Decline & Fall

by Chris Mullin

  Wednesday, 20 May

  The Paxman interview has set a hare running. North-East media very excited. Apparently the story has been on the local radio all day. Ngoc reports that teachers in Emma’s school were talking about it, also the nurse at the clinic when she took Emma for her injections. Several encouraging emails. Actually, although a long shot, it is not an impossible dream. Or at least it wouldn’t be were I staying. The field is not so strong. The Tories aren’t at all keen on Bercow and our lot won’t have Frank Field. Vince Cable, who would walk it, has ruled himself out. Alan Haselhurst, who performed brilliantly when he stood in when Michael was ill, has had trouble with expenses. George Young, who I favour, is regarded by many as too establishment. Most people seem to think we need a break with the past. Undoubtedly, there is a gap in the market.

  Lunch in the cafeteria with Douglas Alexander, who I like more every time I see him. He says Jack (Straw) was the best minister he ever worked for ‘because he knew how to delegate and he treated fellow ministers as politicians and not as underlings’. Even after 12 years at the top, says Douglas, Jack is not jaded or cynical; his appetite for government remains undimmed

  The Telegraph reports that I claimed for a black-and-white TV licence, which has been the subject of much amusement among colleagues, many of whom dwell in the world of plasma screens.

  Today’s tabloids are particularly vicious. Not for them magnanimity in victory. ‘Arise Lord Gorbals’, sneers the front page of the Mail over a story focusing on the size of the Speaker’s pension.

  Thursday, 21 May

  Sure enough, having disposed of the Speaker, the Tory media have launched a campaign for a snap election – exactly as Frank Dobson predicted. The Sun is leading the charge with a coupon demanding an immediate election which readers are invited to cut out and send to Gordon. It couldn’t be more blatant.

  This evening, as I was departing, I ran into Chief Whip Nick Brown. ‘Between you and me,’ I said, ‘given that we are going to lose the election, we ought to be planting a few booby traps.’ I had in mind a few modest measures such as the election of select committee chairmen.

  ‘I think we’ve done that with the PSBR,’ replied Nick, smiling wickedly.

  Friday, 22 May

  Awoke to hear Tory MP Nadine Dorries on the radio predicting a suicide or two if the hysteria continues.

  The Telegraph’s revelation (as part of its expenses probe) that I still possess a 30-year-old black-and-white TV has provided a little light relief from the usual shock horror. A full page in today’s Mail and a friendly leader in the Guardian: ‘At a time when the political class is so discredited, it is worth recalling those like Mr Mullin who do some good. What a shame he steps down at the next election.’ Indeed.

  Wednesday, 27 May

  The bidding war continues, each leader striving to prove he is more in command than his rivals. Today the unctuous Nick Clegg is proposing that errant MPs be subject to instant recall – a recipe for tabloid rabble rousing if ever there was.

  Thursday, 28 May

  Two more heads have rolled: Julie Kirkbride and Margaret Moran have announced they will be stepping down come the election.

  Friday, 29 May

  Like the Big Brother house we wake up each day and turn on our television set to see who is in danger of eviction. Today’s candidate is Bill Cash, who has been renting a flat from his daughter, but assuming he has been paying no more than the market rent, it is hard to see how the taxpayer is out of pocket. He didn’t sound all that repentant.

  Monday, 1 June

  Day 24 of the Telegraph assault on the political classes. Today they are leading with a new attack on Alistair Darling. Apparently he claimed for a service charge, paid in advance, on his flat in Kennington shortly before moving to Number 11 Downing Street. The suggestion being that he should have remembered to repay the money. As if he didn’t have one or two other things on his mind, given that he’d just been made Chancellor of the Exchequer. Nevertheless, the Telegraph are making a meal of it. This looks like an attempt to bring him down. It is rumoured that Gordon is lining up Ed Balls to replace him.

  As I walked in through Speaker’s Court, who should I see but The Man, looking tanned and fit, surrounded by bag carriers and bodyguards. Just like old times. He must be glad to be out of it. Even his considerable skills couldn’t dig us out of the big, dark pit into which we have fallen.

  Awful scenes at tonight’s party meeting. Barry Sheerman started with a long rant, demanding to know why no one had consulted us about this latest batch of initiatives (Gordon is talking codes of conduct, electoral reform etc.). A fair point, but he did go on. Before long everyone was at it. Someone demanded the head of the man in charge of the Fees Office. Several people complained of feeling isolated and abandoned. Jim Dowd started heckling Harriet Harman, who occupies a neighbouring constituency, for allegedly showing him up. A woman from Wales, voice trembling, treated us to a rambling account of the trouble she’d got into over furniture. On and on they went. So much so that the meeting had to be extended by half an hour. I’ve never seen such demoralisation. We are a besieged subculture. Everyone looking for someone to blame, except of course ourselves. (‘Nobody loves us and it’s all their fault,’ one wag behind me whispered.) Harriet (who has performed well throughout this crisis) did her best to calm things down: ‘If we start arguing among ourselves, we will not get through this.’ Here and there shafts of light. ‘Stop all this whingeing,’ said Gisela Stuart. ‘It’s not just a Labour crisis, it’s a Tory one, too. Our constituents just want MPs who don’t fiddle their expenses.’

  Ian Davison, in a rare moment of levity, inquired, ‘Where did all this constitutional reform shite come from?’

  Malcolm Wicks said, ‘The survival of the party is the big issue, not whether or not we win the election.’

  Dennis Skinner claimed to detect a faint hope of victory, if only we could get on to the economy and off our expenses. ‘I plead with the people at the top table,’ he said. ‘We cannot, should not, be talking about this issue.’

  The difficulty is, of course, that no one inside or outside the Westminster village wants to talk about anything else.

  Tuesday, 2 June

  The wheels are coming off. This morning it was confirmed that Jacqui Smith will be standing down as Home Secretary come the reshuffle, which is feverishly anticipated as soon as the Euro elections are out of the way. No great surprise, but how come it leaked out now? A little while later Beverley Hughes announced that she, too, would be standing down. A surprise, given that she is so far unscathed by the expenses meltdown and might reasonably have expected preferment. Then Tom Watson in the Cabinet Office announced that he, too, would be leaving the government and Patricia Hewitt let it be known that she would not be contesting the election. As if all that wasn’t enough, the ‘Star Chamber’ set up by the Labour Party National Executive announced that four of the big expenses offenders would not be permitted to contest the next election – three going quietly, but Ian Gibson, who still has the backing of his party, protested loudly and is threatening an immediate by-election.

  A chat with Larry Elliot (economics editor of the Guardian). Interestingly, he sees definite signs of green shoots. The stock market is rising, the banks and the housing market have stabilised. ‘The measures taken last autumn have stopped an immediate crisis.’ The downside is that he reckons it may not be sustainable. ‘None of the domestic policy instruments in place will prevent a repetition in three years’ time.’ He added that the government’s core economic message is that ‘Tory cuts will be bigger than ours.’ Not a very encouraging basis for election victory. He reckons the Tories will put up tax – probably VAT – as soon as they are in, just as Geoffrey Howe did in 1980.

  Rumours that unnamed backbenchers are organising a round robin letter calling on Gordon to go. Treat with caution. The last time this happened – when Blair was looking wobbly – it turned out to have been concocted by the media.

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bsp; Wednesday, 3 June

  An editorial in today’s Guardian calling on Gordon to go. Meanwhile the Cabinet seems to be reshuffling itself, without waiting for Gordon. Today Hazel Blears announced her resignation. Exquisite timing (one day before Euro elections) from this so-called ultra-loyalist, but then she has had the black spot on her ever since she had to cough up £13,000 in unpaid Capital Gains Tax to the Inland Revenue. Inevitably, her departure – along with yesterday’s others – have triggered a huge media frenzy about Gordon’s future. My guess is he will survive, but it is touch and go. Removing him by force would be very messy and leave us with embittered henchpersons wandering about causing trouble. Talking of which, people are asking why the Telegraph has been having a second bash at Alistair Darling. Is he being briefed against with a view to installing Ed Balls at the Treasury? Surely they can’t still be at it.

  ‘What’s your majority?’ I asked a colleague.

  ‘It’s 6,100’.

  ‘Iffy,’ I gently suggested.

  ‘I’m past caring,’ she replied.

  Came across Ann Coffey, Alistair Darling’s PPS, in the Library Corridor. ‘Tell Alistair to stay put,’ I said. ‘He’s been an excellent Chancellor and Gordon isn’t strong enough to move him.’ She undertook to pass the message.

  Still no sign of the rumoured ‘Gordon must go’ letter that’s supposed to be doing the rounds, though the hacks are asking people if they’ve signed.

  Thursday, 4 June

  Sunderland

  Euro election day. Huge slaughter anticipated, although the results will not be known until the weekend.

  A call from the Mail on Sunday. ‘Would you like to write a piece on the poisonous atmosphere at Westminster?’ I laughingly pointed out that they are not short of staffers who have devoted their lives to doing precisely that and they don’t need any help from me.

  Also a spoof email, purporting to be from Alistair Darling, inviting me to sign up to a ‘Gordon must go’ campaign. Someone has even gone to the trouble of setting up an Alistair Darling mailbox to receive replies. My guess is that this is a Sunday newspaper sting. I doubt any of our number will fall for it, but you never know.

  This evening, no sooner had polls closed than up pops Barry Sheerman demanding that Gordon stand down. Minutes later comes word that Work and Pensions Secretary James Purnell has resigned, leaving behind a message calling on Gordon to go. At least he had the decency to wait until the election was over. How much more of this can we take?

  Friday, 5 June

  Awoke to hear Paul Farrelly, the backbencher fingered by Number 10 as being behind the ‘Gordon must go’ round robin, indignantly denying that he had anything to do with it. So far nobody has taken up James Purnell’s challenge, but the day is young . . .

  Much anger re expenses at this evening’s meeting of the local party. Several people demanded that errant MPs be prosecuted until I pointed out that several cases had already been referred to the police. At which point they switched to demanding that they be sacked, until I pointed out that this would leave us with a number of tricky by-elections. Someone suggested we pass a motion in support of Gordon, but no one could think of anywhere to send it, so the idea was dropped. One member remarked afterwards that every other person she met during a recent bout of door knocking was complaining about Gordon.

  Home to discover that Caroline Flint has flounced out of the government, complaining that she’d been used as window dressing. Only last night she was featured on the evening news bulletins swearing undying loyalty.

  Saturday, 6 June

  After days of angst the deckchairs on the Titanic have finally been rearranged. Alistair Darling is staying put at the Treasury, having successfully faced down Gordon’s shameless attempt to replace him with Ed Balls. Peter Mandelson will henceforth be known as the ‘First Secretary’, which means he is effectively deputy prime minister. Incredibly, he has found a way of making himself indispensable – again, although one must reluctantly acknowledge his talents are considerable and urgently needed. Alan Johnson becomes Home Secretary. Bob Ainsworth replaces John Hutton at Defence and Peter Hain returns as Welsh Secretary. Among the departures (‘for personal reasons’) are Margaret Beckett, our safest pair of hands, Geoff Hoon (tipped to be our next EU Commissioner) and Tony McNulty, who has much explaining to do re his expenses.

  I should also mention Alan Sugar has been appointed ‘Enterprise Tsar’ in place of the unlamented Digby Jones. Another classic piece of Gordon gimmickry which will inevitably backfire. Whatever next? Susan Boyle for culture minister?

  Sunday, 7 June

  Nick Raynsford was on television this morning calling for Gordon to go. A sure sign that the plates are moving if someone like Nick, a man of sound judgement and natural caution, thinks the game is up.

  Tonight’s Euro election results produced the predicted meltdown. Labour polled a derisory 15 per cent, beaten into third place by UKIP. In Wales we came in behind the Tories for the first time since 1918. On this showing, or anything resembling it, we face annihilation come the general election unless we can persuade the nation to talk about something other than our expenses and the character of our leader. It’s not that the Tories are popular. It’s just that we’re so hopeless. Damage limitation, not victory, is all we can reasonably hope for. We need to do something bold that will strike a blow behind enemy lines, such as switching from first-past-the-post to alternative voting. The Tories, of course, would cry ‘foul’, but the Lib Dems could probably be persuaded to back it, all the while protesting that they prefer some purer form of PR. It might easily find favour with the public, many of whom are nervous about governments with unfairly large majorities. We would need a referendum, of course. That could be held in the autumn and, if it goes our way, a Bill could be through by spring. Who better to promote it than the new Home Secretary, Alan Johnson? The fact that he has always favoured electoral reform should protect us from charges of opportunism. It won’t save us from defeat, but it might save us from ruin.

  Monday, 8 June

  Alan Milburn was on the train, firmly of the view that Gordon must go. ‘We’re in a pit and still digging,’ he said. By the time we reached London, another minister – Jane Kennedy – had gone.

  In the library I came across Tom Watson, Gordon’s amiable henchperson, who has just vacated his job in the heart of government. ‘Why?’ I inquired.

  ‘My wife,’ he said. ‘The final straw was when the Sun went through my waste bins. All they found was a lot of dirty nappies, but for her that was it.’

  Then to a jam-packed party meeting, billed by some as the final chance for a showdown. The corridor outside was crammed with lobby journalists and even a couple of Tories observing from a discreet distance. The entire Cabinet was jammed into the space behind the platform, Peter Mandelson in pole position just behind Gordon, scribbling away as usual. Harriet Harman (who has had a good crisis) looking fresh as a daisy in contrast to Ed Balls, the man who would be Chancellor, looking bleary-eyed and miserable. Beyond him, upbeat and cheerful as ever, Neil Kinnock, a man who knows a thing or two about leadership crises.

  Gordon, it must be said, was looking remarkably relaxed considering the storms that rage around him. He was greeted with warm applause (Mandelson glancing round carefully to see who was not participating). He spoke calmly and confidently, right hand in trouser pocket, scarcely glancing at his notes. If only the public could see him like this. There was a note of humility. ‘I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses. I know I need to improve. There are some things I do well and others not so well. I know I have got to keep learning. I’ve learned we need the talents of everyone.’ Hastily adding, for avoidance of doubt, ‘I’ve learned something else. When you’ve got a problem, you don’t solve it by walking away, you solve it by facing it.’ He called for unity. ‘I am not making a plea, but an argument. When we are divided we lose. Unlike times past, there are no great ideological differences between us. Not one resignation letter that I hav
e seen mentioned a policy difference. I’m not coming here begging for unity for my sake, but because we have a common purpose.’ He sat down to much applause and banging on table tops.

  Some courageous contributions from the ranks. A mixture of pleas for unity and calls for Gordon to go. By and large all sides were heard respectfully, though Charles Clarke, who has shot his bolt once too often, attracted some mild heckling. ‘The country has not made up its mind about Cameron,’ said former minister Tom Harris, ‘but it has made up it’s mind about you.’

  Fiona Mactaggart said bluntly, ‘Unity is not the problem, Gordon. The problems are integrity and authenticity. I don’t believe you when you say you’ve learned the lessons . . .’

  David Blunkett, pleaded for an end to blood-letting, but added, ‘Please engage with people with whom you don’t necessarily agree.’ It sounded like a job application, but someone said he had been made an offer and turned it down.

  Frank Dobson repeated his warning of three weeks ago that we should be under no illusion: the real goal of the Tories and their friends in the media was an immediate general election ‘and anyone who thinks we would benefit from that needs care in the community’.

  Many of the pleas for loyalty were conditional. Several people called for plans to part-privatise the Royal Mail to be abandoned (surely Gordon’s got that message by now?), others remarked that unity was a two-way street. Margaret Beckett, who, it appears, resigned after being refused a place in the Cabinet (another massive misjudgement on Gordon’s part), prefaced her support for him by remarking, ‘I am uniquely qualified to agree with Gordon that he doesn’t get everything right.’