Writing Deep Point of View

by Rayne Hall

  Later in this book, I’ll give you techniques on how to show what other characters think and feel without hopping heads, how to change to a different PoV and how to convey what happens elsewhere in the world.

  But for now, just make sure you stay inside the PoV. This ensures that your PoV is consistent.

  In the next chapters, we’ll look at how to make it deep.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Look through a draft of your fiction writing—perhaps a short story or a scene from a novel. Underline or highlight all the places where you’ve accidentally left the PoV.

  Chapter 4

  FILTER THROUGH CHARACTER’S INTERESTS

  Hundreds of stimuli bombard us every second, and our mind filters them, sorts them and presents us with the most interesting ones. When we observe something new, our subconscious mind compares this with previous experiences, and either ignores it or flags it up as noteworthy.

  Your fiction characters’ minds work this way, too. To create a deep PoV experience, you need to know which observations reach his conscious mind.

  Inexperienced authors apply the wrong filter—their own interests and experiences. You need to make the mental switch and apply the character’s filter instead.

  HOW TO FILTER

  Let’s say your character enters a neighbour’s kitchen, and you want to describe it in a couple of sentences. In your first draft, you probably describe it the way you would experience it, showing and emphasising whatever you find noteworthy.

  But your character’s attention goes to different things than yours. Here are some factors to consider.

  Job and Training

  Because of his job, what is he accustomed to noticing?

  If he’s a butcher by profession, his eyes will immediately go to the block of knives, and he’ll note their brand and quality.

  A cleaner, however, will see the linoleum floor, the grime on the cupboard handles, the big grease stain on the run, the unwashed cups in the sink, the type of vacuum cleaner and brand of bottled bleach.

  A health and safety inspector, even off-duty, will notice hazards such as the cable trailing across the floor, the grime on the cupboard handle, the positioning of the smoke alarm, the unevenly lying rug, the brand and capacity of the extractor fan, and the fact that the bleach bottle is on a low shelf next to a child’s teddy bear.

  A chef entering the same kitchen will see the block of knives, the type of hob, the three kinds of herb vinegar, and the bunch of bananas which need to be used today because their peels have brown spots.

  If an interior designer sees the same kitchen, she’ll immediately take the flaking paint on the window frame, the 1980s wallpaper pattern, and the orange-coloured crockery clashing with the pink tiles.

  An estate agent can’t help but notice the size and layout of the room, the peeling paint on the window frames, the modern oven, the outdated sink, the extractor fan and the smoke alarm.

  They notice these details even when they’re not on the job. It’s so ingrained in them to see those things, they can’t help it.

  Here’s a quick exercise. Look around the room in which you are now. What would the following people notice?

  A secretary

  A health and safety inspector

  A cleaner

  A painter and decorator

  A florist

  An interior designer specialising in textiles

  Make a list of at least three things for each.

  Hobbies

  Our minds joyfully latch on to anything related to our favourite pastimes. What are your PoV character’s hobbies? They affect what he sees.

  Does he enjoy cooking? Then he’ll notice the hob, the oven, the block of knives, and the collection of Asian cookery books on the shelf.

  Is she passionate about gardening? She’ll notice the bunch of daffodils in the vase, and the neglected spider plant on the window sill.

  Is he a DIY enthusiast? He’ll see how the floating shelf is attached to the wall and where a cupboard door doesn’t quite fit.

  A hobby artist will see the framed sketches on the wall—a townscape, a portrait and a tabby cat.

  A cat lover will see the sketch of the tabby cat—and then her attention moves right to the cat feeding bowl and water dish in the corner.

  Now look around the room again, this time from the perspective of these hobbyists:

  An amateur photographer

  A gardener

  An animal lover

  A DIY enthusiast

  A computer geek

  A needlecraft hobbyist

  Childhood and Education

  Past experiences create filters, too. Our upbringing and education have a big influence on what we see.

  If the character grew up in a household with the motto ‘Cleanliness is next to godliness’ he’ll notice the dirty cups in the sink, whether or not cleanliness is of importance to him now.

  If she spent most her youth in Thailand, she’ll see the framed sketch of the townscape and recognise it as Bangkok, and the portrait sketch to her is clearly a depiction of an elderly Thai man. She’ll also observe the collection of Asian cookery books.

  Did he study French at school? Then he’ll see the book titles Recettes Asiatiques du Sud-Est and La Cuisine Chinoise Pour Les Débutants.

  This technique applies to anything the PoV character experiences - not just places, situations, objects and people.

  ASSIGNMENT

  Take a scene you’ve written and want to revise, or one you plan to write soon. Who is the PoV character? Based on his job, training, hobbies, childhood and education, what filters might his mind apply?

  Now consider a place, an object or a person he encounters for the first time in this scene.

  What does he notice first? Write a couple of sentences of description.

  Chapter 5

  THE SENSORY EXPERIENCE

  One of my favourite tricks for making a scene vivid is to use sounds and smells. They create so much more atmosphere than visual descriptions.

  In deep PoV, you describe things the way the PoV perceives them—with the senses with which the PoV perceives them.

  Some people have a pronounced sense of hearing, or a strong sense of rhythm. Others notice colours, or shapes, or sizes. Some are particularly aware of movement or of speed. Yet others have fine noses and immediately notice the faintest whiff of any pleasant or unpleasant smell. Some people are particularly sensitive about temperatures, or about how textures feel to the touch.

  Don’t assume that all people perceive everything the way you do—especially not your characters.

  Which sensory perception is especially developed in your PoV character? Make sure you use this sense whenever you describe something.

  For example, if he’s a musician with a keen ear and a strong sense of rhythm, he’ll hear things more than he sees them. Describe birdsong, traffic noise, clanking doors, humming insects, ticking grandfather clocks, rustling leaves, creaking stairs, swishing waves, the raising of someone’s voice to a higher octave.

  If she has a highly developed sense of smell, she’ll observe the smell of every place she visits and of every person she meets. She’ll notice that the nursing home smells of boiled cabbage and disinfectant with a whiff of urine, that the hero smells of leather and horses, and that her love rival who normally wears Chanel No 5 today wears Fendi Donna.

  Which Sense Should I Choose?

  The ancient Greek Aristotle listed five senses: seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting. Actually, humans have more senses than those five. There’s also the sense of balance, of movement, of temperature, of pain and more, although those can be more difficult to build into your fiction as a regular feature.

  In most people, the sense of seeing is dominant. To make this more interesting, you c
ould give your character a strong awareness of a particular kind of sight—perhaps she’s especially aware of colours, of shapes or of light.

  If you don’t know what to choose, ask your character—she’ll probably tell you. Her job or hobby will probably give you a clue. For a sculptor, it may be touching, for a hobby cook tasting, for a landscape painter colours.

  Your story’s topic can inspire your choice as well. For example, if your crime novel is set in the world of opera performances, you may want to give your PoV character a fine-tuned sense of hearing.

  If your novel alternates between different PoV characters (more about this in Chapter 18) give each character a different dominant sense. This will create fascinating contrasts.

  ASSIGNMENT

  What is your PoV’s dominant sense? (Be specific—not just ‘seeing’ but ‘seeing colours’ or ‘seeing shapes’.)

  Write a sentence for your Work in Progress (WiP). Use only the PoV’s dominant sense to describe a place she is visiting for the first time, or a person she is meeting for the first time.

  Take a scene for which you’ve written a draft. Change or embellish a scene by adding a detail experienced through the PoV character’s dominant sense.

  Chapter 6

  MALE AND FEMALE POINT OF VIEW

  Men and women experience the world differently. In the same situation, they’re programmed to notice different things first. This is important for authors who write from the PoV of the opposite gender.

  In this chapter I’m looking at the ‘biological’ differences in perception, not the ones acquired through social influences. You need to layer them with other filters, otherwise you’ll end up with gender stereotypes.

  Things men tend to notice most

  Body postures

  Female body shapes, especially breasts (regardless of whether or not he fancies the woman)

  Anything to do with hierarchy (especially their own, and other men’s, place in the pecking order)

  The size of things, especially their height

  Movements, especially fast movements

  The speed of things, especially vehicles

  Anything to do with motors

  Tools

  Weapons

  Things women tend to notice most

  Facial expressions

  Subtle changes in the sound of a voice

  Colours, especially different hues

  Clothes (colour, cut, fabric, design, fashion, quality, style)

  Interpersonal relationships (who is on what terms with whom)

  Other people’s emotions

  Textures

  Flowers

  Children

  Furniture and interior decorating

  Of course, individual characters may be different. Gender is not the only factor; personal interests and training also play a big role. A male fashion designer will pay attention to clothes and fabrics, and a female mechanic to motors and tools.

  Also consider whether the character grew up in a society that encouraged gender-typical interests. Male and female brains are naturally programmed to perceive things differently, but these differences can diminish or increase depending on what society expects. If your character lives in a world that values feminine women and masculine men, and where the genders have strictly divided roles, the differences will be great.

  A hijab-wearing young woman in Saudi Arabia, raised to view motherhood as a woman’s sole vocation, will notice children much more than a female business executive in New York. A girl who grew up among brothers and trained as a plumber will have a much greater awareness of tools than a young lady in the Regency era where such matters were left to male servants.

  Here are some examples of typical female and male PoV.

  Female PoV:

  She scanned the contents of the trunk: an embroidered shawl, a wide-skirted gown of crimson brocade, several pieces of old lace, a velvet cloche hat, a toy car and some tools.

  Male PoV:

  He scanned the contents of the trunk: three slotted screwdrivers, a claw hammer, combination pliers, a matchbox-sized model of a Chrysler Imperial, and some old clothes.

  Female PoV:

  Mrs Browne wore a princess-cut dress of cerise silk with a tight-fitting bodice.

  Male PoV:

  Mrs Browne’s breasts strained the fabric of her pink dress.

  Female PoV:

  Mary chose the comfortable armchair with the velvet cushions.

  Male PoV:

  John chose the tall seat on the chief’s right.

  Female PoV

  A shawl of ecru shantung silk embroidered with scarlet tulips crimson camellias.

  Male PoV

  A white shawl with red flowers.

  These examples are characters I’ve made up, and I’ve exaggerated the differences to make the point. No doubt your characters—and you—would perceive trunk, dress and seat in yet other ways.

  FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND POSTURES

  Studies show that most men are very poor at reading facial expressions. Basically, they can differentiate between a smile and a scowl. Everything else requires effort. If they try, they can read a few more. But that takes time and thought and will come only much later.

  For a man, facial expressions come fairly far down the sequence of observations. Only after he’s observed the female body shape, after he’s assessed the posture, and after appreciating any tool or weapon that person is holding will he notice the facial expression, and even then he may not do a good job reading it.

  This is very different from how we women perceive things. We see the facial expression first, especially the eyes and the smile, and we’re on the whole pretty good at reading the person’s mood from it.

  Men, however, are good at reading the body language of posture. They notice subtle posture shifts and know that the pecking order has just changed, or that a fight is about to break out, when a woman doesn’t have a clue.

  Don’t assume that the other gender perceives what you do! If you’re a woman writing male PoV, or a man writing female PoV you need to leave your own way of thinking behind, and get into the opposite gender’s mind. Anything else will feel unconvincing to the reader.

  THE SCIENCE

  Male and female brains operate differently, and these contrasts exist before birth. Researchers say some differences can be identified as early as the 26 weeks into pregnancy.

  Scientist have come up with intriguing hypotheses to explain why—perhaps there were evolutionary advantages. Prehistoric men may have been mostly hunters who needed to assess the speed of their prey, while women may have been gatherers who judged by a plant’s colour whether it was safe to eat. Perhaps women were in charge of relationships and needed to read the needs of their children from voices and facial expressions, while men had the role of protectors and needed to assess who posed a threat. But these are mere hypotheses, and we will never know for sure.

  The reasons for those differences don’t really matter for your fiction, as long as you know that the differences exist.

  In the Victorian era, people were aware of natural differences between the genders—but assumed that these differences overrode everything else. This led to fiction characters who were so typically male and typically female as to be bland cardboard cut-outs.

  Many people in the 21st century aren’t aware that gender affects the brain structure and perception. Some deny the biological facts out of political correctness. This, too, can lead to bland characters. When men and women think and feel the same, the novel lacks contrasts as well as authenticity.

  As a writer, you need to be aware of the biological differences—but it is up to you to decide how much they affect your characters’ personalities, and how you want to layer them with other filters.

  The subjec
t exceeds the scope of this book, but you can find fascinating information online. Search for ‘male female brain differences’ to get started.

  ASSIGNMENTS

  Think of a scene you want to write or revise. Based on gender, what might your PoV character notice most, or first?

  If you’ve written a draft in which the PoV character is not your own gender, see if you can create a more authentic ‘male’ or ‘female’ PoV experience by changing the items the character observes, or the order in which she notices them.

  Chapter 7

  SITUATION AND MOOD FILTERS

  In the previous chapters, we’ve explored how the character’s background affects what she sees.

  But there are also things she notices only because of her current mood and situation. Another day she would not notice them at all.

  WHAT DOES THE CHARACTER NOTICE IN THIS SITUATION?

  Mary is pregnant for the first time. She sees pregnant women, babies, toddlers, prams and toys everywhere. Last year, she wouldn’t have noticed them.

  Mary’s father just phoned to say the surgery has saved his leg, but worries that he may need a wheelchair for the rest of his life. When she now walks in the town centre, she sees lots of people using wheelchairs, crutches and walking frames. There were just as many wheelchair users in the town the day before, but she hadn’t been aware of them.

  Mary is a teenager with a crush on a boy who rides a red motorbike. She sees red motorbikes everywhere while that crush lasts. When she falls in love with someone else, her mind will no longer direct her attention to red motorbikes.

  Mary’s fiancé has broken off the engagement because he finds her fat and frumpy, and he wants a slim, glamorous wife. For the next few days, Mary sees slim, glamorous women everywhere, and each time the pain slices into her heart. Some months later, however, Mary is glad she didn’t marry that shallow bastard. Her mind no longer torments her by noticing slim glamorous women.