Pain

by E. M. Leya

  "She's the one who helped me get over my anger. For a long time, I was pissed off at the world. I'd start fights, drink too much. Katie helped me find a way to focus the anger, to let it out without hurting myself or others." Xander shrugged. "Well, others who don't deserve it. I have to admit, working with the team helps. I know I'm saving some other child from going through what I did."

  "I love you." Matt kissed him. "I think I love you even more now because I see how much you really have been there for Faith in ways I never even knew."

  "I love you too, and I promise, I'll try to include you more when we talk. I'll gently try to get her to open up to you as well."

  "Like you said, she will when she's ready." Matt took a deep breath. "Thanks, I feel better now."

  "Good. I'm sorry I did anything to make you feel upset. I promise to do better communicating."

  "Me too." Matt hugged him tightly, then released him. "You better get going. I've made you late already." He glanced up at the clock on the nightstand.

  "It's only six. We won't leave for a few hours, but since Dyson is going in with me, he wanted to go over things again before we go in."

  "You'll text me when you're done and on your way home?"

  "You know I will." Xander leaned in and kissed him hard, leaving no doubt that things were going to be okay between them.

  Matt smiled as Xander stood and started to get dressed, feeling as if so much had been lifted off his chest. He hated what Xander had faced in his past, but knowing why his daughter depended on Xander so much eased his mind. He was sure that now, after talking, they could get through anything.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Matt glanced at the clock, trying not to be nervous, but it was after two in the morning and he had yet to hear from Xander. It was rare that a sting went late, and that made him worry that something had gone wrong. He debated on calling Bryon, but didn't want to look like a worried boyfriend to the rest of the team, but he couldn't get rid of the feeling that something was wrong.

  He stared out the living room windows, hoping that headlights would turn into the driveway any minute and it was nothing more than something wrong with Xander's phone.

  "Daddy?" Faith leaned against the wall coming from the hallway. "Why are you still up?"

  He smiled and patted the couch beside him. "Xander had to work late, so I was waiting up for him to get home."

  She smiled as she settled her head on his lap and pulled her zebra to her chest. "Why does he work so late?"

  "Because that’s when he can help the people he needs to." He brushed a hand down her hair. "I talked to Xander and he told me about you asking him if we could stay here and not buy a new house. Is that what you want?"

  She stared up at him. "Will you be mad?"

  "Only if you aren't honest with me."

  "Then yes, I want to stay here. I feel safe here, and I don't want to live anywhere else."

  Matt smiled. "Well, Xander and I decided that is what we would do. If you're happy here, we'll stay living here with him."

  Faith sat up, grinning. "Will you marry him?"

  "Maybe someday, but we've only been dating a few months. It's too soon to know yet. I love him very much, but we're going to take some time before we think about marriage."

  "I don't know why. If you love him, don't you know you want to marry him?"

  Matt laughed. If only life was that simple. "We need to focus on some other things first, then decide on that later. I promise that you'll be the first to know if we decide to."

  "Do you miss Mom? Is that why you want to wait?"

  Matt pulled Faith against his side. "Baby, I miss your mom every single day. I think about her all the time, but I think she'd be happy that I've found someone to love again. What do you think?"

  "I think she'd like Xander, but then Mom used to tell me that tattoos weren't good, so maybe she wouldn't."

  "What do you think, are tattoos good or bad?" This was a conversation he'd never thought he'd have with his daughter until she was much older.

  "I think they are good. They are like Zee's stripes, and Xander says that counting the stripes helps when we have bad dreams."

  Matt looked at her confused. "Counting your stripes?"

  "Yeah, Xander says when he has a bad dream he traces his tattoos to calm down. He told me to count Zee's stripes, but when that wasn't enough, he told me we could paint stripes in my bedroom, so I had more to count when I got scared."

  Matt's love for Xander increased tenfold hearing what he'd done for Faith. "That's why you put zebra stripes on your wall?"

  "Yep." She smiled. "Xander was right, it helps."

  "I wish you would have told me all this." He hugged her closer.

  "It's hard to talk to you about some things. You get a sad look on your face. I don't want to make you sad."

  "I'm just sad that you got hurt and scared. I'm not mad or sad at anything you've done." He kissed the top of her head. "If I try not to look so sad, will you try to talk to me more about things you're comfortable telling me?"

  She nodded. "I'll try."

  "That's all I ask." He leaned back and closed his eyes, enjoying having her cuddled on his lap.

  It was the sudden ringing of his phone that sent chills through him. Xander never called this late. He always sent a text. Careful not to drop Faith's head off his lap, he reached for his phone off the coffee table. "Hello?"

  "Matt, it's Xander, he's been shot," Carter told him.

  "What hospital?" He nudged Faith off his lap and stood, trying to make out the conversation in the background on the phone.

  "He won't go to a hospital. Dyson is bringing him here. Beau is on the way."

  "I'm on my way." Matt hung up the phone, turning to Faith. "Xander's been hurt. We need to go get him." He didn't want to make it sound as serious as it was. There would be time for that later.

  "I'm not dressed." She looked down at her footie pajamas.

  "That's okay, you can go like that, if you're comfortable." He was grabbing his wallet and keys, trying to think if he needed anything else.

  "I'm okay like this. Can I take Zee?" She held the zebra up.

  "You can. I don't know how bad this is. When we get there, you might have to go downstairs and either play games or sleep on the couch, okay? I'm not sure how long we'll be." If his sister lived closer he'd drop Faith off to her, but he didn't want to waste the time.

  "Okay." Faith frowned. "How bad is he hurt?"

  "I don't know, Honey, they didn't say." He didn't need to hear more than shot to know it wasn't good, but he hoped that him refusing to go to the hospital meant it wasn't very bad. At least it told him that Xander was awake enough to say he didn't want to go to the hospital. He glanced around. "You ready to go?"

  "Yes." She followed him outside and to the car.

  He needed to remember Faith was with him and speeding through town at two in the morning wasn't a good idea. As much as he wanted to get to Xander, he reminded himself that he was in good hands, and there would be nothing he could do that the team wasn't already doing. Dyson was with him, and unless Dy had gotten hurt too, he'd take care of Xander.

  The drive to the house seemed to take twice as long as usual. Matt tried not to think the worst, but then again, if he expected the worst and it wasn't that bad, it would be a relief. He resisted the urge to call back and ask Carter questions. The team was busy, and he wasn't the only one who loved Xander and would be worried. If there was something he needed to know, then they would call him.

  When he pulled up in front of the team house, his worry grew when he didn't see Dyson's car. That meant they weren't back yet. God, what had gone wrong with the sting for this to happen, and what did it mean for the team? He glanced over at Faith and tried to force a smile on his face. "Okay, we're going to go in. I need you to be quiet and let me find out what happened. I don't think Xander is back yet."

  She nodded as she looked around nervously.

  It had to be Xander being hur
t that bothered her. She'd been to the team house several times and seemed to get more comfortable each time she was there.

  Matt got out of the car and reached for Faith's hand as they met in front of the car. "Are you okay?"

  "I'm fine, Daddy. I just want to make sure Xander is too." She tugged his hand, leading him to the door.

  He pushed it open and they stepped inside to find Carter, Trenton, Bryon, and Becca all staring at them. "Any word?"

  Bryon shook his head. "Not yet."

  "Hey, Faith." Becca smiled. "Want to come sit?" She patted the spot beside her on the couch.

  Faith glanced at him, then rushed over to Becca.

  Glad that Becca would keep Faith occupied for a bit, Matt turned to Bryon. "What happened?"

  "We don't know. All I got was a call from Dyson saying that there were complications, Xander was shot, but the scene was secure, and the sting completed. I don't know any more than you do, and Dyson hung up after telling me he was headed back here with Xander and to have Beau here and ready to operate."

  "He said operate?" Matt's chest tightened.

  "Those were his words." Bryon sighed. "We've got everything ready. Beau is on his way. We always knew this could happen, so we have a medical room upstairs. He should have almost everything he could need."

  Matt stared out the window. "Dyson would take him to a hospital if he had to, right?"

  "He would. Even at a risk to the team. I've always made it clear that human safety comes before the team. If it helps, I could hear Xander swearing at Dyson when they called. He sounds like he's in pain, but the fact he was talking is good." Bryon shook his head. "This was supposed to be simple. Two adults, two kids on site. I don't know what went wrong."

  "I'm sure Dyson will tell us when he gets here." Matt's heart skipped as headlights appeared out the window, but once the lights shut off, he saw it was Beau's car pulling up in front of the house.

  "Fuck, where are they?" Carter paced.

  "The site was almost an hour away. They'll be here." Trenton sat at the kitchen table with the files in front of him.

  Matt glanced over at Faith, glad to see her talking quietly to Becca. He really didn't want her here for this, but what choice did he have? He should probably send her to the basement, but he hated making her sit alone before she really needed to.

  Beau walked in the door. "What do we know?"

  "Not much." Carter sighed as he explained what they knew.

  "I'll be in the med room. When he gets here, if you can get him upstairs, we'll work there, if not, put him on the floor, not the couch. I need room to work around him." Beau headed up the stairs.

  The room fell silent as they waited, all of them on edge. Matt tried not to let his imagination run wild, but all he could think about was where was he shot and how bad it could be.

  All the conversations they'd had recently played through his mind. They'd just decided to live together, just proclaimed their love, and now he was at risk of losing him. He'd lost Jill. He couldn't lose Xander too.

  This was part of their lives, and he knew that going in. There was always a danger, always a risk, but now that he was actually facing it, he wasn't sure he could deal. Especially knowing that Faith would be left alone if the whole team was somehow found out. He really needed to think about what he was doing and what consequences it would have on Faith. He'd thought about it before, but now, facing Xander being shot, it made it even more of a reality.

  "They're here." Bryon was out the door before he finished his sentence.

  Matt rushed after him, his heart pounding as he tried to see through the darkness.

  Dyson rushed out of the driver's seat and around the car. "It's a shoulder wound, right side. He lost a lot of blood, but hasn't lost consciousness."

  "I'm fine." Xander's voice rang out, filled with pain.

  Hearing his voice helped ease Matt's mind, but there was still so much that could go wrong. How bad was the wound, and how much blood had he lost? "Xan?" He stood back as Dyson and Bryon helped him from the car.

  "I'm good." Xander nearly fell as he tried to stand, the cigarette he had in his mouth falling onto the ground.

  "Here, I've got him." Dyson hefted Xander over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and rushed for the front door.

  All Matt could do was follow, trying not to notice how much blood covered the front seat of the car and Xander's body.

  Once inside, Matt followed Dyson upstairs.

  "I can walk," Xander grunted.

  "The hell you can. You almost collapsed on me," Dyson argued back. "Shut up and let us make sure you're okay."

  Matt smiled, glad the rest of the team was here to deal with Xander's attitude. If he'd been alone, he would have struggled to force Xander to relax and let them work.

  Dyson carefully set Xander on the bed, and they all stood back, allowing Beau to get to work.

  "What do you know?" Beau asked.

  "Just give me something for the pain. It hurts like hell." Xander squinted as he arched his head back.

  "I'll get there. I have to know what I'm dealing with first." Beau was cutting the already torn material of Xander's shirt from his body.

  "Careful." Xander glared.

  "Shoulder wound. Didn't see an exit. Lost a lot of blood. I managed to get pressure on it, but not much else. I had to secure the scene. He walked to the car, but barely."

  "Because it hurts," Xander screamed.

  Out of nowhere, Faith pushed past the group, moving onto the bed. "Xan?"

  "Faith, you shouldn't be here." Matt went to grab her.

  "No, he needs me." She reached out and gripped Xander's beard in her hand and forced him to turn his head toward her. "Look at me." She used her free hand to make a V with her fingers and pointed to his eyes, then to hers. "Focus on me." She still had his beard tightly in her hand. "Breathe." She started to trace the tattoos on his non-injured side gently. "Count with me." She moved her fingers along his tattoos.

  Matt paused, leaving her alone as he watched Xander's eyes focus on her as he seemed to relax. He was stunned at how calm Faith was. With the amount of blood all over Xander and the very visible hole in his shoulder, she seemed to only focus on his eyes, staring at him.

  Each time Xander tried to look away or cringed from the pain, she pulled on his beard. "Count the stripes." She worked her finger over one line of tattoos, then another.

  Xander took a deep breath that seemed to calm him.

  "I'm giving you something for pain now," Beau told him.

  "Thank God." Xander still stared at Faith.

  "Is she in the way?" Matt was torn whether to get Faith out of the room or let her stay since she did seem to be calming Xander the more she ran her fingers over his arm.

  "She's fine if she is okay with the blood. This isn't going to be pretty." Beau was setting up an IV.

  "Faith?" Matt touched her shoulder.

  "I want to help. The blood doesn't scare me." She never tore her eyes from Xander's or released his beard.

  Matt stepped back, exchanging worried looks with the rest of the team that had gathered around the foot of the bed. He was amazed at Faith's bravery, but also very aware of the connection she shared with Xander. They'd talked about counting stripes, but now, as he watched his daughter move her hands over Xander's tattoos, he realized he'd seen Xander do the same thing many times. There were nights when he would wake up to find Xander sitting on the edge of the bed. He'd thought he'd been rubbing his arms, but now, he realized that Xander had been tracing the lines, just the same way he'd taught Faith to do with her zebra. It was a coping mechanism they'd both found helped them deal with things.

  It was obvious when the medication started to work, and the pain eased. Xander relaxed, his breathing coming evenly and his eyes clearing from the fog that had filled them. Faith released his beard, but Xander continued to stare at her as she continued to run her fingers over his arms.

  Matt leaned back against the wall, wishing there was som
ething he could do to help, but not knowing what.

  "How is he?" Kasey flew through the door of the med room.

  "He'll be okay." Beau looked up from where he was now working on the wound.

  "Fuck, how did this happen?" Kasey turned to Dyson.

  "There was another person there. We didn't know. We had both our perps drugged. Had just set them on the ground when there was a gunshot from behind us. I turned to see Xander go down as I pulled my gun and took the third perp out." Dyson looked at Bryon. "I had no choice."

  "No, I agree." Bryon frowned.

  Matt wondered how this would change things up for the team. They weren't in the habit of leaving dead bodies behind.

  "I got Xander's bleeding stopped, but he insisted I finish the job. I made quick work of the perps, then made sure I painted a trail to the room the kids were in for the cops to follow. Once I had all that done, I dug the bullet out of the man I'd shot, got Xander out to the car, then went back in for cleanup."

  "Bad?" Carter asked.

  "Not too." Dyson shrugged. "We were prepared. I used the kit from the trunk of my car."

  "What kit?" Matt asked, having never heard of it before.

  "It's something we make Xander, Dyson, and Kasey keep in their trunks. It's got supplies to clean up a scene if for some reason DNA evidence is left behind. Kasey cut his hand years back and had to use household items that time. After that, we created a kit for them to carry so no one could trace their DNA."

  "I dumped the sodium hydroxide solution over the area Xander had been, used it to wipe down the splatter from when he'd been shot. I'm pretty sure I got everything, but you never know." Dyson sighed. "I'm sorry."

  "Don't be. You did everything right. There is always a risk. What we need to find out is how we didn't know about the third person. We checked the house right before you arrived and there were only two heat signatures other than the children." Trenton looked around the room.

  "Maybe he showed up after, but we didn't see anyone else around outside. It was quiet." Dyson glanced at Xander.