Dani’s Diary

by Narinder Dhami

  ‘My toys are all here,’ Hardeep announced, coming out of our bedroom.

  ‘So is my jewellery,’ Mum said thankfully, letting the gold necklaces, bangles and earrings pour through her fingers.

  Earrings …

  I pushed my way past Hardeep, who was standing in our bedroom doorway, and ran in there myself.

  ‘Hey! Watch where you’re going!’ he shouted indignantly.

  I stared at the bedside table. The sandalwood box with my earrings in it had gone.

  Milly, how could you?

  I went back into the other room, moving automatically like a robot. I couldn’t think straight or speak properly. Mum and Dad were discussing how someone could have got into our flat: there was no sign of a break-in. Hardeep had lost interest and was poking around in the bags of shopping, looking for the sweets Mum had bought for us.

  I stood there, trying to make sense of what had happened. Trying to work out what I was going to do. If it wasn’t raining, Milly and I always met up in the garden on Saturday afternoons. Then we would sneak into the house to watch Doctor Who. For the first time since we’d moved in, I would be able to meet Milly openly, not secretly. Dad had said it was OK. But right now I didn’t want to be friends with her any more.

  I moved over to the window. Milly was there already, in the garden, waiting for me. There was something strange, though, in the way she was moving, the way she was looking around. Something made me step out of sight behind the curtain.

  I watched as she took something out of her pocket. It was small, square. It looked like a box. My box? I couldn’t be sure from this far away. But in my heart, I knew it was. I watched as Milly hid the box behind a tree in a clump of overgrown grass.

  ‘I need to go to the garden,’ I said.

  Mum and Dad didn’t hear me because they were talking about getting extra locks and bolts for our door, and Hardeep was too busy stuffing sweets into his mouth.

  I ran downstairs and out into the garden. As soon as I saw Milly, and she smiled at me, I felt a big wave of red-hot anger sweep right through me.

  ‘Hello, are you OK, Asha?’ Milly called. She looked pale and tired, as if she hadn’t slept much. ‘What happened with your dad? Did you get into trouble?’

  I marched down the path towards her and stopped, staring her straight in the eye.

  ‘Give me my earrings,’ I said.

  Milly’s face crumpled. She didn’t speak.

  I pushed her aside and went behind the tree. Deep in the overgrown grass I found my sandalwood box and flipped it open. My beautiful earrings glinted up at me.

  ‘I was going to tell you. I was going to give them back,’ Milly gabbled, finding her voice again.

  ‘Oh, so that’s why you hid them!’ I said sarcastically. The hurt I felt, and the misery and the pain, only added to my rage. ‘You’re a thief, Milly! I saw you going into the downstairs flat too!’

  Milly stared at me, her eyes two black holes in her pale face. ‘Asha, I was going to give them back to you, I promise,’ she said shakily. ‘I just didn’t know how. That’s why I hid them.’

  ‘But you shouldn’t have taken them to begin with!’ I shouted. ‘How could you, Milly? I thought we were friends! Friends don’t do things like this!’

  ‘We are friends, Asha.’ Milly tried to take my hand but I flung her away.

  ‘No, we’re not!’ I snapped. ‘You know what, Dad actually said last night that I could be friends with you. But now I don’t want to be. I don’t want to see you or speak to you ever again! So just stay away from me, Milly.’

  I turned, and I walked away. I didn’t look back.

  Milly didn’t come to school on Monday. She didn’t come on Tuesday or Wednesday either, and I didn’t see her around the house. By Thursday I was beginning to miss her. Friday came, and no Milly.

  I couldn’t stop thinking about her, even though I didn’t want to. I kept remembering the look on her face. Not guilty, like I would have expected, but sad. Sad and miserable. It made me feel like I was the one who’d done something bad. But how could I forgive her for something like this?

  Going home after school was no fun without Milly. I trailed into the house on Friday afternoon and went upstairs. Mum was busy cleaning the flat, whirring around with dusters and a mop. She even had Hardeep cleaning the windows.

  ‘Come and give me a hand, Asha,’ she called, before I’d even had time to put down my satchel. ‘I want the flat to look nice. We have new neighbours moving in tomorrow, and Dad says they’re a family we know from the gurdwara.’

  ‘New neighbours?’ I took off my coat. ‘Have Mr and Mrs Lawrence moved then?’

  Mum shook her head impatiently. ‘No, the family upstairs left today. And good riddance to that naughty girl too!’ She bustled across the room. ‘Hardeep, you’ve missed a bit.’

  Somehow I found my voice.

  ‘Where – where have they gone?’

  Mum shrugged and took the duster from Hardeep. ‘Who knows?’

  Of all the things I was expecting, it wasn’t this.

  Milly’s gone.

  And I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again.

  Chapter Seven

  May 2006

  ‘SO THAT’S WHO all those phone calls were to!’ I was prowling up and down the living room like a tiger in a cage. ‘Her mum! I knew Lalita was up to something, I just knew it!’

  ‘Dani, please sit down,’ Mum said quietly.

  I ignored her. ‘She’s done this just to make trouble, hasn’t she?’ I demanded. ‘She wants to split you and Ravi up!’

  ‘Dani—’

  ‘I never thought she’d go this far though! I mean, I suppose she thinks it’s a great laugh meeting her mum secretly and not telling anybody!’

  ‘Dani!’ Mum grabbed my wrist and pulled me down onto the sofa beside her. ‘Stop shouting. You’re frightening Tabitha.’

  Tabs was crouching underneath the sofa, staring up at me grumpily with her topaz eyes.

  ‘We have to talk,’ Mum said. She held up a warning finger as I opened my mouth. ‘Talk, not shout.’

  I’ve got so much to write about and I don’t know where to begin. When Lalita introduced me to her mum yesterday, I was in a state of shock. Belinda offered to drive us home and Lalita accepted eagerly. I was still too stunned to say anything until it slowly dawned on me that I didn’t want Mum and Ravi to arrive back from work and find Belinda there.

  Luckily, after we got home, Belinda insisted on phoning Ravi and speaking to him. (I would have liked to hear that conversation, but she went out into the garden with her mobile, leaving me alone with Lalita.)

  ‘What’s going on?’ I demanded.

  Lalita was glowing with happiness, absolutely glowing. She looked like a kid with a shiny new toy.

  ‘She’s lovely, my mum, isn’t she?’ she asked. ‘And pretty too. Do you like her?’

  I couldn’t speak. This wasn’t about how lovely her mum was, for heaven’s sake! Belinda couldn’t just appear after nearly ten years and turn us all upside down. And what about my mum? Where did she fit into all this?

  ‘Lalita?’ Belinda appeared at the open french windows. She looked quite pale and strained, different from the chatty, cheerful woman who’d driven us home and acted as if it was perfectly normal to turn up again after so long. She held out her mobile. ‘Your dad wants to speak to you.’

  Belinda waited there with us until Mum and Ravi came home. I bet you can guess what happened then. I got one glimpse of Mum and Ravi looking completely shattered and grim-faced, before they all went into the living room and I was sent upstairs.

  Great. I’m part of this family too, aren’t I? But you wouldn’t think it!

  And they didn’t even shout that much so I couldn’t hear anything they were saying. Not even when I tiptoed out onto the landing. I couldn’t concentrate on anything, not even Nan’s diary. Mum came upstairs later and told me to order a pizza for dinner, but she wouldn’t tell me a single thing about what
was going on downstairs. I was still awake when they all came out of the living room at ten-thirty and Belinda left.

  I waited for a while, thinking Mum might come in, but she didn’t. I didn’t sleep very well that night. I wasn’t the only one, I thought, noting the pale faces, baggy eyes and tired yawns round the breakfast table the next morning. Lalita looked exhausted but happy, humming along to the radio as she buttered her toast.

  I kept my eyes on my plate. I was afraid that, if I didn’t, the words would just come bursting out of me in one big huge swoosh – Will somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?! I feel like I’m living in a soap opera!

  ‘Ravi is taking Lalita over to her mother’s now, Dani,’ Mum said, a bit too casually, as we finished breakfast. ‘So we can spend the morning together if you like.’

  Maybe now I’d get some answers. If I could stop yelling for long enough.

  Mum kept hold of my hand as we sat there on the sofa.

  ‘The first thing you have to understand, Dani,’ she began, ‘is that Lalita has been looking for Belinda for a long time, before Ravi and I even met—’

  ‘Well, she would say that, wouldn’t she?’ I interrupted sulkily, but I shut up when Mum gave me a look.

  ‘The reason why Lalita kept it a secret was that she and Ravi were living with her gran at the time,’ Mum went on. ‘Lalita’s gran has strong feelings about Belinda—’

  ‘You mean she hates her,’ I snapped.

  ‘If you want to put it that way, yes.’ I could see that Mum wasn’t in the mood to put up with me being a smartypants, so I decided to cool it, just a bit. ‘Lalita didn’t want to upset her gran so she decided not to tell anybody.’

  ‘OK, fair enough,’ I muttered, remembering the quite scary woman from the wedding reception. ‘Is that why Belinda left in the first place? Because she didn’t get on with Lalita’s gran?’

  ‘I don’t want to go into all the details, but, yes, that was part of it. Lalita actually found out that her mum was living nearby the week before our wedding.’ Mum stroked my hand. ‘She didn’t know what to do then. She’d always planned to tell her dad when she found Belinda, but the timing was all wrong. So she decided to keep it secret for a while.’

  I frowned. Although I wanted to blame Lalita for everything, I grudgingly realized that in fact she hadn’t really done anything wrong. She’d just wanted to find her mum. Now that I’d calmed down a bit, I suppose I could understand that.

  ‘But what about you?’ I asked anxiously.

  ‘Me?’ Mum looked a bit surprised. ‘It was a bit of a shock meeting Belinda, but I’ll get used to it.’

  ‘No,’ I mumbled, feeling hot all over with embarrassment. ‘You and Ravi …’

  ‘Oh, Dani.’ Mum hugged me. ‘There’s no problem there, honestly. Belinda has a boyfriend of her own called Daniel. She and Ravi get on OK now, and they just want to sort out what’s best for Lalita.’

  I looked closely at Mum. I know her so well. ‘There’s something you’re not telling me,’ I said.

  Mum sighed. ‘Well, everything between me and Ravi is fine, love. It’s just – well, he’s a bit worried. Very worried, in fact.’ She cleared her throat. ‘He thinks that Lalita might decide she wants to go and live with Belinda …’

  Oh, happy day!!!

  I wanted to grin from ear to ear. I tried my best not to.

  ‘Has Lalita said that’s what she wants?’ I asked carefully, trying to keep the smile out of my voice.

  But Mum knew. How could she not, after everything that had happened?

  ‘No,’ she replied. ‘She hasn’t said anything.’

  My mind raced, working overtime, thoughts crowding in. If Lalita moved out to live with her mum, I knew that I would finally be able to settle down here. I liked Coppergate and I’d made friends. Ever since Ravi had come to find me when I was lost, we’d been getting along a little better, and things would be even easier if Lalita moved out. She’d probably take Charlie with her, and Tabitha would be pleased. I couldn’t see anything but positives whichever way I looked at it. I imagined me, Mum, Ravi and Tabitha as a family. I was surprised by how warm and cosy the thought made me feel.

  But of course I had no idea what Lalita would decide to do …

  It was quite late when Lalita came home from her mum’s. I was in my bedroom, and I heard her singing her way up the stairs. I went over to the door, which stood open. I’d been waiting for her.

  ‘Had a good time?’ I asked.

  Lalita stopped and smiled at me a bit uncertainly. I didn’t blame her. We’d usually be arguing by now.

  ‘Great, thanks.’

  I cast desperately around for something else to say. Are you going to move in with your mum? Please, please, ple-e-e-ease say yes!!!

  ‘You must have a lot to catch up on.’

  Lalita nodded. ‘Nearly ten years!’ She hesitated, then spoke in a rush. ‘That bag you saw me take, the night you thought I’d run away – there were lots of photos and other stuff I wanted to give to my mum. You know, things about my childhood I thought she might like to see.’

  Mystery solved!

  ‘Sorry about that, only I couldn’t tell anyone then,’ she muttered.

  Lalita apologizing?

  I shrugged, swallowing down the sharp retort I longed to make. ‘Forget it.’

  Lalita was being nicer to me than she’d ever been, but I don’t think she particularly liked me any better than she had before. I think it was because she was just too excited to be horrible to me. She was living right in the middle of her own happy little bubble, and I didn’t matter much any more. She couldn’t be bothered with me. Maybe it was also because what Nan had said about her being jealous of me having two parents was true. Now she no longer had to be jealous of me.

  ‘Are you going to be seeing a lot of your mum?’ I blurted out as Lalita turned away. Me and my big fat mouth. I hadn’t meant to sound quite so eager.

  She raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh, I think so.’ She flashed me a cool smile, which was a lot more like the old Lalita. ‘So don’t worry, Dani. I’ll be keeping out of your way even more in future.’

  Smartypants.

  I gritted my teeth as Lalita strolled off towards her own bedroom. I hadn’t found out a single thing! But wouldn’t it be just fab if Lalita did decide to move out to live with her mum?

  All I could do was hope!

  * * *

  Nan, please come back from India! I’ve got loads to tell you!

  Nan rings us every week but I can’t really talk to her on the phone. Our calls are too quick. Mum and I just say how are you, and she asks us the same, and then she tells us how our relatives in the village are doing. Mum hasn’t even told her about Belinda turning up a week ago.

  Lalita’s hardly ever at home now. Which is great. Ravi and Belinda have arranged that in future Lalita will visit her on Saturdays and stay over in her flat. As well as that, Belinda picks Lalita up twice a week after school and they go off somewhere, shopping or whatever. I’m never invited. Not that I want to be. It’s great to go home on my own, when I’m not seeing my friends, and read my book on the bus, then lie around on the huge leather sofa watching the TV. Tabitha curls up on my lap and Charlie comes and flops down next to me. I think he misses Lalita, so sometimes I take him for a walk or play with him in the garden. He gets almost as excited now when he sees me as he does when he sees Lalita. Silly dog! But he’s quite sweet, in a way. And then Mum and Ravi come home from work and we have dinner and Ravi helps me with my maths homework, which I am totally useless at, and everything’s so peaceful. I say to myself that this is how it will be when Lalita moves out. I can’t wait to tell Nan all this. I miss her.

  And I want to ask her about Milly. I’d thought that, like a real story, I was going to find out what happened to everyone, and if they all lived happily ever after. But I’ve read on a little way and there doesn’t seem to be anything. Nan asks her form teacher, Miss Bell, if she knows where Milly has gone, an
d Miss Bell says that she’s moved to a school in Birmingham. But that’s all I can find. I’ve flicked through the rest of the diary, and after Milly leaves, the entries gradually get much shorter and further apart. They stop completely just after Nan’s fourteenth birthday.

  But I can’t just leave it like this! I’m hoping and hoping that Nan’s found out some information about Milly during the years in between. Maybe she’s met her again somewhere and found out what happened to her. I want to know! This isn’t how a story should end.

  Oh – the doorbell! I bet that’s Belinda, coming to pick up Lalita. With any luck, she’ll be gone for almost the whole weekend.

  Ouch! My bottom really hurts!

  That was so embarrassing …

  I tiptoed over to the window and looked down onto the drive so that I could see Belinda. She was just getting out of her sports car. Honestly, she didn’t look old enough to be Lalita’s mum. Her long blonde hair was straightened and flicked, and she wore a denim mini-skirt and a white vest top. I watched her walk over to the front door, her stiletto heels clicking.

  ‘Hi, Meeta!’ I heard her say cheerfully to my mum. ‘Nice to see you again. Is Lalita ready?’

  ‘I think so,’ Mum replied. I was glad that she sounded just as cheerful. ‘Lalita! Your mum’s here.’

  ‘OK, thanks,’ Lalita called back and next moment I heard her come out of her bedroom.

  I didn’t want her to catch me snooping on her mum, so I dived across the room and plonked myself down on the rickety old chair by my desk. Unfortunately I sat down way too hard and one of the back legs, which had been getting wobblier by the day, suddenly gave way. The chair collapsed and I gave a shriek as I plummeted to the floor. Red-faced, I clambered to my feet, only to find Lalita watching me from the doorway, a smirk on her face.

  ‘Oh dear, Dani,’ she remarked. ‘You really ought to be more careful!’

  I stuck my tongue out at her as she sauntered off. I was kneeling on the floor, examining the broken chair leg, when Ravi came out of the bathroom.