Takes You

by Nicola C. Priest

  Thankfully, one of the first things I did when I took over the garage was have a small shower room installed. I often work late and sometimes it’s just easier for me to shower here, especially if I’m going somewhere else other than straight home.

  As it’s a Saturday and I’m the only one working, I make sure the front gate is secured before I head past my office and into the shower. Stripping out of my dirty clothes, I make quick work of cleaning off before drying myself on a nearby towel. After pulling on my jeans and a clean t-shirt, I grab my car keys and I’m on the road to meet Cris less than ten minutes later.

  We’re going to see three very different venues this afternoon, all of which have told us they have the capacity to hold the almost 130 guests we want to invite to the party. Finding the reception venue has been the hardest part so far. We’ve had the venue for the actual wedding secured for some time now.

  Crissie told me it has always been her dream to get married in the same place her parents tied the knot almost twenty-five years ago, so, after doing a bit of digging, I made some enquiries and boom, the place was booked less than two weeks after I proposed.

  I must admit, I was surprised they were willing to take the booking, considering the wedding is still more than two years away, but they were more than happy to accommodate us, saying it wasn’t unusual now for people to have long engagements, and their venue gets booked up pretty quickly. Surprisingly, they had bookings further into the future than ours.

  The stately home, whilst large, can only accommodate thirty-five people in the room it uses for wedding services, so we’ve had to be brutal with our guest list. We know a few people are going to be pissed they’re not invited, but it’s our day, and if they don’t like it, well that’s just tough shit.

  When I broke the news to Cris, she’d jumped around the place like a kid on Christmas morning. Seeing the look of happiness on her face had made all my hard work securing the venue worthwhile, and I’d realised I would do everything in my power to give her the perfect wedding, even if it sent me bankrupt in the process.

  Making a left at the traffic lights, I see our first venue in the distance, and Crissie is sat on a bench, her face stuck in the baby book that was recommended by her doctor. Since she got the book a week ago, it’s all she’s been reading, absorbing all the tips to becoming a perfect mum and what to do and not to do when pregnant. I swear most of the things are old wives’ tales, but if it makes her feel better, I’m happy to go along for the ride.

  I pull up behind Crissie’s Mini and turn off the engine. She looks up when she sees me and smiles, putting the book in her bag as she stands. God, she looks beautiful, and she’s carrying my baby. I never used to believe it when I heard people talking about how a pregnant woman glows, but now I’ve seen it for myself, I know it to be true.

  Collecting my scattered thoughts, I jump out the car and join her on the pavement. Taking her hand, I bend slightly to brush my lips across hers, inhaling her scent before breaking away.

  “How was work?”

  I know today is the day she was going to tell her boss that she is pregnant. As she hasn’t been there that long, she was really nervous about how they would take the news.

  “Work was great. I told Amanda when I got in this morning and she was really happy for me and so supportive. She sent me an email with all the information I need to know about maternity leave and what I needed to do to inform HR. I really don’t know what I was worried about.”

  “That’s great, Cris,” I say as I kiss her again, before looking up at the building behind her. “Shall we go in and see this place, then?”

  Cris nods and turns, and we climb the few steps to the main entrance of what could be our reception venue.

  Crissie

  I fall into the cushions on the sofa and kick off my shoes. Three venues visited, and three venues discounted. Not one of them is right for our wedding reception. They each had their good points, but none of them screamed ‘pick me.’ Caleb thought the same thing, so before we head around his parents’ house tomorrow, we’re going to do a little bit more research to see what other venues we can find.

  I close my eyes briefly and sigh, opening them again when I feel the weight of the sofa shift as Cal joins me. I watch as he takes hold of my legs, bringing them onto his lap, where he proceeds to rub my feet and ankles.

  One side effect of being pregnant is that my ankles tend to swell if I spend too long on my feet. I can’t stop the groan that spills over my lips as Cal presses his thumbs into my instep, my head falling back as my eyes close again. I hear him chuckle as he continues.

  “That feels good, I take it?”

  “You have no idea,” I reply with as a small smile plays across my lips.

  We remain silent for the next fifteen minutes as Cal works his way from my feet to my ankles and then up my calves. By the time he’s finished, my legs feel like jelly and I’m more than a little bit turned on. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but having Cal’s hands on me, even doing something as non-sexual as rubbing my aching feet, brings my body to life.

  I blame the pregnancy hormones. When I open my eyes to look at him, how I’m feeling must be evident.

  “Oh no, woman. No sex for you. We need to eat, and maybe after that I’ll let you have your way with me.”

  I try my hardest to pout but fail miserably. I know my sexual demands on him, whilst welcomed most of the time, are tiring him out. Especially when I wake up in the middle of the night, horny as hell and wanting nothing more than for him to press me into the mattress and take me hard and fast.

  He’s been getting up most mornings and heading to work like a zombie. Part of me feels bad that me being pregnant is affecting him this way, but then I think back to how being with Cal makes me feel; how my body comes alive when our bodies become one, and any bad feelings I have evaporate.

  “What are we having to eat, then?” I ask as he stops rubbing my calves and rests his hands on my legs.

  “How about pizza?” Just thinking about melted cheese, pepperoni and mushrooms causes my stomach to growl and Cal to laugh out loud. “Pizza is it, then.”

  As Caleb lifts my legs so he can slide off the sofa, I grab my phone and send a quick text to my mum to check we’re still okay for dinner the next day. She quickly replies saying both her and my dad are looking forward to seeing Cal’s family again.

  Seeing my battery is almost flat, I move to cross the room to get my charger, stopping suddenly as a pain shoots through my lower back. Moving my hand, I rub the offending spot and slowly straighten, releasing the breath I had sucked in when the pain hit.

  The doctor had warned me there would be aches and pains throughout the pregnancy, but that had come out of nowhere. Bending slightly, I move again when I’m sure the pain is gone, but only make it two steps before the pain comes back tenfold, this time lancing through my belly so strongly I double over and cry out. Within seconds, Caleb is by my side, his arm around my waist.

  “Cris, honey. What is it? What’s wrong?”

  “Oh god, Cal, it hurts so bad.” I force my eyes to open as I look at him, my arms wrapped around my middle. “Please say it’s not the baby. It can’t be the baby.”

  As another pain shoots through my belly, I fall to my knees, tears streaming down my face as I hear Cal screaming into his phone for an ambulance. Moments later, he’s back by my side, holding me in his arms as he whispers everything will be okay, and for the first time in my life, I pray to God that he’s right.

  Chapter 20

  Crissie

  My head hurts.

  Why is everything so fuzzy?

  Whose voice is that?

  Why can’t I move?

  What’s happening?

  What’s wrong with me?

  “Hey, Cris. Crissie, you’re okay. You’re safe. Calm down, baby, I’m here.”

  “Caleb? What’s going on? What’s happening? Where am I?” I try and sit up as my vision begins to clear, and I see Caleb looking down
at me. He’s smiling, but I can tell something isn’t right. His eyes are red and puffy, like he’s been crying. Jesus, what’s happened?

  “You’re in the hospital, Cris. Can you remember how you got here?”

  Hospital? What am I doing in the… Oh god. My stomach. The pains. Cal called an ambulance. The baby.

  “The baby? Is the baby okay? Cal, please tell me the baby is okay?”

  I don’t need him to verbalise the answer. I can see it written all over his handsome face. He averts his eyes for a moment and swallows, before turning back to me, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

  “I’m so sorry, Cris. The baby is gone. You had a miscarriage, sweetie.”

  A miscarriage? No, he must be wrong. That only happens to women who don’t look after themselves during pregnancy. He must be wrong.

  “But I did everything right. The doctor told me what to do, and I did everything right. You’re wrong, Cal. You have to be wrong.”

  “I’m sorry, baby. You did everything right, everything you should have done, but this can sometimes just happen.”

  “Caleb is right, Crissie.” I hear the unfamiliar voice and watch as Caleb steps to the side and a woman in a white lab coat steps forward. She looks at me with kind eyes hidden behind pink-rimmed glasses. Her blonde hair is pulled back into a high ponytail. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks at Caleb before turning back to me.

  “Sometimes this just happens, Crissie. With all the medical advances that have been made, sometimes there is just no way of telling what causes a miscarriage. From what your young man has told me, you did everything right. We’ll probably never know what caused it, and while you probably don’t want to think about this now, there’s no reason why you can’t go on to have a normal pregnancy and healthy babies in the future.”

  I hear what she’s saying, but the words don’t penetrate my brain. She says I did nothing wrong, but how can she know? How can anyone know? I just lie there, staring at the ceiling as both the doctor and Caleb look at me.

  I don’t know what to say to him right now. What can I say to the man whose baby I’ve somehow killed? I need time to think, time to digest what’s happened.

  “I’m tired,” I say on a sigh, turning away from Cal and the doctor. I move onto my side so I’m looking towards the wall.

  I feel Caleb stroke my hair and squeeze my eyes shut as he places a soft kiss on my head. “I’ll be right outside when you need me, baby. Sleep now. I love you, Cris.”

  A few moments later, the light is turned off and I hear the door close quietly. I wait a few more minutes before I turn over on to my back, seeing I’m alone in the room; alone with the thoughts of my lost baby and everything I could have done to deny me one of the greatest gifts a woman can receive.

  Caleb

  The doctor told me she might blame herself. She told me it’s common for a woman who loses a baby to think up things they did wrong and somehow use them as a reason for the loss. She also said most of the time, especially if the woman is in perfect health, as Crissie is, there is no medical reason for it. As much as it’s horrible to say, sometimes miscarriages just happen for no reason at all.

  The ambulance had arrived at the flat within five minutes of me calling them. By that time, Crissie was in tears with the pain, and, while I didn’t tell her, I could see she was bleeding. My heart had broken on that ride to the hospital. The paramedics had given her something for the pain, which had calmed her, but I knew, as did they, what had happened.

  When the paramedic looked over at me, I could see by the look on her face that my worst fears had come true. Cris had lost our baby, something that was confirmed by the doctors when they examined her. They’d given her a mild sedative to help her rest, and the doctor had explained she would need to stay in for a few days.

  Due to the fact she was almost seventeen weeks, the doctor explained that Cris would need to give birth to the baby. I hadn’t told her that yet. Telling her our baby had died had been hard enough. When I had to tell her she would still have to give birth to a baby we would never be able to take home with us, I knew it would break my heart more than it already had been.

  “Mr Roberts?” I hear the doctor say my name and turn as she walks over. “Miss Walker’s parents are on their way up. Do you want me to tell them what’s happened?”

  God, I’d almost forgotten I’d called them. It seems like hours since we got here, but it’s only been ninety minutes. How do I tell them their baby girl has lost her own baby? A baby that, up until a short while ago, they didn’t even know existed. Pushing my hand through my hair, I hear the lift doors slide open and then hurried footsteps coming towards me.

  “I’ll do it, doctor. Thank you.”

  She nods as she returns to the nurse’s station, just as Matthew and Diane Walker come to a stop by my side. Diane grabs my hands and holds on tightly. “Caleb, what’s wrong? How’s Crissie? Was there an accident? Is it the baby?”

  I look between my future in-laws, all words failing me. I open my mouth several times, but nothing comes out. After a few moments of just looking at them, I feel the tears returning to my eyes. It’s then I feel a gentle hand on my arm and see the doctor is back.

  “Caleb, Crissie is asking for you. You go, I’ll speak with Mr and Mrs Walker.”

  I give her a small nod and then turn towards Crissie’s room. When I go in, I see her lying on her back staring up at the ceiling. She turns her head to look at me as I enter, her eyes locking with mine. I see the moment she breaks, her breath stuttering as she tries to speak.

  “We’ve lost our baby, Cal. Our Little Bean is gone.”

  I cross the room in seconds and gather her into my arms as the barriers finally break and she sobs into my chest. Her hands clutch at my t-shirt as her whole body shakes in my arms. I let myself grieve with her as I hear a female cry from outside the room, knowing it must be Crissie’s mother.

  Without releasing my hold on her, I manoeuvre myself on the bed next to Crissie and lie down, taking her with me. She curls in against my body and clings to me, her sobs coming thick and fast. As I lie there with her by my side, I have never felt more useless. All I can do is hold on and let her cry for the baby we will never know but will always love.

  Chapter 21

  “Easy, honey. Take it slow. There you go. Do you need anything?”

  “I’m good, Mum. Thank you.”

  I love my mum, really, I do, but for the last four days she’s been driving me crazy. I know she’s only trying to be useful, and she cares for me, but I’m close to pulling my hair out with all the fussing she’s doing.

  Ever since the day I had to give birth to my daughter, she’s been by my side, making sure I don’t have to do anything. Part of me has welcomed it, knowing that after the emotional and physical trauma of everything that happened, I needed someone to lighten the load.

  Cal and I decided to call our daughter Aria Natasha Roberts. She was so tiny she fit into the palm of my hand. Little Aria had all her limbs, and even though we would never see her grow up, to us, she was perfect.

  We held a service for her in the hospital chapel as I was unable to leave the hospital for several more days, and she will have a headstone in the children’s cemetery at our local church. She might have never taken a breath, but she will always be loved and remembered.

  As I sit down, my mum reaches down and takes off my shoes, lifts my legs, and places them on the sofa so I’m stretched out. She then grabs the throw off the back of the sofa and lays it out over me.

  “Can I get you a drink? Something to eat?”

  “No, Mum. Really, I’m fine.” I see Cal come in after parking the car and grabbing my bags. He smiles as he sees my mum tucking the throw in around my legs, and I roll my eyes at him over my mum’s shoulder.

  “Really, Diane, we’ll be fine. Thank you for being here for Crissie, for me too. We really appreciate it.”

  “Nothing to thank me for, Caleb. Crissie is my baby girl. There is nowhere els
e I’d have been.” She sits on the sofa next to me and continues to mess with the throw, until I reach out and stop her.

  “Please, Mum, I’m okay. Stop fussing.”

  “I’m sorry, darling. I’m just worried.”

  “I get that, Mum, but it’s over now. I’m home and I have Cal here to look after me.”

  “Actually, I need to pop to the garage, just to check in. I shouldn’t be longer than an hour. Diane, are you okay to stay until I get back?”

  “Of course, Cal. I’ll look after our girl.”

  I inwardly groan at the thought of spending another hour with my mum fretting over everything, but I know Cal has been away from the garage for almost five days, so he needs to make sure things are running smoothly in his absence.

  He comes over and kisses me gently on the lips before vanishing through the front door. I watch him leave and feel my mum’s hand on my arm. When I turn to her, I see concern on her face. “What’s the matter, honey? If you wanted him to stay, you should have told him.”

  “No, it’s not that, Mum. It’s just… Cal has been great. He’s held me when I’ve cried and listened to me when I’ve needed to talk.”

  “But…”

  “But what will happen when he finally realises I killed his baby? What will happen when he realises it’s all my fault and he goes and finds a girl who can give him a family?” I feel the tears filling my eyes for what must be the hundredth time since Saturday. I’m amazed there are any tears left for me to cry.

  “Now you stop thinking like that. You hear me? Caleb loves you and he knows this is in no way your fault.”

  “Then who’s fault is it, Mum?” I almost shout in her face. “I was the one carrying the baby. I was the one eating for two and exercising. Maybe I ate the wrong food or did the wrong exercise. Either way, the baby died whilst inside my body, so I really don’t see who else could be to blame. If you know, then please tell me, because this is killing me.” I’m sobbing now, but it’s more through anger than being upset. This has been coming ever since I woke up in the hospital, so it was only a matter of time before it all came out. I’ve tried so hard to believe what everyone has been telling me; that I did nothing wrong, that sometimes these things just happen. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t convince myself it’s the truth.