The Nerd Turned Conqueror: A Fantasy Harem Adventure

by Oscar Reeds

  “Indeed,” I said. “Then we will have an army.”

  ***

  It was a day later, and somehow I knew that they were about to strike then. Or rather, I knew after a discussion with Norman and a surge. Evidently he was the first human, or whatever he was, to have battled these aliens and, more importantly, the first to beat them. Judging by what he told me, they were notorious for winning. In their heyday, they held half of a single galaxy under their thumb. And we’re talking only the populated planets. It was kind of like the history of the Roman Empire. They were a tiny, disunited planet, much like our Earth, and they kept on waging wars between themselves, until a single tyrant rose and conquered the whole damn thing. But he wasn’t happy with just one. He then attacked the nearest planet to them, the twin planet, as they sometimes called it. Having a planet and a half under him, he imposed a powerful new rule about how his people should behave, and more importantly, how his children should be raised. His three sons then took control and, during his life, conquered three more planets, and each of them individually conquered three more. With the harsh rules, none of them did any internal fighting. They were loyal to the crown, and the eldest son took control when the father died. When the son died, the second son took control, and then the third. Their own sons, and even daughters, had naturally all conquered more planets in the meantime. During one particular emperor, called Yarhakohn, their conquest spread across their galaxy. They were so powerful and so influential that even the independent systems paid tribute to them, even if they weren’t conquered. Yarhakohn himself, without counting his children and grandchildren, had conquered somewhere close to 18.000 planets. That’s 18.000 victories.

  The problem with Yarhakohn, however, was the fact that he suffered but one defeat. And as luck would have it, the warrior who defeated him and decimated his army – just up and left. He didn’t stick around, nor did he kill Yarhakohn. This angered the emperor so much that he abdicated the throne outright and got lost somewhere in space, never to return. His sons were capable, but news of defeats spread fast in an interconnected galaxy. Little by little, the empire of the Dahrmites crumbled. Some planets rebelled, others bought their freedom, and yet entire systems outright attacked them. Soon enough, they went back down to their original planet. They still had massive tech and the ability to travel far, but nowhere near enough men to conquer. Still, they remained a fort which nobody wanted to mess with. A fort, however, which someone did break into and crushed at some point. From what Norman told me, they had barely enough men to cover a small continent, and that this was the chance to beat them once and for all. I remembered all of this, but mainly because I like deep stories. I didn’t care for their waning planet, as I wanted vengeance of my own – that of John’s burned foot and of lasers destroying my town, as retarded and god-awful as it may have been.

  We were all in the town park. Melissa and I were sitting on the park bench and making out. I must admit, that boner of mine popped the minute she stuck her tongue down my throat. The park was mostly empty, save for Janine and Danny on one end, Petra on the other, and Tohrumi in a van I pilfered from the street (the driver didn’t even think to complain, especially when he saw me lift it with my mind), but I didn’t care even if they were. I wanted the world to see Conrad Genial making out with a girl, I wanted them to fucking see this fat asshole holding a hot girl in his arms and squeezing her while making her moan into his mouth. Of course, I could tell that Norman thought this was pathetic, that he groaned in displeasure. Luckily, Melissa didn’t hear this. The power for everyone to hear Norman’s thoughts depended on whether or not I wanted them to, and I preferred it that way. Sometimes I wanted to talk to Norman privately, and I didn’t want Janine or Yukio or whoever to eavesdrop.

  We didn’t have to sit long. Roughly seventeen ships, much like the number of soldiers that attacked us the first time, landed in the park. Everyone that wasn’t part of my new group of friends fled, and the park was now flooded with silvery metal crafts that didn’t really look like planes, yet didn’t exactly invoke a look of a flying saucer. Whatever they were, one thing was for sure – Giorgio Tsoukalos was going to be pleased and smugly laugh at his detractors.

  Out of the seventeen ships, seventeen times seventeen soldiers – per ship! - came out. They always increased their effort. It was basic Dahrmite military strategy. But these soldiers didn’t have a commander. Whatever commands they were receiving, they came from the intercoms in their open ships.

  “Attaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!”

  I can’t be sure which one of the front-row brutes shouted this, or rather how many of them did, but the massive army came right for me. Yet, I didn’t want to flinch, and I had a good reason.

  “Tohrumi?” I calmly said into the little microphone under the collar of my shirt (which I pilfered from a nearby electronics store; an involuntary gift by the store owner).

  “Roger!” the cheerful maid squealed, clicking a button inside of the van which was so loud that I could hear it from the microphone.

  The canopies, the bushes, the pond, the tiny bridge’s underside, several cars and tiny stalls selling shit – all of them were now releasing roughly 1000 Greysticks, each holding a gun gracefully donated to me by the local gun store. Each of them had a simple task to accomplish – shoot a specific spot on the Dahrmite soldier and kill him. And the Greysticks did their deed. They fell down under the laser, but they kept on shooting until their head-areas were blown off. After all, even with my power I couldn’t make them immortal or unbeatable. They fell by the hundreds, and for every one soldier they would take down, I would follow by taking down at least three. Danny was barking, but Janine kept him on his leash, not wanting him to get hurt by lunging at the enemies. But she didn’t just stand there. Every time a piece of the Dahrmite army would pass a certain soil patch in the grass, she would punch a key on her smartphone and activate a grenade. They rarely killed them, but they did blow up their limbs – enough for Melissa, whom I levitated onto a little park tower, to shoot down with a sniper. Yes, I used three surges for that - one to understand some of the weapons in the store, one to understand all weapons that I run across, and one to transfer any weapon knowledge to anyone I want. I had a decent army and a few “specialists” in terms of firepower. Tohrumi herself used a modern rendition of a Gatling gun to mow down both the Dahrmites and the runaway Greysticks. They didn’t complain. They were, after all, created for that purpose.

  The battle was done, with a few leftover soldiers crawling limbless and a few Greysticks with half of their bodies missing. But the battle was far, far from over. In fact, it was just about to get interesting.

  The eighteenth ship came down, and judging by the rapid shift in coloration, I assumed it was cloaked. That was also the most likely place where the commands to the other seventeen ships came from. But unlike the other ships, this one had a very small crew. In fact, only eight people came out. Six of them wore the same outfit and looked…odd. Even odder than the other Dahrmites did. They looked almost bland, as if they had zero features to them. The remaining two people actually looked representative. One wore an orange armor and a stern-looking cap, and there was what I assumed to be a scar beneath his lip area. The other man, a shorter fellow with spikier ‘hair,’ wore a more dignified outfit, one that almost fit his body neatly. He appeared calmer and more reserved, and again, this was something that was almost emanating from him – after all, I could not tell their faces apart simply based on their biology. I could tell they were senior officers to this army, though what rank they were eluded me until they outright told me minutes later. I assumed that the shorter man was in charge, that the bigger man was a direct subordinate, and that the other six were…eunuchs? Priests? Virgins? Placeholder men? Clones? I wasn’t sure, but they did not look too sentient.

  The bigger man spoke first.

  “Well, well, well…” he squashed the head of one of his dead soldiers. “We finally got who we were after, general.” So the small
er guy was a general. Good. “Too bad we had to waste all of these men just to get to him.”

  “I don’t mind, colonel,” the general replied, and I learned that the big lug bore the rank of a colonel.

  “I can tell that this man is no ordinary man, general,” the lummox said, slowly walking towards me. All of the girls were smart enough not to leave their positions. “And judging by his skillset, he’s the one whom the queen wants dead.”

  “Yes, colonel. He’s the man we’re looking for.”

  I hated that they spoke past me.

  “What do you idiots want?” I said, and it took them aback a bit. “Why are you even here? Why go after me?”

  The general grinned.

  “I love this. The primitive actually talks.” He took one step forward, and each subsequent step had roughly seven or so seconds of pause after the last. “You amuse me, so I’ll humor you. I am general Vatge, and this is colonel Penna. We are the elite warriors of the Dahrmites, and merely part of the few that survived your onslaught.”

  Onslaught?

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Vatge,” I said, preparing mentally to swat them both. “What I do know is that I don’t like my planet attacked by a bunch of second-rate losers.” Yes, I know, it was a rather embarrassing kind of trash talk. But that was all I could have mustered right then and there.

  “Are we to understand that this is a threat?” colonel Penna said, with a smirk evident by his voice alone. This, of course, made me grin as well.

  “Oh no. This is a promise. I’d suggest that you—”

  I have no idea which came first. It might have been that I attacked first with my telekinetic power, but somehow, I don’t know how, the six eunuchs were already surrounding me, and I was stuck, held by every limb. Penna’s face was already grinning in mine.

  “I don’t think you understand, human child,” he said, slowly, directly into my sweating mug. “We are not here to have a chit-chat or an insult competition. We are here to break you.”

  With a finger, I managed to drag a few corpses behind Penna, piling them down onto him. I was loose from the eunuchs, as they all rushed to him to free him. My chance was there, and I swung a few! But one eunuch, just one, deflected them! He merely waved what I assumed was a hand and each of my punches was dispelled. I have to admit, I was surprised. No sooner than that did Penna come loose. He was oddly excited.

  “Oh dear, this is just beautiful,” he added, removing his armor. “Now it’s my turn.”

  I felt that punch of his, and it broke one of my shoulders. I cried like a bitch while he kept hitting that same spot until it showed bone. I have no idea how I found the strength, but I froze him mid-step. It was just enough time for me to swing a few kicks in the air, enough to connect to his face and injure him right back.

  The six eunuchs rushed to his rescue, whom I escaped by running to the bushes. But saying “I escaped” is probably a lie. They had the power to get me wherever and whenever they wanted, but they didn’t. It was then that I understood what their purpose was – they were the ever-loyal bodyguards of the senior officers. A secret service of space. To them, his safety was a priority, and right now his face looked like raw fish chopped and ready for sushi. They ignored me completely and stood there, healing him. Yup. They were healing him with nothing but their presence. In mere seconds, colonel Penna was looking and feeling better, stretching and getting ready to break some more of my bones.

  “Well, child, I must admit, you stood your ground longer than any other soldier I’d injured throughout my career,” he said, approaching me, with the eunuchs standing on each of his sides, three by his right and three by the left. There was no physical way I was going to dodge this. I was hurt, outclassed, and my powers meant little. I had to think, but nothing came to me. This was probably how Haggard felt the first time I owned him. I never knew fear like I knew it now. And colonel Penna knew it. “Now get ready to die for your crimes.”

  What came next actually surprised me more than it surprised Penna. A laser flew and hit Penna right in the back, penetrating him near his lower abdomen. He fell to his knees and began to writhe in pain. The eunuchs didn’t even flinch! What the hell had happened? Who did this?

  It was general Vatge. His weapon was smoking, and he made a movement which indicated that he wasn’t satisfied with the shot.

  “Tch, I missed by a hair’s width,” he muttered, laying his weapon onto the ground. Penna was obviously confused.

  “Why, general?” he asked, almost pathetically.

  “Because I can’t and won’t stand failure,” he said, but then added something which I thought was the real reason behind his turning on his underling. “More importantly, if anyone can have revenge on this man, it should be me. The queen will reward me handsomely, and we will begin our conquest of the universe anew.”

  Penna couldn’t believe his eyes. The general was now looking over both of us, but I sensed no immediate danger. He wanted to gloat.

  “Child, you’re not as skilled as your predecessor,” he said, slowly removing his own armor. He obviously wanted this to be a fist fight. “I can tell you’re not the one who went after our planet.” Penna was stunned at this info. “Oh don’t be too disappointed, Penna. After all, I’m not a general for nothing. I saw through this as early as the start of the battle with our men.” He stepped on what I assumed was the ankle of the injured colonel, and he whined severely as if he had been crushing his testicles. “You see, whoever this child is, he clearly inherited his power from the man who took down our planet not long ago.” Not long ago? I thought Yarhakohn died centuries prior to his birth? “And he’s clearly not using them as skillfully as he did. You’d have to be blind not to notice the differences.”

  “How…I…” Penna was struggling. Another step on his ankle area and again he screamed.

  “There’ll be time for explanations later. After all, I didn’t hit your life-maintenance area,” Vatge was pointing to where a bellybutton would be on his body. I took note of this just in case. “You’ll live long enough to see me win and see you lose.”

  With a wave of his hand, the eunuchs moved back. He ordered them not to move no matter the circumstance. I guess that made sense. The eunuchs would listen to whoever is in charge, and Vatge was in charge. He was now eyeing me.

  “What is your name, child?” he asked. “I’d like to know before I kill you.”

  I wasn’t saying a damn thing. I was looking at him the same way he was looking at me, but didn’t say a word. My hand was on my wound, pressing it and covering the bone which stuck out.

  “Can you not talk? Are you that afraid of me? Don’t worry. I’ll make it quick, and you’ll be part of history. My history.” Despite not having lips, I just knew that he was smiling somehow. That he was pleased with himself and his victory. It was all the more surprising for him when I got up, in pain but defiant.

  “Who, me? I am Conrad, and NORMAN, NOW!”

  A surge, and in a second, my shoulder was healed, though not completely. Merely enough for me to move my hand properly. He had read my mind perfectly. In a heartbeat, I was on my feet, hopping back and trying to levitate the general. However, Vatge was no mere trooper. Eunuchs could individually deflect my power. This dude did it without as much as raising a finger.

  “You’re full of surprises, Conrad,” he said, advancing towards me at breakneck speed. “I was hoping for an easy victory, but you leave me no choice – I have to break a sweat.”

  He was approaching me, and his punches started to connect. With each punch, I would allow for a little healing, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from falling down and folding. I kept losing my footing, and, just as with the colonel, I levitated shit onto Vatge. But it wasn’t enough – he kept deflecting them left and right, and corpses of both his troops and mine were falling all over the place like summer rain, the kind you can never predict.

  “Can’t you give me a handicap?” I asked, t
rying to either punch or kick his feet from afar, which he obviously evaded skillfully.

  “Handicap? What’s that?” he snickered, or I assumed he did, before punching me in the face. I was on the ground, but now I was far from getting up. My mind was a jungle, and I couldn’t focus on any power. Not to mention that all of my wounds from this fight began to crack open again, especially the shoulder one. The general now had me and he knew it.

  “Dear child, it’s time for you to give up,” he said, pulling out his fist and shaping it into a dagger. I needed to buy some time.

  “Wait!” I asked. “Can’t I at least beg?”

  He was intrigued.

  “I mean, you can try. I’ve never pardoned anyone who begged, but you did surprise me multiple times today, so go ahead and try to surprise me now. Maybe you’ll be the exception.”

  There was the chance.

  “I must ask, why are you doing this?”

  “Vengeance, but also glory,” he was laconic.

  “But why me?”

  “You’re somehow the closest being to the one who attacked our planet not long ago. Even if you’re not the same person, I would benefit from beating you in two different ways. First, the queen would reward me handsomely, and I’d probably be promoted to royalty.”

  “And the second way you benefit from this?”

  “If I do run into that man whose powers you share, I will be prepared for him from this practice run with you.”

  “But why hurt your own men?”

  He looked at Penna, who was still writhing.

  “Why not?”

  I was confused.

  “In a game called war, everyone is fair game. I want victory, after all.”

  “So you gave him a lethal shot?”

  “Well, this one was too slow.”