Embrace The Suck (A Stepbrother Special Forces Novel)

by Kenzie, Sophia

  “You do not speak to me that way. Do you understand, Private?”

  I almost laughed, thinking how similar this situation was to one we had had during our very first week of training. Admittedly, I was almost having fun.

  “Let go of me, Charlie.” She twisted and tug, but I held tight to her.

  “How I choose to run my training programs is my prerogative. If I chose not to have someone jump one day, I am not to be questioned. You are not to think that anything I do is based on any personal feelings I have toward you. You are to take me seriously and know that your livelihood in this program is based on my recommendation. Every new term is a qualification process and at any point, I can decide that you are no longer qualified to continue.” Throughout my speech, I watched as she sunk below my stare. She had forgotten her place, and it was apparent when I put her back into it that she was frightened of the beast she had unleashed.

  And I was so fucking hard.

  My thick cock was pushed up against her hip, holding her in place. Her lips were moist, begging for me to grab them, and her nipples were now erect and piercing through her shirt.

  Shit, I think I turned the girl on by putting her in her place. Had I known that, maybe I would have stopped being such a softie this whole time. I quickly went through my options, deciding whether I could take her in this parking lot, unnoticed: or if she would try to fight me if I did so. I couldn’t imagine she would. Her eyes were soft and full of desire, her mouth kept opening wider and wider, and I was fairly certain she was pushing her hips out, egging my dick to take action.

  “Do you understand your place in the ranks, Ms. Birk?” I slowed down my words, breathing my power onto her.

  Her eyes closed and she angled her face up toward mine. She was giving me the go-ahead. She wanted me to take action. She wanted to be fucked the way only I knew how to fuck her.

  So what if she didn’t love me? If she was still allowing me to fuck her, and I knew not to go any deeper than just the physical, I should be able to handle that.

  Hell, that’s what I was good at.

  I pressed harder into her, crushing her up against the car, and laying my dick in line with the crotch of her pants. My hands moved from her arms to her ribs and I slowly moved up, exciting at the thought of her breasts filling the cups of my palms. I closed my eyes to match hers and lowered my lips. I could almost taste her. I was so close.

  “Charlie!” I heard the security officer yell into the lot. “Reynolds keeps calling for you to come back and see him!”

  Hannah’s eyes popped open at the sound of my name. Before I could even respond to the guy at the gate, she slipped out from under me and ran in the opposite direction.

  Damn. I was so close. I was so fucking close to taking her. My fucking father had to go and screw it all up.

  Chapter Twenty

  Hannah

  Well, I now know for sure that I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that even though I was still furious with him, I’d let him kiss me if the opportunity presented itself. I don’t know whether to be relieved or bummed that our almost make out session was interrupted. I want to believe that I’d be able to handle one more time with him and still be able to separate my emotions from the physical nature of our relationship, but I know I’d just be lying to myself. I was able to do that for one day and one day only: my crazy day when I picked him out of a bar and truly believed I’d never see him again.

  But that wasn’t me. That’s never been me, and I don’t know why I tried to make an exception this time.

  I’m the girl who hopes for something more. It’s why I don’t get involved with many people. It’s silly to put my all into something if I know the outcome will be doomed. I have too many other things to worry about; too many other goals to reach first.

  I don’t have time to waste on a guy who will be nothing but a distant memory to me in just a few months’ time. Unfortunately, thanks to our parents, Charlie will never just be a memory to me. Instead he’ll be a brother.

  “Okay, so I saw most of that.” Amanda was waiting at my car when I finally approached it.

  “Mmmm.” I moaned. “No, you didn’t.”

  “Oh girl.” She bit her bottom lip, a little too excited. “I did. And it was HOT!”

  “Stop it.” I begged, without too much conviction, knowing my attempt would be futile regardless.

  “Drive me home?” She rounded my car, climbing into the passenger’s seat.

  “How’d you get here?” I questioned her, not sure why I was going to be driving her home.

  “I drove, but you need to do some spilling, and I need to do some listening.”

  I shook my head with a smile. I really did enjoy her.

  I climbed into the car and fastened my seatbelt. “Did you notice that I didn’t get to jump today?” I asked her as a way to begin my rant.

  “Did I ever?!” She exclaimed like a yippy high school cheerleader. That’s why I followed you out. That boy has some nerve.”

  “He has something alright.”

  I agreed before pulling out of my spot, waving goodnight to the security guard, and then hitting the road in the direction of home. After all, I knew Amanda well enough by now to know that she had no intention of going to her own home until she heard the whole story, and since I had an entire weekend of tales to tell, she’d be spending the night at my place.

  ***

  “Did you sleep at all?” Amanda startled me. I had been staring out of the window for God knows how long.

  “Maybe?” I questioned, though I was almost certain the answer was ‘no’.

  We had stayed up half the night talking. I fought with myself, telling her that on the one hand, I saw a future with him, while on the other hand, I knew it would never work out.

  “You do know you’re saying ‘when’ instead of ‘if’, right?” She interjected into one of my rants.

  “What?” I hadn’t noticed.

  “When you talk about a future with Charlie, you’re essentially saying that you’ll cross these bridges when you come to them… not if you come to them. Subconsciously, you think you’re going to stay together.”

  “Huh…” I registered her observation. The thought had never occurred to me. “I didn’t realize I was doing that.”

  “It’s why you can’t get over him though. You’re already invested, whether you want to be or not. You’re trying to act in a way that’s the opposite of what your heart has already decided upon.”

  I stuck my finger in my mouth, miming that I was going to throw up.

  “Okay, okay!” Amanda laughed. “I’m not trying to get all sappy here. I’m just trying to explain to you that you’re going to need to work a lot harder if you want to get him out of your thoughts of the future.

  “This sucks.” I curled my knees to my chest and grabbed another spoonful of ice cream. “Even this ice cream makes me think of him.” I thought back to the night I spent at his place where we did the same exact thing: stayed up half the night talking, and sharing a pint of ice cream. The only real difference was that there was also a ton of sex in that scenario. I’d have to make a completely different life decision if I wanted to better parallel the two nights.

  Amanda eventually fell asleep, but my mind was racing. I had been thinking the same things over and over again all night. I’d been reliving every conversation, interaction, and look I had ever exchanged with the boy. I’d look through my phone at the silly pictures we’d send each other. I’d smile at one face and then scowl at the other. Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn’t I allow this to be easy?

  I decided that I needed to figure a way out of the emotional bond I had already formed with him. I wanted to be able to keep an open, carefree relationship. I wanted to not expect more from him than I knew he had to offer. I wanted…

  Oh God, what was I trying to reason with? He was about to be my brother!

  “Your face just did a weird thing.” Amanda pointed out a
s she offered me a refill on my coffee.

  “Thanks.” I accepted the coffee. “I was just thinking that he’s going to be my brother. Why can’t I wrap my head around the fact that this entire thing is moot? We can’t be together. Even if he was a perfect person and I was a perfect person, we’d still be siblings, and that is gross.” I settled, taking a sip of coffee to affirm my findings.

  “But it’s also so hot.” Amanda teased. “It’s like forbidden love. Like Romeo and Juliet!” She very well might have been turning herself on.

  “Romeo and Juliet died.” I calmly pointed out.

  She scoffed back at me. “Stop ruining my fun! Romeo and Juliet without the whole death thing, then.” She smirked, waiting for my counter.

  “Oh, well in that case…” I teased her, before breaking out into a giant yawn.

  She looked at me, concerned. “Are you going to be okay today?”

  “I’ll be fine.” I shrugged it off.

  “Okay.” She tried to seem supportive. “But, just keep in mind, since I know you didn’t jump yesterday…” Her concern grew. “It’s not easy, Hannah. It’s actually quite scarier than the regular jumps, and I’m imagining the helicopters today are going to be even scarier than the planes yesterday. You’re going to need to be firing on all cylinders.”

  I waved my hand at her, begging for her to lose the alarm. “I’ll be fine. I promise. Hell, let’s be honest. I doubt Charlie will even let me jump today.”

  We both chuckled at the idea, knowing full well that there was almost too much truth to my joke. I let Amanda drive in, as my eyes felt heavy, and I told her I needed to wait for the coffee to take effect. But the truth was, she might have been right. I actually couldn’t keep my eyes open, and each time I allowed them to close, I began to drift off. I was still in the moment, for instance, I knew we were in the car, but I was seeing things I knew weren’t there and hearing voices of people I also knew not to be there.

  Well, one voice. His voice. It was really all I ever heard any more.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Charlie

  She looked tired. I wouldn’t normally say that about her, as for the most part, I think of her as the most beautiful woman I have ever encountered, but that morning, she just looked plain tired. I felt a bit of jealousy rise up in my chest. There was only one reason she could be tired: staying out until all hours of the night. And the only reason she would do that was if she were out with another man. Had she really moved on that quickly? Was she seriously able to forget what almost happened in the parking lot and then go and fuck someone else?

  She probably met him at the bar Saturday night after I left her. I had expected her to come find me. I even waited in my car for a few minutes, but she never came. I toyed with the idea of going to her house that night, but now, seeing her like this, I’m thrilled that I decided against it. Had I showed up and she was with another man, I don’t think I would have handled it too kindly. The likelihood that the fucker wouldn’t end up in the hospital would have been quite slim if my reaction to seeing her with him was anywhere close to the feeling I felt seeing her like this: without a lick of sleep.

  It better not have been any one I knew. If it were, he would know what was coming to him. He’d be smart to tell me himself, in a public place, in the daytime. I’d still be able to beat the living shit out of him, but it would be much more subdued than if I found out on my own after I had already consumed a few alcoholic beverages.

  Now, who was it?

  Who would she go after that frequents that shit hole?

  Hell, I’d find out who it was that she fucked soon enough. Then I’d teach them both a lesson.

  “Everyone out to the airstrip.” I called over the hum of whispers as the girls all piled into the room. I just wanted to have this day be over already so I didn’t have to continue to picture her with someone else.

  Hannah rubbed her eyes and yawned. I wasn’t the type of guy who kept quiet about these things. Why was I trying to now?

  “Hannah.” I approached her quietly as everyone was making their way back out of the room they had just entered.

  “Yes?” She muttered, but when she realized it was me, she opened her eyes wide and added, “Sir. Yes, Sir?”

  She referred to me as ‘Sir’ without being prompted. Yeah, she was definitely ashamed of something she had done.

  “You seem tired.” I calmly remarked as if I was talking about nothing more than the weather.

  “I didn’t sleep well, that’s all.” She slurred her words ever so slightly. I’d say she didn’t actually sleep at all. And yes, I was jealous.

  “Were you not feeling well?” I prompted, making it seem like I didn’t have a clue as to the real reason she was up al night.

  “I feel fine, Sir. I just have a lot of my mind.” She called me ‘Sir’ again. It was too much for me to handle. We were now the last ones in the room, and I had to speak my mind.

  “Is it someone I know?” I tried to calm my breath, to not get too angry too fast.

  “Who?” She looked up at me, seemingly confused. She played a good game; I’d give her that.

  I plastered a smile on my face. “The guy you fucked last night.”

  Her mouth dropped open at my accusation. “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, don’t play coy and don’t play me as a fool, Hannah. Why the fuck else would you be this tired?”

  She didn’t deny it, that’s for sure. Instead, she grimaced and stormed out of the room toward the group of girls already half way down the hall. I didn’t care that I had upset her. She deserved it.

  “Hannah, you’re up first.” I called to her over the sound of the helicopter rotor.

  She was still packing her parachute, but swallowed hard and stood up, not about to argue.

  “Sir?” Amanda jumped up from her squatted position over her pack. “Do you plan on checking the packs today like you did yesterday?” I could tell she was prompting me to do so. I’m sure she could see just as well as I that Hannah was not fully awake, and therefore could seriously harm herself if she make a single mistake.

  “Nope. I’m not checking them today.” I smiled like an asshole. “No one is going to be there with you in a real fight to hold your hand. If you think you need to repack your parachute to be absolutely sure you did it correctly, I would advise you take the time to do that now.” Then I turned to Hannah, who was already ducked under the spinning rotors, about to climb into the helicopter “Hannah, do you need to check your pack?”

  “My pack is fine, Sir.” She said with distain before climbing into the chopper.

  I grabbed four more girls to come along for the first jump and told the rest to wait for our return. I felt someone grab my arm as I turned away, and I quickly spun around, meeting Amanda face to face.

  “She didn’t sleep last night and she didn’t get to jump yesterday.” Amanda showed deep concern for her friend. Apparently she didn’t realize that I couldn’t care less.

  “I realize that. Life isn’t always fair, is it?”

  I was an ass. There’s no denying that. But she got in bed with me and she knew what all that entailed. I never once claimed to be the bigger person when jealousy was involved.

  “Okay, Hank. Take her up.” I called to the pilot when all the girls were buckled into their seats. I did a quick check on Hannah, who was staring out of the open door, into nothingness. Her seatbelt was secure. She’d be fine. I’ve made plenty of jumps on no sleep. There’d eventually come a point when she would have to as well. Today might as well have been the day.

  “You ready?” I yelled across the way to her.

  She nodded, trying to hide the fact that she was swallowing extra hard. I could see the fear in her eyes. Part of me wanted to hold her and tell her it would be okay, but the other part of me wanted to push her out of the open door and tell her to fend for herself.

  Yes, I was an absolute ass.

  “Okay, Hank. Go ahead and show us what you got!”

  T
he helicopter jerked right and then left before it started to spin. The girls all grabbed onto their seats for dear life. This was the first time they were experiencing this in a helicopter. There was something to be said for that level of fear.

  Hannah calmly and meticulously undid her seatbelt while still holding on, and then grabbed her pack and strapped herself in. She nodded to me, and then looked to the rest of the clan still safely strapped in, before making her way to the opening. She looked around, smartly judging the continued spinning of the aircraft, but before I could even wish her luck, she was gone. I called to Hank that she was clear, so he settled the spinning and instead started to hover.

  Her form was good. Her speed was good. Her direction was good. She looked like she was going to be just fine. I could see her hand move to her pack, and I knew she was home free. She’d be floating to the ground soon enough.

  Well, as soon as she pulled the cord…

  When was she going to pull the cord?

  Why hadn’t she pulled the cord?

  I zeroed in on her, not quite sure if she was in distress. And then she spread out her arms and legs, creating wind resistance to slow herself down.