Dani’s Diary

by Narinder Dhami

  ‘What was all that noise?’ he asked. Then realization dawned as he saw the broken bits and me holding a chair leg in one hand and rubbing my backside with the other. ‘Oh.’

  ‘Stupid thing,’ I muttered.

  Ravi’s eyebrows shot up.

  ‘I meant the chair, not you!’ I said quickly.

  ‘That’s what I was hoping,’ Ravi replied solemnly. I tried not to giggle. ‘Let me see.’

  He held out his hand and I gave him the chair leg. He squatted down and examined what was left of the chair, then shook his head.

  ‘Can’t be repaired, I’m afraid. The wood’s broken.’ Ravi cleared his throat, looking very slightly uncomfortable. ‘Maybe it’s time we got you some new furniture.’ He glanced round at the desk, which had one of its legs wedged with paper, the wonky bookcase covered with Barbie stickers (look, I was only six at the time) and the bed with the saggy mattress I’d slept in for the last nine years. ‘We could go shopping today, if you like, you, me and your mum.’

  ‘Really?’ I asked cautiously, trying not to look too eager.

  Ravi nodded. ‘Why not?’ he said. ‘We’ll have lunch somewhere as well. You can choose.’

  ‘OK. Thanks.’

  Ravi looked pleased, as if I’d just offered him a present rather than the other way round. With a shock, I suddenly realized that I was actually starting to like him a lot. Why hadn’t I understood before that Mum wouldn’t have married him if she hadn’t thought we’d get on? I just had to let myself believe that things could get better. And Lalita moving out would help a whole lot more.

  My weekend was great. It wasn’t just because we bought a whole new cream-coloured bedroom suite, new curtains and rugs and even a computer for my schoolwork (I did have one but I swear it took about half an hour to boot up because it was so old; and even then it would suddenly turn itself off without warning). It was because there was just me, Ravi and Mum. I got to choose where we had lunch without arguing with Lalita, so everything was cool.

  On Saturday evening we had ice cream and popcorn and watched a DVD. On Sunday we got up late and took Charlie for a walk. Then Ravi showed me how to use my new computer, and we all helped to make lunch.

  This is how it could be all the time.

  Only one small thing kind of spoiled it slightly. The phone rang just after lunch as I was helping Mum and Ravi load the dishwasher. I was closest so I picked it up.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Lalita?’ asked the voice at the other end. I didn’t recognize it although it sounded vaguely familiar.

  ‘No, this is Dani,’ I said politely. ‘Lalita’s out with her mum. Can I take a message?’

  There was a sharp intake of breath at the other end of the line. ‘Lalita’s with her mother?’

  ‘Er – yes,’ I said, puzzled.

  ‘Put me on to my son immediately!’

  Oh no! It was Lalita’s gran!

  And by the sound of it she didn’t know that Belinda was back on the scene. I had no idea that Ravi and Lalita hadn’t told her.

  I laid the phone carefully on the kitchen work-top and turned to face Ravi and Mum. They had stopped in the act of loading the dishwasher, plates and cutlery in each hand.

  ‘It’s Lalita’s gran!’ I hissed. ‘I’m sorry, Ravi. I didn’t know she didn’t know – if you know what I mean!’

  ‘It’s OK, Dani,’ Ravi said quietly, handing the plates to Mum. ‘It’s not your fault. We should have told her by now. I just didn’t know how.’

  As he picked up the phone, Mum immediately escorted me out of the kitchen (surprise – I always get to miss the interesting bits).

  ‘Sorry,’ I muttered guiltily.

  ‘Don’t be silly, Dani,’ said Mum gently. ‘She had to find out sooner or later.’

  Ravi was on the phone for a long time. He looked quite pale and tired when he finally hung up, and, from the little he said, I think he’d told his mum, in the nicest possible way, that she had to like it or lump it.

  Lalita didn’t come back until late that afternoon, although Belinda had promised to bring her back in the morning. I thought she might make some sarcastic comments about my new bedroom, but she didn’t. She was far more interested in the clothes her mum had bought her when they went shopping the day before. She didn’t even seem to care much when Ravi mentioned that her gran now knew everything (he didn’t say how her gran had found out, which was pretty good of him).

  I noticed that Lalita talked about her mum all the time and that Ravi’s face grew more and more anxious as she prattled on. But I guessed that, being the nice guy he was, he’d give in reluctantly if Lalita decided she wanted to live with Belinda.

  I dared to hope that she would.

  Today, at school, I said as much to Sunita, Henry and Zara. I wanted to know what they thought, although in a funny kind of way I didn’t really want to talk about it all, in case I jinxed things.

  ‘Do you think I’m really awful?’ I asked them anxiously as we ate lunch.

  ‘No,’ said Sunita and Henry.

  ‘Yes,’ Zara said with a shrug.

  ‘Do you mean that?’ I stared at her uncertainly.

  Zara threw her eyes up to heaven. ‘No, of course not, Dani!’ she said. ‘You’re just hoping Lalita will move out. You’re not actually doing anything to get rid of her, are you? And it’s not up to you anyway.’ She squinted at me. ‘Unless you have magical, mind-bending powers or something?’

  ‘I don’t,’ I assured her with a grin.

  ‘Zara’s right,’ said Sunita. ‘It’s down to Lalita and her mum and dad to sort this out.’

  ‘Just don’t get your hopes up too high, Dani,’ Henry warned me gently. ‘Lalita may not want to move in with her mum. She’d have to change schools, wouldn’t she?’

  I nodded.

  ‘And anyway, Lalita’s mum may not be up for it either,’ added Zara.

  That startled me. It hadn’t occurred to me that Belinda might not want what Lalita wanted. I frowned, trying to remember any clues, any hints, that Belinda was planning to get her daughter back. But I couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t really know Belinda very well at all though. I’d hardly spoken to her. She never stayed long at our house when she came to pick up Lalita, and the most time I’d ever spent with her was that first day when she drove us home from school.

  There was nothing for it but to wait and see what happened …

  Something has happened. But it was no way what I was expecting …

  When I followed Lalita out of school today, I was surprised to see Belinda’s red sports car at the gates. It was Thursday, and Belinda had already seen Lalita on Monday and Wednesday. I’d also heard Lalita mention to her dad that she wouldn’t be late home tonight as she wasn’t seeing her mum again till Saturday.

  Of course, Lalita dashed over there immediately and – well, I went straight after her. I was going home, wasn’t I, and I had to go out through the gates.

  Oh, OK, I admit it! I was wondering if there was a special reason why Belinda had turned up … Maybe it could be something to do with Lalita moving in? (I haven’t given up hope!)

  Lalita was quicker than me and I arrived, panting, at the gates, just in time to hear the end of Belinda’s explanation.

  ‘… and Daniel got this great last-minute deal and we fly out tomorrow night. So I can’t see you this weekend, sweetheart. Maybe we could pop out for a pizza now.’

  Lalita pouted. ‘I wish I was coming to Turkey too,’ she muttered.

  ‘Now you know you can’t miss school,’ Belinda said briskly. ‘You and I will have a holiday together later in the year, if your dad says that’s OK.’ She smiled at Lalita, Lalita smiled back and I felt my heart lift. They seemed very close. Hurrah!

  Lalita took her mum’s arm, snuggling closer to her. ‘Can we still have that chat we were going to have this weekend?’

  Belinda spotted me just then and waved. ‘Hi, Dani,’ she called. ‘We’re just off for a pizza. Would you like to join
us?’

  I almost fainted with shock. ‘Oh – well …’ I stuttered.

  I glanced at Lalita. She looked surprised too. And annoyed.

  ‘Go on, be a devil!’ said Belinda with a wink. ‘I’m sure you and Lalita won’t argue too much!’

  ‘Oh, Mum!’ Lalita giggled, smacking her on the arm.

  I wondered what she’d been saying. Of course, she’d have told her mum all about me and made out that I was the bad guy. Well, OK. I suppose I’d have done exactly the same if I was in her position!

  ‘Are you coming, Dani?’ Lalita went on. There was a hint of a challenge in her stare. She probably thought I’d say no. That alone made up my mind for me.

  ‘OK,’ I agreed, grinning inwardly as Lalita looked completely deflated. ‘Why not?’

  We all climbed into Belinda’s car. I texted Mum to tell her why we were going to be a bit late home and why, and got a text straight back saying Have fun! I wasn’t quite sure it was going to be fun. I don’t really know why I said yes, to be honest. I guess I was curious to find out a bit more about Lalita’s mum and see if she had any plans for the future.

  Belinda drove quite fast, her blonde hair streaming in the breeze. I quickly discovered that she had a bad habit of braking really hard at the last minute. Or not braking at all.

  ‘That was a red light,’ I pointed out as we headed towards the town centre.

  ‘Oh, was it?’ Belinda said airily. ‘I didn’t notice.’

  We raced into the car park and swung into an empty space just in front of a man in a big Volvo. He looked rather annoyed as we all got out, but Belinda waved cheerfully at him and he gave us a reluctant grin.

  ‘Mum, you’re awful!’ Lalita said adoringly.

  ‘I know,’ Belinda agreed.

  I didn’t say anything. Belinda reminded me of someone and I couldn’t think who. I racked my brains, trying to work it out.

  ‘Have anything you like, girls,’ Belinda said as we sat down in Pizza Express. ‘Starters, desserts, whatever.’

  ‘I thought you said you were skint after paying for that trip to Turkey,’ remarked Lalita.

  Belinda laughed. ‘Why do you think credit cards were invented?’

  And suddenly I got it.

  Belinda reminded me of my dad!

  I wasn’t quite sure how or why because, believe me, they didn’t look anything alike – but she did. There was just something about her that brought my dad to mind.

  As Belinda flirted with the waiter who brought us the menus, I thought about my dad. I do love him, and I know that Dad loves me, but there are some things that I just have to accept about him. Dad is great at the fun things – the presents, the day trips out, the holidays, the jokes and laughter – but he’s no good at the everyday stuff. He’s hopeless when I’m ill or tired or miserable or bored. He can’t cope. But as long as I have my mum for that, it doesn’t matter. I can live with it.

  Now, staring at Lalita and her mum giggling together, I couldn’t help wondering if Belinda was any good at the ‘everyday stuff’. After all, she’d been gone for years and had left all that to Ravi. Like my mum, he was good at it.

  ‘You’re looking very serious, Dani,’ Belinda remarked, handing me a menu.

  ‘Sorry,’ I said quickly.

  ‘How do you like Coppergate?’ Belinda looked enquiringly at me. ‘It must be difficult starting a new school at Easter.’

  ‘She didn’t mind, did you, Dani?’ Lalita cut in before I had a chance to answer. ‘She likes Coppergate, don’t you?’

  I was so surprised, I just nodded.

  ‘But it’d be easier to start in September, at the beginning of a new school year,’ Lalita added, staring intently at her mum. ‘Wouldn’t it?’

  My heart juddered. I thought I could guess what this was about. I glanced at Belinda. She was starting to look ever so slightly uncomfortable.

  ‘Not now, Lalita,’ she said, flicking back her hair. ‘What would you like to order, Dani?’

  ‘Well, starting in September’s got to be better than any other time,’ Lalita argued, that familiar, obstinate look I knew so well coming over her face. ‘September’s three or four months away. That’s plenty of time to get everything sorted out with Dad.’

  ‘Get what sorted out?’ I asked. I didn’t mean to – the words just dropped straight out of my mouth. But I had to know if my guess was right.

  ‘I’m thinking of moving in with my mum,’ Lalita retorted. There was a huge amount of pride in her voice; pride and pleasure. ‘You’ll like that, won’t you?’

  ‘Well, yes.’ I wasn’t going to lie about it. ‘Wouldn’t you, if you were me?’

  ‘Lalita, we’ll discuss this later,’ Belinda muttered.

  ‘When?’ Lalita demanded. ‘I won’t see you for two weeks now while you’re on holiday. You said we could talk about it this weekend!’

  ‘I’m sure Dani doesn’t want to hear all this.’ Belinda glanced at me and I began to wonder if that’s why she’d invited me, so that hopefully Lalita wouldn’t bring up the subject of her moving in. You know, it was exactly the kind of thing my dad would do.

  Lalita shot me a poisonous glare. ‘I didn’t ask her to come,’ she said tightly. I guessed that she’d wound herself up so tightly for this discussion that she couldn’t hold back, even in front of me.

  ‘Look, sweetheart, I’ve told you, we can’t make any decisions for a while,’ her mum said with a touch of desperation. ‘The flat isn’t just mine, it’s Daniel’s too. I have to discuss it properly with him.’

  ‘You keep saying that.’ Lalita stared desperately at her mother, her lips trembling. Now it was my turn to start feeling uncomfortable. I was wishing I was anywhere but here, in the middle of all this emotional intensity.

  ‘I don’t want to annoy your dad either.’ Belinda fiddled unhappily with her menu, turning it this way and that. ‘He’s been very good about letting me see you. He wouldn’t be happy about you moving out. And you know you couldn’t bring Charlie. We’re not allowed to have pets in the flat.’ She took a visibly deep breath. ‘We mustn’t rush things. I think we should leave it for a while.’

  ‘You don’t want me to move in with you.’ Lalita spoke flatly and without emotion, as if she’d suddenly been wrung dry of any feelings whatsoever. I felt horribly embarrassed, and actually a bit sorry for her. And very sorry for myself too, I must admit.

  Belinda cleared her throat nervously. ‘Not at the moment, sweetheart. Maybe later.’ But she didn’t sound very convincing.

  We all sat there staring at our menus so that we didn’t have to look at each other. Eventually I risked a glance at Lalita. She was as frozen and still as a statue of ice. As I watched, two tears rolled down her cheeks.

  Lalita saw me staring. With a muffled exclamation, she flung down her menu and rushed out of the restaurant, leaving her bag behind.

  I saw the accident coming a split-second before it actually happened.

  I called out Lalita’s name, trying to warn her.

  But it was already too late.

  Chapter Eight

  May 2006

  ONLY LALITA COULD have barged straight into a young mum pushing a double buggy (containing fair-haired twins, a boy and a girl) and hurt herself so badly. She fell really awkwardly onto the pavement, banging her elbow on the concrete slabs. Then she lay there and didn’t get up, crying in pain.

  Belinda was worse than useless. She burst into tears herself when she saw Lalita’s white face. It was me who rushed over to the restaurant manager and got him to call an ambulance. It was me who gave the Accident and Emergency department at the hospital all our details. And it was me who called Ravi and told him what had happened. Belinda just sat in the hospital waiting room with a cold cup of coffee in her hand, sobbing hysterically. By the time Mum and Ravi rushed in, I was incredibly glad to see them. I’d had enough of being the grown-up.

  After two or three hours of sitting around on hard plastic chairs, we found out that Lalita h
ad broken her arm and sprained her ankle. She was going to be kept in overnight, so Ravi and Belinda were allowed in to see her, and then we all went home. Belinda had just about stopped crying by then.

  ‘Dani, Lalita’s not going to be able to go to school for a week or so until her ankle heals,’ Ravi said as we drove home. He kept blinking and yawning in the glare of the other cars’ headlights. He looked exhausted, and probably shouldn’t have been driving at all. ‘I’ll ring the school and explain, but would you mind bringing her work home?’

  ‘No, of course not.’ My own yawn nearly split my face in two.

  ‘And – er – Dani …’ There was a pleading note in Ravi’s voice. ‘Lalita’s a bit embarrassed by what happened. So she’d rather no one at school knew the whole story. If anyone asks, could you just say she tripped over and leave it at that?’

  I couldn’t help smiling. ‘Sure.’

  But I crossed my fingers behind my back as I said it …

  * * *

  Hey, come on! I’m not that mean!

  But I had to tell someone. Well, three someones I knew I could trust.

  ‘Lalita fell over a buggy?’ Sunita stared at me, a cheese sandwich suspended in mid-air halfway to her mouth.

  ‘It was worse than that,’ I said solemnly. ‘A double buggy.’

  Zara chuckled. ‘That’s not the story that’s going round our year,’ she remarked. ‘They’re saying that she jumped into the path of a speeding car to save a little kid’s life.’

  ‘No, she jumped into the path of a speeding buggy.’ I shrugged. ‘Anyway, she’s really done herself over. She’s not going to be at school for a week.’

  ‘Sounds like she’s not going to be moving in with her mum either,’ Henry said wisely.

  I sighed. ‘Well, it was a nice dream while it lasted.’

  ‘So is Lalita’s dad looking after her?’ asked Sunita.

  ‘No, he couldn’t get any leave from work this week,’ I replied. ‘My mum’s gone to collect her from the hospital, and she’s going to look after her.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ said Sunita diplomatically.