The Epochracy Files

by Chele Pedersen Smith

  After a few minutes, he opened his eyes. But he was standing in the same spot, alone. I hate this place!

  “Everything here is just a tease!” Torqued, he skipped the enchanted stone across the pond and it bounced four times, skimming the cascade curtain and parting it for a peek of…a secret cavern! Ohhh….

  Skating across the surface with speed, Ed catapulted from the last step, scooped up the gem— which had landed sideways to the left— and scooted under the threshold just as the shower sealed shut. Edison sprang to his feet, feeling like an action hero. Then his jaw dropped. He was encased in a crystal palace. The space was no bigger than a typical living room. But where did it come from? It wasn’t there when their melee marauded through minutes earlier. Leaning back, he waved his arm through the sprinkling sheet to see if the scenery changed from which he came. But the sanctuary remained the same.

  Feeling the frozen perimeter, thick layers of ice crackled deep into the glazed partitions and he crept closer, his breath hanging in puffs of carbon condensation. Rapping his knuckles on the smooth surface, a dull thud detected the density. Scrutinizing the situation, he knew only a super sorcerer could conjure such a place so quick. Ed shivered from the cool interior, hugging his chest. Then feeling a hot glow in his hand, he huddled into the gem, half-wondering if he, himself, had wished for this. But craning his neck around every cranny, he didn’t spot a water ride.

  “My bet is on Magno,” he mumbled. Deciding to end this charade once and for all, Ed hollered, “Hello…anyone here?”

  His words bounced off the glistening enclosure and he ducked. Idiot! If Magesto was lurking around, he sure hoped he didn’t see his skittish reflexes. Bracing his good ear, he expected the elder to gloat in glory. But only silence responded.

  With not much space in the small square footage, Ed decided there had to be a secret passage leading somewhere. He studied the clear ceiling and could just make out the faint lines of the bowing boughs. If I’m really in the shade of a tree, I should be able to walk through, no problem.

  Palpitating the cold cubicle, his hands cramped with bone-biting pain. But when the gem glowed yellow, heat escaped. At first he thought it was just a hand warmer, but soon saw divots of pooling water welling up in the glaciers.

  Feeling like a fool, Ed scolded himself. “You’re not utilizing the Gemeny enough!” Your derriere could’ve escaped Perre Derre much sooner if you used your brain.

  At first, Ed assumed the last thought was his own since he was thinking along the same lines, but a hunch needled him. It was Magesto, or that bus driver again. Well, I’ll show them…

  Calculating the most obvious area to host an exit, Edison moved to the far right corner, diagonal from where he recovered the gem just inside the icy sill. This nook also happened to be precisely the point where the gem gleamed glacier blue as he trudged through the shrubs.

  Now all he had to do was melt the subzero sheetrock. Surely he would find a chute and be on his way home. Waving the warm jewel over the corner of the room, Ed could see the ice starting to sweat. But at this rate, it would take all night to thaw the threshold.

  “Blaze it.” Ed wasn’t sure if he was wishing or commanding, but when the stone obeyed, he was happy to see a burnt orange flash making haste of a trying task. The wall rained, thinning considerably but now Eddie’s hand felt like it was on fire.

  Playing hot potato, he switched paws, cooling his clappers against an adjacent junction as the alcove vanished.

  His clue was correct! He was now starring down a dark abyss. But where did it lead? What if it was bottomless or dumped him into the mouth of a crocodile or…a hungry Venus flytrap? Yep, he saw that movie. He could hear it now. Feed me, Seymour! He shivered at the thought. Also, he was freezing. He wished he was wearing a jacket and pants instead of his colorful Jam shorts. At once, his legs were covered in a longer, baggy version and a black Members Only windbreaker warmed him further. Now that his teeth chattered a little less, could he wish for bravery too?

  “Courage please,” he whispered as if ordering coffee. He took a step and peered into the murkiness. Quite unexpectedly, steel erected his soul. Out of nowhere, fear took a backseat and Ed was now driven by curiosity, dare, and the urge to knock someone’s block off!

  “The hopper is full,” Ed declared as he continued into the dark cave. He was sick of this place, sick of being a doormat in life. Being alive meant adventure. There was a huge world out there beyond the passive pages of his books. It was about time he participated in a realm of his own.

  Feeling the clammy confines, his feet sloped and he knew the flume must be near. “Roxi was right. I do hide!” he realized, coaching himself forward.

  He told her it wasn’t she he was hiding from, but maybe it was a little. After all, she was controlling. She wore the pants. It was easier to concede than to fight. Hadn’t their first encounter set the tone? Their problems weren’t magically solved by his meek chocolate offerings. It only delayed the delicious reward of standing up for yourself. It was much sweeter when both parties negotiated to be heard.

  He began to see the same applied to his fantasy world. Moderation was the key. Reading is an enjoyable, intelligent way to pass the time, he reasoned, but by allowing himself to become totally engulfed in his enchanted environment, he wasn’t really living, was he? It was more like…idling. Repelling his responsibilities, he was not fulfilling his proper space in the universe.

  “Well, I am now,”’ he vowed, plunging deeper into the dungeon.

  Avoiding the slimy sides, he balanced his footsteps in the blackness. Just as he was about to use the jewel as a flashlight, twinkles of brightness lined the path, leading the way to a moat. A curly-pointed gondolier awaited, sneered with a menacing mouth. Well, better than a croc. He climbed aboard, hoping it wouldn’t be another load of it.

  As soon as his butt meshed the seat, a gust of wind swirled and the boat began to rock as if a maelstrom stormed in. “Magno!” Ed called, ready to end this madness.

  A faint chuckle parted through the particles.

  “I know you’re here, Magesto! Show yourself and let’s duke it out!”

  The swaying vessel vortexed, carried by a strong current caused by the comet-like swoosh circling the cave.

  Threatened by seasickness, Edison held onto his stomach with one hand and the side of the craft with the other. Luckily the stone clutched close to his torso and kept nausea at bay. Ed cringed as the bow of the boat tipped forward, teetering on the torrent’s overhang before nose-diving the 45 degree angle at 60 mph. The fastest flume he’d ever plummeted, it was far more thrilling than any attraction he’d been on, even at Cedar Point. At least amusement park rides were rigged safe. Who knew where this was heading and what would be at the boom when he landed?

  As the fall slowed to a halt, the rut jutted out, curving in a spiral set flush against the bank for an easy disembarkment. Movement ceased but Ed’s head was still spinning and he could swear his heart filled with helium and bailed. Climbing out with care, he catered to his vertigo, crawling along the cavern floor.

  The cackling and neon lights pinging off the walls didn’t help matters.

  “Have you had enough?” The laughing words echoed deep, repeating on top of each other, ricocheting off every crevice then starting over again.

  Covering his ears, Ed tried to keep the nightmare out, but the sounds and strobe induced a flu-like, out-of-body experience. Orbs of similar things big and small, fat and thin haunted him. Sprawled on his knees, he slumped against the cold cellar floor, faintly answering. Yes.

  “I didn’t hear you,” mocked this time, bouncing and repeating the sequence in the same manner.

  Ed grasped the Gemeny, channeling its strength. “Yes!” his voice rose, he and anger rising with it. “I’m done Magno. I’m done!”

  Finally, he remembered the magic words he needed to say but this time he wasn’t beamed back to the barbeque. Instead, a scorching meteor tail streaked across the room and Magno Ma
gesto made an appearance, hunched in his purple velvet robe, looking very pleased with himself.

  “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” Magno croaked.

  Instead of the smugness Ed portrayed earlier, a guarded fear took its place. “I, uh, beat you, didn’t I? I figured out how to find the flume. I can go home now.”

  Magno with twinkling eyes, stroked his periwinkle beard. “Perhaps. But mostly you beat yourself.”

  Ed squinted, scratching his head.

  “You think the quest was against me. But it never was. Come, follow.” The old wizard waved a bent finger. Hobbling along, his slow gait took them deeper into the cave.

  It’s all over now; I’m doomed. What if Magno was taking him to some kind of torture chamber? Ed braced himself, closing his eyes. He never really prayed before, but if there was ever a time, now would be good. He needed to see Roxi again! When he opened his peepers, they were standing in a compartment of mirrors.

  “A fun house?” Edison wondered aloud. It reminded him of King’s Island in Cincinnati.

  “You could say that I suppose. This is my Room of Reflection.” Magno spread out his draped arms. “All your memories of the past are here before you!”

  “How?” Ed questioned. Suddenly he did a double take. In one mirror, he could actually see his mom and dad moving about. He was there too, maybe two years old. They were packing for a trip to his favorite grandmother’s house. In another, he was about ten, having a blast among a family reunion at the World’s Fair in Spokane.

  Gasping, Ed leaned in close, touching the image, his breath fogging up in spots. There were his grandparents. How he missed them! He smiled, remembering how they let him get away with anything, spoiling him rotten. And Dad! Living, breathing, and moving about! It was unbelievable! Here was tangible, three-dimensional proof that the people he lost actually existed. His mind captured the images; not wanting to let go, they burned into his brain like a solder iron. The scene was so real yet it could not be.

  “Hey, what is this, a home movie?”

  “That’s nothing! Look over there,” Magno directed.

  Ed studied another mirror and saw the day he got Pugsley, his inseparable sidekick. He was twelve, and in another reflection— his high school graduation. “Who sent these to you? My mom?” But that couldn’t be either. No one had recorded the occasion. “Did you break into the school archives?”

  Magno laughed, shaking his head. The sound was familiar and it was then Ed noticed a string of lilies looped around his neck.

  The warlock’s long arm gestured to another looking glass. It held the first day of college and his folks helping him settle in at the dorm. No one had filmed that either.

  ‘Oh look, Dad goofing around as usual!” Ed smiled as Pops pretended to pull twenty dollar bills from the pillow like fluff, each one with an exaggerated expression of surprise. Funny business was his father’s way of diverting the tears. But mom was openly crying and he knew Dad would stop at Haagen-Dazs on the way home to soothe her. As the slightly younger Eddie hugged his folks goodbye, present day Eddie swore he felt it! His heart warmed and his throat hurt. He wasn’t able to say goodbye to his dad just a mere two years later. Now he felt he had. Wiping watery eyes, a closure he didn’t know he needed nestled inside. Could he have been burying more than his nose in books?

  It wasn’t until Magno cleared his throat and pointed to yet another oblong reminiscence that Ed remembered where he was. This time the reflection projected an attractive tutor with a kick-ass attitude waiting for him at the study table. How dumb he was that day! And how smitten he became soon after. He recalled their secret touches, feet mingling under the desk, her delicate hand over his holding a pencil when she corrected his work. Ed realized it wasn’t really that long ago either.

  “What a sweet couple,” Magno grinned, his bushy brows lifting.

  Ed thought he meant the infatuated freshmen but following his gaze to an adjacent mirror, he saw a romantic runaway at city hall. Climbing the steep steps, one of Roxi’s white pumps popped off her foot, and he recalled how she felt like Cinderella when he retrieved it. He liked being her prince.

  Inside the building, the waiting area was adorned with red hearts and there he was decked out in a white suit jacket, pink dress shirt and jeans while Roxette shined in a shimmery opal and pink dress she bought at Deb’s boutique. He saw how hopeful, how in love they were. Later, beaming with a secret, they fed each other langostino nachos during an intimate wedding dinner at Red Lobster, Roxette’s face glowing when Cherish by Kool and the Gang laced through the piped-in music. They couldn’t believe their luck, their would-be wedding song coming on just then. Both of them on the receiving end of Cupid’s arrow, they swore it was meant to be. Now it tickled a tinge of irony and guilt. He vowed to do better, to honor the lyrics.

  How sly they had been that day. Roxi asked her mother to snap their picture by the front door, having her believe it was just a regular Valentine’s date. And since her folks were taking her brothers to a monster truck rally in the city that night, he and his new bride came back to the house to leave a note, breaking the news of their nuptials and impending honeymoon. The newlyweds stole away to the Poconos and upon their return learned that Roxi’s family was so stunned, they sat in shock passing the note around, kids included. Laughing at the turn of events, her parents congratulated them and her father was so glad he didn’t have to pay for a wedding, he gave them a check for a starter home.

  Ed smiled, feeling fortunate, until he spotted a mirrored memento Magno saved for last. Apprenticing with Dad! It was his most treasured memory. But now his heart sank. What had he let happen? How could he have let his father’s livelihood go down the tubes? And how could he let Roxi down? Just because she was successful did not mean he was nothing. It sure didn’t give him permission to slack off, either. She had a stressful job and he was contributing to the strain. No wonder she was screeching all the time! She was a pressure-cooker about to blow. Retreating into his fantasy novels only further unraveled their bond. If he didn’t reel in their lifeline soon, it would fray completely.

  Ed felt panicked. “Magno!”

  “Yes, Edison?”

  “I’m such a dipstick! I threw everything away by not putting in the effort. You’re right. The quest wasn’t against you. I wasn’t here to destroy elves or dragons, barbed fieries or mystical mushrooms. I destroyed everything I ever cared about. I beat myself.“

  He slid down and slumped against the embellished frame. Caressing the glass, he desperately tried to salvage the past. “I gotta get inside! I need to fix this.”

  “Ed, don’t be so hard on yourself. Living means making mistakes. Now you see life is a journey. You must look around and enjoy each stop along the way.” Magno scuffled on and Ed got to his feet, following.

  “I will. I promise. Hey, didn’t Ferris Bueller say something like that? Are you just regurgitating other people’s sayings?”

  “Many thinkings get to the same place eventually,” Magno hooted. “And I’ve been here for centuries.”

  “Where are we headed? I need to go home; I need to fix everything. Roxi must be a wreck.”

  Magno Magesto stopped, opened his mouth to say something then closed it again.

  “What?” Eddie asked. The wisest wizard must have a solution and he was eager to hear it.

  “I don’t butt into players’ lives, but you know my world better than most.”

  “Thanks, I think. Go on.” Ed bit a hangnail in suspense.

  “Yes, you let things slide a bit. You’ll correct that. Life is a learning curve. I’m flattered you chose to spend your time reading about me and my creatures. But I just want you to realize you don’t have to stop completely.”

  Ed laughed. “You sound like an airline commercial. Are you worried I’ll ditch the books and forget all about you?”

  Magno cracked a grin. “Partly. But not because of a drop in sales or tourism. Watching the reflections back there, I could see something.
An underlining vein in you to please everyone. You dropped out of college out of family obligation, correct?”

  “Of course. I’d help my family in a heartbeat.”

  “You’re a good man, Edison. Your mother could have run things. She could have hired help. But you didn’t hesitate for a second.”

  “Well, it’s not all selfless. I got out of writing a lot of research papers,” Ed joked.

  Magno shook with a chuckle and continued his walk. “I also noticed Roxi ran the show. Even on your honeymoon. You’re allergic to shellfish, are you not? Yet, you ate the appetizers?”

  Ed shrugged. “Just mildly. How did you know?”

  “Your rosy glow wasn’t the same as hers. Why did you eat them?”

  “They’re her favorite, and Benadryl is easier than disappointing her, I guess. But don’t worry. I’m a changed man. Before the ride of my life back there, I realized a few things.”

  Magno ran his fingers through his beard, leaving a wake of rainbow colors before braiding it at the end. “Good to hear. Never lose yourself in a relationship. Remember that.”

  Ed scratched his head. “But, don’t we have to compromise? I mean, when you’re a couple, it’s not just you anymore.”

  “Correct. Give in on somethings. On others, not so much. Meet in the middle when possible, pick your battles and stand up for yourself. Just like you did here.”

  “Hey, how do you know about such mortal stuff, anyway?”

  Just then a shrill echo bounced through the chamber. “Magno! Are you in your man cave again?”

  Ed and Magesto exchanged knowing looks.

  “That would be my other half, Fascinia. I believe you know your way.”

  As the wizard flashed out, Ed panicked, wondering what that could possibly mean.

  Roxie was in hysterics. It was dark, cold, and police with searchlights crisscrossed the yard. Lars draped a sweater on her friend and rubbed her arm, while Lester consoled LaRhonda.