by M. Clarke
Seeing him hurt like that made me miserable, and I was almost certain he had heard me crying. My resolve was weakening, and I was just about to open the door when he started to walk away. Max walked away! The Max I thought I knew would’ve broken the door down to get to me. That made my heartache deeper. Tears ran even more as I slid down the door. Letting it all out, I sobbed until there was nothing left of me.
As soon as I walked through the door of my home after leaving Jenna’s place, the air seemed colder. Though I’d been here alone many times before, it felt so empty without her, especially tonight. I’m not sure what part of our fight, if I could call it that, got me more worked up: me not telling her everything beforehand, her shutting the door on me, or the fact that she said I didn’t trust her. Which was worse, I didn’t know.
I headed for the bar, poured myself a drink, and then sat on the sofa. All the “should haves” popped into my mind. I was trying to protect her, but I ended up hurting her instead. I guess between our age difference and Jenna being as innocent as they come, I felt a great need to protect her. That was just the way I was.
After taking a sip of whiskey, feeling it burn down my throat, I took out my cell phone. I had missed calls from Matt, Dad, and Thomas. That was it. I re-read Jenna’s last flirty text, where she told me she would have something fun for me. Though my dirty mind thought of a few things, I couldn’t imagine her having the same thoughts.
Jenna was the most innocent woman I’d ever dated and if I could have it my way, she’d be the last, but we couldn’t get there if we didn’t get through this. I had expected her to call me to say goodnight at least. It was something that she had done every night, since she went to bed first, but as I sat and stared at the phone, it never rang.
I knew she was upset with me, but I didn’t know it was to this degree. I tried to put myself in her shoes, wanting to understand her, but it wasn’t working. All that went through my head was ‘Jenna didn’t call.’ Sure, I guess I could call her instead, but why? She practically slammed the door in my face, shutting me out, not willing to listen any further. She didn’t let me explain!
Maybe she was better off without me. She didn’t deserve all the trouble that surrounded my life, though I wasn’t sure I was capable of letting her go. Because I loved her so much, I would sacrifice my want for her happiness. I would do anything for her. Hell, if I had known she would walk into my life, I would never have dated Crystal.
Crystal was there to pass the time, not to mention the things she would do to me. I thought we were consenting adults with a mutual understanding that this relationship wasn’t long term. Who knew she would turn out to be a psycho bitch that was out to ruin me?
Looking at my phone, I checked again just in case I had missed Jenna’s call, but that would have been impossible since I had it in my hand. It was just my wishful thinking. Drowning in my sorrow, I only hoped I was overreacting, but ‘Jenna didn’t call’ echoed though my head again as I swallowed the last sip of my drink. Was this her way of saying she was letting me go?
I didn’t know what more I could do to prove to her how much I loved her and that I would stay faithful to us. My past was my past and I wanted to keep it there. There were things she didn’t need to know because it didn’t concern her. At that moment, I decided the ball was in her court. Actually, it was always in her court. Maybe she just needed time to think things through.
I was probably too much of an alpha male, but I would not have pursued her if I knew she wasn’t interested. I could see it in her eyes and the way her body responded to me. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. Maybe I needed to back away and give her time and space to breathe. Too much has happened since the day she met me. But giving her time could possibly mean she would leave me. Oh hell, I don’t know what to do. All I knew was that if she left me, I would stop breathing.
I didn’t know if it was because I was tired, or the effect of the whisky, or just too much thinking, but my body felt so heavy and there was an overwhelming feeling of loss and sadness. Rubbing my face into the palms of my hands, I let out a long sigh of frustration. Too tired to walk up the stairs, I spread my legs, tilted my head back and sunk into my sofa so the dream world would take me away. At least there, Jenna would be in my arms and we would be together. But she didn’t call…
I came back from the market to find Jenna at home. Strange. Heading toward the kitchen, I noticed her door was closed. After I put everything away, I decided to knock on the door.
“Come in,” she said softly.
Swinging the door open, I started to jabber about the two big buff men by the front entrance, but I cut my sentence short when I saw her face. She didn’t need to say a word. I could see it in her eyes. I knew that look all too well. Something was definitely wrong. If Max had hurt her, I would kill him with my bare hands. “Jenna, what happened?” I sat on the edge of the bed.
After she closed her eyes, as if to gather her thoughts, she spoke. All I could do was try not to drop my mouth open as the words spilled out of her. Holy shit! It sounded like something that could only happen in a novel. Jenna told me about how she ran into Crystal at the club, the lawsuit, the paparazzi, the security men watching our apartment, how Max kept things from her, and about what the lawyer suggested. What words of advice do you give to your friend when you have no idea what to say? I was totally dumbfounded by it all. “Wow, Jenna.” That was the most idiotic thing to say, but that was all I could think of at that moment.
“I know,” she agreed. “I can’t believe all these things are happening. What happened to ‘meet a wonderful guy, date, get married, and have children?”
“You don’t think Max is the one?”
“I thought he could be. I care for him so much that it feels like my world is falling apart. Who knows how long this lawsuit will last? Who knows how we will feel about each other after this?”
“What do you mean? Max loves you. I can say it without a doubt.”
“He kept things from me. He should’ve told me.”
“Jenna, I’m going to stop you right there. What guy is going to discuss what he did with other women? Quite frankly, I’m glad he didn’t tell you. Knowing you, you would’ve freaked out and wouldn’t have given him the time of day. Am I right?”
“It doesn’t matter. It should have come from him and not his lawyer. He should have known better.”
“There is something else that’s bothering you.”
Jenna didn’t reply. Instead, she moved on to another subject, blowing my mind. “Apparently, Max likes to use handcuffs, whips, and stuff like you talked about.”
I didn’t need to know this about Max, but okay. Jenna needed to talk about it so I would try to forget afterward. “He actually used them with you?” I sounded surprised. I think I even raised my voice.
“No.” Jenna shook her head. “Max and Crystal. I think it was the reason why he stayed with her. I’m sure he cared about her at the beginning, but I think in the end, that’s how she controlled him.”
It was cute how Jenna was careful with her words, always looking for the positive side of people. “Well, hun, sometimes a woman like her knows how to control young, naïve men. To tell you the truth, any guy in his right mind would want to experiment if the lady was willing.”
Jenna bit her bottom lip, her gaze drifting. “What if he needs more? What if I’m not enough? What if he gets bored with me? I’m as plain as they come. You of all people know that.”
And there was the answer to the question she ignored earlier. There WAS something else bothering her. “Don’t sell yourself short and don’t think that far ahead. It will drive you crazy. Yes, I do know you. You happen to have the most beautiful heart I know. Max could never be bored with you. It was one of the reasons why he never stopped asking you out. He knew he found someone special. You guys have something wonderful. Don’t walk away from that.”
“I know,” Jenna murmured. I hope she was agreeing with me and not just saying it for my s
ake. Jenna always assumed the worst in fear of having her heart broken. When her ex-boyfriend cheated on her, her world fell apart.
Draping my arm around her shoulder, I pulled her in for a hug. “You know what? When a guy has sex or makes love, or whatever you want to call it, with the woman he loves, it’s a lot more intense and enjoyable for him. So just know that you rock Max’s world.”
Jenna let out a small laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I don’t mean to change the subject, but did you get the text from Nicole? We need to go for our first fitting next Saturday. I think we need another ladies’ night out.”
“Sounds good. I did get the text, but with everything that happened today, I didn’t get a chance to respond.”
“Don’t worry. I told her we would be there.”
“Thanks, Becca.” Jenna raised her brows, apparently wondering why she had called me by that name. It made me think of Matthew. “Becky. Sorry. I don’t know what possessed me to call you that.”
“That’s okay,” I let out short laugh. “Let’s get on your computer.”
“To do what?”
I curled my lips into a wicked smile. “To look at toys.”
“What?”
“So you can rock Matthew’s world even more.”
Before I could get up, she gripped my wrist. “You just said Matthew instead of Max. What’s going on with you two?”
I wanted to tell her what Matthew had told me about his deceased fiancée, but it was something between him and I. He was Max’s brother, so I thought I should keep it to myself just in case somehow it got out that I told Jenna, Jenna told Max, Max told Matthew that I told Jenna. Yup, that sounded confusing even in my own mind.
“Nothing,” I finally said.
She gave me a look with one eye closed, as if she was asking me if I was telling the truth.
“Don’t give me that look,” I said, almost laughing. I couldn’t stop smiling. Matthew and I had a one-night stand, but I didn’t want to tell Jenna about it now. I didn’t want her to think badly of him, or judge what we did. Our friendship was complicated. Hell, I didn’t even know what we were to each other.
After I tugged Jenna out of the bed, she headed to her computer. I, on the other hand, got a text, so I took out my phone from my back pocket. It was from Matthew.
Sorry. I have to cancel dinner. I have something important to take care of for Max.
Matthew had texted me yesterday, asking me out. I texted back.
No worries. Take care of Max.
It had to be something about the lawsuit. Had Jenna not told me about it, I would have thought he decided to have dinner with a real date. That would have hurt a little.
“Are you going to sit next to me or are you too busy thinking about Matthew, Becca?”
Scowling at her, I strode toward her. “I was not thinking about Matthew.” Hearing her joke like that indicated she was feeling better.
“Uh huh. Sure.”
“Shut up.” I nudged her shoulder with mine after I squeezed in to the other half of the chair.
I’d always called Max before I went to bed, so not doing it felt so odd. I don’t know why I didn’t, only that I was so furious with him. I wanted to punish him. It was silly and immature, but when you’re that angry, you just don’t care how much it might hurt the other person. I didn’t even know if it mattered to him. After all, he could have called too. Then again, I did tell him I needed time to think, but that didn’t mean to stay away.
Tossing and turning in bed, I thought about what my friend, Ethan, had said when I had run into him at Stellars. He had given me a funny look when I told him I was dating Maxwell Knight. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me, since the world seemed to know he was being sued. When I thought about that reality, I felt so bad for Max. Still, right now, I needed to blow off some steam.
I knew if he tried to sweet-talk me, there was a real possibility I would go flying back into his arms. As if there wasn’t enough to deal with, if Luke called me one more time, I was going to tell him off. It’s something I would normally never do, but the anger inside me was giving me the fuel I needed to act out of character.
Throughout the day, I couldn’t stop thinking of Becca. I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. Trying not to text or call her was proving to be difficult. She was becoming the drug I needed to make me smile. It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t Jenna’s best friend. If things ever got ugly, Jenna would never speak to me and that would make life difficult, since I’m convinced she’ll be my sister-in-law someday.
Oh, what the hell. Becca knew I couldn’t give her more than friendship. Not seeing the harm in having dinner with a friend, I texted her.
What are you doing, Becca?
Working!
What are you wearing?
What? Lol!
There was a short pause and another text popped up soon after.
Naked.
I’m coming over.
No!!! I’m just kidding. I’m really working! Play with yourself.
I like to play with myself, but I’d rather play with you.
That sounded too flirty and I regretted sending that text. It was just so easy with her, to be me. Before I could delete it, another text popped up. She was fast.
I can play dirty, but I gotta work.
She just made me miss her even more.
Go out to dinner with me.
Nope! Gotta work. Lots to read.
Come on. I’m giving you my sexy pout and if you were here, you wouldn’t be able to say no. So either I come to you and let you see my sexy pout while you’re naked or you come meet me for dinner. Your choice.
There was a pause.
Okay. Where and what time?
I don’t remember how many times I told myself we were just friends, but every time I saw her, she stole a little more of my heart. It wasn’t just that she was super hot; there was more to her. It was so easy to open up with her. She was slowly healing me. The more time I spent with her, the more the memories and pain of Tessa started to fade.
Sitting at the table, I sipped my beer as I waited for Becca. Looking up to the sound of heels clicking softly, I knew it was her. At first, I stared at the amazing vision. With her hair tied behind her and wearing light makeup, she wore tight jeans, a loose black sweater and killer black boots. She looked good enough to eat coming toward me with that smile, cute as a button, but sexy as hell. She was like an angel and a devil sent to undo me.
My libido told me to take her to the nearest restroom, strip her naked, and have my way with her. Taking a deep breath and controlling my urge, I repeatedly told myself that she was just a friend. I needed to behave. Friend…my friend…Jenna’s best friend.
“Hey,” I greeted. Standing up, I embraced her as if she were a delicate flower. Taking a whiff of her perfume, I became dizzy as I fell under her spell. Pulling out the chair for her, I went back to mine.
“Thanks for asking me out to dinner. I would’ve been stuck at home all day. Sometimes I forget to take a break. I have so much to read. But at least I can say I love my job and not many people can say that.”
“I would stay home all day and read about potential book girlfriends if I was an agent myself,” I winked, trying not to offend her. “Better yet, I think you and I would get naked, read a book and act out the parts,” I croaked a laugh.
She gave me a wicked scowl with one eye narrowed at me. Clearly, I wasn’t doing a good job trying to be just a friend. I quickly changed the subject. “You must be starving.” Gliding the menu across the table to her I asked, “What would you like to eat?”
“Want to do family style? My friends and I always do that when we eat Chinese food.”
“Sure. You pick one and I’ll pick three.”
“Hey,” Becca laughed, enjoying the humor.
“Just checking to make sure you’re listening because I think the menu is getting more attention than me.”
“You’re so full of it,” Bec
ca snorted.
“Watch out firecracker, I can give you more than you’re asking for.”
“I bet you can.”
Her sexy, flirty tone caught me off guard.
After waving the waitress over, we placed our order.
“Do you get to see your family often?” I asked, taking a sip from my water glass.
“No. Only like four or maybe six times a year. I always try to stop by to see them during book conventions and holidays. This year was unusual. I didn’t go to them during Christmas because I had just been there a couple of weeks before.
“I see. Well, I’m glad you stayed.”
Becca’s brow lifted. What did I say to make her look a little upset? Was it too much for her to hear that I had a good time with her?
After a while, our food came. Using the serving spoon, I placed some on her plate first, and then mine, as I asked her another question. “Have you lived in San Francisco all of your life?”
“Thanks,” she said, watching me spoon the rest of the food on her plate. “Yes. I lived there growing up, except when I came here for college. How about you?”
“Yes, I’ve lived here pretty much all my life except when I traveled alone around Europe.”
“I see.” She nodded, understanding my reasons. Taking nibbles of food, I watched Becca struggle with her chopsticks like before. It was the cutest thing. Wanting to help her, I got out of my seat and sat on the chair next to hers. When I draped my arms around her, her body stiffened. She was nervous. I loved how I made her nervous.
“It’s like this.” I explained as my fingers rubbed against hers. She felt so soft and she smelled so sweet. Her presence was intoxicating. Uncontrollably, I felt my face dig deeper into her hair. As her hair parted, I wanted only to indulge myself by nuzzling into the side of her exposed neck. Oh God, help me now before I do it.