Resisting the New Doc In Town

by Clark, Lucy

  ‘I didn’t know Smitty was my father. Not for quite some time. Both my parents were druggies. I found my mother dead from an overdose, with the needle still in her arm, when I was only five years old. My father had left when I was a baby and with no other family to claim me, I was put into the foster system.’ The words tumbled out of her mouth, clear and matter-of-fact, but Richard realised she needed to say them fast. She’d unlocked a door she’d slammed shut many years ago and now she wanted to deal with this and bolt it all back up as quickly as possible.

  ‘Back then there weren’t as many rules as there are now, no background security checks on foster-parents, just too many kids in an already-corrupt system. Thankfully things have improved, but, having been badly treated, I soon realised that the more havoc I created, the less the social workers interfered. I was branded a “difficult case” and left to fend for myself.’

  Richard didn’t want to interrupt, but when she finally opened her eyes and looked at him, he nodded, to indicate he was still listening. She seemed appeased by that and slowly, as she spoke, she began to pace back and forth.

  ‘I did meet a few people whom I could trust. Poor Mackenzie was one of them. She was ten when we met and she was being picked on by the other kids in the foster-house she lived in. When I arrived, things changed.’

  ‘You protected her.’ He hadn’t meant to speak, hadn’t meant to break her concentration, but the words, filled with admiration and understanding, had left his lips before he could stop them.

  Bergan stopped pacing and nodded. ‘I was only a year older than her, but I started to realise that the two of us together were stronger against some of the older boys. If we stuck together, it meant protection for both of us and the next time the system tried to shift us, they rehomed us together.’ Only now did she allow herself the brief glimmer of a smile.

  ‘And Smitty?’ Richard asked.

  ‘I’m getting to that bit. Good heavens, you’re impatient.’

  He shrugged one shoulder but was pleased she wasn’t pacing as much as before and had actually uncrossed her arms, shoving her hands into her trouser pockets.

  ‘Like a lot of the other kids, at seventeen I tried my luck living on the street, but it’s much harder than I’d thought—surprise, surprise,’ she murmured with a hint of sarcasm. ‘At any rate, I ended up at Smitty’s place and I’d stayed there five nights before I even saw him.’ She shook her head, gazing off into nothingness, remembering. ‘He was actually quite lucid that first time and the instant he saw me he turned as white as a ghost. Before I could even introduce myself, he grabbed me by the shoulders and demanded I tell him my mother’s name. I did, and then this weird man, with long hair and a shaggy beard, hugged me.

  ‘“I’m your dad,” he said. Then he told me exactly when my date of birth was, where I was born and how he’d insisted I be called Bergan, after some actress he’d had a crush on when he was a teenager. He also said I looked exactly like my mother and he’d initially thought she’d come back to haunt him.’

  ‘What happened after that?’

  ‘Nothing.’ She spread her arms wide for an instant before letting them fall to her sides. ‘I went to Smitty’s, like every other kid, when I needed a place to crash or some food. I talked to him sometimes, when he wasn’t either out of it or jonesing for a hit. There was food, not much but some. Blankets and some old mattresses. There was also running water, so if you could get someone to guard the bathroom door, you could actually have a shower.’ She grinned. ‘That was bliss. Anyway, in the end Mackenzie and I became regulars, stopping at Smitty’s and helping to…er…collect more food.’

  Richard’s grin was wide as he understood her meaning of the word ‘collect’.

  ‘Then one day I came back and found Smitty stone-cold dead. It took me a while, but I finally remembered the name of a social worker who had helped him.’ Bergan looked off into the distance. ‘This woman was probably only about five or six years older than me, but the instant I looked into her eyes I saw genuine sorrow that Smitty had died. She called the ambulance, and before I left I asked her what would happen with the flat. Could we all still come here and not be hassled?’

  ‘What did she say?’ Richard was eager to know.

  ‘She said she would look into ways of keeping it going. More mattresses and blankets miraculously appeared, the cupboards were regularly stocked with non-perishable foods. It wasn’t the best system in the world, but it was one that worked.’

  ‘Do you still keep in contact with her?’

  Bergan shook her head. ‘One night she was admitted to A and E, motor vehicle accident. She was in a bad way and died twenty-four hours later.’

  ‘But…Smitty’s. It’s still there and the kids still use it, right?’ Richard frowned for a moment before he lifted his gaze to Bergan’s. ‘You pay the rent, don’t you?’

  She swallowed, knowing she shouldn’t be surprised he’d figured it out. ‘Mackenzie and I do it together. You’ve got to understand the importance of that decrepit little flat. The night Smitty died, I realised that if I didn’t want to end up like my parents, I’d better make some changes. Just like Drak, I grew up in an instant. I used Smitty’s address as a billing address and managed to get myself a part-time job as a waitress. After a month I had enough to share a small one-bedroom apartment with Mackenzie. I decided that instead of butting heads with the system, I had to learn to make it work for me. By the time I was eighteen I’d completed my higher school certificate and sat the entrance exam for medical school.’

  ‘You’re quite a woman, Bergan. But I knew that before you told your story.’

  ‘Thank you, Richard, but the point of my story was to let you know that I’m bad news. I’m a train wreck.’

  ‘I disagree.’ He stood and shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘I see a woman who, against the odds, has managed to not only make good but to help others along the way.’

  ‘You’re making it sound more important than it really is.’

  ‘I don’t think Mackenzie, or Drak or Jammo would see it that way. Bad things happened to you. I don’t deny that, but look at what you’ve accomplished, Bergan. Look at how you relate to those kids at the drop-in centre.’ He took a step towards her. ‘How they look up to you. How you gave Drak strength not to be ashamed of his creative abilities.’ He took another few steps before she stopped him.

  ‘Stay right there.’ She held up her hands. ‘It feels like you’re stalking me.’

  Richard slowly shook his head. ‘That wasn’t my intention.’

  ‘I can read in your face what your intentions are.’

  ‘They’re honourable, if that’s what you’re implying.’

  ‘I’m not an honourable woman.’

  ‘I beg to differ.’ He took another step closer and came up against her upheld hands. The instant they made contact with his chest, the heat of her touch seemed to scorch him with delight. Bergan dropped her hands back to her sides, but before she could move back, Richard placed two gentle hands on her shoulders.

  ‘You deserve a world of happiness, Bergan. Actually, you deserve more than that,’ he said quickly. ‘Two worlds. Two worlds filled to the brim with happiness and sunshine.’

  Richard moved one hand to cup her cheek, tilting her head up a little, ensuring they were looking at each other as he spoke.

  ‘I promise not to rush you. I promise to let you set the pace, but I won’t let you push me away.’

  ‘Richard?’ she breathed, wanting to draw him near and push him away at the same time. There was confusion and apprehension in her eyes, and she was unsure what he might do or say next. She was still having difficulty believing he hadn’t walked from the room in a fit of revulsion after what she’d told him. The last thing she’d ever expected had been for him to support her, to stand before her, telling her she deserved two worlds filled with happiness and sunshine! She gently shook her head from side to side. ‘I don’t—’

  ‘Shh.’ He placed two gentle fingers
momentarily on her lips. ‘Believe me, Bergan, when I say that I find you…exquisitely beautiful.’

  ‘I can’t.’ The words were barely a whisper.

  His smile was filled with understanding. ‘They say it’s easier to believe the bad stuff about ourselves than the good things. The fact of the matter is, though, that you are a beautiful woman, both inside and out. You care so much about others and you give and give and keep on giving.’

  ‘But why do you…?’ She stopped and closed her eyes, dragging in a breath before slowly letting it out. She looked up at him. ‘I come with baggage.’

  His smile was instant. ‘We all do, but Chantelle showed me how to reach out and grab life with both hands, as well as remember that there’s always hope. I thought I was doing that, especially when I agreed to the travelling fellowship, but I’m not sure I’ve been grabbing life at all.’

  ‘So…’ Bergan frowned. ‘I’m not sure what you’re saying, Richard.’

  ‘I’m saying that I hope you’ll allow me to see more of you, to spend time with you while I’m here in Australia.’

  ‘More friendship dates?’

  He shrugged. ‘It’s a good place to start, don’t you think?’ He stared at Bergan for a moment. ‘Perhaps we’ve both thought we were grabbing life with both hands.’

  ‘When really we weren’t?’

  ‘I get the feeling that you know what it’s like to be truly lonely, Bergan. I know I do. Standing in a crowd, I can feel alone. By myself, I can feel alone, but that inner, dark loneliness…I think we tend to hide our true selves there.’ He spread his arms wide. ‘By talking to each other—by feeling comfortable to discuss those inner darknesses with each other—surely that’s the first step on the road to the hope we both know exists but may not have felt for a very long time?’

  Bergan pondered his words for a moment, trying to ignore the lump in her throat. What he’d said had been everything she’d been feeling, especially about the loneliness she’d carried around for most of her life. Surprisingly, she hadn’t realised that Richard was also living in that dark, lonely place as well. Eventually, she sighed and lifted her gaze to meet his. ‘We spend time together? Friendship dating?’

  The slow smile that spread across his face managed to touch her heart as well as cause the butterflies in her stomach to take flight. She’d never been with a man who could make her feel pleasantly and excitedly unsettled with just a look, but Richard seemed to be an expert at it. ‘Exclusive friendship dating,’ he clarified.

  ‘No—you know—hanky-panky?’

  His smile broadened at her term. ‘We’ll take things as slowly as you like.’

  ‘And when you leave? What then?’

  He shrugged. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. When I leave Australia, I return to Paris where I have a two-week block of writing up and presenting my findings of the fellowship, and after that I’ll be back to being just a regular doctor, working in a busy Parisian A and E department.’

  ‘And you’ll stay in Paris?’

  Richard reached down and took both her hands in his. ‘I don’t know, Bergan. It’s unusual for me not to know my next move because ever since Chantelle’s death I’ve immersed myself in routine, in planning ahead, in hiding behind work. Perhaps it’s time to make some changes.’

  He raised her hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. Bergan gasped at the light contact, unable to believe the riotous way her body reacted to his delicate touch. ‘All I’m certain of at this point, right now, is that I want to get to know you better.’

  ‘Why?’ The question was barely audible, but he heard it.

  ‘Because you’re an incredibly intelligent, beautiful and generous woman, Bergan. You’re on my wavelength and…’ He shook his head. ‘I thought I’d never find that again. Yes, there are uncertainties, but perhaps, through forging a friendship, we’ll be able to find some answers.’

  ‘Help each other to step from the darkness into the light?’

  ‘Yes.’ He rubbed his thumbs over the tops of her knuckles, as though massaging in the small kiss.

  ‘Friendship dating.’ She spoke the words as though they were finally starting to make sense.

  ‘Think of it like the old-fashioned way a gentleman used to court a lady. No pressure but lots of fun.’

  ‘Court?’

  ‘I said we’d take it slowly. Take it at your pace.’

  Bergan angled her head, her eyes twinkling with a touch of repressed humour. ‘What if my pace ends up being faster than yours?’

  Richard’s eyes widened with delight at her teasing words. They really were on the same wavelength. ‘Then I’d ask you to respect my need to take it slowly.’

  Bergan couldn’t help but return his smile. Richard wanted to court her? As far as Bergan could recall, no man, not any she’d ever been remotely acquainted with, had ever courted her. She felt so incredibly out of her depth, but when she looked into Richard’s blue eyes she found herself relaxing and sighing and wanting desperately to agree.

  He was only here for another three and a half weeks, and it wasn’t as though she could fall in love in such a short time. Besides, it would be nice to have some calm and controlled male attention for a change, and although she’d admitted to being attracted to Richard, she knew she was in no danger of falling in love. She didn’t do love.

  She concluded, therefore, that as Richard was allowing her to set the pace of this ‘courting’ thing, she really was in no danger whatsoever.

  Slowly, she met and held his gaze, nodding her head in affirmation. ‘OK, then,’ she said eventually. ‘You can…court me.’ Even as she said the words she couldn’t help but laugh and as Richard gathered her close, his warm, protective arms about her, she felt lighter than she ever had before.

  Hope. She certainly hoped this was the right decision.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘HOW LONG HAVE you been dating him now?’ Reggie asked as she stirred her coffee.

  ‘We’re not dating, per se,’ Bergan tried to protest, but even she knew that was exactly what she and Richard were doing, no matter what words they used to describe it.

  ‘Then what would you call it?’ Sunainah asked.

  Bergan shrugged and sipped her coffee. ‘We’re…spending time together.’

  ‘Dating,’ Sunainah and Reggie said together. Bergan just shook her head and finished her drink.

  ‘Richard calls it “courting”,’ she told her friends. ‘It’s cute and old-fashioned and quaint. I get his undivided attention without the stress of always thinking how to fend off groping hands. He’s a perfect gentleman and I like it.’

  ‘Break out the blue roses,’ Reggie stated.

  ‘Hey!’ Bergan growled, frowning at her friend as the others laughed. ‘I wish I’d never told you that.’

  ‘What?’ Reggie clutched her hands to her chest in a romantic gesture and sighed. ‘I think it’s a lovely idea, having blue roses at your wedding.’

  ‘Blue roses are rare and hard to find,’ Mackenzie added. ‘The man who persists in breaking down all your barriers and loving you no matter what is the man who has figuratively searched for the blue rose and found one.’

  Bergan shook her head. ‘We were young, stupid kids when I said all that and besides…’ she levelled a steely glare at her friends ‘…there’s not going to be any wedding. We’re just…you know, courting, and besides, he lives on the other side of the world.’

  Bergan checked her watch and almost yelped at the time. ‘I need to get back.’ She jerked her thumb in the direction of Sunshine General Hospital, which was just across the road from the café she and her three friends tried to frequent whenever they could all meet up.

  Four busy women with four busy schedules. Some weeks it was nigh on impossible and this week Bergan wouldn’t have minded missing their catch-up as, although she loved her friends, she’d rather have spent the time with Richard. She also knew if she told her friends that, they’d read far more into it than was there.
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  ‘So do I,’ Mackenzie said, and blew kisses to her friends as they stood from the table.

  ‘Go on,’ Bergan urged as the two of them walked back towards the hospital. ‘Ask.’

  ‘Ask what?’

  ‘Oh, come off it, Kenz. You’re dying to find out more information about Richard and me.’

  ‘Am I? Well, OK, then. Has he kissed you yet?’

  ‘No, and it’s been two whole weeks since we started this courting thing.’

  ‘Really? That long? That means… Wait a second. Richard leaves at the end of next week? That’s gone fast.’

  ‘It really has.’

  ‘So you’re…happy?’

  ‘I am…but—’

  ‘Uh-oh. There it is. What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s just…Richard has said I can set the pace, but I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to do that. I’ve never been in this type of relationship before.’

  ‘A healthy one?’ Mackenzie couldn’t resist teasing.

  ‘Exactly. All my life I’ve been used to being put down by men, or abused in one way or another. Smitty was the first male who didn’t seem to want anything from me.’

  ‘Smitty didn’t want anything from anyone—except his drug dealer.’ Mackenzie’s words weren’t malicious, merely matter-of-fact.

  ‘True.’ Bergan sighed as they entered the hospital, the two women walking side by side, heading towards the A and E department. ‘I’m in a normal, healthy relationship. Who would have thought it?’

  ‘Me.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s only because you’re a newlywed and you think everyone should be as happy as you.’

  ‘And aren’t you?’

  Bergan glared at her friend before swiping her pass card over the sensor to open the door leading to A and E. The first person she saw was Richard, standing at the nurses’ station, chatting with one of the male registrars. Just at the sight of him her heart rate quickened, her palms seemed to perspire and her mouth went dry.

  She stared at him, having not seen him since yesterday evening when he’d left her house after a quiet evening of a relaxing dinner followed by watching some television together. Again, that was something she’d never really done before—just sat and watched television in peace and harmony, Richard’s arm around her shoulders, she leaning her head against his chest.