The Tome of Bill (Book 8): The Last Coven

by Rick Gualtieri

  Despite all she’d said, I still didn’t believe her. Yeah, on the outside, she projected an aura of gold-digging that would have put any reality show family to shame, but inside, there was a solid core of goodness.

  I’d mentally put my feelings for Sheila on the shelf back in Boston, or tried to anyway. After our talk, I realized I had to do the same with Sally as well. Right now, all of us needed friends we could count on far more than anything else.

  For once, I was letting my brain do the thinking over my dick. Maybe this was that whole growing up thing everyone talked about.

  If so, it kinda sucked.

  As we walked back, I happily realized if either of them happened to offer me a pre-end-of-the-world good luck fuck, I’d still gladly accept it. Maturation might have infected me, but it was nice to see it wasn’t a fatal dose.

  “Are we cool?” I asked as the rancid smell in the air signaled that we were nearing the Sasquatch village again.

  “We were never not cool,” she replied with a smile. “Well, you probably weren’t.”

  “Too late; you already called me cool.”

  “Don’t let it go to your head.”

  “Also too late.”

  “I’m still worried about what’s coming.”

  “Worried about the end of the world? Nah, you don’t say.”

  “No, I mean who we have to face. Either of them could snag control of me in an instant. If that happens...”

  “I’ll do what needs to be done,” I replied. “Although, know that will mean knocking your ass out, nothing more.”

  “You mean trying to knock my ass out.”

  “I thought you had faith in me.”

  “I do, but I have more in me.”

  “Fair enough. You’re still not getting the knife back, though.”

  “Hah! As if I couldn’t get another.”

  * * *

  We arrived to find our friends ready to go through with the power dampening.

  Yeah, that was a nice way of saying it. The reality was more to the tune of injecting Sheila with dark magic that would leave her vulnerable in a way an Icon wasn’t meant to be. I really wasn’t comfortable with it, but it was her choice to make. I had to respect that, even if I didn’t like it.

  She was sitting on a bench with her sleeve rolled up. Kelly held her hand while the other witches were finishing up on their end.

  “I see the whore survived your admonishment,” Gan said, stepping away from the group and approaching us. “I am pleased by that.”

  “Really?” we both asked.

  “Of course. She still has uses, even if only as cannon fodder.”

  I leaned down. “Gan, Sally is my friend. She’s not cannon fodder.”

  “If you say so, my love.”

  “Speaking of love,” Tom added, also strolling over, “how did your little walk in the woods go?” He added a hip thrust for good measure.

  “Do that one more time and we’re going to find out if that glamour of yours has intestines,” Sally warned.

  It was good to see nothing had changed in the interim, in a sense anyway.

  “Go on,” Sally said to me with a nudge. “I think someone else could use a friend right now.” I raised an eyebrow and she simply nodded.

  Tom stepped in to continue talking to Sally, so I excused myself from that idiot sandwich to ask Christy how things were going.

  She held up a syringe filled with a dirty dark grey fluid. “We’re as ready as we’re going to be. One of the Forest Folk popped in a while back to let us know we were a go on their end, too. They’re ready to send us whenever we are.”

  “Arboreal apparating. Cool.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me for a moment, but then lightened up. “I will admit a little bit of curiosity to seeing how it works.”

  I pointed at the syringe. “So is that stuff ... safe?”

  “I don’t think anyone can answer that,” Sheila replied with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

  “We diluted the mixture as much as we thought possible while still leaving it effective,” Christy said.

  “Yeah, I made the calculations,” Meg added. “As best I could, anyway.”

  A glance passed between her and Christy, not an entirely friendly one either. Trouble in witch paradise, perhaps?

  I turned back to Sheila. “Are you sure about this?”

  “No, but I don’t think we have much choice.”

  I took a seat on her other side. “You always have a choice.”

  “I don’t know if I can believe that.”

  “Sure you can. Just have a little faith.”

  The smile turned real and she laughed. After she was finished, she looked up at the witches. “Let’s do this.”

  Kelly stood up to make room for the others. Christy stepped forward, but Veronica offered her hand instead. “Let me. I’ve done it enough times I’m almost a pro.”

  Christy nodded and handed over the needle.

  Kelly stepped to the side and Sheila raised her right arm. Barely realizing I was doing so, I grabbed her free hand and squeezed it. It trembled slightly, then she squeezed back.

  “Let’s do this before I chicken out.” Sheila glanced at me as she said it, making me wonder if she was actually talking to Veronica.

  “Any preference where you want it?” Veronica asked, holding up the syringe.

  “Whatever’s convenient,” she replied with a chuckle. “Just do me a favor and make it fast. If you’re going to try doing the distraction thing, don't. I always hated that.”

  Veronica smiled and nodded. “Me too.” Then she inserted the needle.

  TAKE YOUR MEDICINE

  At first, there wasn’t much to note – just a tiny wince from Sheila as the needle sank into her upper arm and Veronica depressed the plunger.

  “I guess that wasn’t so...”

  She didn’t get a chance to finish, as her back arched suddenly and she squeezed down on my hand with surprising strength. The rest of her began to shake uncontrollably and her eyes rolled into the back of her head.

  “Damnit,” Christy snapped. “Someone help Bill.”

  Kelly and Meg grabbed Sheila from the other side. Together, we tried to get her into a prone position so she couldn’t hurt herself.

  “Quick,” Veronica said. “Put something between her teeth so she doesn’t bite her tongue in half.”

  Fuck! There wasn’t anything in reach, at least not that I thought hygienic enough to chew on. Oh, the hell with it! I shoved the flat of my hand into her mouth until something better could be found.

  And, of course, she promptly bit down hard. God fucking damn!

  “Not what I had in mind,” Veronica chided. She was starting to get a deer in the headlights look in her eyes.

  I turned to her and said in my best calm voice, “Well, if you’d be so kind as to find something else, then.”

  “Hold on,” Christy said. She’d retrieved a backpack and used her magic to sear off one of the straps.

  “Good idea. That oughta to be thick enough to...”

  Minor things, like words and coherent thought, were immediately cut off as Sheila’s aura erupted from her body. It washed harmlessly over the witches. For me, however, the effect was slightly less fun.

  White fire burst from my skin where we made direct contact. Both of my hands blazed up as if I’d dipped them in lighter fluid and held them over an open flame.

  My concern wasn’t for my own safety, though. Well, okay, not entirely for my own safety, because, fuck me, it hurt a lot! At the same time, I couldn’t let go. Kelly and Meg were just barely holding down the fort on Sheila’s other side. If I backed off, she could seriously injure herself.

  “Beloved,” Gan said from behind me. “Perhaps it would be best if you...”

  “Oh, the hell with this.” Sally stepped past Gan with a snarl and made to drag me away.

  “No!” I roared, despite wanting nothing more than to curl up in a ball away from the hurty magic. My h
ands were really starting to feel charred and...

  Wait, it was just my hands. Not the rest of me as it should have been.

  I was about to point this out when Veronica cried, “Look!”

  Sure enough, the glow around Sheila was fading. Had this been any other time, I’d have been burnt to a crisp. I would have had to spend the rest of the day growing back my skin, and that’s only if I had gotten supremely lucky. But now, yeah, my hands were going to mostly be useless hunks of meat for a while, but the damage pretty much stopped at my wrists.

  I removed my hand from her mouth and replaced it with the backpack strap, but the danger appeared to be almost over. Slowly, the convulsions began to lessen. Finally, her body went slack.

  Meg put two fingers on Sheila’s neck to make sure she had a pulse, but it was unnecessary. I could hear her heart beating and the sound of her breathing. Both were a little fast, but nothing dangerous, or so I hoped. It wasn’t like I was a trained paramedic or anything.

  Sheila let out a groan and her eyes began to flutter. “Ugh, why do I have the taste of barbecue in my mouth?”

  I put my hands behind my back and leaned over her. Her eyes opened and I smiled.

  “What?” she asked weakly. “See something you like?”

  “You.” Her eyes opened wide, and I quickly added, “I mean, you’re back. The old you, that is. Oh jeez. Anyone have a mirror?”

  “I don’t see anything different,” Meg replied.

  “Hold on, Romeo,” Kelly said, then she fished out her phone, took a picture of Sheila, and showed it to her.

  “My eyes, they’re...”

  It wasn’t quite as dramatic an effect as what a vamp could do. Hell, only someone intimately familiar with how she looked could have told. And yes, I’d Facebook stalked her enough to be able to give a sketch artist a near perfect rendition of her features. Sue me for being desperate.

  Regardless, just a few moments before, her eyes had been a brilliant silver in color, almost as if her irises were made of metal. Now, though, they were a light grey, the same light grey I’d seen nearly every day at work for three years.

  “More importantly,” Christy said, pushing her way past the rest of us. “How do you feel?”

  “Like I just got over a bad cold. Ouch...” She sat up and placed a hand over where she’d been stuck with the needle. A small bruise was forming and a tiny drop of blood could be seen on her skin.

  “Oh, sorry. Let me clean that up,” Veronica said.

  “No need.” Sheila closed her eyes. A second later, she gritted her teeth. The faintest of glows appeared around her hand, only visible because the interior of the hut was fairly dim. If we’d been standing outside in the daylight, you’d have never noticed it. Finally, she let go. “I take back what I said.” She looked at me. “That’s all the juice I’ve got in me.”

  “Think it’ll be enough to get you through the Stargate?” I asked.

  “There is only one way to be certain,” Gan said.

  Before I could question what she meant by that, she was across the room. By the time I had spun back around, Kelly and Veronica had been abruptly knocked to the side.

  Of far greater interest, though, was Gan and the hand she had around Sheila’s throat.

  THE HIDDEN MENACE

  Sheila’s eyes opened wide and she instinctively tried to ward off her smaller foe. She grabbed Gan’s hand by the thumb to force her off, but Gan countered expertly, maintaining her grasp.

  Stunned silence met this in the hut. I had learned to expect the unexpected from the little runt, but this was insane. All of her talk of wanting to see destiny play itself out. Had that been little more than a ruse, a chance to get close enough for something like this?

  That broke the impasse. I reached into my pocket and grabbed hold of the blood vial still there.

  I wasn’t the only one on the move. Little more than a blur herself, Sally raced past me ... only to catch a back kick from Gan that came up so quickly you’d have sworn her foot teleported.

  “That will be unnecessary, whore,” she replied before releasing her grasp on Sheila and backing up a step. “I have seen enough. The Shining One is capable of making this journey with us.”

  Her words registered in my ears, but I wasn’t listening. Anger flooded through me and I ripped my hand out of my pocket and took a swing at the little monster.

  She caught me by the wrist as if I’d been moving in slow motion. “I believe it would be unwise to waste that, my love.”

  It was only then that I realized I still had the vial grasped in my fist.

  “What the hell?!” I screamed at her, before turning to Sheila. “Are you all right?” I then remembered Sally. I glanced back and saw Tom helping her up across the hut. “Are you both all right?”

  “Nothing a good orthodontist couldn’t fix,” Sally said, spitting out a wad of blood.

  “She really fucking nailed you,” Tom said.

  Sally glared at him, then shoved him away. Yeah, she was fine.

  “You?” I asked Sheila, who appeared shaken but otherwise unhurt.

  She nodded, then turned to Gan. “You scared the crap out of me. Why did you...” Her voice trailed off. For a moment, I was afraid she was hurt worse than she realized, internal injuries maybe, but then – amazingly enough – she began to laugh.

  Looks of confusion were passed back and forth among the occupants of the room.

  “You get hit in the head a little too hard there, Sheils?” Kelly asked.

  “No.” She got the laughter under control, but still had a big grin on her face. “Don’t you get it? She frightened me. I was actually afraid.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Think of it like being underwater too long and then finally breaking the surface for air.”

  Collectively, we stared blankly at her.

  “I mean, I can still feel fear, but it has to be something big. Something deep.”

  “Like?” I asked.

  She averted her eyes for a moment. “Just something big. But physical conflict, normally that’s nothing. More of a rush than anything. But what she did right there, it scared the ever-living crap out of me.”

  It took me a moment for this to sink in, but then I got it. Primal fear was supposed to be alien to an Icon. Getting a dose of it must have been for her what feeling the momentary warmth of the sun might feel like for a vampire ... albeit maybe a tad different. Even so, give a deaf man back his hearing for a day and I’m sure the most annoying sound in the world would seem like music to his ears.

  “Your reflexes and combat skills are still intact, I see,” Gan replied.

  “Yeah, intact,” Sheila replied dubiously. No doubt she’d noticed how easily Gan had countered her.

  “Enough with the tests,” I said.

  “C’mon, man, this is the fun part.”

  I spun to glare daggers at Tom. “No comments from the peanut gallery, especially you.” My roommates’ idea of fun had, in prior days, typically involved me in various stages of on fire.

  Tom gave an easy shrug as if to say he had to try.

  I turned my attention back to Sheila. “So, how are you feeling?”

  She was quiet for a moment as if running an internal diagnostic. “Pretty normal, and I mean normal me, not normal Icon me. Maybe a bit queasy, like something didn’t quite agree with me, but decent. Well enough to give the magic carpet ride a try.”

  Good enough for me. “Okay, folks, grab your bags. It’s time to check out of the Sasquatch Hilton. Be sure not to steal any towels along the way. I hear the penalties for doing so are a killer.”

  That got them all moving, albeit there wasn’t much to pack. We hadn’t come up here with the intention of moving in. And, truth be told, I hoped to never ever see this place, or my new wife, again.

  Now to hope that was one fate I could avoid.

  * * *

  The supernatural world could be so mundane when it wanted to be. Typical vampire society was more li
ke a frat house than anything, while their higher up operations wouldn’t be alien to any middle manager in corporate America. There were glimpses of the fantastic here and there – Gods, weird monsters, the various ceremonies that Christy’s magic seemed to favor.

  It was that latter I was thinking of, so of course I was slightly underwhelmed when the Sasquatch shaman threw a hunk of ... let’s just pretend it was mud ... against the trunk of a tall pine tree, pointed a grimy finger, and said, “T’lunta walk there. All walk there.”

  “Walk where?” I asked. I didn’t see any shimmering portal, black hole, or magical opening in the tree.

  “There.” It pointed again. “Behind tree. But first...”

  “Oh fucking A, man!” I yelled as the glop of shit splattered against my chest. “Was that completely necessary?”

  The creature opened its mouth in a broken-toothed grin. Fucking asshole.

  “You might want to look up this thing called fluoride,” I replied lamely.

  “Shaman mark you,” Big C said. He’d joined us to see us off and maybe get in a goodbye smooch from his blushing bride. Too bad so sad, but my lovely wife was nowhere to be seen. Ah, what a heartbreaker. “That way Grulg and others know not to kill T’lunta.”

  Oh. “Well, thank you, then.”

  He turned to his shaman, chattered something, and they both broke out in mirthful hoots. Somehow I got the sneaking suspicion it was the ape equivalent of “The dumb rube fell for it.”

  “Big C wish you well, mate,” he said to Sally. “Return soon so that we make many cubs.” The tone he used, however, was anything but eager. The big idiot was probably more likely to throw a party if Sally was returned to him as a pile of dust. Heh. Maybe, once this was said and done, we could actually come to an agreement in which neither us had to dip our wicks anywhere we didn’t want to and still keep the peace.

  Still, that was probably a moot point as there was a good chance we wouldn’t see each other alive again. One could always hope.

  “Not gonna give your sugar daddy a kiss goodbye?” I asked.

  Sally gave me the stink eye, then stepped around the tree ... and didn’t reappear on the other side.