Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  Carli patted Jillian’s hand gently and nodded in agreement. “I know, Jillian. I feel the exact same thing with Reid every day, and even more so since everything that’s happened recently. He’s been there not only for me, but for Angelina as well. He’s helping the girls adapt to her being with us…which means sometimes he’s there to prevent Malaya from staging a coup. You know, the usual toddler stuff.”

  Jillian snorted out a laugh at Carli’s description of her sometimes wayward twin’s antics. She was still chuckling when the door opened and her nurse stepped into the room. Jillian caught the look on Carli’s face when she noticed him and wanted to burst out laughing again.

  “Carli, I’d like for you to meet my nurse today. This is Dex, and he’s been great. Dex this is Carli Brandt who’s worked here for years as a trauma nurse,” said Jillian by way of introduction.

  The two nurses in the room immediately started discussing nursing related things, and that’s how Rob and Isa found them when they returned a few minutes later. Dex was adjusting Jillian’s pillow behind her head, and then touched her shoulder lightly before saying, “Jillian if you need anything at all just call me. I’ll be back in just a few with some medication that Dr. Nixon ordered for you.”

  With an “it was nice to meet you, Carli”, Dex left the room and Isa blurted out, “Holy shit! He’s your nurse, Jillian? I may need to hang around for a little longer today. I had no idea there were so many hot nurses roaming this place.”

  Rolling his eyes at his younger sister, Rob took a seat in one of the two chairs and settled in with the remote. Since he was basically ignoring the three women around him he failed to see the wink that Jillian sent his two sisters.

  “Yes, ladies, I think Rob has felt a little…hmm, intimidated maybe by my nurse today. I think I even saw a little tinge of jealously earlier,” said Jillian.

  That got Rob’s attention, and he jerked his head in Jillian’s direction. “What? Oh, hell no! Nurse Thor doesn’t intimidate me in the least. And I had every right to be on alert earlier and you know it. He wasn’t going into the bathroom with you, Jillian, so he could cop a look at your ass. Not happening.”

  With that said, Rob turned his attention back to the television and ignored the laughter in the room which was at his expense. He was used to it anyway, and knew they’d all eventually move on to something else. Hopefully their next subject wouldn’t involve him.

  After everyone had left, Jillian settled back against her pillow and stifled a yawn. She was so tired, but being tired seemed like her normal state these days. It was in such sharp contrast to her life prior to these past several weeks that sometimes she could barely remember the woman she’d been then. A woman with a career that she loved, and her life a continuous pattern of flying to exotic places around the world.

  Truthfully, though, the glamorous life she’d been living hadn’t been as satisfying lately. Jillian had to admit that she’d actually been growing a little tired of all the traveling, and much rather preferred staying anchored in one place for a change. Even being in Chicago was losing its appeal as well, and it had been for quite some time. Ever since she’d joined Rob and his parents in Germany during Miguel’s horrific ordeal, Jillian knew she’d been unsettled. After spending that one week with Rob she’d felt the loss of being without him more acutely than she ever had before.

  Although she hadn’t voice it out loud to anyone, Jillian had been giving serious consideration to relocating back to St. Louis. It was true that she loved her job, and her boss was amazing to work for, but there were other jobs. And besides, money wasn’t really an issue since she had enough in her trust fund to live comfortably from now on without working again.

  It was ironic how she’d been thinking that life was too short to spend it without the people around you who meant the most, and then she’d discovered the lumps in her groin. In a relatively short period of time her whole world had changed and she was back in St. Louis after all. Unfortunately, her return hadn’t been quite how she’d envisioned it to be. At the end of the day, though, Jillian knew she was with the one person who meant more to her than anyone. And right now he was still flipping through the television channels which usually drove her crazy.

  “Rob, honey, there has to be something on that you want to watch. Your channel surfing drives me crazy and you know it,” complained Jillian lightly. Her eyelids were already drooping so she didn’t really much care what Rob was doing. It just felt good to give him grief about it like she’d done so many times before.

  Turning his gaze toward the bed, Rob frowned and said, “I know it does, and it’s part of my evil plot to drive you crazy, babe. Bet you didn’t know that I had one, did you?”

  Chuckling around a yawn, Jillian shook her head. “No, but thanks for enlightening me. I’ll know what to look for now. You’re the one who’s crazy, you know that right?”

  Rising from his chair, Rob perched on the side of the bed and leaned over to drop a kiss on Jillian’s lips. Bumping her nose gently with his own he smiled that sexy smile which never failed to do crazy things to her system.

  “Yeah, but I’m crazy about you, baby, so that’s all that matters. Now, close your beautiful eyes and go to sleep. You’ve been awake long enough and could probably use a nap,” said Rob gently.

  He remained on the bed beside her until he was certain Jillian had drifted off to sleep. Pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead, Rob moved from the bed and made his way back to the chair he’d just vacated. With a smile tugging at his lips, he reached for the remote and began channel surfing again.

  You are not where you want to be, but

  neither are you where you used to be.

  -Anonymous

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Rob glanced at his watch and scowled when he realized this meeting was running far longer than it needed to. He listened absently as the man who was speaking bemoaned the fact again that his money just wasn’t quite doing what he needed it to do. And what an ironic twist that was thought Rob sourly. The guy had already cashed out some of his stock as a major shareholder in a family company, but of course Rob also knew the reason why. He’d strongly advised against it at the time, but the guy’s twenty-eight year old mistress had wanted just a “small condo” in the Bahamas and she’d gotten it. Rob just hoped his client hadn’t been stupid enough to put it in the woman’s name.

  Ric Santos was present as well for today’s meeting since the client was a longstanding one of the firm. He’d been coming in to help since Rob had been so tied up with Jillian’s illness and care, and Rob knew he’d never be able to thank his dad enough. Ric had been a lifesaver, but of course every time Rob tried expressing his gratitude Ric just smiled in his quiet way and reminded his son that this was what familia did for one another.

  Gathering up the papers around him, Rob hoped his actions would send the message that they were essentially done here. Ric was tying up the loose ends with the client, and Rob was only half-listening as his dad reiterated again the reasons why Mr. Chang’s retirement fund didn’t need to be diversified. The guy was only fifty-eight, but he was evidently living large like he was thirty again, and Rob couldn’t help but wonder if Mrs. Chang knew about her husband’s other life.

  Rob pushed his chair back and stood to his feet with his hand outstretched toward his client. “Mr. Chang, it’s been a pleasure, but if you’ll excuse me I have another appointment outside of the office and I’m running a little late. Please give my regards to Mrs. Chang, and I hope the two of you have a wonderful time on your anniversary cruise that she planned.”

  Take that, you cheating shit thought Rob with a smug smile. Turning to leave, Rob caught his dad’s eye and winked slyly at Ric before he exited the room. He knew he should probably feel guilty for leaving his dad with Mr. Chang’s self-made mess, but frankly he was too anxious about getting Jillian to her appointment to feel much remorse. Today they were meeting with Dr. Nixon to find out the results of Jillian’s recent CT scan, and Rob f
elt his gut clench at the prospect.

  They’d referred to it as a staging CT, and the doctor had ordered it after the minimum three cycles of chemotherapy Jillian had received. This test would assess whether her disease process was responding to treatment, or if more chemotherapy would be needed. Rob was praying for the former, but if more chemo was needed then they’d deal just like they’d been doing. Thankfully, though, Jillian’s third round hadn’t been as detrimental as the one prior to it. There’d been some nausea and vomiting, but the medication had seemed to work more efficiently for some reason.

  Of course she was still exhausted most of the time, but Rob insisted that she nap as often as possible even when she protested against it. It was almost a game they played now to see how long she could hold him off, and then he’d have the pleasure later of laughing when she had to admit how much better she felt after getting some rest. It was a far cry from the things they normally laughed about, but these days they were trying to find the humor wherever they could. Now they had to get through today and hopefully be smiling over good news from Dr. Nixon.

  Rob pulled into the driveway and hurried from the car to the door. He wasn’t exactly late, but they had just enough time to make Jillian’s appointment with none to spare. Isabella was with Jillian today, and Rob cringed thinking about what mischief they’d been up to. If Isa was in charge there was simply no predicting what off-the-wall activity she’d thought up in his absence.

  The door opened to the sound of music playing and Isa’s boisterous laugh echoing through the house. Rob dropped his keys and then followed the noise to their bedroom where he found Jillian sitting in a chair in front of the mirror, and Isa with a make-up brush in her hand. The two women didn’t notice when he entered the room, and Rob stopped when he saw Jillian’s reflection mirrored back at him.

  Isa had tied a new scarf around Jillian’s head and the subtle colors of melon, yellow, and pink blended into a delicate pattern of color. Isa was flourishing a brush over Jillian’s cheeks and the slight tinge of pink took away from the paleness of her skin. Her lips looked shiny and moist with a swipe of lip gloss added, and Isa had even used an eyebrow pencil to fill in throughout the sparse hairs left behind. There was just a touch of eye shadow on her lids, but not enough to draw attention to the fact that Jillian’s lashes were almost non-existent now.

  Rob allowed his gaze to slip downward and he realized Jillian was actually wearing a skirt today. Something pretty and flowing in peach, with a simple white t-shirt that he was sure had once fit much tighter than it did today. Jillian’s appetite was slowly returning, but there was still a multitude of foods she couldn’t tolerate the smell or taste of just yet. Rob had finally hit pay dirt one evening when he’d discovered that she could tolerate milkshakes, so he’d now become an expert ‘milkshake maker’ as he liked referring to himself. He’d gone out and stocked up on ice cream in every flavor Jillian had thought sounded good, and had even purchased a new blender.

  Jillian sensed rather than saw Rob in the room as she shifted her gaze to look in the mirror. Their eyes locked, and a slow appreciative smile lit up his features. Jillian felt everything inside of her react to Rob’s look, and she forced herself to break their connection before Isa noticed the affect her brother was having on her. She glanced at the clock instead and realized they were due at Dr. Nixon’s office soon which had her body reacting in an entirely different way now. Jillian’s stomach clenched in anticipation instead as she thought about the news they’d receive today.

  Isa turned to find her brother leaning against the doorframe and smiling in appreciation at Jillian’s reflection in the mirror. Her throat unexpectedly tightened as she thought about how far the two of them had come since Jillian’s illness, and Isa couldn’t bear the thought of them receiving anything but good news today.

  Putting on her usual brave front, Isa deposited the brush she was holding onto the dresser and turned to her brother. “Well, my work here is done. She looks far too gorgeous to be seen with you, but we all have to go slumming on occasion I suppose,” she announced with a smirk at Rob.

  Rob reached out to swat at his sister as she walked by, but past experience had Isa dodging his hand while she laughed at her brother’s scowl. Jillian had made her way over to him by now, and Rob leaned down to plant a kiss on her lips.

  “Mmm…you do look good, gorgeous. I can’t wait until you’re feeling up to doing more than me just looking though,” said Rob with a suggestive grin.

  Everything inside of her reacted to Rob’s remark, and Jillian sighed against his lips and nodded. “Me too.”

  Rob had been so patient and understanding, and Jillian knew his desire for her still hummed just below the surface. Of course that aspect of their lives had taken a back seat to everything else as well, but their attraction to one another hadn’t waivered. Jillian certainly didn’t feel desirable these days, but she was thankful that Rob didn’t seem affected by her outward appearance. If he felt anything other than love and acceptance for her then Jillian never knew it because Rob always went out of his way to say or do something to help make her feel loved and wanted,

  After they’d said good-bye to Isa, Jillian found her shoes and followed Rob to the car. The drive to Dr. Nixon’s office was filled with mindless chatter, and Jillian knew they were both avoiding the subject of where they were headed and why. Today’s test results would determine if she needed additional chemotherapy, or if that part of her treatment was finished. Of course she still had to endure radiation therapy for several weeks, but at least no more chemo meant she was moving in the right direction.

  Dr. Nixon’s office was busy as usual, and Jillian looked around at the other patients who resembled her in so many ways. Thin bodies… various stages of baldness…the outline of a port under a shirt or blouse…some wearing hats, while others sported scarfs or wigs. All tell-tale signs of the journey they were on trying so desperately to regain their health.

  Settling into their seats, Jillian felt Rob’s fingers wrap around hers and give them a gentle squeeze. He hadn’t slept well last night, and she knew that because she’d been awake most of the night as well. They’d both shifted around in bed restlessly until Rob had finally gotten up and left her to go watch television for a while. Jillian hadn’t followed him, but rather had stayed in bed giving him the space he obviously needed to process whatever he was dealing with.

  The nurse finally called her name, and Jillian felt her stomach cramp with anxiety while Rob rose from his seat and tugged gently on her hand forcing her to leave the security of the waiting room. Out here there was nothing to be frightened of…nothing which had the power to destroy her hope that Dr. Nixon was going to deliver good news today.

  Jillian patiently got through the check of her vital signs, her weight, and the endless list of questions she answered at each and every appointment. The usual routine didn’t faze her much anymore, but today was different. Today she wanted Dr. Nixon front and center so he could tell them whatever news he had to deliver. She’d been dreading it just minutes ago, but now that she was in the exam room Jillian wanted answers that only her doctor could provide.

  As if on cue, she heard a soft knock at the door and then Dr. Nixon’s tall frame filled the open doorway. Jillian quickly searched his features for any indication of what he was about to say, but he wore his usual reserved look today. Rob stood from his seat as the doctor closed the door behind him, and then stepped close to the exam table to take Jillian’s hand in his again. She felt his tightening grip, but the pressure didn’t really register as Dr. Nixon flipped through her chart after greeting the two of them.

  “Jillian, I have the results of your latest CT scan, as well as your labs, which is why I wanted to see you today. It looks as if the tumors have responded very well to the chemo treatments you’ve received. The tumor markers are down considerably, and your labs show your leukocyte count as being very close to within normal range again. These are very good results, Jillian, and I think w
e’re safe to move on to the next phase of your treatment,” said Dr. Nixon with a smile.

  Relief so profound it left her trembling coursed through Jillian as tears ran unchecked down her cheeks. She felt Rob’s hand shaking as it still held hers, and then his arms were around her pulling her body close to his own. They simply held onto one another silently for a few moments as the realization sunk in. Things were improving…her chemo was working. Other than achieving remission, Jillian understood how significant Dr. Nixon’s news was to treating her illness. She was progressing forward… moving on to the next step with the hope that one day this would all be over.

  Jillian and Rob left Dr. Nixon’s office in a state of stunned happiness, and Jillian wasn’t sure if she’d even heard all of the nurse’s instructions. Rob had been listening as usual, and hopefully the two of them could later piece together what they’d been told. Jillian knew she had an appointment next week for her initial visit with the Radiologist Oncologist, Dr. Sudan, and Rob had the appointment card in his pocket. Past that she wasn’t sure, but right now her focus was solely on the news she’d received today.

  When they reached the parking garage, Rob stopped beside the car and turned to Jillian. He wasn’t sure he could even begin to express everything that he was feeling at the moment, but he wanted to try. And he wanted to do it here in a parking garage downtown with cars coming and going around them.

  Cupping Jillian’s face in his hands, Rob leaned in to place a lingering kiss on her lips. He rested his forehead against hers for a moment and swallowed against the emotion clogging his throat.

  “I don’t have the words, baby…I wish that I did, but I don’t. I don’t know how to begin to explain to you what I’m feeling right now. I want to shout it from the rooftop of this garage that you’re better…that things are going in our favor…that we’re moving forward, and not backwards,” said Rob hoarsely.