Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  As I flick through the channels, there’s a knock at the door. It’s almost eight, so I have no idea who it might be.

  I’m pleasantly surprised when I open the door to see the object of my thoughts standing on my front porch.

  ‘Candice. Hey. Is everything okay?’

  ‘Everything’s fine. I just wanted to see you.’ She smiles nervously as she twists her fingers together in front of her. ‘I … um … would’ve come earlier, but I waited until Maddie went to bed. I got your letter today.’ She lifts the heart in a bottle pendant that’s around her neck. ‘I love this, and everything it symbolises.’

  I lean against the doorframe. ‘The moment I saw it I had to buy it. It reminded me of you, and your hair.’

  ‘It’s beautiful, just like the letter that came with it. Your words made me cry.’

  I sigh. It’s been so long, I’m not even sure what I wrote. But I do know I poured my heart into that letter. ‘I’m sorry it took so long to get to you. Things would’ve been a lot different if I hadn’t waited.’

  ‘I wish I’d known back then how you felt, Jax. It would’ve changed everything.’

  I can hear the hurt in her voice. We’ve wasted so many years fighting the inevitable. What the heart wants, it wants. There’s no changing it, no matter how hard you try.

  ‘You said in the letter that you knew you’d disappoint me. But the only way you could ever do that is if you didn’t follow your heart.’

  We both stand there in silence, neither of us knowing what to do, or say. Her beautiful blue eyes lock with mine before she takes a step forward, and her scent invades my senses. It’s like a drug. She’s my kryptonite. My heart starts to hammer in my chest when she gets up on her toes and fists her hands in the front of my T-shirt, pulling my lips down to hers. The moment our mouths connect, I lose all my resolve. I slide my arms around her waist and draw her body flush with mine. Burying my hand into her hair, I tilt her head back. I’m powerless. I can’t fight this any longer. I need her, I want her … I crave her.

  ‘Jax,’ she moans.

  ‘Candice.’

  I bring her with me as I take a few steps backwards. I kick the door closed with the heel of my foot, and push her up against the wall.

  I groan into her mouth when she lifts one of her legs and anchors it around my waist. The sweetest sound falls from her lips when I push my cock against her.

  ‘I miss you, Jax. I miss you so much.’

  ‘I miss you too. I miss you like you wouldn’t believe, but I think we should take this slow. So much has happened—’

  She places her finger over my lips. ‘We can take it slow, right after you fuck me.’

  A primal growl erupts from deep inside my chest. How can I say no to that? I’ve longed for that connection with her again. I’ve never felt as close to anyone as I do when I’m buried deep inside her.

  ‘I need this, Jax … we need this.’

  My hands move down to her arse and I lift her off the ground. She wraps her other leg around my waist as my lips crash into hers. I groan when she grinds her pussy against my cock. We’ve done hardly anything yet, and I already feel like I’m on the edge. She has no idea how much she turns me on.

  ‘Oh, Jax,’ she moans. ‘I’ve missed the way you make me feel when we’re together …’

  I know exactly what she means. I may have been fighting this, but deep down in my soul there was a part of me missing.

  Manoeuvring my hand between us, I slide it down the front of her pants. I need to touch her, taste her … be buried balls-deep inside her. It’s been far too long. I groan when I feel how wet she is for me.

  ‘Oh God,’ she whimpers when I slip two fingers deep inside her tight pussy. She tilts her head back as her lips form a perfect ‘O’. A long, drawn-out moan escapes her as she pushes her hips into my hand. ‘Don’t stop,’ she pants. ‘It feels so good.’

  I have no intentions of stopping.

  My cock starts to ache with need as she rides my hand with a fiery passion. ‘Yes, fuck my fingers,’ I whisper into her ear, as I suck her earlobe into my mouth. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out.

  She reaches for the hem of her shirt, pulling it up and over her head. ‘I need to feel your skin.’ When she drops it to the floor, she slides her hands under my shirt, bunching it under my arms so the skin of our torsos is touching. My free hand cups one of her tits as I pinch her nipple through the thin lace fabric of her bra. ‘Oh God,’ she whimpers.

  I groan when I feel her clamp tightly around my fingers. I love the sounds she makes when she comes undone.

  I don’t stop my assault until she goes limp in my arms. She sighs when I remove my fingers and her eyes follow my every move as I suck them into my mouth.

  ‘Mmm.’ She still tastes as sweet as honey.

  ‘You could not get any sexier right now,’ she breathes.

  Her lips trail a path up my chest as she removes my shirt. When she suddenly pauses, I know she’s seen it.

  ‘Jax.’ Her head snaps up and I see she’s smiling. ‘You have a little peanut tattooed over your heart, next to the pink candy.’

  ‘Carter did it for me a few weeks after you left. I didn’t tell him what it symbolised, so he now thinks I have a freaky food obsession. He always has a bowl of nuts out on the table when we play cards.’ I chuckle just thinking about it. He gave me so much shit when I asked him to ink the peanut on me, even more so when he saw the candy.

  ‘And the candy?’

  I see the hope in her eyes as she asks that. When we were together a few years back, she’d stare at it a lot—so many times I wanted to tell her I got it for her, but I never did. I probably would’ve after we became official, but two days later she ripped my heart out and fucked off with my kid.

  I try to push those thoughts out of my mind. I don’t want to ruin this. It’s time I let the hurt go. ‘That’s you,’ I say, smiling. ‘My Candylicious. It was the first tattoo I got. I had no idea if I’d ever see you again, but this way I knew I’d have a little piece of you with me always.’

  ‘That’s so beautiful,’ she whispers as tears fill her eyes. She places a soft kiss on the peanut, and another on the pink candy. ‘I love these so much.’

  And I love her. Fuck, do I love her. I love both my girls.

  I untangle her legs from around my waist, and she puts her feet on the floor. ‘I need to be inside you,’ I say. ‘I can’t wait another second.’

  She draws her bottom lip between her teeth as she places her hand on my chest, slightly pushing me back. ‘We’re going to fuck hard, and then we’re going to make love.’

  Her words make my cock jump in my pants. This bossy side of her is a turn-on.

  She steps away from me and turns, giving me a sexy look over her shoulder. My pulse quickens as I watch the hypnotic sway of her hips. She slowly removes the remainder of her clothing, leaving a trail as she heads to my bedroom.

  I’m glued to the spot, watching her hot-as-fuck striptease. The moment she’s out of sight, I unbutton my jeans and strip off, leaving my clothes in a heaped mess by the door. I grab a condom from the bathroom as I pass, and I’m already rolling it on by the time I enter my bedroom.

  I almost swallow my damn tongue when I find Candice on all fours on my bed, her luscious arse proudly on display for me. ‘Jesus,’ I growl. I swear I almost blow my load then and there.

  ‘Do you like the view?’ she asks, glancing back at me.

  ‘Very much.’ I close my eyes briefly, trying to snapshot this vision of her. I don’t ever want to forget this moment.

  ‘Oh God, hurry, Jax,’ she whimpers. I grab hold of my dick and stroke it as I saunter towards her. Grabbing her arse cheeks, I groan when I part them, opening her up to me. She’s so beautiful.

  I trail a line from her wet pussy all the way up her arse with my tongue. She pushes her hips at my face and arches her back. My mouth takes over as I devour her … consume her … own her. She’s mine. There’s no way I’ll
let her go again.

  ‘You taste like heaven,’ I murmur as I stand and wipe the back of my hand across my mouth.

  Without a second thought, I line myself up with her opening as my hands grab her hips and draw her body to me. In one swift motion, I drive my rock-hard cock deep inside her.

  ‘Yes,’ she moans. My grip on her hips tightens, and my fingers dig into her soft flesh. Throwing my head back, I close my eyes and allow the feeling of my girl to consume me. I’m fucking home. That’s what she feels like. Home.

  As the minutes pass, the urge begins to overtake me. I need to fuck her badly. ‘I can’t go slow,’ I say as I continue to pump into her.

  ‘Fuck me harder, Jax,’ she breathes.

  That’s all I need. Stilling her, I pick up the pace.

  ‘That’s it,’ she moans. ‘Oh God, Jax.’

  My balls slap up against her, and the sound of skin on skin drives me wild. The sexy little noises she’s making have me teetering on the edge.

  Her breath catches as I lean forward and wrap her hair around my wrist, tugging her head back. My other hand slides towards her tits.

  ‘I want to do this all night long, but fuck, you’re too much. It’s too much. I’m head over heels in love with your pussy. I’ve been in love with it since I was nineteen.’

  I see her lips curve up into a smile, as my mouth trails a path across her jaw and down to her neck. ‘I’m head over heels in love with you—I mean, your cock, too,’ she pants. ‘I love every delicious inch.’

  I chuckle at her words, but I think we both know there’s a deeper meaning to what we’re both saying. She knows how I feel about her, my letter said it all, but I’m not ready to say the ‘L’ word out loud just yet. But I’m gonna blow if she keeps talking like that. And I’m not ready for this to end.

  Letting go of her hair, I quickly withdraw and flip her onto her back. Hooking my arms under her knees, I lift her legs and place them over my shoulders. ‘Sweet Jesus,’ I mumble, when I slide back in. I’m so deep. Her pussy is so tight it feels like a vice around my cock.

  ‘Oh God, Jax, I’m coming.’

  I can’t hold back any longer. I chase her there, pushing deeper inside her at a fevered pace. My body shudders as my own climax tears through me and I tilt my head back and come so damn hard only incoherent noises fall from my lips.

  Sex with her is so good. So fucking good!

  ••••

  ‘Morning,’ I say when she snuggles closer.

  I feel her smile against my chest. ‘Morning.’

  I swear I haven’t slept this good in years. One night with her and my whole world feels like it has finally aligned again. I know in my heart I’ve made the right decision. I’m not a whole person without her.

  Lifting my head off the pillow, I seek out her lips. We have so much lost time to make up. When she shimmies her body up further and deepens the kiss, I flip her over and settle between her legs. ‘I want to go to bed with you every night, and wake up with you beside me every morning.’

  ‘I want that too,’ she says, threading her fingers in my hair.

  ‘Move in with me, Candice. I want you and Maddie here with me.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  ‘But you said last night you wanted to take it slow.’

  ‘Fuck what I said. I’m an idiot. I think we’ve wasted enough time apart.’

  ‘Oh, Jax.’ Tears fill her eyes.

  I study her face. Doesn’t she want to live here? ‘We can wait if you’re not ready.’

  ‘What? Of course I’m ready.’

  ‘Then why are you crying?’

  ‘You’re right, you are an idiot,’ she says, slapping my chest. ‘They’re happy tears.’

  ‘So you and Maddie are going to move in then?’

  ‘Yes. Maddie is going to be over the moon.’

  ‘She’s dropped enough hints.’ I chuckle. ‘She want us to be a family.’

  ‘I thought about what you said the other day, and you’re right. She’s always saying, “I wish Daddy was here with us.” I just didn’t put two and two together.’

  ‘And I’m the idiot?’ I say, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Fuck off.’ When she goes to playfully punch my arm, I capture her wrist, drawing it above her head.

  ‘Put your other hand above your head,’ I command. She does as I ask and I reach over for one of the condoms that I left on the bedside table after our marathon sex session last night. Once I’ve rolled it on, I wrap the fingers of my right hand around both her wrists, grab my cock with my left hand and rub it against her pussy. She wraps her legs tightly around my waist as I slide the tip inside. She feels so damn good.

  ‘Jax,’ she breathes as I lace my fingers through hers.

  I place a soft kiss on her lips before drawing back. My heart thumps furiously against my ribcage as our eyes lock once again. ‘I love you, Candice,’ I say as I slowly push all the way inside her, filling her completely. ‘I’ve loved you from the beginning, and I’m going to love you to the very end.’

  JAX

  One year later …

  ‘HEY TWAT-WAFFLE,’ CARTER SAYS WHEN I ANSWER HIS CALL.

  ‘I don’t know how many times I have to tell you—that’s my word, fucker.’

  ‘Was.’ He chuckles. ‘It’s mine now.’

  ‘Did you call just to be a cock, or do you want something?’

  ‘I need your help.’

  ‘With what?’ He rarely asks for anything, so I’m immediately concerned, especially because he sounds stressed out. ‘Is everything okay, man?’

  ‘Yes. Sort of. I have … um … a date tonight. I need you to help me out.’

  ‘You have a date?’ I laugh, because I think he’s pulling my leg. I know him well enough to know he doesn’t date. ‘And you want my help with that? I think you’re asking the wrong person.’

  ‘I don’t need pointers, fucker … I’m capable of dating. Fuck. Well, I think I am. I just need someone to set up a few things for me. You know, so it’s all ready for us when we arrive.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘A table and chairs, maybe a candle.’

  ‘A candle? Have you been drinking?’

  He exhales a frustrated breath. ‘Look, just forget it. I’ll work something else out.’

  Christ, he’s serious. ‘Hold on,’ I say. ‘So you really have a date, with a real chick?’

  ‘No. I’m taking your blow-up doll out on the town. Dickhead. Of course it’s with a real chick.’

  ‘Wow.’

  ‘Why do you find that so hard to believe?’

  ‘Come on, Carter. We’ve been friends for what, five, six years? Tell me how many dates you’ve been on in that time. And bringing random chicks home to bang doesn’t constitute a date either.’

  ‘Fair enough. But this isn’t just anyone. It’s Indiana. I want it to be special.’

  ‘You mean the girl next door, Indiana? The one you’ve been in love with for all these years?’

  ‘I’m not fucking in love with her, cock. I just like her …’

  ‘You love her. Stop lying to yourself. You moved almost two hundred kilometres away to try to forget her. That, my friend, speaks volumes.’

  ‘When did you become such an expert in love?’

  I run my hands through my hair. I’m not going there with him right now. ‘Look, I’m in the middle of something,’ I lie. ‘When do you need me to set up this table and … candle?’

  ‘Tonight. I’m sorry for the short notice, but it was a last-minute decision.’

  ‘I can’t come to Newcastle tonight. I might be able to make it up there on the weekend.’

  ‘I’m not in Newcastle. I’m in Sydney.’

  ‘Since when?’

  ‘Since yesterday.’

  ‘Right. Thanks for popping in to say hello.’

  ‘I’ve been flat-out since I got here. Are you on your period or something?’

  ‘What? No.’

  �
�Well, stop acting like a bitch then.’

  ‘Fuck off, I’m not acting like a bitch.’

  ‘You are. Quit whingeing and help me out. Oh, and by the way, I need you to order the food and bring it with you. Nothing fancy. Just burgers.’

  ‘Burgers? Wow. You’re really pulling out the big guns. And FYI, I’m not being your damn waiter.’

  ‘You don’t have to serve us,’ he says. ‘Just bring the food. I can do the rest. I don’t want you hanging around cramping my style.’

  ‘Why? Are you worried that your girl will see I’m the better-looking one?’ Ribbing him will never get old.

  ‘Dream on, dickhead.’

  ‘Where’s the date supposed to be taking place?’

  ‘I’m thinking on the grassed area under the Harbour Bridge, overlooking the harbour.’

  ‘Nice. You may win her over with the view, but seriously, dude, fucking burgers?’

  ‘Burgers are our thing.’

  ‘Fair enough.’ I want to throw in a smart remark, but I think I’ve said enough. Honestly, I’m happy for him. The love of a good woman can do wonders for the soul. ‘Text me all the info and I’ll get it sorted.’

  ‘Thanks man,’ he says. ‘I owe you one.’

  ‘I better be best man at your wedding,’ I throw in to piss him off. He’s gonna bite, he always does.

  ‘How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not in love, and there isn’t going to be a fucking wedding.’

  Hook, line and sinker. ‘Keep telling yourself that, buddy.’

  He mumbles something under his breath as I end the call, but I can’t quite make it out.

  ‘Who was on the phone?’ Candice asks as she slides her hands around my waist, placing a soft kiss on my back.

  ‘Carter.’

  ‘Is everything okay?’

  I turn in her arms and pull her soft body to mine. Life is good, so fucking good. Being with her is easy, just like breathing. She’s my air. We fit perfectly. I can’t even put into words what having my girls—my family—living here is like. It has changed me, in so many ways. I finally feel complete … I’m no longer empty or alone.

  ‘Everything’s fine,’ I reply, tucking a strand of her apple-smelling pink hair behind her ear. Sometimes when I’m in the shower, I hold her shampoo bottle to my nose and inhale. ‘He wants me to help him set up something for his date with Indiana tonight.’