Embrace The Suck (A Stepbrother Special Forces Novel)

by Kenzie, Sophia

  I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell her that while she needed to make sure to come to work with all her pistons firing, I also needed to remember that she was doing something brand new to her. She had wanted to be a doctor, not a Special Forces trainee. And even with everything against her, she was doing a damn good job. Had it not been her getting in my head and had it not been me getting in her head, none of this would have happened. Plus, she had done fantastic work giving me medical attention, and I had yet to praise her for that.

  When I looked up at her, preparing to apologize for being an ass, I saw a tear slipped from her eye and roll down her face. It broke my heart to see her like that.

  “Hannah…” I started my apology, but before I could get anything else out, I was quickly interrupted by a white coat.

  “How are you feeling, Mr. Madison?” He stood in the doorway, next to Hannah, and no sooner had his words escaped his mouth, than his attention was no longer on me. His arm wrapped around Hannah’s shoulder and pulled her into his side. “Your friend will be fine. Do not worry.”

  He smiled at her, lifting his thumb to wipe her tears away.

  But that was my job.

  “Get away from her!” I yelled, shooting up in my bed.

  His eyes locked with mine. “I would never hurt your friend here. She just needs a little comforting right now.”

  He gave me a smile that promised he was just a generally nice person, but I could see right through him. He kept calling Hannah my “friend”. Hey kept… touching her. He was trying to undermine me. He was trying to steal her away from me. I knew his type all too well. And I knew his type was good at getting what he wanted.

  Not this time, buddy boy.

  “I’m Dr. Falk.” He was now talking only to Hannah. For all he cared, I wasn’t even in the room with them. “But you can call me Danny.”

  And then he winked at her. He fucking winked at her.

  I’m a doctor and I’m so much better than this piece of shit lying in bed with a broken leg.

  Yes, I knew exactly what was going through his mind. Fuckhead.

  “Hannah.” She touched her hand to his.

  “Hello.” I called out, trying to get their attention. “I’m the patient, and I’m right here. You know… in the hospital bed. She’s not in need of medical attention, Doc.”

  I knew it was childish, but he was encroaching on my turf. What did he expect from me?

  “I actually came in to tell you that you’re fine to start the discharge process, Mr. Madison.” With a sinister smile, he turned back to Hannah. “And I hear you’re to thank for seeing to his immediate medical attention. I’m impressed, Hannah.”

  This guy was driving me crazy. “It’s Private Birk. She’s part of my team.”

  Hannah looked at me with determination before turning back to the jerk doctor. “That’s fine. You can call me Hannah.” Oh my God, she was playing into his game.

  And he was eating it up. “I will do that… Hannah.”

  And then they fucking stared at each other. They stared at each other like they were in a fucking Nicholas Sparks book. It was absolutely ridiculous.

  I couldn’t hold it in. “Get a fucking room already!”

  Hannah’s tears were gone. There was something completely different in her eyes now. Without looking at me, she grabbed the good doctor’s hand and turned to walk out of the door. “Maybe we will.”

  You have to be fucking kidding me!

  Chapter Three

  Hannah

  I knew it would upset him, but he was being ridiculous. I only went there to check in on him and thank him for saving my life. I didn’t need a play by play of all the things I had done wrong. I didn’t even want to be there in the first place. I didn’t want to be in the stupid Army. I just wanted to be a doctor.

  So, when a doctor clearly showed interest in me, what was I supposed to do?

  “Hannah!” Charlie called from inside the room. “Hannah, you better get the fuck back here.”

  Wow, clearly he was upset.

  “Excuse me.” I meekly and flirtingly smiled up at Dr. Danny Falk. He didn’t need to be involved in the screwed up nonsense that was the story of Charlie and me.

  But Danny held onto my hand. “I’ll be right here if you need my assistance.”

  That was… sweet… and a welcomed change from any sort of interaction I had had with a man as of late. It was oddly nice. “I can handle him. Don’t worry.” I winked before turning back in the room.

  I walked directly to the side of Charlie’s bed before dropping my cool demeanor.

  Then, I let him have it. “What right do you think you have to speak to me that way?”

  Charlie’s mouth dropped open as he began to defend his actions. “That fucker knows you’re mine. He’s just trying to rile me up!”

  “Okay.” I threw my hands up in the air. “Two questions for you: First, why would he want to rile you up?” I raised my eyebrows, telling him his allegation made absolutely no sense. “And two: What? What?” I added in a bit of strained laughter for dramatic effect. “Since when am I yours?”

  He didn’t even try to wise up. “You are mine. And he knows that. That’s the only reason he was all over you.”

  “Oh my God!” I leaned over him, not waning to allow my heated voice to carry back out to the hallway. “Let’s get one thing straight. I am not yours, and I have never been yours. And especially now, I will never be yours. Does that make sense?” I didn’t give him a pause to answer. “And, I know this might seem completely ridiculous to you, but some men find me attractive. Some men actually want to be with me without the desire to show up some other pig-headed guy.”

  Finally he saw the error of his speech. “Hannah, it’s not like that.”

  “Oh, it’s not?” I was so angry with him. “I believe that you so much didn’t want to be with me that you went and fucked some dumb blonde just to prove your point.” I smiled a big, overly exaggerated smile. “Well, Charlie, it’s proved. And now I’m going to go get me a doctor.”

  I turned around and left him there, immobile, on the bed. I’m sure he said something. I’m sure he tried to fight my retreat, but my ears were ringing with anger, so I didn’t hear anything he might have said. I didn’t even give him a second look. He didn’t deserve it.

  “I’m sorry about that.” Danny was standing outside of the room when I huffed around the corner.

  “Is everything okay?” Even if he did- for some reason- just want to rile Charlie up, there was actual, real concern in his eyes when he looked at me in that moment.

  “Everything is fine.” I smiled, finally settling. “I believe I owe you a phone number?”

  Danny put his hands on my shoulders, and my body shuddered. “I’m actually about to take my break. What if I buy you dinner?”

  “Dinner?” I coughed, feeling my face blush.

  “I mean.” He jumped in. “It’s only a twenty minute break, so dinner will be from the cafeteria…” He lowered his face down to mine. “But the pudding, is to die for.” He caught himself and looked around, with wide, joking eyes. “Maybe ‘to die for’ isn’t the best phrase to use here?”

  I giggled and bit my bottom lip, finding quite a piece of enjoyment in our exchange. “How could a girl say ‘no’ to pudding?” My eyes widened and my lips pursed. “Even if it is to die for.”

  Danny was sweet, nice, exciting, and not at all like Charlie. Well, he wasn’t at all like Charlie had been lately. While I knew in my heart that I wasn’t completely prepared to cut ties with Charlie, Danny was a nice distraction. Plus, Danny wasn’t about to be my stepbrother. That was a welcomed bonus.

  Over the next few days, I began to realize that Danny was exactly what I needed. He reminded me that I still wanted to be a doctor; this whole Army thing was simply a means to an end. I was able to focus my attention almost fully on the Special Forces program, and the bit of extra “wandering eye” attention I had left: well, that went to Danny. I wasn’t consta
ntly worried about what Charlie was thinking, and what Charlie was doing.

  Charlie became an after thought.

  For the first time since the man walked into (or rather: stalked into) my life, Charlie became an after thought.

  When I went into the Command Major Sergeant’s office the following day, I expected a brow beating. Honestly, I expected to be kicked out of the program.

  But my soon-to-be stepfather explained to me that Charlie took sole responsibility for the fall. He admitted that there was an issue with how my chute was packed, but he should have caught it before I jumped. He also made a very strong note regarding my ability to bounce back into doing my job so quickly after an incident such as that. “Mistakes will be made, Birk. How we recover from those mistakes is the mark of our true character. Congratulations.”

  Somehow, I walked away from that mishap somewhat of a hero.

  How the hell did that happen?

  Since Charlie was out of commission with his broken fibula, we had another training officer finish our parachute assessment. I double and triple checked my pack each jump to ensure I never made those same mistakes again. It was all too easy to put my team and myself in harm’s way. I had learned that fact first hand, and was going to be sure that it was an error that would never be repeated.

  I’ll be honest, it wasn’t easy to jump out of another helicopter after my last experience, but somehow, I was able to put it behind me. Somehow, neither Charlie nor I was punished for how we handled the situation. Somehow, I passed the airborne segment quite easily, jumping out of both a C-130 and a C-17 for my final exam, and was awarded the coveted Silver Wings to put on my uniform.

  It was oddly exciting: that little piece of metal. Even Danny found my new jewelry sexy.

  But, even after Danny showed me how sexy he thought my wings were, I still found myself wanting to show Charlie.

  Damn.

  “I thought this training was all in Georgia.” Danny wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “It’s thirty-eight days.” I smiled up at him. “What’s thirty-eight days?”

  He kind of chuckled before pulling me in tighter. “Well, I’ve known you for six days… so thirty-eight actually sounds like a lot.”

  He had a point, but there was nothing I could do. I was being sent to North Carolina for the next two phases of the training. At Fort Bragg, I would spend nineteen straight days in the Special Operations Preparation Course, which would then be immediately followed by nineteen days in the Special Forces Assessment and Selection portion.

  The next thirty-eight days would be brutal. There was no denying that.

  I gave Danny a kiss goodbye, telling him that we’d talk whenever I had a spare moment. He then assured me that I’d be great; that I’d have no problem passing the assessment.

  “How would you know?” I teased. “Have you ever done the assessment?”

  “No.” He grinned with his dimples. “But I know you. And you don’t fail.”

  I lightly kissed his lips before bopping him on the nose with my pointer finger. “How well do you really know me, Danny?”

  It was meant to be in jest- a sort of ‘wink’ at the mystery of me- but I couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that it was based in complete truth.

  He didn’t know me. We had spent the last six days enjoying each other’s company and speaking only of the things we were comfortable speaking about. I wasn’t ready to open up to him. After Charlie, I honestly didn’t know if I would ever be ready to open up to anyone. It… made sense with him.

  Of course, nothing else made sense with him.

  “You know, you could quit this whole thing and just stay with me.” Danny offered, plastering a hopeful smile on his face.

  I sighed, still very nonchalantly. “Ah, Danny, I was right. You really don’t know me at all, do you?”

  And if I was being honest, I really didn’t know him either. That fact seemed to haunt me as I stared into his eyes. There was something that didn’t quite fit into place; something I was missing.

  With a bite of my lower lip, a blow of a kiss, and a small wave, I escaped through the front door and made my way to the car. My suitcase was packed, and I was off to pick up Amanda, as we had decided to go up together.

  While Amanda had a car herself, we had decided to stay with her aunt and uncle who only lived a few miles from the base, so that we wouldn’t have to deal with the barracks. We also knew our time for gallivanting around North Carolina was to be limited, so taking one car made sense. Plus, we figured that needing to rely on each other might help us get through the brutality of the next month. We couldn’t just run away. We would need to face it. At least we’d be “facing it” together.

  But as I made my way down the road, I passed the turn to Amanda’s place. I didn’t even realize where I was going; I was in my own little world. When it finally occurred to me that I had made it two stop signs passed the road that would take me to Amanda’s, I realized that I didn’t want to turn around. So I decided to keep going.

  He might have been an afterthought, but there was no mistaking that he was still a very big thought.

  Chapter Four

  Charlie

  My doorbell rang, which seemed strange. My buddies all knew to check in with me before stopping by, as I was often accompanied by a lady. They were also all at work, so unless something had gone terribly wrong, it wouldn’t be one of them.

  Damn energy people. I was getting sick and tired of hobbling to the door only to find it to be some young kid fresh out of high school wanting to sell me clean energy.

  The doorbell rang again. Impatient bastard.

  Though, Girl Scout cookies I could get on board with. Maybe it was a girl scout.

  My mouth started watering at the thought of Thin Mints, and continued to water the moment I opened up the door to her perfect figure standing in front of me.

  “Hannah.” I gulped, not knowing what words to say next.

  “I just…” She stuttered. “I just came to say goodbye.”

  I had been out of it. I completely forgot that she was supposed to be on her way to Ft. Bragg for the next phase of training. I can’t believe it had gotten this far. I hated to admit it to myself, but I didn’t want her to leave. We hadn’t spoken since she left the hospital with that too-well-groomed doctor friend of hers. It seemed like it had been so long since that moment.

  And yet, it also seemed that no time had passed at all.

  “Come in.” I tried to hide my disappointment and be civil… for once in our relationship.

  “I can’t stay.” She tried to argue.

  But I begged. “Please. Hannah, just come in for a few minutes.”

  With a sigh, she surrendered, lowering her head to sneak in under my arm. I turned around to meet her, but was surprised by her fast embrace.

  “I’m so sorry.” She was weeping. “I… I… I…” Her sobs were almost instantaneous.

  “Hey, hey.” I wrapped my arms around her shaking body. “Shhh. Hannah. Shhh.”

  I tried to ease her tension, but to no avail. I slowly led her over to the couch, cursing myself that I wasn’t able to simply lift her up and carry her there. We sat down together, still wrapped in each other’s arms, and once I was seated fully, I pulled her into my lap. She curled into a ball, resting her cheek to my chest. I hated that she was in pain, but I loved those few moments. My entire body warmed with a feeling of… of…

  Well, I wasn’t quite sure of the word, but it felt… real.

  She finally calmed down and looked up at me. “Why did you save me?”

  “What kind of a question is that?” I almost yelled at her. “It didn’t take a second thought. Of course I was jumping after you.”

  “I almost killed you.” Her lips pressed together, as if she was stopping herself from crying.

  “You listen to me.” I grabbed her shoulders, angling her face towards mine. “You almost killed yourself. I was in control of my actions. Does that make sense?”
/>   She nodded, slowly.

  “But…” I shook my head. “Had anything happened to you…” It was a thought impossible to finish. I couldn’t imagine where I would be right now had anything happened to her. I wouldn’t be able to think, to move, to even breathe. I would spend the rest of my life going over that moment again and again in my mind while thinking of what I could have done differently. I would have forever blamed myself for not being the teacher and soldier I had promised myself I would be.

  Had anything happened to her, I would have died. That’s that.

  I felt her arms squeeze around my chest one more time before she sat up.

  “I have no excuse for what I did. I was tired and angry and overly confident. Why didn’t I get in trouble?”

  I looked away, sorting out my thoughts. “I took care of it.”

  “I talked to Reynolds.” There was a hint of anger in her voice. “You shouldn’t have done that.”