Takes You

by Nicola C. Priest

  My mum stays quiet for several minutes, waiting for me to calm down, if I had to guess. When I’ve stopped shaking and the tears have subsided, she speaks. “I know what you’re going through, Cris.”

  “Sorry, Mum, but you can’t possibly know what I’m going through.” I push the throw off my legs and stand, walking to the kitchen. When I’ve poured a glass of water, I down it in three gulps before turning to see my mum standing in the doorway.

  “I know exactly what you’re going through, honey, because I had a miscarriage too.”

  All I can do is stand and stare at my mum as she crosses her arms and heads back into the living room. I place my empty glass in the sink and follow her, sitting back in my original position on the sofa next to my mum. I have no idea what to say to her.

  “You were sixteen months old when I found out I was pregnant again. Your father and I were over the moon. We always wanted at least two children. I was six weeks or thereabouts when we found out. We both knew of all the so-called bad omens related to pregnancies, so we agreed not to tell anyone until we’d had the twelve week scan. For the next few weeks I was on cloud nine. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I’d even started buying little outfits. Every time I went shopping, I’d come back with something new for the baby. It drove your dad mad.”

  My mum smiled a little at the memory, but that smile soon faded as she looked at me.

  “We went for my twelve-week scan full of excitement. We couldn’t wait to see that little heartbeat on the screen and to meet our little baby for the first time.” She paused again before taking a deep breath. “When the doctor put the scanner on my belly, she looked around for two minutes before we realised something wasn’t right. It only took them a few seconds to find you on the scan. She called in another doctor to have a look, but when he couldn’t find a heartbeat either, they broke the news that I’d miscarried. They told me that because I was in the early stages, it would just feel like I was having a heavy period, and I might have some discomfort in my belly. We were like zombies when we left the doctors, and it was several days before I started bleeding.”

  “God, Mum, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “No one knew, honey, just me and your dad. We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy so decided no one needed to know about the miscarriage. The reason I’m telling you this now is because I went through exactly the same as what you’re going through. I had all the same thoughts and all the same feelings. I was convinced that, even though we had you, your dad would end up blaming me for the loss of the baby and would leave me for someone else. It took me a while to realise I was being crazy, and it was just one of those things. I did everything right and it still happened. You’re not to blame, Crissie. You and Cal love one another and can have more children. Don’t let this affect your relationship, honey. You’ll both grieve, together and separately, and then you’ll go on and have a wonderful wedding and a beautiful family.”

  I nod at my mum’s words and swipe at the tears that were silently slipping down my cheeks as my mum relayed what had to be one of the most painful times in her life.

  “Didn’t you and Dad want to try again for another baby?”

  “We did, more than anything, but I got an infection after the miscarriage that meant I wouldn’t be able to conceive naturally. We were devastated at first, but then realised that we had you, and you were already so precious to us, we didn’t need another baby to make us a family. We already had the perfect family.”

  I reach out and take my mum’s hands, seeing the tears in her eyes. “I love you, mum.”

  “Oh, I love you too, baby girl.”

  I move in and wrap my arms around my mum, and we both just sit there, crying softly for the children we would never see again, but would always love.

  Caleb

  I lean my head against the front door, fighting the tears as I listen to the conversation Cris is having with her mother. I got back from the garage five minutes ago and was about to open the door when I heard their conversation.

  Not wanting to disturb them, I decided to stay outside. I know I should have gone back to the car and waited for them to finish, but something compelled me to stay, and I’m so glad I did.

  How could I not know Crissie felt the way she did? Part of me is hurt she ever thought I could blame her for the loss of Aria, but the other part of me understands, in a way.

  While I know what her parents went through all those years ago was probably the most painful thing they’d ever been through, I’m glad Diane understands what Cris is feeling and can help her put it into perspective. Leaving Cris isn’t something I would ever contemplate, and I can only hope she finally believes that after speaking with her mum.

  When everything goes quiet in the flat, I take a breath and push my key in the lock. Turning the lock, I open the door to find both women on the sofa, their hands clasped between them. I can see they’ve both been crying, but I decide not to mention it. If Cris wants to tell me what they discussed, she will. She doesn’t need to know I heard their conversation.

  “Hey. How’re you feeling?”

  “I’m good. Mum and I had a good talk.” I watch as Crissie smiles at her mum, who just lifts their hands and kisses her knuckles.

  “I should get going and leave you two alone to get some rest.”

  I watch as Diane stands and grabs her jacket off the back of one of the dining chairs. After she’s slipped it on, she comes over and gives me a hug, whispering that I should give Crissie time, and that she loves me. When she pulls back, all I can do is nod at her, while I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “I’ll see you out, Mum.” Cris uncurls her legs from underneath her and follows her mum to the front door. I watch as they hug again before her mum vanishes out of sight and Cris turns back to me. She just stands there, her hands wrapped around herself, and looks at me, as if unsure about what to do or say, so I do the only thing I can think of. I open my arms to her, and she’s wrapped in my embrace within seconds.

  I close my eyes and just hold her, knowing she needs this as much as I do. We’ve been through a hell of a lot the last few days, and right now, we just need to know the other is still there, something I feel the need to convey to her in words.

  “I love you, Cris. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She doesn’t respond, but I hear her exhale as she fully relaxes against me, her hold around my waist tightening. Without releasing her, I move slowly towards the sofa and sit us down, tucking her against my side. We sit there in silence for what feels like hours, before she lifts her head and looks up at me.

  “You heard us talking, didn’t you?”

  Damn it, I knew I should have just kept my mouth shut.

  “I’m sorry, Cris. I know it was a private conversation between you and your mum, but I was right outside the door.”

  “It’s okay. In a way, I’m glad you heard it. It saves me having to say it all again to you.”

  All I can do is nod at her, understanding what she means. Although, I can’t help but wonder whether she would have ever mentioned her doubts if I hadn’t heard the conversation. Part of me is struggling to come to terms with the knowledge that she really believed I would blame her for the loss of Aria and eventually leave her because of it. Would one conversation with her mum really change her mind?

  “You have to know I would never blame you for any of this, Cris. I have to admit, it hurts to think that after more than four years together, you really believed I would leave you because of what happened. I love you, baby.”

  Cris puts her hand on my thigh and pushes herself into a sitting position, turning her body so she’s facing me directly. “I don’t think I ever actually believed it, Cal. I just couldn’t understand why this happened when I did everything the doctor told me to do. I mean, how can something like this just happen for no reason? My mum helped me to understand that sometimes these things are outside of our control, and that you blaming me won’t happen as I didn’t do anything wrong.”
>
  I see the tears building in her eyes again, and I reach out to pull her against me. “No, you didn’t, Cris. It just wasn’t meant to be, this time, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be able to try again, when you’re ready.”

  I feel the movement of her head as she nods against my chest. The doctors have said it could be a few weeks before we’re able to be together again physically. It’s going to be a tough time for both of us, especially seeing as just looking at her is usually enough to make me want to drag her off to the bedroom. We’re both going to have to restrain ourselves until she gets the all clear from her doctor.

  The room is silent, apart from the steady ticking of the wall clock. I trail my fingers along her arm as hers rest lightly on my thigh. Her breathing is even, and I think she’s asleep, until I hear the growl of her stomach and the chuckle that passes her lips.

  “I think someone is hungry,” I state as she sits up next to me.

  “Yeah, I could eat,” she says as her stomach growls again.

  “Shall I cook something, or would you rather have takeout?”

  “Takeout. It’s been a long day, and I just want to sit here with you and stuff my face with pizza.” The laughter I hear from her is a welcome sound after the last few days, and I’d forgotten how much I loved to hear her laugh. “I’ll go grab us a drink. You order the food?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She laughs again as I salute her and grab my phone to do as she asked, my eyes never leaving her as she heads into the kitchen, my doubts gone as and I finally believe that we will be alright.

  Chapter 22

  Crissie

  It’s about bloody time!

  Five weeks it’s been since Cal and I were last together, and I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed being with him. I mean, we’ve done other stuff, but we’ve always had to put on the brakes before things have gone too far. Now, finally, the doctor has given me the green light to be intimate with my fiancé again.

  I jump in my Mini and start the ignition, pulling away into traffic as I head into town. I’ve got tonight all planned out in my head. I’m going to light a few scented candles, cook Cal a nice meal, open a bottle of wine and then seduce the hell out of him. He’s not going to know what hit him.

  It only takes me ten minutes to get to town, and, when I’ve found a parking space and paid for parking for up to six hours, I walk towards the centre, almost squealing like a baby when I see Pippa coming towards me.

  I break into a run and we collide, hugging each other and jumping around like idiots. It’s been almost two years since I last saw her. As most of us did, we all went away to college. I went off to Birmingham and Pippa went up to Manchester. Tasha and Missy both went down to the south coast and loved it so much they’ve decided to stay down there.

  We talk every now and again, but we aren’t as close as we once were. Pippa and I, on the other hand, talked almost every day when we were in college. Like I did, Pip moved back to Chester when she graduated. She’s still living with her mum and stepdad but is in a steady relationship with a great guy she met on a night out several months ago.

  She’s completely smitten and it’s nice to see. Pip was always cautious around guys, mainly due to trust issues she developed when her father upped and left when she was just seven years old. Lance has managed to push through those issues, and I’m pleased she finally has someone in her life other than her family and friends. She deserves to be happy.

  “It’s great to see you, Pip. How’s Lance?”

  I grin as she blushes at the mere mention of his name. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s come here straight from leaving him, if the slightly ruffled hair and swollen lips are anything to go by.

  “He’s good, great actually. He’s asked if it’s okay if he meets us for lunch? I said I’d check with you before confirming.”

  “That’s fine with me. It will be nice to see him again.”

  Pip gives me another quick hug before pulling out her phone and sending her guy a quick text confirming today’s lunch date. When he responds with a smiley face and several kisses, she links her arm with mine and we start walking.

  “So, what do you want to do today?”

  As I explain my plan to her, she smiles, laughs, and nods enthusiastically, indicating she’s fully on board with my idea. I’m happy she’s not mentioned anything about what Cal and I have been through recently. Pip knows everything about what happened, but she also knows I’m getting pissed with everyone asking me how I am every time they see me.

  My friend knows me well, and she won’t bring it up unless I do first, which I have no intention of doing. I don’t want what happened to put downer on our day. It’s been too long since I last saw her, and I just want to enjoy today and have some fun.

  We stop in front of a shop Pip has loved since we were teenagers and didn’t yet know what was fashionable.

  “So, where do you want to go first?”

  “Not here, that’s for sure,” I say with a small laugh when she pouts. “Come on, Pip, the clothes in this place aren’t really what I’m going for, not for tonight.”

  I see her mulling it over as she turns to look at the shop and then back to me. “You’re right, something a little more sophisticated I think.”

  She links her arm with mine again and we set off down the street. She’s a woman on a mission, and I don’t know whether I should be pleased or scared.

  Tucking my shopping bags underneath the table, I slide into the booth as Pippa does the same thing across from me. We’ve spent a small fortune in the last three hours. If I weren’t driving, I’d be having a large glass of wine right about now.

  Pippa grabs the menu and gives it a quick once over before passing it across to me. I don’t know why she bothers looking; she always has the same thing whenever we come here.

  “Cheeseburger and Cajun chips again, Pip?” I ask as she grins at me.

  “What? Their burgers are the best in Chester. You should try one. And don’t get me started on those chips.”

  I pull a face at her and look back to the menu, glancing up to see Pip looking at something, or rather someone, over my shoulder. If the look on her face is anything to go by, I know Lance has just arrived. Pip stands up as he gets to our table, and I roll my eyes as she locks lips with him, not caring who sees them.

  “Get a room you two.” I grin up at them as they part, Pip giving me a beaming smile while Lance looks a little embarrassed. Looking up at him, I can see what initially attracted Pip to him. He has dirty blond, curly hair, which he wears just long enough to still be considered short. He has a square jaw and bright green eyes that light up when he smiles, especially when he smiles at Pip. I’m glad my friend has found someone who clearly adores her, even after only a few months together.

  The lovebird’s slide into the booth opposite me and within moments, a waitress comes up to our table. Pip and Lance both order a cheeseburger and chips, with a side order of onion rings, and, despite the fact I don’t usually eat burgers, I order the same, which earns me a smile from my friend. We also ask for a round of lemonades and the waitress walks away to put our order through the till.

  “So, Lance, how’s work going?”

  “Same as ever. It’s just a stop gap until I’ve finished my degree to be honest.”

  I nod, knowing what he means, my job as an admin assistant is just temporary, at least that’s the plan anyway. I still want to work in criminology and forensics, but if only I’d known how tough it was to get into. I’ve sent out my CV to various companies, but nothing good has come back yet.

  Having said that, staying where I am at the moment wouldn’t be completely terrible. My boss has been great since I lost the baby, telling me to take as much time as I need. I only had two weeks off, as sitting around in the flat was starting to make me go stir crazy.

  Going back to work was easier than I thought it would be. Only my boss knew what had happened, something I was grateful for. I didn’t think I could stand a
ll the sorrowful looks from people wondering what to say to me.

  We all thank the waitress when she returns with our lemonades and informs us our food will be out shortly. The conversation between the three of us is easy and covers a whole host of topics, from mundane subjects like what was on TV to deeper topics such as what we planned to do with our lives.

  Pretty soon, it is time to pay the bill as Lance has to get back to work. The soppy goodbye between the two of them makes me want to gag and grin at the same time. Were Cal and I ever like that? Yeah, we probably were. During our first few months together, it was all we could do to keep our hands off each other. We drove our friends mad with all our touchy-feely antics, and I have a feeling Pip is exaggerating her goodbye with Lance purely for my benefit.

  When Lance has left, Pip and I grab our bags, and after thanking the waitress with a nice tip, we leave the restaurant and enter the chilly autumn air. Linking arms, we set off down the street, stopping in front of a shop I hadn’t planned on visiting today. Pip sees my face and frowns.

  “Oh, come on, Cris, you can’t get a whole new outfit and not get anything for the bedroom,” she says as she waggles her eyebrows at me.

  I don’t have the heart to tell her I hadn’t planned on wearing anything under my outfit tonight, but Pip loves pretty lingerie—hell, she loves all kinds of lingerie. She has a small chest of drawers in her bedroom full of the stuff, in every colour, style and material you can think of. I’ve a feeling she wants to go into this shop more for her than for me.