Decline & Fall

by Chris Mullin

  10 p.m., The Noe Lobby

  John Reid resplendent in tuxedo (‘Fancies himself as Churchill,’ somebody mutters), fulminating about the difficulty of getting officials to provide him with a decent speech for some dinner he’s been addressing. Earlier he announced a batch of concessions to his foolish plans to part-privatise the probation service, having been advised by the whips that he’s in danger of losing the Bill. I am one of those who signed Neil Gerrard’s amendment. Now the whips are moving among us, trying to persuade us back on board. ‘Some people have a different agenda,’ whispers Bob Ainsworth. ‘They want to damage Blair and the government.’

  ‘If the government wants to avoid damage,’ I said, ‘it should stop picking unnecessary fights with our core supporters.’

  Bob smiles. I know he agrees.

  Tuesday, 27 February

  Lunch in the Peers’ Dining Room with John Gilbert, who reveals that a letter signed by 20 former Labour ministers in the Lords has gone to Gordon Brown saying they want nothing to do with Jack’s plan for a partly elected upper house and that, unless he wants the issue to dominate the first year or two of his premiership, he should quietly junk it. The letter was apparently put into Gordon’s hands on Boxing Day by Murray Elder. No response has been forthcoming, but I’m sure Gordon has got the message. As we were sitting there Patricia Scotland passed by with a High Court judge in tow. ‘We regard you as the scourge of our profession,’ he said, more or less amiably, adding carefully, ‘You showed that, on some occasions, the emperor had no clothes.’

  Wednesday, 28 February

  To the City Inn in John Islip Street for the launch of the Milburn/Clarke ‘website’. A surreal event at which hacks outnumbered MPs by ten to one. Much lofty talk of ‘the need for debate’ and ‘long-term perspectives’, but everyone knows it’s all about stopping Gordon. Only one problem: no sign of a credible candidate. Alan and Charles managed to keep a straight face throughout, as questions about the leadership rained down from the massed ranks of unbelievers. One or two tricky moments. Had they consulted Gordon? ‘We briefed him on Monday.’ Was he happy? ‘He was concerned about one or two aspects of the timing.’ I bet he was.

  Then to the House where the whips have worked themselves up into a frenzy about plans to part-privatise the probation service. A hilarious scene last night when the clerks in the Public Bill Office informed Neil Gerrard that his amendment could not be voted on because government amendments would take precedence. Neil responded by advising his supporters to vote against the entire Bill, whereupon the whips, fearing they would lose the Bill, took it upon themselves to negotiate with the clerks on Neil’s behalf. I saw him, ashen-faced, being taken under escort to the Public Bill Office. Neil is now assured of his vote but even so the whips were still in panic mode, muttering darkly about a conspiracy. Just before noon I received a call from someone at Number 10 saying the Prime Minister would like a chat, but I told them I was unavailable. Then John Reid, in shirtsleeves, cornered me in the library corridor and bent my ear amiably; later he even came into the chamber and beckoned me out to hand over a piece of paper supporting one of his assertions. In the event, about 50 Labour Members fell in behind Neil’s amendment, but the Tories abstained, giving the government an easy victory. Even so, the whips were still putting it about that they were nine votes short of victory at Third Reading, which was palpable nonsense. In the end John Reid made a conciliatory speech, packed with concessions, and the Bill went through with a majority of 25. I abstained.

  Monday, 5 March

  This morning, before setting out for London, a cameo appearance on the Today programme, to discuss the mayhem being caused by a ruthless and parasitic (those were my very words) species of no-win, no-fee lawyers over the implementation by local authorities of the equal pay laws. In a nutshell, women who’ve already received up to £9,000 in compensation plus a substantial pay rise, are being encouraged to demand more. A twenty-first-century tale of greed and stupidity which, if carried to its logical conclusion, is going to enrich the lawyers (whose cut is 30 per cent), impoverish their clients (many of whose jobs will be outsourced) and collapse local services. A complex issue, easily capable of misrepresentation by those bent on mischief, and sure enough, by the time I arrived in London, a clutch of emails awaited accusing me of being opposed to equal pay for women. I responded robustly, but in truth I am a little nervous. Hundreds of my constituents are involved, just about all Labour voters.

  To the meeting of the parliamentary party, where Margaret Beckett and Des Browne sought to convince us to vote for the upgrading of Trident. Margaret kept saying it had been in our manifesto and we were, therefore, committed to it, but as I pointed out, the manifesto only binds us for a parliament, not for eternity. Margaret also remarked that no one wanted to have to rely on the French or American bomb. To which Joan Ruddock responded, ‘We are under the American nuclear umbrella, whether we like it or not.’ Apart from Joan, Gavin Strang and one or two others, there wasn’t much resistance. Parliamentary CND seems to have melted away at the first whiff of grapeshot – or should I say radiation?

  A brief exchange with Jack Straw re the Hayden Phillips inquiry into party funding, which appears to be coming to some potentially ruinous conclusions regarding the trade unions. Jack said, ‘I’ve told him in terms, with two note-takers present, that if he gets it wrong, I’ll screw him. He’s seeing Tony tomorrow. The trouble is he’s getting mixed messages.’ Which I took to mean that The Man is more inclined than Jack to go with whatever Phillips comes up with.

  Wednesday, 7 March

  Much excitement this evening when, after two days’ debate, we voted by a substantial majority to ‘democratise’ the Lords. Fogies such as myself were against, on the grounds that an elected upper house will only undermine the authority of the Commons, but the new lads and lasses were having none of it, voting by a thumping majority for 100 per cent election. Even Jack Straw, a late convert to an elected upper house, had only been asking for 80 per cent. It soon became apparent that things were not quite as they seemed, since a number of those who were irrevocably opposed to election decided at the last minute to go for the 100 per cent option on the entirely cynical grounds that it has least chance of success. Jack, nevertheless, declared a huge victory and everyone went off to watch the football. Significantly, Gordon Brown voted in the 80 per cent lobby, although no one thinks he will want to devote much of his first year or two in office to slugging it out with the Lords. My guess is, he will stick something in the manifesto and only pursue it if we are re-elected. If not, it will be up to the Tories. I can’t say that I am overjoyed at the prospect of an upper house filled with C-list candidates who have failed to get into our end of the building – or rejects from the Scottish, Welsh or European parliaments. The idea that a wholly elected house will be any more democratic that the present arrangements is likely to prove fanciful since the odds are that it will involve some sort of list system and inclusion on that is likely to require the imprimatur of the very same person who currently nominates people to the upper house – our beloved leader, no less.

  By chance, after the voting, I found myself alone in the Tea Room with John Prescott. This was not the angry, exhausted JP of old, but an affable, relaxed, demob-happy JP. We covered the waterfront, the fallout from the Tracey affair, relations with the Americans and the Brown–Blair relationship. He outlined a hush-hush plan to push The Man into announcing his retirement date at the end of this month on the grounds that, were he to wait until after the May local elections, when we are likely to be massacred, it will look as if he’s being forced from office. JP is content for The Man to stay until the end of June, but not much longer. Supposing, I said, The Man doesn’t buy it and wants to go on until the conference in September? ‘I’ve made clear that I’m not having that.’ JP would simply announce his intention to stand down anyway, thereby forcing The Man’s hand. He also has a plan to cool the deputy leadership campaign by calling for nominations and then telli
ng the candidates to shut up until the elections are out of the way. Finally, he wants to do away with having the party chairman in the Cabinet, which costs the party the best part of £100,000 a year and, in his opinion, hasn’t been of much use. If he’s to do any of this, he’ll have to get it past the National Executive on 20 March. Watch this space.

  According to John, The Man (recognising that a Gordon succession is now inevitable) is trying to tie him down across a wide front, knowing that Gordon is hamstrung following his failed coup last summer. JP does not approve. Hence his plan to threaten the nuclear option.

  On cash for peerages, he reckons the police can’t find a smoking gun and are casting about for someone to blame.

  Tuesday, 13 March

  Pressure is mounting re tomorrow’s vote on Trident. The government is worried that it will have to rely on the Tories to get it through and will, therefore, open up the old wounds about our alleged weakness on defence. Jack Straw buttonholed me in the Tea Room this evening. He deployed several arguments: (a) the need to avoid government embarrassment at dependence on Tories; (b) greater dependence on the Americans, if we didn’t have Trident; (c) whatever we do the Iranians and other rogue states are unlikely to follow our example. Finally, flattery: ‘You’re a thoughtful chap, Chris.’ Indeed I am. That’s why I am voting against.

  Lunch on the terrace for the first time this year, in view of three Greenpeace demonstrators who have lodged themselves atop a crane on a barge parked by the end of Westminster Bridge in protest against Trident.

  Wednesday, 14 March

  Despite the usual high-level arm twisting, 95 of our side went into the lobby against Trident, but the government won comfortably with Tory support. A small earthquake, not many killed. Nigel Griffiths resigned, after ten years in government, along with a couple of parliamentary private secretaries. In truth, however, The Man’s authority is draining away and everyone knows it. Interestingly, Jack remarked to Andrew Mackinlay that ‘events will move very fast after the local elections’. He emphasised the ‘very’. Is the bullet about to be bitten?

  Thursday, 15 March

  Hayden Phillips’s long-awaited report on the funding of political parties was published today, calling for all-year-round caps on both spending and donations. He seems to have bought the Tory line that this should apply to union donations too, which would be ruinous for us. The Tories are not, however, keen on all-year-round spending limits, which would put an end to their latest scam whereby huge sums are poured into marginal seats in the year or two before an election, avoiding the existing rules which apply only to the five or six weeks of an election campaign. We have to close this loophole, which they exploited to great effect last time around. Jack delivered a masterful statement firmly rebutting attempts by Theresa May to pretend that the union levy was the problem. As ever, Jack had done his homework, producing devastating quotes from Alistair McAlpine and Michael Ashcroft, and by the end La May, who had little or no support on her own benches, looked chastened. It’s obvious that we aren’t going to get any help from the Tories in cleaning up party funding, so we are going to have to try and reach agreement with the Lib Dems and the smaller parties.

  Afterwards, in the Tea Room, Jack described the Phillips Report as ‘shoddy, poorly researched and worthy only of a C had it been a student thesis’. He also confirmed what I heard the other day from someone in the Lords, that David Cameron has privately told the Tory peers that Lords reform is ‘a third-term issue’. So the Tories new-found love of democracy in The Other Place is, after all, entirely bogus.

  Monday, 19 March

  To a packed meeting of the parliamentary party in Committee Room 14 to hear Gordon Brown deliver an upbeat assessment of our prospects. ‘Have confidence’ was his theme – and he plainly does. An impressive performance. To be sure, he said, people were fed up and wanted change, but this wasn’t the seventies, when we found ourselves ideologically out of tune with the country. The damage is reparable. ‘We are the party of aspiration . . . of rising employment . . . we can renew the New Labour coalition . . . Tory plans will fall apart on close inspection.’ He ended with a nice little story about Nixon which he had picked up during the recent visit of the President of Ghana. As vice-president, Nixon had attended the Ghanaian independence celebrations in the sixties. After the ceremony, he went around shaking hands, crassly inquiring of everyone he met, ‘How does it feel to be free?’ Eventually, he came across a man who replied, ‘How would I know? I’m from Alabama.’

  Tuesday, 20 March

  The former Cabinet Secretary, Andrew Turnbull, is quoted at length in today’s Financial Times denouncing Gordon for ‘Stalinist ruthlessness’ and alleging that he treats his Cabinet colleagues with ‘more or less complete contempt’. Immensely damaging and, of course, it has the ring of truth, but that’s not the point. What is a senior civil servant doing saying things like this about a serving minister, the next prime minister indeed. He is apparently claiming that he thought he was speaking off the record. He’s either a fool or a knave.

  Wednesday, 21 March

  The budget. Gordon’s last. A triumph. Gordon on top form, disposing of Andrew Turnbull with a neat little joke, shooting Tory foxes left, right and centre. David Cameron was left with nothing to say, although it will no doubt be portrayed differently in tomorrow’s Tory papers.

  To the Royal Court Theatre in Sloane Square for a party in honour of David Green, who is retiring after eight years in charge of the British Council. He delivered an excellent little speech, pointedly remarking that he had served under eight ministers in the space of as many years. Sat next to Michael Jay, who is mightily pissed off with Andrew Turnbull, who has, he says, set a bad example to civil servants of lesser rank and will seriously damage relations between ministers and officials. ‘Ministers will say, “How can we trust them?” And who can blame them?’

  Headline in the later editions of tonight’s Standard: ‘TAX CUT IS FINAL TRICK BY BROWN’.

  Thursday, 22 March

  To the board of the Prison Reform Trust where, as usual, the talk is of how to persuade the government to reduce the burgeoning prison population. Not without irony, since I spent much of yesterday trying to persuade the relevant authorities to revoke the bail of a criminal youth who is running wild in Grangetown, to the terror of his victims.

  Saturday, 24 March

  ‘It seems to be the settled will of the Labour party that Brown is to be its next leader,’ writes Martin Kettle in today’s Guardian in an article headed, ‘Labour is beginning to look like it actually wants to lose’. He goes on, ‘One is driven to asking the simple question, why? In personal terms the answer is undeniably impressive: the record, the roots, the grasp, the brilliance, the long wait and the pre-eminence. No one has a greater personal claim to be leader of the party than he. The deeper difficulty is political . . . I understood when Tory MPs assassinated Thatcher and put Major in her place . . . I do not understand why Labour MPs lack the same survival instinct and political seriousness today. But then I do not understand why people stay in abusive relationships or why squaddies in the Somme went over the top in such good heart. These things happen too.’

  If we blow it, he suggests, Labour may be shot for a generation. I think so, too. Except that a generation may be an underestimate.

  Sunday, 25 March

  Jack Straw was on The Andrew Marr Show this morning, looking relaxed and happy, announcing that he will be Gordon’s campaign manager, thereby completing his seamless transition from Blairista to Brownite, assuring himself of a prominent place in The New Order. What an operator.

  Monday, 26 March

  At this evening’s meeting of the parliamentary party Phyllis Starkey pointed out that the Tories are already spending huge sums in marginal seats like hers and that, unless we get on with closing the loophole that permits unlimited spending between elections, it will soon be too late. John Spellar complained that the Tories were way ahead of us in selecting candidates. For the Nat
ional Executive, Angela Eagle pointed out that the Tories were awash with funds whereas we’d had to lay off half our staff and were struggling with a huge deficit, on top of which no one was donating, thanks to the police investigation. As for closing the spending loophole, we need to get the Lib Dems on board if we are to get any kind of reform through the Lords.

  A Friend in High Places came in for dinner. She says The Man is exhausted, continually dosing himself with tea to keep awake. My friend has sat in on two video conferences with George Bush. Her verdict? ‘I just don’t know where the idea comes from that in private Bush is brighter than he appears in public. He’s unfocused, forgets names, uses words like “thingamy” and refers to the prime minister of Iraq as “that Maliki guy”.’ Apparently the video conferences are a weekly event, which means that somewhere buried deep in the archives a huge treasure trove awaits future historians.

  Tuesday, 27 March

  A chat with Alan Milburn in the Tea Room. It is still possible, he says, that David Miliband might run against Gordon. Does he know something I don’t? He half winks, but when pressed retreats a little. ‘I don’t rule it out. I still believe the party has the will to win.’

  ‘Does it?’

  ‘Well, if that’s gone, we’ve had it.’

  For the first time in years, Gordon acknowledged me as we filed through the Aye Lobby in support of his budget this evening. ‘How’s Sunderland?’ he asked. The correct answer, of course: ‘Sunderland is booming, oh Great Leader and Wise Teacher, thanks to your brilliant management of our economy.’ But as ever he had moved on before I had spluttered out half a sentence.