes for the kids’ supper in the dingy kitchen, her sister perused the menu at the Atelier Robuchon.

  Don’t tell us what will happen in the future.

  Believing the battle lost, Mary said her last prayers and prepared to die, not knowing that the king’s army would arrive at dawn.

  Penicillin could have saved Sir John, but it would not be discovered until 1928.

  Don’t deliver authorial comments.

  Mary was an impulsive girl, and like many young people these days, she often ignored her parents’ warnings.

  Of course, sinners always get punished in the end, and this was no exception, as readers are going to find out soon.

  Don’t convey facts which aren’t on the PoV’s mind at that moment.

  Mary ran for her life. How could she escape the assassin? She raced down the cobbled street, across the deserted square, and past the new art gallery. The art gallery had a neo-classicistic façade with Corinthian pillars and had cost the local taxpayers a lot of money to build, but Mary didn’t have time to think about this now. She had to run faster, or she would die.

  Mary hacked, slashed and pierced, blocking a dozen enemy soldiers at once. Her sword was a special weapon, crafted by the famous Tang Chi in his forge on the slopes of Mount Jilin, with the master’s signature chiselled into the blade.

  Stay consistent.