Beginning with Forever

by Lan LLP

  I wanted more time with her. I wasn’t ready to walk away. After witnessing her commitment to those sick children at the hospital, I realized then why she’s a rare pearl in a vast ocean. There was so much warmth and compassion in her eyes for them. Her tenderness seemed like it came directly from her heart. It’s obvious why she chose to study medicine, she wants to heal ailing people and take their suffering away. Her passion is coincidentally my passion, creating this unexplainable instant attraction I have for her. I’ve only been around conceited, spoiled beautiful women with no goals, but to look their best, wear the most expensive labels and marry the richest man. She’s a refreshing breath of air for a change, but unfortunately, I’m no good for her.

  Stepping out of the elevator and into the heat, I see Owen waiting for me at the front entrance. His eyes smile brightly at the sight of me. “Mr. Bradley, it’s good to see you. I feel completely responsible for losing you that night. I’ve replayed that evening over and over in my head and still couldn’t figure out how we lost you,” he recounts the unfortunate event that led to my unforgettable encounter with Miss Ly.

  “Owen, I’m glad you’re safe as well. I rather not relive that nightmare again if you don’t mind. Let’s go home,” I cut him off with uncertainty in my voice.

  “Very well, Mr. Bradley,” Owen replies and closes the door behind us.

  I struggle to convince myself to leave this place and her behind as we continue our drive to the airport. Sitting on the edge of my seat, I fidget and stare out the window. I’m agitated and can’t seem to relieve my nerves. All I see is her delicate face, deep hypnotic brown eyes and her no-man-can-resist smile. I’ve never had this immediate, mental connection with anyone. It’s so much more intense than a physical attraction, driving me to want to know everything about her. If I leave now, I’ll probably have regrets that will haunt me forever. My breathing hastens as my chest tightens. It’s now or never. “Owen, stop the limo! I’m not leaving!” I yell out. The limo stops promptly. Owen waits patiently for me to tell him what the hell is going on in my muddled mind. I sit there in utter silence, unsure if I’m making the right decision. For the first time in fifteen years, my heart is finally screaming out for hope, so I can’t ignore it. “Owen, first of all, I need you to keep my location classified, especially from Ms. Sorte. Am I clear?” I confirm sternly.

  “Yes, sir,” he replies promptly.

  “It’s imperative to cancel all wedding arrangements and send out cards of apology on my behalf immediately. My schedule will have to be methodically rearranged. My top executives will be my liaisons for any crucial business decisions. They’re permitted to contact me on a need only basis. I’ll leave that up to your judgment or discretion. You’ll also have to find a temporary home for me, set up an office and obtain a new number for my phone. I’ll work from here for a month while I sort things out. Oh, and one last thing, I need all personal records for Lillian Ly, the medical-resident at the hospital that I was discharged from.”

  He gives me a perplexed look, but doesn’t ask for any explanations. I’m relieved because I have none for him. “Mr. Bradley, consider it done.”

  “Thank you, Owen,” I reply and then fall back into my seat, easing a load of insecurities off of my tight-fisted chest. Did I really reschedule work, my highest priority in life, to spend time with Miss Ly, a woman I’ve barely known for two days? Yes, and not just a little time, but an entire month. The sad part is I don’t even know if she wants anything to do with me, but I don’t care. I need to find out for my sake. If her answer is ‘No,’ I still won’t marry Bianca. It’s not fair for her or for me. Our marriage is already doomed before it even begins, and I’ll be more miserable than I am now. My tough challenge is to break the news to Bianca while she waits for me to wed her in St. Maarten. This will be a daunting task because Bianca is accustomed to always having her way. She won’t accept this rejection well, I am certain.

  Owen pulls up to an exclusive resort on the outskirts of Christiansted and checks me in for a few days. He’ll need the extra time to locate a temporary home for me. The resort is flawlessly decorated with a Caribbean flair and Feng Shui balance. There are stunning views of lush, tropical vegetation and azure ocean water from all the ceiling to floor length windows. I have a personal chef, butler and spa coordinator at my beck and call. My expansive master bedroom occupies a large king size bed constructed of solid mahogany. I’m mentally and physically spent, so the bed is the only enticing thing to me.

  I drop my leather bag that Owen packed for me at the foot of the bed and head for a much needed hot shower. My loaner hospital scrubs are removed and tossed onto the floor. I turn the knob to HOT. Large clouds of steam engulf the room with me included. Stepping into a large glass shower, I welcome the surrounding warm water flowing freely over me. As I inhale the herbal scent of the soap, I envision myself standing behind Lillian, lathering her body. I want to know what it’s like to kiss her rosy lips and touch her soft, glowing skin. The tenderness of her hand from our first touch is still fresh on mind. Why can’t I get her out of my head? She’s all that I can focus on. I finish with a cool rinse and rush out of the shower. Grabbing a plush, white towel, I wrap it around my waist and then make a hasty call to Owen while still dripping wet. “Owen, do you have the information I requested for Miss Ly?” I anxiously wait for him to respond.

  “Yes, I do, sir. Her record is immaculate. I can email you the information as soon as you need it.”

  “I need it now!” I retort impatiently. With all my strange requests, Owen probably thinks I’ve fallen into the deep end of the ocean again.

  As soon as we disconnect, I walk over to the foot of my bed, retrieve my laptop from my leather bag, and anxiously log on. Impressive, Miss Ly is perfect indeed. She was valedictorian of her high school class and graduated Summa Cum Laude from undergraduate school. She’s top choice for the prestigious St. Croix Medical School which guarantees her a full scholarship ride. I skip down a few more lines and notice that she’s never even had a speeding violation. She’s truly amazing to have accomplished so much at just twenty-two years of age, born May 31, 1992. Coincidentally, we have the same birthday with a decade gap. It’s very wrong of me to want someone that young, but my crazy desire knows no age boundary. I look further down the email and find exactly what I need; her dorm room and contact numbers. I’ll call her as soon as I break the news to Bianca.

  Picking up my phone with a sigh, I tap the screen to call my soon-to-be ex-fiancée. “Bianca…”

  Before I’m able to say another word, she interrupts, “God, I was so fucking worried about you when you didn’t arrive two nights ago. I called your phone, but there was no answer. That storm came out of nowhere and then your jet fell off the radar. Baby, I’ve cried my eyes out, praying that you’d be okay. I was scared I wouldn’t see you again. I miss you and desperately need you inside me,” she whimpers. Why am I not surprised that she misses me inside her? Is that all I am to her? I coldly ignore her plea.

  “Bianca, I’m sorry you’ve had some horrible days because of me. It hasn’t been easy on my end either. This near death experience has given me a second chance to re-evaluate my life. I’m cancelling our wedding…probably indefinitely. I know the timing is terrible, right before your special day, but I have to do this for me. I hope you can forgive me.” I don’t have a good feeling about this. She begins to sob even louder and more dramatically. I allow her to release her irrepressible emotions. I’m glad I had already prepared my psyche for this outpour of sentiments.

  “How long will you need? I already miss you. This is going to drive me fucking crazy!” she wails. “When will I be able to see you again?” she demands in that whiny voice that makes my skin crawls.

  “I’m not sure Bibi,” I reply dishonestly, using her nickname to appease her. I personally hate it, and hardly ever use it. She wanted to give herself a special name that only I can call her. It’s pronounced like two B’s. It’s ridiculous and completely Bianca. I
should just tell her the truth. It might be painful upfront, but it’s better than giving her false hope. I debate.

  “I love you Carson. I’ll give you whatever time and distance you need even though I’ll hate every fucking minute of it. I’ll wait until you’re ready, my love,” she mutters. I’m baffled that she’s being so understanding, but happily relieved.

  “Thanks Bianca, but I don’t want you to put your life on hold. Don’t wait for me,” I encourage her to move on, hoping she’ll get the hint.

  “I’ll be patient,” she replies glumly and then disconnects the call.

  I can’t believe she let me off the hook so easily. I was expecting more tears and maybe even bloodshed. What a welcoming surprise for me and a huge load off of my chest. I know it’s dishonorable of me to leave her now, but our marriage wouldn’t end happily ever after. She’s a beautiful woman who deserves a man who can love her sincerely. I’m not that man nor can I pretend to be anymore. Now that I’ve ended that lonely chapter of my life, I think I’m ready to follow my heart.

  Bianca Sorte

  Carson Michael Bradley, you must be out of your fucking and most intelligent mind if you think I’m going to let you go that easily. You have no idea what I’m capable of doing to get what I want, and I always get what I want. I didn’t waste these past two years of my life volunteering and being involved with all your time-consuming cancer foundations just to win a Mother Theresa award. I wanted to get close to you, earn your trust, and win your heart. I succeeded once, and I will do it again. I’ll track you down to the ends of the earth and when I find you, I’ll fuck your brains out and make you beg for more. This will remind you why you should never consider leaving me again.

  “Sasha, call Mr. Evan Miller, the private investigator who gathered information on Mr. Bradley for me, two years ago. I’ll need his excellent service again. Make sure he knows that all expenses will be completely covered, and I’ll pay him double what he asks for. Oh, and one more thing, I’ll need you in my bedroom within the hour, come nude and willing.” I end my call with her and shuffle through my drawers of sex toys. I’ll have to choose one that’ll give me the most aching orgasm, because tonight will have to be about me. Sasha, my personal assistant and lover, has an incredible understanding of my special needs. Sex is like a painkiller for me. My frustrations or anguish are alleviated while I’m fucking or being fucked. I don’t have a preference of men over women just as long as he or she can deliver it for me. Orgasms have a powerfully healing effect on my tattered emotions, much better than any drugs my psychiatrist has ever prescribed for me.

  Carson Bradley

  Owen calls me with my new number and in fifteen minutes, it’s programmed over the existing one. I anxiously enter Lillian’s dorm number on my phone, but there’s no answer. I opt to forgo an awkward message, so I call the next number down the list which is her cell. Her phone rings, but there’s no answer on the other end. I try one more time and no answer again. Patience is a virtue that I don’t possess. At my financial status, I don’t have to wait for anyone or anything. Once again, I call Owen to have him track her cellphone. This task is no challenge for him because of the tight connection he has with military friends with maximum security clearances. Within minutes, her location is disclosed to me. She’s at the same beach that I was rescued from. It’s ironic that she would choose to go there again.

  I quickly slide into a pair of khaki shorts and a white collared cotton shirt with my sleeves rolled up past my elbows. I finger comb my wet hair back and choose to let the hot outdoor air blow it dry. Owen has a black BMW X6 waiting for me at the resort entrance when I walk out. The valet team hands me a key fob, and I jump right in and start the engine. Owen never fails to come through for me. He’s been an amazing personal assistant for almost 10 years. I’ll have to remind myself to give him another outrageous raise.

  Driving hasn’t been my priority for years. I’m usually transferred from one mode of transportation to another, day after day, by chauffeurs or pilots. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now. I thoroughly enjoy the adrenaline rush from speeding and the control I have over my vehicle.

  My hectic schedule hasn’t permitted me much personal leisure time. Actually, I haven’t permitted myself much personal time at all. I’ve taken countless vacations here and there to some of the most amazing places, but never made any effort to truly appreciate it. My head was always buried in a research book, laptop or work. I didn’t allow myself idle time to think about what was truly missing in my life. I was afraid to because it was too painful to remember how I ended up like this. But now that I’ve been given a second chance to mend my past, I’ll do all I can to rectify my emptiness. I want to embrace my life with someone special, maybe someone like Lillian.

  So many cluttering thoughts occupy my mind as I drive to meet her, making my anxiety unreal and combustible. What will I say to her? What if she doesn’t reciprocate the same attraction I have for her? The doubting begins, and it bothers me terribly because I don’t normally second guess myself. I’ll have to convince her until she finds me irresistible. She’ll have no choice, but to want to be with me. Am I being selfish to want her tangled up in my mess of a world? Probably yes. Am I capable of loving her? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I don’t want to be alone anymore.

  Chapter 6

  Carson Bradley

  I pull up to a deserted road and park my SUV. My forehead is resting on the steering wheel between my tightly gripped hands. I can’t recall ever feeling this flustered, and it’s driving me mad. I inhale several deep breaths and then exhale them. I’m not sure what an anxiety attack feels like, but I think I’m experiencing one now. My chest tightens like a clenched fist and my heart is beating rapidly out of control. The amount of fear that’s bottling up inside of me is unimaginable. I feel like I’m ready to explode.

  I’m a dignified CEO of one of the largest pharmaceutical corporations in the world. I conduct business with high ranking superiors and other CEO’s of multimillion dollar corporations on a daily basis. Delivering speeches in front of thousands of people with confidence and eloquence is second nature to me. I’m persuasive, cunning and assertive. It’s uncommon for me to yield to anyone. But for some unnerving reason, this young woman is capable of bringing me to my knees, making me hopelessly vulnerable and weak for her.

  Can she possibly pour life back into my heart which has been empty for years? I know better than anyone that it’s unfair of me to put this kind of pressure on her, but she’s the only woman who’s been able to reignite the extinguished flame in my chest. I can’t leave her without trying. I just can’t because the unknowing will persecute my soul forever. Gathering all my daunting uncertainties, I slowly proceed down a white, powdery sand path that will lead me to the woman who I hope will help me find my heart again.

  Lillian Ly

  There’s an annoying tickle under my feet like a pestering fly that won’t leave me alone, but my sleepy eyes are too lazy to open, so I ignore it and continue sleeping. Again, I feel that maddening tickle, and it drives me berserk. What the heck? I draw my legs up to my chest, hoping to relieve myself from that nagging torture, but no such luck. I force my eyes open, blinking several times against the blazing bright sun before I can focus. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. In all his glory with radiant beams bursting behind him, he sits before me, knees bent, looking innocent and stunning, in contrast to the last time I woke up to find him barely conscious. His presence steals several more breaths from me as I try to inhale them back. He’s beautiful like a model vision for Dolce & Gabbana, similar to the ones that Isabella had pasted all over her bedroom walls. In fact, he might even be hotter than most of them, in my opinion. What is he doing here and how the heck did he find me? I curiously wonder and then tell myself to wipe the lusty drool off my face. “Do you have some kind of feet fetish?” I nervously kid with him as he eyes me intently. “If I remember correctly, the last time we met, you were interested in my feet a
s well.” I see a boyish grin sprout into a full blown, seductive smile on his captivating face, instantly soothing my nervousness away. I’m usually tongue-tied around men, so this boldness I’m baring surprises me.

  “Absolutely no as to the feet, but as to Sleeping Beauty on a secluded beach, absolutely yes,” he answers as serious as a heartbeat, but with a mischievous smile concealed on his face.

  I’m comforted to see that he has a playful side, even though it appears to be rehearsed. The ability to make someone laugh even when they don’t want to is worth its weight in gold. Hands down, I’d fall for a comedian over a poet any day. “Are you following me, Mr. Bradley? Because now that you know my secret place, I can’t let you leave here alive,” I continue to josh with him with more ease as I raise my body and prop myself up on my elbows. A light breeze sways a soft strand of hair across my face as the remaining silky locks drape over my shoulders.

  “Why don’t you hold me captive instead? Death is a bit extreme,” he replies flirtatiously as he leans into my body. Our faces are so close I can feel his warm breath on my lips. He sweeps his index and middle fingers together across my forehead, guiding my stray lock of hair away from my face. His fingers continue their teasing path behind my ear and along my neck. Lifting my jade pendant off my chest, he gazes at it interestedly. I wonder what’s going through his impenetrable mind. The deadpan expression on his face offers me no clue of whatsoever. Does he like the intricate carving of my pendant or does he enjoy seeing me squirm nervously from his touch? Gently, he lays it back down and grazes his index finger subtly across the top of my breast. My skin tingles at the site of his touch. I’m left with an invisible, stinging scar. My heart races quickly as I feel shameless and bashful at the same time.