Be With You

by Candy J. Starr

  Even if Brownie and Lizzie were back together and she’d woken up to herself, I could never see myself trusting her again. I’d always wonder what she really thought deep down.

  While I wanted to be all noble and self-sacrificing, I was relieved that I didn't have to give the money to Brownie. I couldn't argue with what he'd said and it'd mean I could support myself for quite a while instead of having to do shit work.

  "Hey, I had an idea. Why don't you ask Hannah for a job?" Brownie picked up our cups and rinsed them out.

  "Hannah? I don't want a charity job. She doesn't need anyone to work for her – and I'm not sure if I'm cut out for the rock industry. It's not my kind of thing."

  It seemed like the worst idea ever.

  "Want another one?" he said, holding up my cup.

  I shook my head.

  "No, listen. You know her assistant, Angie? The one with the crazy hair? You must've met her."

  I nodded.

  "She's having a baby. Hannah was complaining to me about how she'd be impossible to replace because she's so fantastic but you're good with computers. It's working on the websites, that kind of thing."

  "I'm not really a web designer..."

  "Just call her. She'll pretty soon tell you if she doesn't think you can do it. Come on, it'll be perfect. And I'll feel a bit better about things if I help you out with this."

  I guess it wouldn't hurt to contact her about it even though I didn't think I had the skills she needed. I couldn't imagine dealing with rock bands and all that but, before I could say any more, Brownie was on the phone to Hannah then handed her over to me. She’d probably make some excuse and I’d get out of it.

  "It's not very exciting work to be honest. It'd probably be way less exciting than you are used to. Angie can tell you more than I can but it's mainly updating the website, uploading songs, doing all that kind of thing. I'll get her to put together a job description for you and then you can come in and talk to her. There is one other thing, I can't pay much. Nothing like you'd be used to."

  I didn't care about the money but I couldn’t really back down on this. Between her and Brownie, I’d not been given the chance to say no but it was one thing getting sacked by Jerkface. What if something went wrong and Hannah had to sack me? That’d be as awkward as hell. I’d still have to see her around. Hannah could be really sweet but she was a tough bitch when it come to the business.

  I made her promise not to tell Tex. When I said I was worried what he'd do if he got angry, she agreed pretty quick smart.

  I left Brownie's feeling much better than I had in a while. It’d been uncomfortable with Tex the morning he’d left. There’d been times that we’d fought; I was used to being angry with him but I’d never before had the feeling that I couldn’t say what was on my mind. And him mumbling his sister’s name was definitely on my mind. Maybe he’d had a bad dream or something, but I didn’t want to ask.

  To rub it in, when I got home, I checked my email. Jerkface Jeremy had sent a mail to tell me that I no longer had access to any of their servers and that they wanted to remind me of the confidentiality contract I'd signed. Alex Feng had been overseas and they'd not had a chance to chat yet but he'd be back in a week. I had to be out of the apartment by then.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE - RUBY

  I'd thought Angie was a bit over the top with her crazy hair and piercings and her constant talk but, when I met up with her at Hannah's office, she was so sweet. I'd pretty much lost faith in my ability to do just about anything after that nasty meeting with Jerkface but when Angie went through all the stuff that needed doing, it didn't seem so difficult, especially since it was all so super organised.

  "Wow, there's a whole lot more to band management than I'd ever imagined," I said after Angie showed me how to process all the royalty statements.

  All that kind of stuff was pretty simple but a lot of mucking around.

  "Yeah, it's not all glitz and glamour, right. I haven't even shown you the tax stuff yet. That's where it gets really fun."

  "I hope you don't mind me asking this but is it okay if I change things around a bit to simplify the process." I bit my lip, not sure how Angie would take that. She seemed so in charge of all the office work and I didn't want to step on her toes. Still, even with the brief overview she'd given me, I could see ways to improve things.

  "Hells yeah. Why would I mind that? Any way you can think of to make this easy, go for it. Like I want to spend my days doing boring shit I don't need to do. No point in that at all. So long as the bands get their right money and get it on time. Plus, we need to have all the stuff right for the tax people."

  She grinned at me. My nervousness around her faded fast.

  "I was just thinking if we created a web-based system, it'd save a heap of time and the bands could log in and check their payment status." I got into explaining the technical side of things then paused. Often, when talking about development stuff, I'd get overexcited and talk without thinking, then realise the other person had just zoned me out because either they didn't understand or didn't care.

  "That actually sounds so perfect. Beyond perfect. Tell me more about it. Hell, get Hannah to give you a raise. That's going to save a shit-ton of time and effort."

  "Well, I'd have to spec it out but it is definitely do-able, and not too hard to implement." Then I told her more of my thoughts. I don't think I'd met another chick who actually cared about this stuff. Well, another human of any gender. The techie guys I knew would've been talking over the top of me, trying to prove they knew more than I did and getting into some geeky pissing contest rather than listening. When Angie had something to say, it was to suggest an improvement.

  "I'm not sure why those idiots gave you the sack, but they were stupid fools. You're a glittering prize, for reals. Are you sure they aren't going to steal you back?"

  "Technically, they haven't sacked me. The CEO's been overseas but it'll be all official as soon as he gets back."

  "Why don't you talk to the CEO then, if he's the one making the decisions? It sounds like this other chucklehead is just acting on his own with no authority."

  I shrugged. "I don't think it's that simple." Alex might seem like the nicest guy in the world but I'd seen how it worked. Every time, the boys' club helps out its own. I'd just be causing myself grief if I went up against them.

  "Well, anyway, I hope you can get it up and running before I go on maternity leave. I want to see it."

  "So how long until you..." I wasn't used to being around pregnant people so wasn't sure what to say. Angie sure didn't look that pregnant to me. No bulging belly or anything.

  "Another five months yet. I could keep working for months but my mother-in-law, sheesh..." Angie rolled her eyes. "She thinks the baby will be all screwed up if I work while I'm pregnant so, to keep her off my back, I said I'd give up the admin stuff and just keep up with my video work. Little does she know that the video work is the hard yards. She thinks I just sit at a desk, editing."

  "Personally, I'd prefer that."

  Angie had told me about going out on video shoots and organising all that. It pretty much sounded like my idea of hell, having to organise all those people and trusting them to get things right.

  She gave me an appraising look. "Are you sure? Because I could teach you editing if you wanted."

  Something about the way she said that got me worried. Was there something really awful about editing that I didn't know?

  "We actually send most stuff out of house now but it'd be handy if we had someone who could do small jobs. It'd be awesome, actually. Hells, Hannah would love that. Anyway, after little Kimchi arrives, I should still be able to do the video stuff." She patted her belly.

  "Angie, don't you dare call that child Kimchi. Ruby won't know you are only joking." Hannah came into the office with coffee for us. "Angie thinks it's funny because it gets Eric-Mama all fired up."

  In the time I'd been in the office, I'd found out that Angie was with Eric, one of the gu
ys in STORM, and that his Korean mother was crazy. Angie joked about her all the time but you could tell she really thought the world of her.

  "She wants to enrol little Kimchi in some kind of fancy private school. He hasn't even been born yet. This is going to be a continuous fight for the next 20 years or so. No child of mine is going to be repressed like that."

  "What if he grows up to be an accountant and loves wearing suits?" Hannah asked.

  "I guess I'll love him anyway."

  I had to laugh.

  Once we'd finished up, they asked me to go to lunch with them. I hesitated. I'd had so much fun but I still didn't feel comfortable with going out to eat. I had a few safe places that I could deal with, like the cafe downstairs from my apartment, but going to a strange place with people I hardly knew was still something I wasn't comfortable with.

  "We could order something in," Hannah said quickly.

  Angie looked puzzled and Hannah gave her a head shake as if say she'd fill her in later. I didn't want the atmosphere to get uncomfortable though.

  "I have social anxiety," I said quickly. "Sometimes it's hard for me to go out in public."

  "Aha, well then, we'll definitely order in," Angie replied.

  Wow, that was so easy. No dramas or probing questions. Maybe Sheryl was right; I should just tell people how I feel instead of getting all worked up that they'd think I was a freak. I'd never come straight out and told someone about my problems like that before. I’d thought if I did, the ground would open up and I'd be swallowed whole or they’d laugh or treat me differently.

  We decided on hamburgers and, while we waited for the food to arrive, Angie told me more stories about Eric-Mama. She wanted to name the baby Lee Min Ho after her favourite Korean actor.

  "Is your surname Min Ho?" I asked. I wasn't sure if she and Eric were actually married, even.

  "No way. She wants that as his first name!"

  I didn't want to tell Angie in case she thought I was lame but I'd actually heard of Lee Min Ho. I'd watched some of his dramas when I’d been living in Korea.

  "There is no way I'm naming my kid that. I'd rather call him Kimchi for reals. Poor little bugger. Eric just stays out of it all too. I mean, she gave him a sensible name so she should stick to that. Sheesh, is that food going to be long? You did tell them I'm eating for two? It could be bad for the baby's health if I have to wait much longer."

  "You can wait 10 minutes surely. Anyway, I've got some press stuff to take care of. It'd help if your bloody boyfriend didn't get himself into trouble. There are some things I can deal with and I thought this was going to be an easy fix but that guy he beat up has serious injuries. I think he’s angling for some hush money."

  I thought she was talking to Angie and looked around. From what she'd said, Eric sounded like the most placid guy in the world. Beating someone up seemed really out of character. Maybe that was another one of their jokes.

  Then I realised Hannah was looking at me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR - TEX

  I got on the plane a happy man. We'd showed up at our last festival and played our last song. I never wanted to be away from home for this long again. I'd thought long and hard about it. I'd tell Hannah I only wanted to do one or two appearances a year from now on. I'd had my fill of hotel rooms and travel. I wanted to sleep in my own bed with my beautiful Ruby beside me.

  As soon as the wheels hit the tarmac, I’d called Ruby but I hadn't heard back from her by the time I got home. She was like that when she got involved in her work. She'd be oblivious to the phone or anything around her. I didn't think anything of it. She'd call when she came back to the real world.

  The house really did seem too big and too empty. I had no idea what to do with myself. I wanted to be with her, not sitting around on my own. I tried calling her again but still no answer. I'd had my fill of music for a while, so even the idea of heading out to the studio did nothing for me.

  I turned on the TV but there was nothing I wanted to watch. It was hardly worth watching anything without Ruby's snarky comments to add a bit of spice anyway. I dozed off for a while then woke up as hungry as a beast. Ruby still hadn't called so I figured I'd drive into town and try to catch up with her so we could grab something to eat together.

  When I got to her place, I saw the apartment light on, so I knew she was home. I felt bad about disturbing her but even if she was in the middle of something, she had to eat sometime. It wasn't like she could starve herself.

  I buzzed her on the intercom and waited for her to answer. She took her sweet time. I looked like a fool standing pressed up to a box on the wall. I tried again. Maybe she had her headphones on and couldn't hear me.

  A woman loaded down with shopping bags walked up the steps to the front door. I jumped over to her.

  "Hey, do you need a hand with that shopping?" I asked.

  She gave me a look-over as though I was going to rob her of her rolled oats and cartons of milk, then handed me the bags while she got her access card out.

  "Thanks," she said.

  I followed her into the building, waving at the doorman, and left her with her groceries at the door to her apartment then caught the lift back down to Ruby's floor.

  After knocking on the door a few times, I wondered if she really was home. It sounded like someone was moving around inside, so I banged harder.

  "Ruby? It's me, Tex. Let me in." I banged again.

  She opened the door and I swept her into my arms. Instead of holding me tight though, she pulled away.

  "What's happening? I thought we could grab something to eat. Or I could run out and get something and we could eat here."

  It was then that I noticed she was in the middle of packing her stuff. There were clothes everywhere and a suitcase open on the bed. My heart leapt. She'd got my message and had been on her way back to me.

  She didn't look happy to see me though. She stood in the middle of the room with her arms folded.

  "What's up, Ruby Red?" I grinned and waited for her to grin back or start on some rant.

  "Nothing." She turned away from me and busied herself with her packing, although it seemed more that she was just rearranging things with no real purpose.

  "There's something wrong, isn't there?" I scratched my head, trying to work out what this was about.

  "I said it was nothing."

  I sat down on the chair at her computer desk. All the papers and usual junk she had sitting around when she worked were gone. The desk had been wiped clean. I thought she'd stop packing and talk to me but she kept right on giving me the cold shoulder until it got really awkward.

  "So... about dinner... what do you think?"

  "I've already eaten. I'm not hungry."

  Whoa, this was serious. Since when was Ruby not hungry? There had to be something I’d missed. Some reason she was pissed off at me. She could just tell me rather than have me playing guessing games all night.

  "What's with the packing?"

  "I'm moving out."

  "Back to the house?" I hoped, but with all this tension in the air, I wasn't so sure.

  "No. Somewhere else."

  I didn't ask where. If she wanted to tell me, she'd tell me.

  "How did you get in here anyway?"

  Wow, she was really abrupt. Her voice froze me to the bone.

  "Tell me what's going? Has something happened? Talk to me, Ruby."

  Ruby moved some clothes out of the way and sat down on the bed. She didn't look at me though, she just picked at her nails.

  "What happened on tour?"

  "What the fuck. Nothing happened. You know I wouldn't look at another woman. There's no one for me but you. If anyone's told you different, they are just a troublemaking shit. Tell me who told you stuff and I'll punch their lights out."

  She sighed. A loud, exaggerated sigh.

  "You'll beat them up?"

  "Hell yeah. No one spreads lies about me. That's a dick move. Come on, Ruby, you know I wouldn't do that kind of thing. Was it De
von? It was, wasn't it? When did you even talk to him?"

  She still didn't look at me. I wanted to cross the room and take her into my arms. The way she sat there, so lost and vulnerable, killed me. I wanted to be the one to comfort her not the one to hurt her. Her coldness stopped me though. She'd put up a barrier between us and I had no idea how to break that wall down.

  "This isn't fair, Ruby. Tell me what's going on. I'm not going to beg. If you have an issue, spit it out." That came out sounding angrier than I'd intended.

  "Fine then." She spun around to face me, her eyes burning. "You think it's okay to bash some guy up because you're on tour and got some shit going on in your head and it's nothing to you. You don't even tell me?"

  "It had to be done. You have no idea. When I saw that guy... that turd killed my sister. How could I forgive him?"

  She glared at me as though she wanted to say something but couldn't get the words together.

  "At some point, Tex, you need to get over your sister's death. You need to move on. I thought your music would do that or that I’d be enough but sometimes I think you just want to turn me into a substitute for her, but this time you’ll do it right, this time, you’ll save me."

  That hurt. Hurt like she'd ground broken glass into my heart. She couldn't expect me to ever forget Julie. But it wasn’t like that. Ruby was enough. Ruby was everything.

  "That fucker doesn't deserve any favours. I bet he's out there still, doing the same thing."

  "And how are you going to stop it? There will always be girls like Julie and there'll always be people like him. You can't blame him for giving her what she wanted. He might have sold her the drugs but he didn’t put them in her arm. You can keep blaming people and dwelling on this but it won’t bring her back. You’ve got too much bitterness inside you. What are you going to do? Beat up every guy who sells drugs? Did it make you feel better, doing that to him? "