Dani’s Diary

by Narinder Dhami

‘Fireworks!’ Zara said bluntly.

  Yep, it was no surprise when I got home from school that day that Mum was looking stressed and exhausted.

  ‘Bad day?’ I asked, dropping my overweight bags of books in the hall. I’d had to carry my own and Lalita’s. ‘I guess Lalita must be back then.’

  ‘She’s in her room.’ Mum brushed a strand of hair out of her tired eyes. ‘Belinda’s been phoning all day and Lalita refuses to speak to her.’

  A thumping noise above my head made me jump.

  Mum pulled a face. ‘That means she wants something,’ she said with a sigh. ‘Is it one million or two million times now that I’ve been up and down the stairs? I’ve lost count.’

  ‘I’ll go,’ I said.

  Lalita was lying in bed, her arm encased in plaster and tied up in a sling. As I walked into the room, she looked at me with intense dislike.

  ‘I want a glass of juice.’

  ‘Hello, Dani,’ I said. ‘Yes, I’m feeling better, thank you. And thanks for collecting all my work from my teachers and carrying it home for me. I’m very grateful.’

  ‘What do you want, a medal?’ Lalita’s eyes dropped and she began fiddling with the edge of her turquoise duvet cover.

  I wanted to say something cutting in return but I realized that she was embarrassed; totally embarrassed about what had happened with her mum and then the accident, and she was covering it up by being vile to me. So I kept quiet. Sigh. When did I suddenly go and become so grown up and mature?

  ‘And what kind of juice would madam like?’ I said in a posh waiter-type voice. ‘Orange? Pineapple? Arsenic?’

  Lalita stared at me. I thought I saw her mouth twitch but she didn’t smile.

  ‘Orange will be fine … Thank you.’

  The thank you was faint and grudging and wasn’t added until I was halfway down the landing, but at least she said it!

  The doorbell rang just as I reached the bottom of the stairs. Belinda was standing on the doorstep, looking anxious and pale.

  ‘Oh, Dani, can I see Lalita please? I’ve been ringing all day and she won’t speak to me.’ She gulped.

  ‘Don’t cry,’ I said hastily. ‘I’ll ask Mum.’

  Mum came out of the kitchen at that moment.

  ‘I just want to see Lalita before I go to the airport,’ Belinda said desperately. ‘I’ve spoken to Ravi and he says it’s OK.’

  ‘Yes, you should clear the air,’ Mum agreed. ‘Dani will show you up to her room.’

  I led Belinda up the stairs, wondering what Lalita would do when her mum walked in. She could hardly get up and run away, could she?

  ‘It’s that room there,’ I said pointing down the landing.

  Belinda went in and closed the door firmly behind her. I hovered for a minute at the top of the stairs, wondering if they’d start shouting at each other.

  ‘Dani, I need some help in the kitchen,’ Mum called.

  I clattered crossly down the stairs. Honestly, it wasn’t like I was going to listen at the door or anything!

  Belinda was upstairs in Lalita’s room for nearly an hour, but when she came back down, she looked a lot happier. Her eyes were a bit red and she’d had to re-do her make-up.

  ‘I think we’ve sorted things out,’ she confided to Mum as I hovered in the kitchen doorway. ‘I must rush or I’ll miss my plane.’ She hesitated. ‘You’ll look after her, won’t you, Meeta?’

  Mum nodded. ‘Don’t worry about a thing, Belinda,’ she said kindly. ‘Enjoy your holiday.’

  As Belinda left, I went over to the fridge and poured a glass of orange juice. Then I took it upstairs. OK, so I was curious! I’m only human!

  Lalita was still lying in bed, but she looked a good deal happier. Tired but happy.

  ‘OK?’ I asked, handing her the glass.

  Lalita nodded. ‘Have I got a lot of homework?’ she asked.

  ‘Loads!’ I said, drawing a huge pile in the air. ‘You won’t get bored, don’t worry.’

  ‘Great,’ Lalita said. I stared at her. ‘I’m joking, Dani,’ she explained patiently.

  ‘Oh, sorry. It’s just that you don’t do it very often …’

  We gazed at each other for a moment.

  ‘Thanks for the juice,’ Lalita said. It was obviously a rather pointed goodbye, and so I went.

  Nan comes back from India at the end of this week! Woo-hoo!

  Things are better at home too. Lalita’s stopped sulking in her bedroom and has started coming downstairs again. The chat she had with her mum seems to have sorted everything out. Her gran phoned last night too, and Lalita was talking to her for ages. I think things have been a bit difficult, but from what I’ve heard Ravi saying to Mum, Lalita’s gran seems to have finally accepted that Belinda’s back on the scene.

  So everything’s working itself out. But tonight I did get a shock …

  As I was staggering up the driveway to the house with my heavy bags of homework, I could hear something. It was a sunny day, the living-room windows were open and I could hear Lalita laughing. Believe me, that’s strange in itself.

  I went up to the front door and peered in at the side window. I couldn’t take in what I was seeing! Lalita was lying on the sofa with Tabitha – my Tabitha! – curled up snoozing on her lap. Charlie lay on the floor next to the sofa and my mum was sitting at the other end. She and Lalita were bent over the Scrabble board which lay between them.

  I could hardly get my key in the lock fast enough. I dropped my bags on the polished wooden floor and rushed into the living room.

  ‘Grampus – that’s not a real word!’ Lalita giggled.

  ‘It is so too,’ my mum said firmly.

  ‘What does it mean then?’ Lalita demanded.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Mum replied. ‘But stop arguing and write my score down!’

  They were both enjoying themselves so much, they didn’t even notice me. And yes, I felt angry. And jealous.

  ‘Oh, hello, love.’ Mum finally looked up. ‘I didn’t know it was that late already. Had a good day at school?’

  ‘Fine,’ I replied shortly. I know it sounds stupid but I kind of felt that Mum had – had betrayed me by getting so friendly with Lalita. But then I remembered how much better Ravi and I were getting along, and I felt a bit ashamed of myself. To hide my guilty face, I bent down to fuss Tabitha and Charlie, who’d both come to greet me.

  Lalita was looking embarrassed too, messing around with her plastic Scrabble tiles and not meeting my eyes.

  ‘I’d better pop to the supermarket before dinner.’ Mum jumped to her feet. ‘I think you won, didn’t you, Lalita? But I’ll beat you tomorrow!’

  Mum went out, giving me a quick hug as she passed by. I knew that she knew how I was feeling, and that made me even more ashamed of myself.

  I made an effort. ‘How are you today?’ I asked Lalita.

  She shrugged. ‘OK.’

  ‘You and Mum seemed to be having a good time.’

  I know, I know. But it just sort of popped out.

  ‘I didn’t ask your mum to play Scrabble with me,’ Lalita snapped defensively. ‘It was her idea!’

  ‘Sorry,’ I muttered, wondering why I never seemed to manage to say the right thing.

  Lalita looked embarrassed. ‘Me too.’ She couldn’t meet my eyes. ‘She’s nice,’ she blurted out. ‘Your mum, I mean.’

  I collapsed theatrically onto the end of the sofa. ‘Hold on,’ I said in a faint, weak voice. ‘I need some time to recover from the shock.’

  ‘Don’t be so melodramatic!’ Lalita grumbled, although she didn’t really sound that cross. ‘It just took me a little while to realize, that’s all.’

  ‘I like your dad too,’ I offered, since we seemed to have a proper conversation going on between us for once.

  ‘Thanks,’ said Lalita.

  We sat there in silence. Should I say something about what happened at the pizza place, or should I get up and leave before we started arguing? My big mouth took over, of course.
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  ‘You know, my dad would drop down dead with shock if I said I wanted to go and live with him,’ I said in a rush.

  Lalita stared at me. I could see that she was angry I’d brought the subject of her mum up in a roundabout way. But she was curious too.

  ‘You’re joking,’ she said uncertainly.

  ‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘Don’t get me wrong, my dad loves me but he’s only good at the fun side. He’s hopeless when it comes to real-life, everyday kind of stuff. A couple of years ago, I was staying with him and I had a tummy bug. He had to get his cleaner to look after me and wipe up the sick.’

  Lalita chuckled. But her face quickly grew sober again. I hadn’t actually said the words And he reminds me of your mum, but I felt that she understood what I was talking about.

  ‘But you still love him?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh, sure!’ I said. ‘I love going to stay with him and he treats me like a princess. But it’s my mum who’ll always be there for me.’

  ‘Like my dad,’ Lalita muttered.

  A heavy, meaningful silence fell between us and I suddenly felt enormously embarrassed.

  ‘See you,’ I said, jumping quickly to my feet and legging it out of the room. Afterwards I gave myself a good telling-off though. Should I have maybe stayed and talked some more with Lalita? We might have got a bit closer. But do I even want to be friends with her? I just don’t know.

  I need to talk about all this with Nan.

  Unbelievable!!!

  That’s the only word I can think of to describe what’s happened today.

  It’s Friday. Lalita’s ankle’s been getting better and she’ll be back at school next week, although she’ll have the plaster cast on her arm for a bit longer. So I won’t have to carry two lots of heavy books home any more. Hurrah!

  Today’s the day Nan came back from India too. And that’s where it all started …

  As I came out of school at the end of the afternoon, I glanced at my watch. Nan’s flight had landed at lunch time; Great-uncle Hardeep had gone to pick her up and I knew they’d have got back by now. Mum had arranged that we’d visit her over the weekend, but I wanted to see Nan now. I wanted to see her so much, it hurt. I’d missed her like mad. And of course, I wanted to ask her about Milly.

  I stopped at the school gates and rang my mum.

  ‘Dani, Nan will be tired after the flight,’ Mum pointed out. ‘She might even have gone to bed. Can’t you wait till tomorrow?’

  ‘No,’ I said bluntly. ‘Ple-e-ease, Mum.’

  Mum sighed, so I knew she was about to give in!

  ‘OK, but don’t stay too long.’

  ‘Thanks a million, Mum,’ I said gratefully.

  The bus ride to Nan’s seemed to take almost as long as a plane journey to India. When we finally reached the bottom of Nan’s street, I was already waiting at the exit doors. I leaped off the bus and half walked, half ran to Nan’s house, my heavy bag bumping on my shoulder.

  Nan answered the door almost immediately.

  ‘Dani!’ she exclaimed, looking surprised. ‘I didn’t think I was going to see you until tomorrow.’

  ‘I couldn’t wait.’ We threw our arms round each other and hugged as tight as we could. ‘Mum didn’t want me to come. She said you’d be tired.’

  ‘Tired?’ Nan scoffed. ‘I’m not that old yet!’ She led me into the living room. Open suitcases lay on the sofa, and every available surface was draped with clothes or covered with bags. ‘I’m still getting straight though, as you can see. So, how are you, my darling?’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘And how are things at home?’ Nan began rummaging through one of the suitcases. ‘These are for you.’

  She handed me a plastic bag full of cardboard packets of ornate bindis and delicate glass bangles in a rainbow of colours.

  ‘Thanks, Nan,’ I said. ‘They’re gorgeous.’

  ‘Half for you, half for Lalita.’

  I stared at her.

  ‘Close your mouth before the flies get in,’ Nan said briskly. ‘I’ve got some clothes for both of you too, but I haven’t got a clue where they are at the moment. So, how are things at home?’

  ‘Better,’ I admitted. ‘Ravi and I are getting on OK. But Lalita’s mum’s back on the scene.’

  ‘I know,’ Nan replied, pulling silk saris from the suitcase like a magician producing huge, colourful flags. ‘Meeta wrote and told me.’

  ‘Did she?’ Mum hadn’t mentioned it. ‘Lalita’s pleased, anyway.’

  Nan nodded. ‘So it sounds as if everything is working out for the best. I hate people who say this, but I’m going to say it anyway.’ Her eyes twinkled at me. ‘I told you so!’

  ‘Oh, please!’ I said. ‘It’s not like we’re one big happy family yet. Lalita and I still have our moments.’

  ‘It’ll get better,’ Nan said comfortably. ‘Trust me. Now, what else has been happening?’

  ‘I’ve almost finished your diary,’ I said eagerly. ‘But why didn’t you tell me that Milly disappears like that? I almost dropped down dead with shock when it happened!’

  Nan’s smile faded.

  ‘So what happened to her?’ I asked.

  ‘I don’t know, Dani.’ Nan shrugged. ‘I haven’t seen Milly since that day in nineteen sixty-four when I got my earrings back.’

  ‘But—’ I stopped, trying to make sense of it all. ‘You must know something!’

  ‘Only what’s in the diary,’ Nan said quietly.

  ‘But I want to know!’ I must have sounded like a spoiled five-year-old. ‘I want to know what happened to Milly. I want to know why she was like two different people, why she was naughty at home and not at school.’ I sighed, feeling enormously disappointed. ‘It’s a complete mystery!’

  ‘Oh no.’ Nan shook her head. ‘Not any more. I think I know what happened.’

  I couldn’t believe it. ‘So you have found out something!’

  ‘Well, in a way,’ Nan replied. ‘But no one told me. I kind of worked it out for myself as I grew older.’

  ‘What?’ I demanded, excitement rising. ‘Tell me, Nan!’

  ‘It wasn’t Milly who did all those things that annoyed my parents so much, Dani.’ Nan dropped the silky saris and sat down on the edge of the sofa, pushing the suitcase aside. ‘It was Milly’s mother.’

  I was stupefied (good word: I’ve never used it before in my diary, but it describes exactly how I felt).

  ‘Nan, you don’t mean that? Are you sure?’ I could barely get the words out, I was so stunned. Milly’s mum hadn’t really featured in Nan’s diary at all, but now I came to think of it, there’d been something strange about her.

  Nan nodded. ‘I’m as sure as I can be, Dani.’ She sighed, resting her chin on her hands. ‘Milly’s mum was very homesick for India. It’s in my diary, if you remember. I think that she became very depressed, and severe depression can make you do very strange things.’

  ‘But’ – I frowned, trying to get my head round all this – ‘why didn’t she just go to the doctor and get some – some – anti-depressants or whatever those pills are called?’

  Nan sighed. ‘Dani, we’re talking about the nineteen sixties,’ she said gently. ‘Things weren’t as open then as they are now. Everyone was very scared and suspicious of any kind of mental illness. Some people are still like that today.’

  ‘But I don’t understand!’ I wailed. ‘Why did Milly take all the blame for the things her mum did?’

  ‘I think Milly and her dad were trying to protect her mum,’ Nan replied. ‘If they could keep her away from everyone, then no one would ever find out that she was ill. That meant covering up for her, and Milly did that very well.’ She sighed again, very deeply.

  I thought back over the events of the diary. ‘So all that stuff – the messy kitchen, the milk boiling over, the stolen spices – that was all Mrs Chaudhary?’ I said wonderingly. ‘And that’s why Milly had the matches – to try and keep them away from her mum?’

  Nan nodded. T
hen I remembered something else. ‘And the footsteps at night?’ I asked.

  ‘I imagine Milly’s mum couldn’t sleep so she used to get up and walk around,’ said Nan. ‘And somehow she’d got hold of spare keys to the other flats in the house. I suppose Milly and her dad must have tried to take them off her, but she seems to have managed to outwit them. Anyway, I think she used to go in and out of our flats when we weren’t there.’

  ‘And take things? What about that bit in the diary when the grocer accused Milly of shoplifting? Oh!’ I clapped my hand over my mouth. ‘Did Milly’s mum take your earrings, Nan?’

  ‘I think she did.’ Nan was staring beyond me and back into the past again. She had that faraway look on her face. ‘Don’t get me wrong, Dani. I don’t think Milly’s mum was really a thief. She was very depressed, and that made her forgetful and absent-minded and unable to cope with everyday things. I think she probably picked up something in the grocer’s shop, meant to pay and simply forgot.’

  ‘But she did take your earrings!’ I cried.

  Nan shrugged again. ‘I think that maybe pretty jewellery was something she just couldn’t resist. The few times I saw her, she was always wearing lots of gold bangles and necklaces.’

  ‘Well, how do you know she didn’t take anything else?’

  ‘My mum would have noticed,’ Nan replied. ‘She had eyes like a hawk, bless her. And the Lawrences in the downstairs flat never mentioned anything going missing either.’

  ‘You saw Milly going in there one night,’ I remembered.

  Nan nodded. ‘Maybe her mother had taken something and Milly was replacing it. Or perhaps her mum was actually in the Lawrences’ flat at the time, and Milly was trying to get her back upstairs.’ She shrugged. ‘You have to understand, Dani, that I don’t know any of this for certain. It’s just that I’ve thought about it quite a lot over the years.’

  I was silent for a moment. I was thinking about brave little Milly with her sick mum, trying to do the best she could. It made me feel quite upset.

  ‘Just how did you realize that it was Milly’s mum?’ I asked curiously. ‘I don’t think I’d ever have guessed.’

  ‘Growing up helped.’ Nan smiled at me. ‘And just after the Chaudharys left, I used to listen to my mum and her friends gossiping about Milly and her family. They all thought there was something strange about Milly’s mum as they hardly ever saw her at the gurdwara or even out of the house. That planted a seed in my mind that there was something odd about her. I hadn’t really noticed at the time. I was all caught up in the big adventure of moving to England and starting school.’