The Nerd Turned Conqueror: A Fantasy Harem Adventure

by Oscar Reeds

  “What do you mean?”

  “I missed. This is where I should have shot to kill,” he said, pointing to the bellybutton area. And what a perfect pointing it was.

  “Wonderful. Melissa, three shots, please.”

  The moment I said this into the microphone on my shirt, three consecutive sniper bullets entered general Vatge’s belly. It was a direct hit. The flabbergasted general fell down, gurgled a few expletives, and in less than a second’s fraction later he was dead.

  “Norman, please enhance my healing to its full effect,” I said, and the all-too-known surge filled my body. Another surge followed, and after I healed myself, I approached Penna.

  “Well? Just do it,” he said. “But beware, as my acolytes will get you before you get me.”

  “So that’s what you call them?”

  I didn’t wait for an answer. The moment I laid my hands on Penna, his wound was healed. He was confused.

  “Why didn’t you just end me?”

  “Because I’ll need your help,” I said.

  Chapter 8

  My father, my new girlfriend, my ex-slave, my maid, my sex worker, my Slovenian friend, my Time Cube joke friend, and my dog by proxy were all staring confusedly at the seven people that weren’t even people who were standing in our house. The largest, most dangerous-looking one gave off an aura of both defeat and revenge, which I found familiar, but others felt as odd. Less than an hour ago we had dispatched his army, killed his immediate commander, and further humiliated him by healing his wound. The other six beings were silent and motionless, like dummies. None of them moved a damn inch, but most of us knew the reason already. However, nobody really knew the reason behind me getting them here with us.

  “I must say, Master, this seems a bit odd,” Tohrumi stated, picking at her duster. She was nervous, I could tell.

  “Yeah, I’m with the maid, Conrad,” Melissa added. “What do we get from having this guy in our ranks?”

  “Allow me to explain,” I said, shifting seats, but ultimately getting up to walk while talking. Norman hovered close by, still with his hands crossed, but no longer looking into the distance. I assumed he was no longer thinking about the danger of the Dahrmites, but I was never sure when it came to him. “Hear me out. There’s a space force out there which is looking for someone like me. Someone who’s an Earthling, or Earthling-looking, and who, more importantly, has the same powers as I do.”

  “Like, literally the same?” Janine asked, her brow raised. Clearly she wasn’t buying what I was selling.

  “Like, literally the same,” I replied, affirming my claim. “This person evidently lived forever, or at least for several centuries, if not millennia. That means that there is a way to reach immortality, or at the very least, longevity. I’d like to explore that option more.”

  “Okay,” Yukio added, quizzingly, “but that still doesn’t explain why these people are in your living room.”

  “I’ll get to that, Yukio. Let’s get back to this weird dude with the same powers as mine. You see, there could be just that one man, the same man who beat their emperor those many years ago, and had also attacked their planet as of late—”

  I could tell they were confused by this.

  “Right, I didn’t tell you. I talked to Penna, and the reason they want vengeance is the fact that their home planet was attacked by apparently the same guy from back then.”

  “Really?” Gene asked.

  “Well, not really,” I replied. “See, my theory is that there are more people like me out there. More people with the same set of abilities, probably even their own spirits like Norman.”

  Norman said nothing.

  “So here’s what I want – I want to meet this other guy. I want to find him, discuss things, and see where we fit and where we don’t. And in order to do that, I have to visit one particular place.”

  They all knew where I was going with this now, and at least two people openly didn’t like it.

  “That’s right,” I said, “I want to go to space.”

  “Isn’t that lovely?” Janine said sarcastically. Some of her own old spunk returned after I did the whole emotional sweep of the planet. However, it was a different type of spunk, one reserved for close companions. I kind of liked it, actually.

  “If I go to the planet of the Dahrmites, I can get as much information as I can. But I can also destroy the empire myself and build a name for, erm, myself.” I could tell that Penna was a little disturbed by this, but I could not see it. “Norman,” I said, “please allow me to enable Penna to be more appealing and understandable visually to humans.” A surge later, and I could finally see his facial expressions, as could everyone else. He was worried and angry at the same time. “Now allow me to do this for all Dahrmites present on this planet,” those were the words before the other surge, where I finally saw the acolytes as…well, just as expressionless as before, artificially so. One more surge followed my wish to make all Dahrmites appealing, and another, bigger one for all aliens out there to all humans over here.

  “So why did you do this?” Melissa asked, unable to take her eyes off the man in space armor.

  “Because I want Penna to be approachable to us while we discuss this,” I concluded. He didn’t react. “I know Penna is still loyal to his kind, but if we—”

  “I’m not,” he replied, and the sharpness of his reply made us all jump up.

  “What?”

  “I’m not loyal to those who would shoot me in the back,” he answered. “And I highly doubt the queen would do much for me anyway. I want to get her as much as you do, Conrad.”

  I was surprised, but pleased.

  “So, we can use the ships from the armada and attack the—”

  “Wait, hold on,” my father interjected. “I have a problem with this.”

  I wasn’t surprised.

  “What, dad?”

  “This guy was literally trying to kill you an hour ago! And you’re just assuming he’s had a change of heart?”

  “Yup,” I replied, and honestly felt glad that father had nothing of relevance to add. “Now where was I?”

  “I’m not okay with this either!” Melissa shrieked, to my surprise. She was so calm until now. “You have no real plan. How will you even fly those ships?”

  “Well, I mean, Mel, I do have powers. I could…”

  But she stormed out. Much like everything else relationship-wise, this was news to me. But I didn’t budge. There was a plan to work out.

  “We won’t worry about flying ships. One, we have Penna, and two, I have Norman.” Not too many people looked pleased with this. “And besides, we will split up. After all, now that most of you know how weapons work, I will need a home base.”

  “So who stays in the home base?” Gene asked, worried.

  “More people than those who’re going into space.”

  “And who’s going into space? Other than the captured Dahrmites, I mean,” Petra asked.

  I was brief.

  “Me.”

  “You and…?”

  “Me.”

  ***

  Melissa was crying in her room. Or rather, the room I designated as her own in my house. I approached.

  “Mel, what’s wrong?”

  “Well, what the hell do you think?”

  I wasn’t sure.

  “Is it the alien thing?”

  “Yes, it is!”

  “Okay?”

  “No, it’s not the alien thing, Conrad!”

  Her sobbing and lack of coherence threw me off balance. What the hell do I do now?

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt out there, Conrad,” she finally uttered. “I mean, space? And you don’t even know WHERE in space you’ll be.”

  I hugged her.

  “I’ll be going alone.”

  “I know. And it kills me. It kills me that you are! Alone with that fiend that nearly killed you!”

  She was
n’t necessarily wrong. But I did have Norman.

  “Don’t you dare mention Norman!” she said, almost reading my mind. “You’ll be alone out there, and we’ll be here worrying…I mean, what about your dad?”

  “My dad?”

  “You two had just gotten your life back in order! Literally days ago, too! Why would you ruin that by leaving?”

  I said nothing. She embraced me very hard.

  “Just…just undress me and let’s try and enjoy ourselves before you go to your suicide mission.”

  For the next fifteen minutes, nothing existed. It was just me entering her, her moaning very heavily, her breath on my chest, her hair over mine, and her hips swaying. It was her butt moving softly and pulling my cock up and it was her breasts moving with each breath. It was my hands holding hers, and my hips moving forward. It was just us, sweating, fucking, enjoying each other. It was fifteen minutes of no aliens, no powers, no bullies nor the bullied. Just two people trying their damnedest to enjoy what little time they had. And the tears in her eyes told me that it was the kind of lovemaking that she will cherish for ages to come.

  I even neglected the fact that I had just lost my virginity minutes before going on a space conquest. If I were a proper science fiction nerd, this would have been a dream come true.

  ***

  Penna and I were walking in the front, while his acolytes followed. They almost didn’t move their feet-like appendages, which I must admit I found fascinating. We were almost there, close to the place where the military held the captured ships. It wasn’t hard to find – locating a newly-built military base smack in the middle of the city took roughly fifteen minutes, including the trip from my house to the city. We spotted the tents, and decided it was time.

  “Do it,” I said. Penna waved his acolytes, and they dispersed, shooting their lasers at the soldiers. Another battle in Knee Dahcologne, and it wasn’t even twelve hours since the last one! The soldiers weren’t prepared for the onslaught, and I knew for a fact that they could not harm the acolytes. But I merely needed them distracted. My telekinesis was enough to remove lots of vehicles until a single ship, that of the late general Vatge, was in the air by way of my power. I hid behind a sizable bush so as not to be seen, but sadly, I was – an elderly woman pointed at me and screamed “witch!” before hurling her purse at me. This caught me off guard so much that I dropped the ship back down, crushing a few soldiers. I chose not to see the carnage, opting to re-raise the ship and get it positioned in front of Penna and myself. He immediately worked on opening the door while the soldiers prepped their guns to shoot at us. The same guns, I ought to add, that I hurled into the air and prevented them from firing. A few steps, and all of us, acolytes included, were inside of the ship, and in about six seconds, we were several thousands of kilometers behind the Earth’s Moon.

  I took one detailed look at the inside of the ship. It had artificial atmosphere similar to ours, as Penna noted while we were still on Earth. Most of the controls were located on three small consoles, each in the corner of the main room. I hesitate to call it a “bridge,” as it didn’t look like a typical bridge of a science fiction vessel. It was more bland and uneventful. There were no pilots to speak of, as most of the driving was done by the former colonel himself. I had to understand this ship, so I shot a glance at Norman. Three surges followed – one to enable me to fly this ship, one to enable me to understand all Dahrmite ships, and the last to give me knowledge of any alien ship. I needed that for later, and hey, it’s a neat thing to know!

  Soon enough, I was piloting the thing myself. But the vastness of space that unfolded before me did, I’ll admit, frighten me. We were thousands of miles away from my home, my new friends and old enemies, and if I were to die here, nobody would weep for me. And it would be easy to die here. All I’d need was to be catapulted into the orbit without air. Just in case, I asked Norman for the lack of a need to breathe in space, and he replied with a regular surge.

  Our relative silence of travel, which lasted roughly an hour or so, was broken by powerful cannon fire. We were under attack.

  “Who in the fuck?” I mumbled while trying to maintain my balance.

  “It’s the Rorraks,” Penna replied. “The new rulers of our system. Not to mention one of the many enemies of the Dahrmites.”

  “Wonderful!”

  “Hang on, Conrad, we’re about to be rushed!”

  It was a proper space battle, but somewhat more lackluster than I imagined. There was no noise, because there’s no sound in the vacuum of space. I was about to order a full-scale assault, but Penna stopped me. He had a particular look on his face-area.

  “I was wrong, Conrad,” he said. “These guys…”

  “Yeah?”

  “Well, the ship is Rorrakian, but they are not Rorraks. This is an impounded ship.”

  And he was right. The front face of the opposing ship opened, and I saw, through a strangely clear “windshield,” that the aliens were all of exceptionally different races. However, they all had the same outfit.

  “What are they, Penna?”

  “Cops. Or what you’d call cops.”

  “I see. So what happens now?”

  My answer was about to come in the form of an audio message from the other ship.

  “This is Ech’renn’rrah of Salvar. You are to come with us or die fighting.”

  I looked at Penna.

  “Are they going to arrest us?”

  “Not on their life. I am not going to Salvar. A prison planet is not enough to hold a mighty colonel of my stature! We will fight!”

  I loved the idea that came to me then and there.

  “No, Penna.”

  “What?”

  The acolytes were on standby, but they did not budge. Nor did the other ship.

  “We will let them arrest us,” I said calmly.

  “What? Why?”

  “You’ll see.”

  ***

  I’ve often thought what a prison might look like on a planet different to Earth. I thought, do extraterrestrials have bars on their prisons? Do they have crimes for which they punish their criminals? Do they even have the concept of a crime? Also, if they don’t have genders like us, how do they sort prisons? Do they have prison bitches and violent rape? Can they even drop the soap? What about parole? Can they get out early for good behavior or via doing hard labor? Can they die in prison, and what happens when they do? Or how about racism? I know we tend to have prison racism due to a tribal nature of these institutions, where whites, blacks, Latinos and Asians would separate into micro-ghettos and knife each other with shanks whenever and wherever possible. What would multiple alien races do? Do they even have prisons that hold multiracial prisoners?

  In terms of multiracial prisons, I was about to get my answer. Yes, Salvar was a prison planet containing many, many, MANY races. The moment we left it, I managed to remember roughly 70, at least. And we were in a complex the size of a pathetically small village in the Mid-West. I’d seen so many different races. For example, at least six of them were merely blobs of energy, or whatever that stuff was. It didn’t look solid, though it was a sentient being. Two or three races of criminals I saw reminded me of chickens. They had beaks, though they spoke from what I assumed were wattles. They were, however, far larger than chickens. In fact, they were larger than cows on their hind legs. I assumed at least three different species to be reptilian, which made me giggle. I was thinking “which one of these is the second cousin of Hillary?” But that menagerie of races didn’t end there. Several were exceptionally huge and bloodthirsty. Their teeth alone made me vomit onto the floor when I saw them at first. Yes, there was fear. No amount of power will rid me of that. Worst of all, one of those kind folk knew it, and he kept staring at me. Speaking of staring, seven of the races I saw had nothing similar to “eyes.” They were walking as if they were blind, yet knew the damn building(s) inside and out so well you’d think they designed and built them thems
elves. It was a surreal experience.

  What surprised me was how many humans, or near-humanoids, there were. True, they were looking at me as if I were some sort of peasant, but they were there nonetheless, and we were clearly of one race. When we were placed in our pit, I decided to ask Penna about that.

  Yeah, a pit. Not a cell, not a room – a pit. These were the cells of this prison planet. We were placed in very deep, very steep pits that could not be climbed out, dug out, or broken through. The material itself was also so hot that the very touch of the pit walls would make my hand burn in a millisecond. My quick healing had thus managed to stave off several third-degree burns. On top of the pits being what they were, they were sealed off with what I at first assumed was glass. Turns out it was a weird see-through aloe which would give a prisoner spasms if he or she (or it) were to touch it. I could clearly see the guards through these pit seals, and they were just as multiracial as the prisoners. Evidently the planet was under management by some massive interplanetary emperor or something. I couldn’t bother to remember, and I know that Penna told me of it.

  Inside the pit, Penna and I struck up a conversation.

  “So, this is Salvar, right?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he replied reluctantly, not wanting to discuss anything any further.

  “There are a lot of different races here.”

  “I already explained to you why, Conrad.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  He frowned.

  “How come there are so many humans here?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I thought Earth was the only planet which had developed humans?”

  He genuinely laughed. Or at least did the nearest Dahrmite equivalent of laughter, much to my surprise. He calmed down in about several seconds.

  “You honestly think that Earth was the first planet to produce humans?” he asked, almost genuinely curious and bewildered that I didn’t know such a simple fact. “Humans are the basic form of carbon-based life. You’re literally the lowest evolutionary step when it comes to higher beings.”

  That was both disappointing and fascinating.