Anywhere But Here

by Stephanie Hoffman McManus

  “You do know whether or not he’s up those stairs, don’t you?” There was only one reason anyone went upstairs, and it was rarely to find the extra bathroom.

  “Just go back to the kitchen, Shaeleigh, and let me get him for you.” He was pleading with me now.

  “Tell me if he’s up there,” I demanded.

  “Please just go back to the kitchen.”

  It may as well have been a yes. I shoved past him and made for the stairs. There were five doors at the top, all shielding who knew what. I’d been to Mike’s before, so I knew the four on either side were the bedrooms. Josh was hot on my heels, still trying to talk me out of what I was about to do. The more insistent he was, the more determined I became. And angry. Because I knew what I was going to find, and it only took two tries to get the right door. When I did, shock, disgust and betrayal registered, each one stronger than the previous emotion until I was shaking in the doorway, unable to look away from the scene.

  The moment I’d clicked the door open, everything froze and I was able to take it all in. A yellow silk dress lay strewn across the floor along with the pink shirt I’d picked out and the silver vest that matched the pants now falling around Jeremy’s ankles. A pair of slim legs were wrapped around his waist as he stood at the foot of the bed, still inside her, staring back at me in horror. Daisy lay on her back on the bed, her eyes wide with panic.

  Slowly, Jeremy pulled out of her, “Babe,” a soft plea falling from his lips and breaking the moment, sending everything rushing into motion again. I turned, slamming the door, and bumped into Josh’s chest. He stepped out of the way as I shoved past him and tore down the stairs, but I didn’t know where to go once I reached the bottom. In another ten seconds he was going to be behind me and then we were going to be that couple. The one from the movies, where the guy is chasing after her, giving all kinds of bullshit excuses, while everyone watches as he humiliates and makes an even bigger fool of her with his lies.

  I didn’t want to be that pathetic girl who cried in front of everyone, all the people who knew and felt sorry for her because she was the only one who hadn’t known what was going on behind her back. This was about to be one of those scenes whether I wanted it or not if I didn’t move. I bolted for the kitchen where I knew Cammie was. She looked up and right away I could tell from the look on her face that the look on mine told her everything. She jumped up from Matt’s lap. I couldn’t even bring myself to meet his eyes, because he’d known as well as Josh had what I would find if I went searching.

  I heard my name being shouted and I looked over my shoulder, panicked. I didn’t know what to do, but Cammie jumped into action. She turned on Matt so fast. “If you ever want another chance at getting in these panties again, you better keep him out of this kitchen.”

  That’s all Matt needed and he went to cut Jeremy off.

  “How is this happening right now?” I asked Cammie pitifully.

  She didn’t say a word. She just handed me the cup that she’d been holding, and for once I didn’t think twice. It tasted like I imagined piss and sweat tasted, but I poured it all down anyway. Jeremy’s voice had risen and I could hear him fighting with the guys, trying to get in here, to me. Eventually he was going to get past them. I couldn’t hide out in here all night, nor did I want to. I felt like the joke of the party.

  “I can’t see him Cam. Not right now. I just can’t. Not after seeing him–” I couldn’t even bring myself to say the words, with her. “God, it was so awful.” The tears I’d been keeping at bay started pouring over, and I could feel the eyes of everyone in the kitchen on me. Cammie took my cup and refilled it with something a little stronger this time before handing it back.

  She rubbed her hand up and down my back as I drank greedily. “I know, babe. I know. Just drink.”

  I did, until the cup was empty again. The commotion outside the kitchen had quieted and I hoped that meant they’d dragged Jeremy off somewhere. This was such a nightmare. Not at all how this night was supposed to go.

  I could feel the warmth of the alcohol spreading from my belly, slowing down my breathing and heart rate, keeping me from going into a full blown panic attack, but it did nothing for the sick, twisted feeling in my gut that made me want to just curl in on myself and stay in a ball until some of this awful pain went away.

  I thought alcohol was supposed to numb the pain, but the longer I stood in the kitchen, meeting the pity filled gazes of my classmates, replaying the scene from upstairs in my mind over and over, the worse it got, no matter how many times Cammie told me he was an ass who didn’t deserve my tears.

  “I need out of here.” I gulped from the cup and then sucked in a deep breath. “I’m going to lose it, Cam.” I was on the verge. The shock was wearing off and the ugly reality was settling in to stay. Thoughts like, this can’t be happening, were being squashed under the devastation that this was really happening and there was nothing I could do to make it stop or go away or wake myself up from this nightmare, and the nightmare only got worse.

  I thought Jeremy was the last person I wanted to see, but I was wrong. He was the second to last. The last person just walked into the kitchen in her rumpled yellow dress, with her freshly fucked hair. That my boyfriend was responsible for.

  Oh shit, I was shaking and I wasn’t sure how much longer my knees were going to hold me up. It felt like someone was sucking the oxygen out of the room, because everything in my head was getting hazy and I could barely see through the tears.

  “Shaeleigh, I’m so sorry,” her voice quivered as if she was on the verge of tears. “I–”

  “I swear, if some bullshit excuse like I didn’t mean for it to happen, or I was drunk, comes out of your mouth, I will come over there and beat the shit out of you.” Daisy cowered under Cammie’s threat. “Now get the hell out of here!”

  Daisy turned and ran out of the kitchen, but the damage was done. My cheeks flamed with shame and embarrassment even though I didn’t know what I had to be ashamed or embarrassed by. They were the ones who’d done something wrong, but I was the one hurting for it.

  “Do you want me to find someone to give you a ride home?”

  “The limo,” I remembered. “The limo is still here.”

  “Okay,” she said softly, nodding and handling me with kid gloves. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No, you should stay. I just–I just want to be alone.”

  “Okay, but call me if you change your mind. I’ll go make sure you have a clear path outside, and just ignore everyone. Don’t let them get to you. He’s the one who should be hiding his face, not you.”

  I nodded and let her go and clear the way, but from the shouting that followed, I didn’t think she was successful. Jeremy was slurring curses and yelling my name and I couldn’t stand here and listen to it another second. The door leading out the back was open. I only paused long enough to grab the bottle of something gold out of Mike’s hand before escaping into the back yard. There were no fences to climb to get to the front and I would have made it clear of the house, but Jeremy was on the front porch, struggling with a couple of the guys to get back inside, until he spotted me cutting around the front. He broke free of them.

  “Baby, wait, just let me explain.” He leapt of the porch.

  I ignored his pleas for me to wait and wished Mike didn’t have such a long driveway and that the limo wasn’t parked so far down the street.

  “Shaeleigh, stop!”

  I didn’t, and a quick glance over my shoulder showed none of the guys were making a single move to pull him back. They were all willing to just let this play out at my expense. At the end of the drive there was a small cluster of guys and girls, their heads turned toward Jeremy chasing after me like some screwed up version of Cinderella gone horribly wrong. As I got closer, I recognized one of them.

  I stopped. “Hey, it’s Jeff right?”

  He nodded and separated himself from the pack.

  “You’re friends with Kellen, aren’t you?
”

  Another curt nod. Not big on words, this guy.

  “You want to do me a favor?”

  He didn’t even need to ask me what I meant. A smile curled his lips and he handed his bottle off to his girlfriend, Sam I think was her name. Jeremy came stumbling to a stop just a few feet behind us.

  “Shaeleigh, baby, just hear me out. It didn’t mean–”

  He didn’t get to finish insulting me with that bullshit excuse, because Jeff stepped forward and put him flat on his ass in the gravel with one swing. I thought he might have knocked him out, but then Jeremy starting moaning and rolling on the ground. Shouts came from the house and then Josh and Matt and Mike were running up the drive.

  Jeff stepped back to make it clear he wasn’t interested in a fight, but his buddies stepped forward making it even clearer they had his back if they were going to get one anyway. I wasn’t going to stick around to see how it ended either way. Tossing out a quick “Thank you,” I turned to leave before Jeremy could get back up. Something stopped me and I turned to Jeff one more time. “Hey.”

  He looked over his shoulder.

  “Where does he live?”

  He knew who I meant and for a moment I thought he wasn’t going to tell me, then he finally spoke.

  “South end. Pope Martin Road. Brick place with the big ass oak trees.”

  I hoped that would be enough, because Matt and Josh had reached the end of the drive and were picking Jeremy up off the ground.

  I don’t really know what I was thinking. Thanks to the alcohol, I wasn’t sure if I was thinking at all, but I repeated what Jeff had told me to the limo driver, who didn’t say a word about the bottle in my hand, or my tear streaked face. He just drove, which was all I needed him to do.

  With the partition up, it finally felt like I was alone and I didn’t try to stop the tears anymore. They came hard and ugly. I choked back awful sobbing noises in my throat, alternately sucking in deep, painful breaths and pouring some of the gold liquid, which turned out to be tequila and burned a lot, down my throat. By my estimation, I’d had … way too much to drink.

  I laid my face against seat, watching my tears pool and run across the leather, and waited for the ride to stop.

  Eventually it did, and by that time the tears had dried up, but the hurt was still constricting my chest, making it difficult to breathe. When I sat up, the tequila merry-go-round started to spin.

  “We’ve arrived at your destination, Miss.” The driver had opened the door for me and was probably wondering why I wasn’t getting out. I was just waiting for my equilibrium to settle.

  “Are you sure you’re going to be alright here?” He offered his arm as I climbed out and eyed the place warily. Music could be heard pumping through the walls and there were a slew of characters on what passed for the front lawn, smoking and drinking. I left one party and stumbled into another.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine” I slurred foolishly before walking into the lion’s den. The very scary, run down, lion’s den, full of hungry, older lion’s who were eyeing me like I was a tasty, young gazelle. A drunk, vulnerable gazelle. I tried to keep my shoulders straight, my chin high and my eyes forward, and not think about how out of place I looked and felt. I stumbled several times in my heels and finally had to just kick them off and carry them, letting the gravel dig into my bare feet before I reached the sparse grass in front of the house.

  I avoided getting to close to anyone as I bravely approached the porch, ignoring their jeers.

  “This ain’t the prom, sweetheart,” one called and laughter followed. Ha. Ha. Ha. So clever.

  I was second guessing coming here, but the limo driver was already pulling away so it was too late to run back now. I knew he was here. His car was pulled up beside the house, blocked in by the ten or so other vehicles. I stumbled on the first step and it creaked beneath my weight. I was afraid my leg was going to bust through the rotted wood. I grabbed hold of the railing and it wobbled too. At least there were only three steps, so the odds of me dying or breaking anything vital were low. I was pretty sure I was too drunk to feel it anyway.

  Why do people enjoy this?

  It was awful. I couldn’t see straight, think straight or walk straight, but somehow I made it inside where the music was louder and the air was staler with beer and smoke and other smells I didn’t want to identify.

  “Woah, woah, woah, darling? I think you’ve stumbled into the wrong house.” A big guy with dark hair, dark eyes and lots of tattoos stepped in front of me, blocking me from going any further.

  “I jusss need t’ ge’in therr.” I stopped moving but everything else didn’t and I had no choice but to reach out and grab this guy’s arms to keep myself upright.

  He steadied me, putting one arm around my waist. “Cinderella here belong to anybody?” he shouted through the house and to the crowd outside the door.

  “I’ll take her!” one guy shouted, but thankfully big guy ignored him and then my dizzy eyes landed on a familiar face.

  I smiled, or I tried to smile but my face felt a little funny and I think my smiler was broken, or just drunk like me, but I pointed my finger, “Heeeyyy, I know you.” He was walking towards me and big guy.

  “Derek, you know this girl?”

  “Shit, yes, I’d guess she’s here for your brother.”

  “She’s one of his?” He looked surprised, but I didn’t know who they were talking about.

  “Lissssen, I don’ know yer brother,” I’m pretty sure I slapped his chest. “I jusss came to see Kellen, ‘s he here?”

  “I got her.” Derek pulled me away from big guy. He would take me to Kellen. “Let’s find you somewhere to sit.” He started to steer me over to the couch, but I didn’t want to go over there. Kellen wasn’t on the couch. Just a couple mean looking guys I didn’t want to sit by.

  I pulled out of Derek’s arms. “No. Where’sss Kellen?”

  “You just sit down and I’ll go get him.”

  “Nuh uh. I know better. You jusss wan’ me to sit here and be dumb like I don’ know whass goin’ on. I’ll go find him on my own.” I turned and stumbled toward the back of the house.

  “Shaeleigh, don’t go back there.” Derek was following me and we were attracting attention just like before.

  “Why? Cuzz he’s screwing Daisy too?”

  “What?”

  I shoved his chest. “D-ai-sy. She’s a bitch.” I jabbed my finger in his face as I said bitch and then spun around to continue my search for Kellen.

  Somehow I located the bedrooms. The door to the first was wide open and there was no one in there.

  “Come on, Shaeleigh, you don’t need to be back here right now.” Then he shouted, “Kellen, you might want to get your ass out here!”

  But Kellen must not have heard him because he didn’t get his ass out here.

  The next room had a pink door.

  I snickered, “Thass not his door.”

  Which left doors number three and four, but everyone knows three is the magic number, so I twisted the handle and pushed it open before Derek could stop me.

  “Kelle–” his name died on my lips. I closed my eyes, sure that I couldn’t be seeing the same thing twice in one night, but sure enough when I opened them again, I found myself reliving my most embarrassing moment from an hour ago. My hand flew up and covered my mouth that had fallen open.

  A naked Kellen leapt up from the bed and not Daisy screeched, “What the fuck! Get out!”

  I spun around, too fast and fell into the wall opposite his room. Derek cringed, “I told you, you didn’t want to come back here.”

  Pushing myself off the wall, I bolted for the door, not even thinking about the fact that the limo was long gone and my clutch with my phone was still back in Mike Fisher’s kitchen.

  This was such a mistake.

  A big, stupid mistake.

  Nineteen

  Kellen

  October 17

  Senior year …

  “Where are you
going?” Natalie looked pissed as I hurriedly pulled on my boxer briefs so I could chase after Shae. What the hell was she even doing here? She was supposed to be at the dance, living out her fairytale with the golden boy. Instead, she was here. At my house. Standing in my fucking bedroom moments ago like my fantasies somehow conjured her. I sure as hell wasn’t letting her get away without finding out why.

  “Get her the fuck out of here,” I told Derek and then went after Shae, tearing out of my room in nothing but my damn skivvies. Eyebrows shot up, a few drunk laughs followed me through the house and then my brother jerked his head toward the door, a smirk on his face. I wanted to knock it off, but didn’t have time.

  Shae’d made it as far as the front lawn by the time my bare feet hit the cold, rough wood on the front porch, but she’d run into fucking Duncan.

  “Where are you trying to go in such a hurry, baby doll?”

  I was going to break his damn hands if he didn’t take them off of her. She was shaking like a leaf and everyone standing around thought it was somehow fucking funny. I hated my brother’s lowlife friends.

  “Duncan!” I yelled, taking the steps. “Remove your fucking dirty hands now, before I do it for you.”

  He took a step back, lifting his hands in the air. “Hey, didn’t mean no harm.”

  Sure he didn’t.

  “Shae,” I called her name softly, holding my hand out to her, but she wasn’t looking at me. She had her arms wrapped around her waist, holding a pair of sparkly shoes in her hand, eyes shifting all over the place, taking in the leering faces that wanted to get their little piece of her sweet ass, but that wouldn’t be happening. “Shae.” This time she reacted to the soft command in my voice and turned slowly, still holding herself tightly. Her eyes were so fucking sad and scared. Her cheeks were bright pink, either from the cold or the humiliation that was making her lips quiver and her eyes fall to her feet instead of meeting mine. I went to her, placing my hand gently on her back.

  “I got you,” I whispered.

  “I juss wan’ to go home,” her voice broke so softly.

  “I’ll get you home. I promise, but first I need you to come inside with me.”