Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  ‘Can you pass me Maddie’s pink cardigan, it should be in the bag, and her shoes?’ Candice asks. ‘If we’re going to get some dinner, we probably should get going.’

  Handing her the cardigan, she slips Maddie’s arms inside while I crouch down and slide her pink sandals on her feet. Maddie is the first kid I’ve ever been around, so her tiny hands and feet fascinate me. When I stand, I find Candice smiling at me.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve just never seen this side of you before.’

  ‘What side?’ I ask as my brow furrows.

  ‘The way you dote on Maddie. It’s very sweet.’

  Shoving my hands into my pockets, I shrug. ‘I take my uncle role very seriously.’

  ‘You’re cute,’ she says, putting Maddie on the floor.

  ‘I’m not, cute.’

  ‘Yes, you are,’ she says, poking me in the side. She laughs when I slap her hand away.

  Maddie runs over to the table, picking up her cap. ‘Look, Sissy, hat.’

  ‘Wow. Did Uncle Jax buy you that pretty hat?’

  Maddie nods as she puts it on. Scooping Maddie into her arms I see a smile tug at Candice’s lips. Passing me on her way to the door, she whispers, ‘I rest my case, cutie-pie.’

  ‘I’m not a cutie-pie,’ I growl.

  ‘Walk,’ Maddie says as we head down the street towards an Italian restaurant. Candice puts her down and reaches for her hand. My heart melts when Maddie moves between us and reaches for my hand as well. I’m thankful she left the dog at home. I couldn’t handle a repeat of this afternoon.

  ‘Should we order something for you to take home to Sophia?’ I ask as we look over the menu.

  ‘No, she won’t eat it. She doesn’t get these migraines often, but when she does they really knock her on her arse. I made her a sandwich when I went home at lunchtime, but she didn’t want it. I hate seeing her like that.’

  ‘Can the doctor give her anything?’

  ‘No. Bed rest in a dark room is the only thing that seems to help. She’ll come good tomorrow, or the next day.’

  Once we’ve finished eating, Candice takes Maddie to the bathroom to clean her up. She’s covered in pasta sauce. She really made a mess of herself and I chuckle when I think of the piece of spaghetti that was in her hair. Usually she lets Candice feed her, but tonight she wanted to do it herself. She must’ve gained her independence at lunch with the rice.

  The waitress approaches the table with the bill, so I pull my credit card out and pass it to her.

  ‘Did you enjoy your meal?’ she asks.

  ‘We did. Thank you.’ I look at the crap all over the table. ‘Sorry about the mess.’

  ‘It’s no bother. You have a lovely family. My kids used to make a mess like that when they were little.’

  I just smile and don’t bother correcting her. I kinda like that she thought we were a family, which is all types of crazy. I learnt a long time ago that there’s no point wishing for something you can never have. My family weren’t the best role models. They certainly never inspired me to have a family of my own. If anything, they turned me off the idea.

  The waitress’s comment makes me wonder about Maddie’s dad. Is he absent from her life, just like Candice’s father? I’ve yet to hear any mention of him.

  When we reach my place, I run inside to get Maddie’s things while Candice straps her into her booster seat. Maddie made me carry her all the way home, and almost fell asleep on my shoulder. It’s been a big day; she wore me out.

  I pass Candice the bag and she places it on the floor inside the car.

  Bending slightly, I look into the back seat. ‘Bye, Peanut.’

  Maddie gives me a weak smile as her eyelids slowly close. She’ll be asleep before Candice even gets out of the street.

  ‘Thanks again for today,’ Candice says as she closes the back door and turns to face me.

  ‘You don’t need to thank me.’

  ‘I do. I would’ve been screwed today if it wasn’t for you.’

  ‘Well, that’s what uncles are for.’

  She lets out a small laugh as she tucks a strand of pink hair behind her ear. She seems nervous. I hope she doesn’t think I’m going to kiss her. As much as I’d like to, she knows as well as I do that’s not going to happen.

  ‘Does Maddie ever see her father?’

  ‘What? Why would you ask that?’ Her eyes widen slightly.

  I shrug. ‘I’m just curious. You guys have never mentioned him.’

  She pauses briefly before shaking her head. I know talking about her own father has always been a sore point for Candice. ‘It’s a long, complicated mess,’ she says as she looks away.

  I don’t bother prying any further, because I can see it’s making her uncomfortable. It’s none of my business.

  ‘I should get going. Maddie’s tired, and I still need to bath her.’

  ‘No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘You will.’

  I shove my hands into my pockets as we stand there in silence. For some reason I don’t know what to say or do. It’s funny, ninety-nine per cent of the time we’re completely comfortable in each other’s presence, but then there’s that one per cent, like now, when I don’t know how to act. What I’d really like to ask her is how her date with Carter went last night, but I’m in no way prepared for her answer.

  Stepping forward, she surprises me when she wraps her arms around my waist. ‘’Night, Jax.’

  I fold her into my arms. Closing my eyes, I inhale her sweet apple scent as I place a soft kiss on her hair. I wish I could hold her like this forever.

  ‘Goodnight, Candice.’ Letting go, I take a step backwards. She gives me a smile that almost seems sad, before walking around to the driver’s side of the car.

  I’m still standing on the footpath minutes after her car has disappeared around the corner. I’ve gotten used to being on my own, but for some reason, in this moment I feel lost and completely alone.

  ••••

  I thought I’d have another sleepless night, but surprisingly, I didn’t. I think looking after Maddie yesterday wore me out. Pulling out my phone on the walk to work, I text Candice.

  Me: How’s Sophia this morning?

  She replies almost immediately.

  Candice: Still not well. I was just about to call you.

  Can I bring Maddie into work today? I’ll make sure she doesn’t get in the way. Otherwise, I’m not going to be able to come in.

  The tattoo parlour is no place for kids, but Maddie is family. I know she’s a good kid. Plus, I need Candice there today. She keeps everything running smoothly.

  Me: Bring her with you. I can help keep an eye on her when I’m not with clients.

  Candice: This is why I love you. See you soon. x

  I swear I reread her message a hundred times before putting my phone back in my pocket. I know she only said it in jest, but nobody has ever told me they loved me before. My family never did love; it was too real for their fake-arse lives.

  Stopping at the bakery, I grab Brian his usual. I spot a little pink cupcake in the display case. ‘I’ll get one of those too, thanks,’ I say, pointing to the one I want. Maddie has a sweet tooth like me, so I know she’ll love it.

  I head towards the shop with my purchases. I really feel for Brian. Someone his age should be in the prime of his life, not living on the streets and begging for food. Brian is usually waiting for me on the other side of the street each morning. He’s become accustomed to me now, so I’m surprised when I don’t see him. It’s just after eight and I don’t have time to wait around so I cross the road, heading into the park.

  It doesn’t take long for me to find him. Concern fills me when I see him sitting on a park bench with his head in his hands.

  ‘Brian, is everything okay?’

  When he looks up at me, my heart drops. ‘Fuck. What happened?’ I ask, crouching down in front of him.

  ‘Some young thugs out for a good time,’ he says.<
br />
  Rage fills me as I look over his battered face. What sort of lowlife would do something like this for fun? He’s a poor, defenceless old man. He wouldn’t even have anything worth stealing.

  ‘Jesus. Come, on let’s get you looked at,’ I say standing and extending my hand to him.

  ‘I’m not going to no doctor … I hate doctors. They’re a bunch of quacks.’

  ‘You need to see somebody.’ He has a large gash on his head that looks like it’s going to need stitches.

  ‘I’ll be fine,’ he says, flicking his hand to dismiss my suggestions.

  ‘I’m not leaving you like this, Brian. At least come over to my shop and let me clean you up.’

  ‘You do enough for me already.’ He looks up at me with his kind eyes—well, one of them, the other is practically swollen shut.

  ‘I won’t take no for an answer. Your cuts will get infected if I don’t clean them, and then you’ll be in all sorts of trouble.’ Handing him the hot coffee, I use my free hand to help him off the bench. I pick up his striped bag, filled with his worldly possessions.

  ‘Okay. You drive a hard bargain, young man.’ He groans as he stands. I’m still flabbergasted that someone could do this. What the hell is wrong with people?

  I open the shop and lead him straight into my studio. ‘Sit,’ I say, guiding him to the seat in the corner. I grab the first aid kit out of the cupboard, along with two towels. Wetting one, I start wiping the dried blood off his face. He’s a fucking mess. There’s so much dirt and grime on his skin, I have to keep rinsing the towel as I go. He winces a few times, but doesn’t complain. He’s a tough old bugger.

  ‘Tell me to mind my own business if you like, but how did you end up on the streets anyway?’

  He sighs. ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘Well, we’re going to be here for a while. Those kids really did a number on you.’

  He remains quiet for a short time before beginning to speak. ‘My wife got sick about five years ago. She went through a number of tests, but they kept telling her she was fine when it was obvious she wasn’t. She couldn’t keep anything down … she’d lost so much weight.’

  I pause and make eye contact with him.

  ‘Months later we ended up going and getting a second opinion. I couldn’t bear to see her suffering. That’s when we found out about the tumour. By then the cancer had spread to her lungs and liver. She was riddled with it. The doctors had lied. Incompetent fools. She wasn’t fine, she had an aggressive tumour in her stomach. If only she’d been diagnosed earlier …’ There’s disdain in his voice as he speaks, and now I understand why he doesn’t like doctors. He brings his dirty hand to his face, wiping a tear from under his eye.

  ‘Shit.’ I don’t know what else to say.

  ‘We didn’t have much money, but I used every cent I had trying to save my dear sweet May—she was my world. We were high school sweethearts, you know. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her.’ When he pauses and I see his lips curve into a smile, I know he’s thinking about her. ‘She was wearing a pretty white dress the day I met her. She reminded me of an angel. When she got sick, it was hard to stand by and watch her suffering. I would’ve given anything to trade places with her. By the time she passed away, I had nothing left. The house, our savings … it was all gone.’

  ‘I’m sorry. That must’ve been a hard time for you.’

  Silence falls over us as I continue to clean him up. He gave up everything to save his wife, and in the end he lost her anyway. Life can be so cruel.

  ‘The kids who did this—’ he points to his face as he speaks, ‘—stole the only thing of value I had left. May’s wedding ring.’

  ‘What? Fuck.’

  He gives me a stern look when I swear, and I bow my head. I gather he isn’t impressed with my language.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  I’m astounded that he kept her ring all this time when he didn’t even have money to eat. It just shows how much he loved her. How could somebody steal from a homeless man?

  I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear a voice speaking behind me.

  ‘Hey.’ Candice is standing in the doorway of my studio. ‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t realise you had company.’

  ‘Jax!’ Maddie squeals, wiggling out of Candice’s arms and running over to me.

  ‘Morning, Peanut.’ Picking her up, I kiss the top of her head. She’s wearing the pink cap I bought her yesterday. ‘Candice, come meet Brian,’ I say over Maddie’s head.

  She walks into the room, and stops beside me.

  ‘Candice, this is Brian. Brian, this is Candice.’

  I smile when she extends her hand to him. He’s filthy and he doesn’t smell too good, but that doesn’t seem to bother her at all. Like me, she’s non-judgemental. Ninety-nine per cent of the people we grew up with wouldn’t even stand in the same room as him, let alone touch him.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Brian.’

  ‘Likewise, Miss Candice.’

  ‘And this is Maddie.’

  ‘Hello little one,’ he says. Maddie smiles, cowering into my chest at the same time.

  ‘You look like you’ve been in the wars, Brian. Are you okay?’ Candice asks. ‘You should get that cut looked at, it’s nasty.’

  He looks a lot better than he did when I first brought him in here. Now that I’ve removed most of the blood and dirt from his face, you can clearly see the bruises forming.

  ‘He was beaten up by some kids last night.’

  ‘Oh my God.’ Candice covers her mouth with her hand.

  ‘He doesn’t want to see a doctor. If I watch Maddie, do you think you could run to the pharmacy and grab some butterfly stitches? I don’t have any in the first aid kit. Maybe another bottle of Betadine as well. I’m almost out.’

  ‘Of course.’

  Pulling my wallet out of my pocket, I hand it to her. ‘Use whatever you need.’

  She smiles before turning her attention to Maddie. ‘Be a good girl for Uncle Jax, I’ll be back in a few minutes.’

  ‘Your niece has your eyes,’ Brian says once Candice leaves.

  I chuckle. ‘She’s not really my niece. Candice and I have been friends for years, so she’s like family to me.’ I look down at Maddie and smile as she stands beside me, watching me clean up Brian.

  ‘Hurt,’ she says, pointing to him.

  When Candice arrives with the supplies from the pharmacy, she sets Maddie up with a colouring book and pencils in the corner of my studio so she can help me with Brian.

  ‘It’s almost nine, you better go get things ready for us to open,’ I say to her when we’re nearly done.

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Leave Maddie here with me.’ I glance over at her in the corner and she’s happily colouring. She’s a good girl.

  ‘You like her, don’t you?’ Brian says when Candice leaves the room.

  ‘Who, Candice?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Of course. As I said, we’ve been friends for years.’

  ‘I’m talking about more than a friend. I see the way you look at her. It’s the same way I used to look at my May.’

  Lowering my head, I clear my throat. I can’t answer that question without lying, so I don’t. Instead, I busy myself cleaning up the mess I made.

  ‘A love like that doesn’t come around often you know.’

  ‘We’re friends. That’s all we’ll ever be.’

  ‘Keep telling yourself that, son.’

  Is it that obvious? I thought I’d mastered hiding my true feelings for Candice. He’s the first person to ever call me out on it.

  ‘Are there any shelters in the area you can stay at? It’s not safe for you to sleep in the park,’ I say, trying to steer the conversation away from Candice and me.

  ‘Occasionally they have a spare bed, but not often.’

  ‘My spare room at home is full, but you’re welcome to use my sofa until you find somewhere safer to stay.’ I barely know this man, but I can’t in good c
onscience send him back out there.

  ‘Thank you for the offer. You’re a good kid, Jax, but I couldn’t do that to you. I refuse to be a burden to anyone.’

  Sighing, I remove my cap and run my fingers through my hair.

  ‘What about if I make a few calls and see if I can find a shelter that has room for you?’

  ‘No. I appreciate it, but you’ve done enough.’ He stands and shakes my hand. ‘I best be going, but thank you.’

  ‘Listen,’ I say as he picks up his striped bag and shuffles towards the door, ‘there’s a garage at the back of the shop. It’s not much, but I never use it.’ I pull my keys out of my pocket, taking the two for the back gate and garage door off the ring. ‘You can enter via the laneway out back. Sleep in there at night.’ I can already tell he’s going to say no. ‘Please, mate, it will make me feel better knowing you’re safe at night.’ Newtown is a great area, but like most places, it’s not the best area to be in alone after dark.

  He sighs as he considers my offer. ‘Okay. Thank you.’

  I smile when he takes the keys from me, shoving them into the pocket of his worn trousers. I see tears glistening in his eyes when they meet mine again.

  ‘I’ll never be able to repay you for your kindness.’

  ‘There’s no need. Having you safe is reward enough.’

  ‘Bye, little one,’ he says as he passes Maddie.

  ••••

  ‘Nope, I think it will look better back over there,’ Candice says, pointing to the spot I just had it in. She’s kidding right? This is the fifth time she’s got me to move it.

  ‘It’s just a fucking place to sleep, not the Ritz Carlton.’

  ‘I know, but I want him to be comfortable.’

  ‘The position isn’t going to make a difference. Anything will be better than the park bench he’s been calling home for God knows how long.’

  ‘I know,’ she says with a grim expression. ‘This is a really nice thing you’re doing, Jax.’

  I shrug. ‘I couldn’t just leave him on the streets.’

  ‘I wonder how he ended up there? He doesn’t appear to be a drunk.’

  ‘He’s not. He spent every penny he had trying to save his wife when she got sick, but she ended up dying anyway.’