Seeking Solace

by Ari McKay

  “Definitely not.” Affection tinged with heat flared in Paul’s eyes as he bent his head and kissed Devin, slow and deep. Devin returned the kiss, holding nothing back, running his hands over Paul’s back as desire flared high and hot. He wanted nothing more than for Paul to take him again, but his sense of responsibility ran deep.

  Reluctantly, Devin pulled back from the kiss, then arched upward so Paul could feel how aroused he was. “Think about this until tonight. I know I will.”

  “So will I.” Paul ran his hand along the length of Devin’s torso and ended with a squeeze of his hip. “Believe me, paperwork and phone calls have never been more unwelcome than they are right now.”

  “Or helping little old ladies find their three tons of luggage, or counting wine bottles.” Devin sighed, then gave Paul’s ass a light smack. “Okay, you’d better let me out of this bed before my body convinces my conscience that work is vastly overrated compared to you fucking me through the mattress. Which is the truth, but I’m trying to be an adult today.”

  “We both have to be adults today,” Paul said, sounding as aggrieved as Devin felt, as he rolled off Devin and sat on the edge of the bed so he could put on his prosthetic. Devin watched him move, letting his gaze rove over Paul’s body, glad Paul had lost any apparent self-consciousness about Devin looking at him.

  With a wry chuckle, Devin got out of bed and went to the sofa of the suite, where he’d left a clean uniform the previous night. He ducked into the bathroom for a few moments, then emerged dressed and with his hair combed and pulled back into the braid he wore while on duty. “I have to run. I have five minutes to get up to my station,” he said. He gave Paul another swift kiss. “Until tonight?”

  “Until tonight,” Paul said with a firm nod. He’d put on a pair of boxers but nothing else yet, and he presented a tempting sight.

  “Gah! I hate being an adult,” Devin grumbled. He claimed a final kiss, then resolutely turned for the door. “Think about me,” he called back over his shoulder, then slipped out of the suite while he still could.

  He made it to his duty station in the nick of time, earning a raised eyebrow from Jill, who was his partner on the Atlantic deck. Their job was to herd the endless line of passengers toward the ramp down to the port building, helping those who got turned around, summoning assistance for any emergencies, and generally trying to help keep things positive during what was the worst part of any cruise. It required Devin to keep focused, but the time still dragged.

  “You look preoccupied,” Jill said during a brief lull in the action. “Is anything wrong?”

  “Not really. Just ready to have this over,” Devin replied. “I have plans for later.”

  “I thought you were heading home,” Jill said. “In fact, you’ve been so scarce this cruise I haven’t even gotten to ask you how your liaison thing went. Obviously you survived, but you’ve barely said a word about your gorgeous corporate flunky.”

  The thought of Paul made Devin smile. It hadn’t been easy for him and Paul to keep their relationship private, but they’d managed. Devin’s roommate was the only one who was aware Devin wasn’t sleeping in his own cabin, and Enrique didn’t mind since it meant he could let his girlfriend spend the night. “He was fine. I like him.”

  “Oh?” Jill’s eyebrows shot up at the smile on Devin’s face, but fortunately for him, the next group of passengers approached before she could ask anything further.

  Once the last passenger had left the ship, Devin hurried down to the ship’s stores to help with the delivery inventory of the alcohol for the upcoming cruise. Once that had been completed to Greg’s satisfaction, Devin checked the time and arrived at Kate’s office just before his appointment.

  “Right on time,” Brett said, greeting him as he walked in the door, then chuckled as he noticed Devin was out of breath. “Busy morning?”

  “You know it,” Devin replied. “And I’m off for two weeks, so….”

  “So you want to get on with it, I know,” Brett said. “Six months without any significant time off is rough. You’ve earned it.” He gestured toward the door to Kate’s office. “Go on in. She’s ready for you.”

  “Thanks.” After taking a moment to make sure his uniform wasn’t askew, Devin opened the door and walked in.

  Kate glanced up from her computer screen and peered at Devin over the top of her glasses. “Thanks for coming, Devin,” she said, waving him to an empty chair.

  “No problem,” Devin replied, crossing to the comfortable chairs in front of her desk. He sat down, grateful to have a respite from the flurry of the morning. “I hope things are going well.”

  “Another successful cruise in the books,” Kate said, appearing quite pleased. “You were part of that success, which is why I wanted to meet with you. I’d like to discuss some changes for when you return to the ship.”

  Devin frowned in confusion. Normally any changes in a department were done in a meeting with everyone who worked in that department. “Changes?” he asked. “What changes?”

  Kate shifted her chair to face him and folded her hands on the desk. “As you probably know, we have a career track for the kitchen staff with promotions based on performance more than longevity. After your vacation, I’d like to put you on that track. You’d start out as a sous chef with the opportunity to work your way up.”

  Devin couldn’t believe it. It was the job he’d been hoping for ever since he’d come aboard. He wouldn’t be starting at the bottom either, since a sous chef was already a few rungs up on the culinary career ladder, especially on the ship. He’d wanted this for the past six months, and it seemed almost unreal that it was finally happening.

  Then he thought about Paul, and it tempered his excitement. Not that they had any sort of commitment, but Devin had hopes. If they both worked for Triton, though, surely they could find a way to make it work.

  “That’s… staggering news,” he said. “Thank you, Kate. It’s what I’ve been hoping for.”

  “You’ve been an excellent addition to our crew,” Kate said, offering an encouraging smile. “Mr. Mercer spoke quite highly of you as well.”

  “Thank you, but…. Mr. Mercer?” Once again, Devin felt confused. “I’ve never met Mr. Mercer. I thought he was in Charleston, at corporate?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot you didn’t know,” Kate said. “Paul Bailey is actually Paul Mercer. He’s Andrew Mercer’s son, and he’s preparing to take over when his father retires next year. He used an alias because he didn’t want to worry or intimidate anyone while he was on board. But now that the cruise is over, there’s no need to keep it a secret.”

  All Devin could do was stare at Kate, unable to process what she’d said. Then he felt the blood draining from his face as numbed disbelief washed over him. “You’re telling me Paul is the man who is going to own Triton?”

  Kate’s eyes widened with alarm, and she leaned forward. “Yes, he is, but like I said, he spoke highly of you when I met with him this morning. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  Devin drew in a deep breath, although he could feel his heart racing. Something was wrong, very wrong. Why hadn’t Paul told Devin who he was? They’d slept together! Devin even thought Paul might be falling for him, the way he’d fallen for Paul, but this reminded him of what had happened with Brad, when things had turned out not to be at all what Devin had believed them to be.

  “He talked to you about me this morning?” he asked. Now he knew what it was like to truly be adrift at sea without a life preserver. He felt like he was floundering, a knife-sharp pain lancing through him. “He wanted you to offer me the position?”

  “We spoke about it, yes,” Kate said, inclining her head in affirmation. “He thought it was an excellent idea and well-deserved.”

  “I see.” Devin didn’t know what to think. Paul wasn’t who he had believed him to be, and as far as Paul wanting Devin to be offered the position he’d always wanted… what did it mean? Was this why Paul had been so pensive this
morning? Was this something he was offering because he didn’t want them to have a relationship? Could Paul be trying to buy him off?

  He wanted to talk to Paul and ask him why, so he stood up. “Um… I should thank him,” he said, knowing his explanation sounded weak. “Maybe if I run up to his suite, I can catch him before he leaves.”

  “You can try, but I imagine he’s gone by now,” Kate said. “He had his luggage with him earlier, so I assume he’s debarked and on his way back to Charleston.”

  The floor seemed to shift beneath Devin’s feet, and he sat back down. It was all he could do to keep from moaning in pain, as the truth finally hit him.

  Paul was gone. He had spoken to Kate, and the job was no doubt a way of repaying Devin for the last two weeks. Maybe Paul wanted to avoid the possibility of Devin making a scene or being accused of having an inappropriate relationship with an employee. Whatever the reason, the message Paul was trying to send seemed obvious to Devin—that the future owner of Triton didn’t want a relationship with a cook from a backwater Texas town. No more than Brad Carter of the Houston Oil Carters had wanted him.

  Devin stood up and looked at Kate, but he wasn’t seeing her. Instead he was picturing the way Paul had bitten his lip that morning and talked about the idyll being over, and reality returning. “I’m off for two weeks. Can I let you know, Kate? I hate to seem ungrateful, but I really need to think.”

  Kate’s expression was quizzical, but she nodded. “Of course. You don’t need to decide today.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” It cost everything Devin had left to summon up a smile. “See you later.”

  “I hope you enjoy your vacation,” Kate said.

  “Thanks.” With a final nod, Devin turned and left the office, responding absently to Brett’s farewell.

  Numb with shock and pain, he returned to his room, packed all his belongings in his suitcases and gathered up his identification. He had to go up to the Lido deck to turn his keys in to Greg, but he barely acknowledged the farewells from his coworkers. All he could do was stare at the statue of Triton that held a place of pride in the center of the pool, his weapon raised high above his head. Now he knew why Paul had seemed so familiar to him from the first. Paul had been the model for the statue, after all. That was one of the legends of the ship: the Mercer heir’s likeness had been immortalized as the symbol of the entire line, and Devin had looked at that statue every day for six months. The only wonder was that he hadn’t realized it before.

  Still lost in a haze, Devin left the ship. He didn’t look back even once as he walked away. The Pearl had been an exciting adventure, but he didn’t think he could bear to return to it, not after what had happened. The proud symbol of man’s conquest of the seas was now only a reminder of Devin having loved and lost.

  It was time to go home to Buffalo Lick, where people didn’t pretend to be something they weren’t, and where the love of his family might someday help him recover from the memory of the love that had never been.

  Chapter Eleven

  PAUL aimed the remote at the TV and flipped through half a dozen channels without seeing any of them. Then he turned the TV off and tossed the remote aside, too agitated to find the noise anything other than an irritant. He’d been waiting in his hotel room for hours, but Devin hadn’t responded to any of his texts or called him back. He’d left messages on voicemail, first to relay his hotel and room number in case Devin hadn’t received his text and then to check and make sure Devin was okay.

  He’d held off ordering dinner because he wanted to wait for Devin, but dinnertime came and went, and Devin hadn’t arrived or gotten in touch, which was worrisome. Devin wasn’t the type to flake on plans. If something had come up, Paul was sure Devin would have let him know, and the later it got, the more his mind started running through worst-case scenarios.

  Unfortunately, it was too late in the evening for him to call Kate or go back to the ship, and his stomach was growling, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten since around noon. He didn’t want to leave the room in case Devin showed up, offering kisses and a logical explanation for the delay, so he ordered room service. When it arrived, his stomach was so knotted up with worry that he barely ate half of the grilled chicken and steamed vegetables.

  At ten o’clock, Paul still had hope that Devin might just be running late. By eleven o’clock, he was tempted to call the hospital. By midnight, he gave up and tried to get some sleep, promising himself that he would call Kate and see if she’d heard anything in the morning if Devin hadn’t gotten in touch.

  He woke up earlier than usual and reached for his phone to check for messages, but there weren’t any from Devin. He went through his morning routine on autopilot while his mind turned over every possibility. Had Devin ghosted on him? Was this Devin’s way of extracting himself from the aftermath of a shipboard fling? Was Devin lying unconscious in ICU? Had some family emergency arisen that made Devin go straight home to Buffalo Lick? Paul didn’t know, and the not knowing was driving him insane.

  He waited until shortly after nine o’clock to call Kate, hoping she could provide some answers. She seemed like the type to start her work day early, and Paul couldn’t stand waiting until later. Fortunately, she answered on the second ring.

  “Hi, Kate,” he said, hoping he sounded calmer than he felt. “This is Paul Mercer.”

  “Good morning, Paul.” There was an odd tone to her voice, almost as though she wasn’t surprised to be hearing from him. “How are you?”

  “I’m fine, thanks,” he said, the social lie coming easily. “I’m sorry to call so early, but I’m trying to contact Devin. Is he still on board the Pearl or has he left already?”

  “He’s gone.” She paused. “Paul, was there anything wrong between the two of you? I know it isn’t any of my business, but one moment he was excited and happy about being offered a position in the kitchen, and the next, he looked like I had slapped him.”

  Paul frowned, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “I’m not aware of anything wrong,” he said. “Why would he be upset about a promotion?”

  “I mentioned you had spoken very highly of him and thought the promotion was well-deserved.” Once again, she paused. “Of course at first he was confused when I said Mr. Mercer was pleased with him as a liaison, but I explained why you’d been traveling incognito.”

  Oh, shit.

  Paul swallowed a groan and pushed his fingers through his hair. His real last name had been item one on his discussion agenda for last night. The promotion had been item two, assuming Devin wasn’t angry with him due to item one. He wanted to brainstorm on their options because he didn’t want to keep Devin from accepting the promotion if Devin wanted it, even if it meant they would be apart for long periods.

  But Kate had revealed the truth before Paul could, which probably didn’t make him look good in Devin’s eyes. Maybe that was it. Devin was upset over finding out Paul wasn’t just any corporate executive. Maybe Devin thought this new information changed too much. Maybe he was angry because Paul didn’t tell Devin himself.

  “I’m not sure what’s going on,” Paul said, which was the absolute truth. “But if you hear from Devin, please let him know I’d like him to call me.”

  “Of course, Paul,” she said. “I’ll mind my own business for the moment, but if you’ve cost me one of my favorite employees, I’m going to be very perturbed with you.”

  “Believe me, I want to find out what the problem is and resolve it as much as you do,” Paul said. “Thanks, Kate. I’ll be in touch.”

  “I hope you can. Good luck, Paul.” With that, she ended the call.

  Paul put his phone on the nightstand and got his suitcase so he could pack up and check out. He was relieved of the worry that something terrible had happened to Devin, but it was replaced by the worry that he wouldn’t be able to explain his plans to tell Devin the truth—or that it wouldn’t matter even if he did.

  He’d give Devin some space and see if Devin decided
to get in touch once he’d cooled off. If not…. Well, Paul wasn’t sure what he would do. In the meantime, he had no reason to remain in Galveston, so he might as well book the first flight back to Charleston. He’d give his father a full report and have that out of the way in case Devin called, and he’d plan how he’d make up for his lie by omission.

  But walking away wasn’t an option. He wasn’t like Jack; he wouldn’t give up just because their relationship was facing an obstacle. He wanted a future with Devin too much to let a misunderstanding ruin everything. Devin had rekindled Paul’s fighting spirit, and now Paul was going to use it to fight for Devin—for the man he loved.

  Chapter Twelve

  AFTER six months spent mostly at sea and in various ports in the tropics, coming home to Buffalo Lick was like stepping off an exotic movie set and back into harsh reality.

  Looking out the window of his childhood bedroom, all Devin could see were the faded browns and dusty greens of a typical Texas summer. Even the blue of the sky seemed washed out and dull, which seemed appropriate for Devin’s mood. He felt washed out and dull as well, his heart as heavy as a stone in his chest.

  It seemed a lifetime ago instead of only six days since Devin had woken up beside Paul, in love and so certain they were on the verge of starting a relationship. He’d been sure they could work through any difficulties, that they could find a way to have their chosen careers and still be together. He was sure Paul was falling for him, the way he’d already fallen hard for Paul, and nothing could come between them.

  Now, of course, he realized he hadn’t known Paul at all.

  Turning away from the window, Devin sat down on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands, suppressing a moan of pain. Paul Mercer, the heir to Triton, was a man who’d been born to wealth and privilege, destined from birth to take over his family’s cruise ship empire. Even scarred from his accident and hurting over the breakup of a relationship, Devin should have been able to tell Paul was no entry-level executive on his first cruise. He felt like a fool for accepting everything at face value.