“Sure, but no donuts for me. I’m stuffed.”
“Me too.”
It was a good day. I got a lot done. Greenhouse Two was now cleaned, watered, fed and pruned. The rows of flowers were beginning to bloom.
I put tags on the flowers ready for sale and I made a few arrangements. This is where I could get creative and I loved it. Dylan was the one who showed me how to do the arrangements. I remember how cute it was the way he kept touching my hands then he’d pull back so I wouldn’t get the wrong idea. I could see he was struggling to be professional, but if he could have read my thoughts he would have seen that I was eager to get my hands in his way. In fact, I did it on purpose.
He told me later on, ‘he was afraid he’d scare me away if he moved too fast’. I wanted to shout out ‘IMPOSSIBLE’ but refrained. Little did he know, he could never have scared me away. I was already harboring a big crush on him.
Picking up my bucket, I made my way to Greenhouse Three. As soon as I opened the door I knew I had my work cut out for me, both physically and emotionally. In the rear of the greenhouse was Dylan’s office. I haven’t been back there since he died.
Remember that story about the passion shared behind a greenhouse. Well, you guessed it.
It was Greenhouse Three.
Chapter 19
I put my bucket down and walked over to the hose turning it on. First things first, let’s get this place cleaned up. I gave myself mental direction.
I swept and washed the floors, power-sprayed the windows, which were in some seriously bad shape. I assumed no one has been in number three, other than the field help, for quite some time.
I cleaned off all of the tables and lined up the trays and pots.
I found myself singing, of all things, as I filled them each with soil.
Every last one of them.
Now for the hard part, I needed to go into Dylan’s office and get the charts to see what needed to be planted where and when. I walked to the back, extremely slowly, like I was expecting someone to jump out.
I stopped short of opening the door. But then I thought I was being silly and dependent on memories, and sadly enough, I wanted them to be only good memories. Life didn’t work that way. You didn’t get to choose which memories affected you. You had to deal.
So deal I would.
I grabbing the doorknob twisted it and pushed the door open. It clattered against the wall. I reached in and flipped the light switch on, then stood in the doorway slowly scanning the once familiar room.
This was a room that saw its fair share of life—smiles, pain, heartache and love. This is a room where two people had sex…regularly. The desk, the chair, the floor, hell, even against the wall.
We were a very passionate couple.
My chest tightened as I glimpsed the picture of us on his desk. My back leaning against him, his arms crossed over my small, but prominent, baby bump.
I shook.
I started sweating and my knees went weak. I needed to sit down. Somewhere…anywhere, before my ass hit the floor. So without hesitation I sat down in the chair that faced the desk—Dylan’s desk—and reached out turning that picture frame depicting the young happy growing family face down. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
I looked around the room, everything so familiar yet odd, like it didn’t belong here anymore. Or maybe it was me who didn’t belong here anymore. That was a pain I never wanted to acknowledge.
“Reny, you in here?” I heard Libby call from the door of the greenhouse.
“I’m back here. The office.” My voice was shaky and I mentally told myself to calm down as I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.
I heard her shoes clack against the wooden planks as she made her way to the back of the greenhouse. I noticed they got slower as she approached his office.
“Hey. How you making out?” She said tentatively as she stood safely in the doorway looking around the small office.
“This is difficult.”
“Yeah, we, Dave and I, haven’t been in here since…” she trailed off.
“Same here.” I stated the obvious.
“Why you in here?” She was surprised. No more than I was, that much I was sure of.
“I needed the charts for the tables. I got all the pots and the trays ready, just needed the charts.”
“Hey, you did a lot today. Why don’t you call it a day? Seeds can be planted tomorrow. I can even get one of the girls do it.”
“I’m okay, I’d rather get it done. Then I can move on to four tomorrow.”
“Up to you, but you really should call it a day.” She apprehensively walked in to where I sat and rested her hands on my shoulders squeezing lightly.
“I’m good. Thanks Lib.”
“Sure. Josh and I are going to grab something to eat wanna come?”
“I’m not very hungry. Just going to finish up here and head home. But I’ll see you tomorrow.” I added the last part in so she wouldn’t push.
“Okay. See you tomorrow.”
It worked.
“Say hi to Josh for me.”
“I’ll do that.” She walked away, then turned to face me again, “Listen, take it slow. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Things will get easier, I promise.” She smiled brightly and I couldn’t help but smile back. I was reminded of someone else who said the very same thing.
“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately. Have a good night.”
I spun around in the chair and lifted the picture frame up. I glanced down at the still image that captured my perfect life, the one I used to have. “Don’t do this to yourself dummy.” I said before I lay it back face down. I stood and walked over towards the filing cabinet to find the charts.
They were exactly where I had last left them.
Taking the charts I sat absent mindlessly in Dylan’s chair spreading the wide paper out in front of me and stared down at the title of the charts, created by Evelyn McAdams, Dylan’s mother – The Perennial Greenhouse Layout. It listed the names of each of the flowers, the flowers that returned year after year—sort of an elucidation of my life. But, it was time for new growth, a new tomorrow, and as if someone read my mind, my phone chimed. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen.
Thinking about you.
Although a nice thing to say, I really didn’t know how to respond to it.
Good thoughts I hope. I sounded like an idiot.
Lunch tomorrow?
That sounds nice.
Was that a yes?
Yes.
I’ll pick you up at 1
I’ll be ready. Where are we going?
It’s a surprise.
In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t handle surprises particularly well.
I’ll need to know what to wear.
Wear a smile.
Mark if it were only that easy. I couldn’t help but smile.
In any case, that little conversation gave me the lift I needed and I took the charts out of the office and carried them into the belly of the greenhouse. I studied the pages quickly before pulling the seed packs from the pouches sorted alphabetically in the small drawers of the seeding shelves.
I do like growing things.
I stood in front of my closet desperately trying to find something suitable for ‘a surprise lunch’. I didn’t know what to wear. Was it a nice place? Casual? In either case I was sure wearing overalls and garden clogs was not appropriate. I finally settled on a pair of black jeans and a light V-neck sweater. I pulled out my light-weight black jacket and lay it on the bed next to the clothes I’d chosen.
After showering I got dressed, applied makeup and dried my hair. One look in the mirror told me this was about as good as I would get it without Libby’s help, so I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. Now I was happy I did all the dirty labor yesterday. When I parked my car in front of the nursery I went directly into the main building straight to the back where the oth
er staff offices were, including my own.
It was like walking into the twilight zone. I had only been back here once after Dylan’s death. I remember having to get files, and my checkbook. I didn’t look around the office then, just sort of rushed in and out. If I did, I might have been better prepared for my trip back down memory lane.
For the most part, it was as I left it. Which in itself was the problem. When I left it I was a very happily married woman expecting my first child with a man I totally adored.
The wall was covered with pictures of the two of us smiling. It seemed a whole world away. Like I’ve lived ten lives since then…each horribly sadder than the last. There were also several pictures of us both with our families. Our wedding picture hung next to our engagement picture, both surrounded by memories of a life that up and disappeared in the blink of an eye.
Chapter 20
I heard Libby’s voice in unison with her footsteps.
“I have coffee people!” she called out.
And as if the pied piper played his flute, I heard a few doors open and the inhabitants slowly emerged from the confines of their offices, me included.
“Just what I need. Thanks Libby.”
“Oh Reny…you may want to take this one.” She pointed rather flamboyantly to the cup next to the one I was reaching for and I nearly fell over.
“When?!!! Oh my God, congratulations Libby!” I grabbed her hand in my own and she beamed as I gazed at the beautiful diamond engagement ring she was sporting.
“Last night…it was totally out of the blue. I was totally shocked.”
“It’s so beautiful.” And for a change I had tears of joy in my eyes. “You are going to be the most beautiful bride. Have you guys set a date?”
“We’re tossing it around, but Josh wants a fall wedding which,” she looked at her watch, “doesn’t really give me too much time.”
I laughed, as if she can measure months by her watch…crazy right?
“I could seriously use your help Reny.”
“You know I’m always here for you.” I squeezed her hand, “Always.”
I hugged her, very, very tightly and we both jumped in place like two girls from Junior High who found out they had dates to the prom.
“What’s going on?” Dave asked.
“Libby is getting married. She’s engaged.” I shouted as I nearly pulled her arm off her to show Dave.
“About time. Where’s Josh?” He pulled Libby into a big bear hug, “Congrat’s sis.”
“Thank you Dave. He’s at work, but he’ll be by later today.” She smiled brightly, “It’s your turn next.”
“Thanks for the notice. I definitely think it would help to have a girlfriend first though.”
“Well, what are you waiting for? Get to work on that.” Libby admonished.
“Right. I’m on it.” He saluted before taking a cup of coffee back to his office. “Thanks for the java Lib and congrats again!” he called out over his shoulder.
Teresa and Dani stepped up to have a look at the sparkler on Libby’s finger, both congratulated, hugged and kissed her. She was positively glowing and it made my heart feel good to see her so happy. She’d put her life on hold to deal with her brother’s death and grieve and now, now she was finally getting on with it.
“Hey, how about lunch today?” she asked, “We can talk about dresses and venues… all that fun stuff.”
I suddenly remembered I had a ‘date’. “Oh Libby. I can’t today. I have a lunch date with Mark.” I thought about it for a second, “I can…”
“You can have lunch with me tomorrow.” She cut me off before I could tell her I’d switch the date until the next day. “That explains why you look so nice. Sorry for not noticing.”
“Yeah, like you had nothing on your mind.”
“Seriously Ren, you look really nice. Where are you guys going?”
“I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. Said it was a surprise.”
“I absolutely love surprises!” she said holding her hand in front of her as she perused her huge diamond again.
“I can see you do!” I giggled. I have to tell you, getting used to that sound can be a bit uneasy, especially standing where I was.
“I can’t wait to plan my wedding with you.”
“So we’re on for tomorrow?”
“Duh, of course. I would say let’s do dinner tonight, but Josh made plans for us to take his parents out and spring it on them…the engagement.”
“That sounds like fun. I always liked Rich and Marie. You’re lucky, they’ll be great in-laws.” I suddenly remembered the first time I met Dylan’s parents. They, Evelyn and Joe, were so excited to find out that Dylan and I were dating. Libby told me they fell in love with me when I worked there and secretly prayed Dylan would too. Ah, good times.
“I am a very lucky girl.”
“You certainly are.” I looked up into her eyes, “and I’m damned lucky to have you as a sister-in-law Libby McAdams.” It was more of a proclamation but also gave me a little perspective, and gave my life a little balance. We both knew, no matter what happened in the future, we would always be there for each other…sisters…always.
“You’re going to make me cry.” She hugged me again.
“Look who’s talking.” I said as the tears slid down my face.
“Don’t…don’t.” She laughed, “you’ve got a hot date today. Can’t have you crying.”
“Again.”
Libby shook her head, “again.”
I took my coffee and followed her into her office. There was time to go through my office, no need to take a walk down that road right now. Especially when I needed to get my head in gear for my lunch. I had to admit, I was more than a little excited.
Mark, as expected, was right on time, and I had to admit, I was happy he was driving his own car. Not that I don’t like limousines, but I do find them somewhat intimating. I walked outside and looked up at the crystal clear sky. It was beautiful, the air crisp and clean.
“Wow.” He said as he walked up to me.
“Wow what?” He had a strange look on his face.
“Every time I see you, it seems you get more and more beautiful.”
“Really.” I was skeptical.
“I’m dead serious. You look amazing. I feel very lucky.”
“Oh, stop. You’re making me uncomfortable.” I know I was blushing. I didn’t need to look at a mirror to know that. The telltale sign of heat crawling up my neck to my face assured me I was right.
“I’m sorry, but I won’t take back a single word. You are…well…beautiful. Although I think that word can use an update.”
“Oh do you now?”
“Yes. The dictionary would benefit for a much more selective adjective.”
“Well, okay professor.” I said trying to change the subject, “I’m ready. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He said as he opened the car door for me.
I climbed inside and looked around, then into the backseat, but saw nothing that would give anything away. I looked at him as he climbed into the driver’s side. He, like me, was wearing a pair of black jeans and a button down shirt. The color, such an intense blue, had nothing on his eyes. If anything, his eyes out shone his clothing by a mile. Is there such a saying? I don’t know. All I knew was he was an extremely handsome man. His almost black hair, was straight and styled. His clothing was crisp and perfect. It was like he was the opposite of Dylan in every way, but still there was that something so attractive about him, apart from his good looks, that captivated me.
That was the only way I could explain my agreeing to go out with him when I was clearly not ready to be ‘dating’ again. Maybe I was afraid to lose him. Like losing him would make the hurt twice as difficult. I couldn’t explain it. All I knew was I liked his company. I felt at ease with him and I became more like my old self. And that was somehow enough.
I looked straight out the windshield as we drove up into the mountains.<
br />
“So, you’re not going to tell me what we are doing for lunch? Or where we are going?”
“You’ll see in a few minutes.” He smiled and something in my chest jumped. I put my hand up and rested it over my heart, but that didn’t stop the butterflies from dive bombing into my stomach.
“I’m…I’m not great with surprises.”
“I’m sure you’ll like this one.” He said as he pulled off the road and drove up the winding lane until we came to an opening in the trees.
“Oh. Wow. It’s beautiful.”
Thick green grass stretched out as far as the eye, doted by enormous trees. They must have been a hundred years old by the size of them. Their branches rose to the sky. The contrast of the dark green leaves against the clear blue of the sky Well…there is just no words to describe its beauty.
Tall, willowy wild flowers framed the large patch of grass. Dotting the thick green with shades of pink, purple and yellow. It was like a place from a dream, so beautiful and perfect. I was afraid to shut my eyes in case it would disappear.
Mark got out of the car and walked around to my side. He opened the door and helped me out.
“Where are we?”
“This is land my family’s owned for generations. I always thought I’d build a home here, but…” His thoughts left unspoken, “just haven’t gotten around to it yet.”
“Well, it’s probably the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.”
“I’m glad you like it, I thought you might.”
He walked to the back of the car and popped the trunk. I turned to look at the field again. I didn’t notice him beside me until he spoke.
“It’s a perfect day for a picnic.”
Did I think that or did he say that?
“What…what did you say?”
“I said it’s a perfect day for a picnic. Don’t you think?” He looked over at me, “It’s absolutely perfect.” He declared looking up to the sky.
No I wasn’t hearing things. Suddenly, I didn’t know if I could do this. If I could simply sit and picnic with this man. That was Dylan’s and mine. I mean I know in my head other people picnic. I knew other people have declared a day as gorgeous as this ‘a perfect day for a picnic’. So was I being silly? Didn’t matter, my body reacted before my brain could tell it otherwise.
Where I Found My Heart Page 8