Resisting the New Doc In Town

by Clark, Lucy

  They’d laughed together, discussed different aspects of the show they had been watching and had generally had what most people would call ‘a normal night in’, but for Bergan it really had been like manna from heaven. When she was with Richard, she felt like a normal girl, in a normal relationship, with a normal boyfriend.

  Even the word ‘boyfriend’ sounded strange when she thought about it, but she guessed that was the term her friends might apply. Before the evening had ended he’d arranged for her to go to his place for dinner where he would make good his threat to play something on the piano and guitar for her.

  ‘Your mother has a piano? I don’t remember seeing it.’

  He’d nodded. ‘In the spare room upstairs. Just a small upright, which I think might be a little out of tune. Must remember to call the tuner before they get back.’ He’d made a mental note, but had held her hand firmly as they’d walked from her place to his.

  ‘So…was that you playing the other night? I thought you had a CD on.’

  ‘Oh?’ He’d looked a little sheepish. ‘I didn’t think it was that loud. Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be.’ Bergan had shaken her head, smiling up at him in delighted surprise. ‘I have a feeling that you definitely won’t be assaulting my senses with your playing. That piece sounded incredible.’

  ‘Er…thank you.’

  ‘You’re not used to people praising your musical ability?’

  ‘I’m not used to sharing my musical ability. Playing an instrument is…personal. It’s an expression of my inner feelings, my inner self, and as such I’ve rarely openly played for people, other than for my sisters and parents.’

  ‘And Chantelle.’

  ‘Of course.’ They’d stopped outside his front screen door, just shy of the sensor light, and Richard exhaled slowly. ‘There were several pieces, mainly Bach, that used to really soothe Chantelle into a nice, relaxed sleep.’ His smile had increased. ‘Then there were times when she demanded the “1812 Overture” because it gave her the strength to fight on.’

  Bergan had sighed and slipped her arms around his waist, delighted that she had the right to do such a thing. ‘You truly are a wonderful man, Richard. The more I learn about you, the more I like.’

  ‘I’m going to take that as a huge compliment,’ he’d said as he’d dipped his head and brushed a soft and tantalising kiss across her cheek. They’d stood there for a few more minutes, content to simply hold each other, before he’d kissed her cheek again and bidden her goodnight.

  And that was the way it had been every time they’d parted at the end of the evening. He was always a perfect gentleman and sometimes she wished he wouldn’t be. Was that wrong? After everything she’d been through? It wasn’t that their dates weren’t romantic because it was clear with the quiet intimacy they shared that Richard certainly took this courting thing very seriously.

  Now, as he stood there, chatting with the registrar, his hair slightly messy where she knew he’d pushed his fingers through it, his stance casual but his shoulders back, indicating he was ready to spring into action the second an ambulance arrived, Bergan couldn’t take her eyes off him, almost desperate for him to detect her presence.

  Mackenzie was chatting away beside her, but Bergan wasn’t listening, and when Richard finally turned his head and saw her standing there, that small, intimate smile that she was coming to recognise as being purely Richard touched his lips.

  He was rostered on for the afternoon shift and it wasn’t until now that she realised she’d been waiting through the long morning for this exact moment. Within a matter of seconds he’d excused himself from the registrar and was heading in her direction.

  ‘Well,’ Mackenzie said, sighing, ‘I can see I’m superfluous here, so I’ll just leave.’ She waved to Richard as he came over.

  ‘You’re not leaving already, are you, Mackenzie? How was coffee with the girls?’ He glanced once at Mackenzie and then at Bergan, where his eyes stayed, as though he needed to drink in every aspect of her. When Bergan didn’t answer, Mackenzie chuckled.

  ‘It was good. I’ve got to run. Clinic,’ she said by way of explanation, and headed quickly towards the stairwell.

  ‘So.’ Richard crossed his arms over his chest and took a small step closer to her. Bergan couldn’t believe the amount of pressure against her chest caused purely by his nearness. She could almost feel the heat radiating from his body, the way the spicy scent she now equated with him seemed to tease at her senses, the way she longed to have his big, strong arms wrapped around her. Why was it that whenever he was within touching distance she wanted to throw herself into his arms and to never let go? Was this a bad urge to have? Was this part of dating? Of what normal people, in normal relationships, did every day?

  ‘I’ve heard that the morning has been rather quiet, emergency-wise.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Do you want to give me a debrief? In your office perhaps?’ he suggested, raising one seductive eyebrow. Bergan’s eyes widened with excitement, which she quickly attempted to curb. She opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out so she nodded instead. As she turned and headed down the side corridor towards her office, her heart rate beginning to increase due to his nearness, she heard Richard’s warm, deep chuckle.

  It was as though he could see quite clearly the way he affected her and she didn’t mind one little bit. She simply couldn’t help the thrill of delighted anticipation that pulsed through her at the thought that so very soon she’d be alone with Richard. How was it he could make her feel so pretty and feminine with just one look? His gaze had never been leering in any way, shape or form, but it left her in no doubt whatsoever that he was attracted to her.

  As she withdrew her pass card from her pocket to pass it over the scanner, she was astonished to find her hand shaking slightly. That was odd. No man in her life had affected her in such a way. Usually she was able to read them like a book, knowing exactly what they wanted from her, and that way she could choose to provide it or reject the impulse.

  She’d made a deal with herself to enjoy the time she had with Richard, to relax, which, for her, wasn’t at all easy. Yes, he would be leaving at the end of next week, but she wasn’t going to think about what happened next. For the first time in her life she was just going to go with the flow. It had been difficult at first, to really slip into the ‘whatever’ mode, but now she could definitely see the appeal. It felt as though she was on vacation…a vacation from her usual life. She knew it would end, that Richard would return to Paris and she’d get back to her normal daily routine, looking back on this time they’d spent together as nothing more than the equivalent of a shipboard romance.

  The instant they were secure behind her closed door Bergan turned to face him and somehow found herself in his arms in a matter of seconds. She didn’t try to pull away, but instead she held him as closely as he was holding her.

  ‘Sorry if I startled you,’ he murmured, the vibration from his words passing into her body, causing tingles to flood through her. ‘I like it when you’re close.’

  ‘Don’t apologise,’ she whispered near his ear. ‘I…like it, too.’

  Richard edged back slightly. ‘Really?’

  ‘Why should you be so surprised? Can’t you tell?’

  His smile increased. ‘Well, I knew you weren’t averse to me holding you close, but I guess I’m pleasantly surprised that you’ve voiced it.’ It meant he was definitely making progress. The fact that Bergan had come to mean a great deal to him in such a short space of time was something he hadn’t wanted to fight. It also made him consider what might happen next. She hadn’t said anything about his departure in ten days’ time and neither had he, not wanting to spoil what they were enjoying right now. He brushed a soft and tender kiss across her cheek before gathering her close once more, breathing her in, closing his eyes and feeling the stress slip from his body.

  ‘I don’t understand it,’ she said, her tone still a whisper as she wrapped her arms more secure
ly around his neck, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair. He’d be due for a haircut soon, but right now she liked the way his short back-and-sides cut had grown a little, making it less severe.

  ‘I don’t know what it is about hugging you, holding you close, Richard,’ she murmured softly, sighing into his embrace. ‘But it strengthens me, it invigorates me, it lets me know that no matter what else happens in life, there is always somewhere I can feel safe. I’ve never felt that before and definitely not from just a hug.’ She closed her eyes and breathed in his scent once more, relaxing against him, knowing his big, protective arms would never let her fall. ‘I like it.’

  ‘Me, too.’ And he did. Being close to Bergan, actually having permission to hold her hand or put his arm around her or draw her near to him as he was now, had been an absolutely delight. Spending time with her had been a joy, especially their need to debate and discuss not only medical issues, but world events, too. She was his intellectual equal, as well as being highly compatible with him on the emotional side of things.

  She’d become more open about her involvement with the drop-in centre and had listened to a lot of the ideas he’d put forward, the two of them moulding them into a more tangible format that she could then take to Stuart, the director.

  Both of them had been delighted with Jammo’s progress after her brief stay in hospital. Thanks to Drak, Jammo had agreed to talk to one of the drop-in centre’s counsellors, as long as Drak went with her. Bergan had watched the two teens walking along, holding hands and smiling.

  ‘We’re taking it real slow,’ Drak had told her after he and Jammo had finished the first counselling session. ‘Jammo’s been through heaps and I really like her. She scared me that night and now I wanna do right by her. So slow is best. You know, like in the olden days. Girls need to be made to feel special and stuff.’

  Bergan had smiled. ‘You both have plenty of time,’ she’d confirmed, encouraging him to continue along this path. It wasn’t until she’d arrived home that night to find an envelope taped to her front door, which contained an invitation to dine with Richard at his place, that she’d realised Richard’s form of ‘courting’ was incredibly similar to how Drak was treating Jammo. The fact that she wasn’t having to constantly second-guess Richard’s motives, or fight off wandering hands, was making her feel ‘special and stuff’, as Drak had termed it.

  As he held her now, she couldn’t help pulling back a little and looking at him. ‘Just out of curiosity, did you speak to Drak about how to take things slowly with Jammo?’

  Richard raised an eyebrow at her question, blinking once or twice as though wondering where it had come from, but the cute smile on his lips gave away the answer. ‘A few weeks ago. Sure. He wanted to know how to slow things down, but still let Jammo know he was interested. Sad that young men nowadays have no idea how to court.’ He shook his head as he shifted his hands to her waist.

  ‘I think it’s nice.’

  ‘That Drak’s taking his time with Jammo or the ethics of courting in general?’

  Bergan smiled up at him. ‘Both. It’s very nice to feel so…secure, but…’ She stopped and shook her head.

  ‘But what?’

  ‘It’s nothing.’

  ‘Bergan?’ There was a hint of amused exasperation in his voice.

  ‘It’s just this whole relationship thing. Whether or not we go slowly or speed on through like a freight train. It’s still a relationship.’

  ‘Is it the word that bothers you?’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  He nodded, his tone still calm and controlled. ‘A friendship is a relationship. We enter into a relationship with our patients in a professional and medical capacity. There are many different types of relationships and you’re fantastic at all of them.’ He fixed her with a pointed look. ‘All of them.’

  ‘Hmm.’ She sounded as though she wasn’t convinced and when she eased out from his arms he reluctantly released his hold. She walked over to the window.

  ‘We’re friends, Bergan. Or at least I’d like to think we are.’

  She looked at him over her shoulder and nodded. ‘Yes.’

  ‘And friends like to spend time together, correct?’

  ‘Yes.’ She turned from the window and crossed her arms in front of her, giving him a studious look. It was one he’d seen plenty of times when she was pondering things. Good. It was good she was asking questions, trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of a healthy, normal courtship.

  ‘Friends can hang out together, watch movies, discuss a variety of topics and sometimes they hug and hold hands, too.’

  Her eyes widened a little, veiled fear behind them. ‘So you’re saying all you feel for me is friendship?’ Her voice cracked on the final word and she immediately closed her eyes, not wanting him to see or worry about the internal turmoil that she’d done her best to keep locked up in the back of her mind. She’d tried not to put a definition on what they shared, but it was becoming more and more difficult to ignore it, especially when he didn’t seem to want to make any move whatsoever to kiss her properly.

  ‘No. I think you know I feel a lot more than that.’

  ‘I also know that soon you’ll be leaving Australia.’

  ‘And returning to Paris.’ He nodded, noting that she hadn’t said ‘leaving me’. ‘This is a fact we’ve both been very aware of.’ Richard wasn’t quite sure what the problem was and as he took a few steps closer towards Bergan, she took one back, coming into contact with the window ledge.

  She watched him slowly coming closer, his stance almost predatory but at the same time playful. She liked the combination. There was no anger, no abusive look in his eyes, only intrigue and interest.

  ‘I like you, Bergan. A lot. I think I might have mentioned that once or twice before.’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ Where was her brain? Why did she feel the need to rebuild her protective walls when just last night she’d reclined on the lounge while he’d played an acoustic piece on his guitar? Her eyes had been closed, her body relaxed, her defences down as she’d absorbed the beautiful music he’d created with his clever hands. She’d been so open to him and now she wanted nothing more than to shut him out.

  ‘So what’s really the problem here?’

  Bergan glanced away from him, unable to meet his powerful gaze, knowing sometimes that all it took was one look into his sexy eyes for her to lose all ability of rational thought. ‘Noth—’

  He stood before her and placed a finger across her lips.

  ‘Don’t say “nothing”, because we both know it’s not true. This is supposed to be an open and honest relationship and it works both ways. If you have anything you need to say to me, please, by all means, say it.’

  There was a challenge in his words and she instantly raised her chin, a flash of defiance running through her eyes. ‘All right, then. I guess…what’s been bothering me has everything to do with why you never seem to want to kiss me. Not just on the cheek, but to…you know…properly… Oh, help.’ She stopped, knowing she wasn’t explaining succinctly enough.

  ‘Want to kiss you?’ Richard stared at her in bemusement, momentarily stunned. ‘Of course I want to kiss you, Bergan. Why wouldn’t you think I’d want that?’

  ‘Well…because you haven’t even tried to kiss me. I mean, I like the long and lingering kisses on my cheek at the end of a night together, but…’ She stopped and closed her eyes for a moment.

  ‘You’re upset because I won’t kiss you?’ He gave his head a little shake, wanting to make sure he understood exactly what she was saying.

  She looked up at him. ‘Yes.’ Not wanting to stand there that close to him when she felt this silly, she quickly sidestepped him and headed for the protection of her desk. She pulled back the executive chair but didn’t sit down. Instead, she placed her fingertips on her desk and forced herself to slow down her breathing. ‘And don’t look at me like that.’

  ‘Like what?’ He spread both arms wide.

  ‘Lik
e you think I’m insane.’

  His smile was immediate. ‘I do not think you’re insane, Bergan.’

  ‘Yes, you do. I can see it in your eyes.’

  Richard shook his head as he made his way towards her. ‘It’s not insanity you see there but incredulity.’ He reached out and took both her hands in his. ‘Don’t you remember what I said to you when we first started changing our relationship? I said that I would wait for you to set the pace. That I would be a perfect gentleman—’

  ‘Until I said otherwise? Letting me take all the responsibility, all the blame when it doesn’t work out?’ She dropped his hands and moved away, skirting round to the other side of the desk. She knew her actions were probably childish, but right now she didn’t care. She was worried, stressed, completely out of her depth with the way this man was making her feel, and that was causing her to behave a little irrationally.

  ‘No. Bergan?’ He spread his arms wide again, his gaze imploring. ‘Of course we both take responsibility.’

  ‘And yet you’re leaving. You’re flying back to Paris.’

  ‘Yes.’ He still wasn’t sure what the problem was.

  ‘And…and you’ll be surrounded by all those other French women, and…and…’

  ‘Yes?’ He wanted nothing more than to go to her, to pull her close, but he feared that if he moved yet again, chasing her around the office, she’d clam up and not tell him what was really wrong. He still wasn’t sure where she was going with her little speech, but he wanted to be encouraging, to let her know he hadn’t been toying with her emotions, as she was implying.

  ‘And they’re far more sophisticated and stunning than I will ever be.’

  ‘That’s what’s bothering you?’ Richard was gobsmacked.

  Again she lifted her chin, that defiance in her eyes once more as though she was daring him to say something derogatory, something hurtful, something she could use to push him away. ‘Yes.’