Twenties Girl

by Sophie Kinsella

  I’ve got the three of clubs, the four of hearts, and the ace of spades. I study them, then look up with my most inscrutable expression.

  “Relax,” says Ed. “Don’t laugh.”

  Of course, now he’s said that, I can feel my mouth twitching.

  “You have a terrible poker face,” says Ed. “You know that?”

  “You’re putting me off!” I wriggle my mouth around a bit, getting rid of the laugh. “OK, then, what have I got?”

  Ed’s dark brown eyes lock on mine. We’re both silent and still, gazing at each other. After a few seconds I feel a weird flip in my stomach. This feels… strange. Too intimate. Like he can see more of me than he should. Pretending to cough, I break the spell and turn away. I take a gulp of wine and look back to see Ed sipping his wine too.

  “You have one high card, probably an ace,” he says matter-of-factly. “And two low ones.”

  “No!” I put the cards down. “How do you know?”

  “Your eyes popped out of your face when you saw the ace.” Ed sounds amused. “It was totally obvious. Like, ‘Oh wow! A high one!’ Then you looked right and left as though you might have given yourself away. Then you put your hand over the high one and gave me a dirty look.” He’s starting to laugh now. “Remind me not to give you any state secrets to keep anytime soon.”

  I can’t believe it. I thought I was being really inscrutable.

  “But, seriously.” Ed begins shuffling the cards again. “Your mind-reading trick. It’s all based on analyzing behavioral traits, isn’t it?”

  “Er… that’s right,” I say cautiously.

  “That can’t have just deserted you. Either you know that stuff or you don’t. So what’s going on, Lara? What’s the story?”

  He leans forward intently, as though waiting for an answer. I feel a bit thrown. I’m not used to this kind of focused attention. If he were Josh, I’d have been able to fob him off easily. Josh always took everything at face value. He’d have said, “Right, babe,” and I could have moved the subject on quickly and he never would have questioned it or thought about it again…

  Because Josh was never really that interested in me.

  It hits me like a drench of cold water. A final, mortifying insight that instantly has the feel and ring of truth to it. All the time we were together, Josh never challenged me, never gave me a hard time, barely even remembered the fine details of my life. I thought he was just easygoing and laid-back. I loved him for it. I saw it as a plus. But now I understand better. The truth is, he was laid-back because he didn’t really care. Not about me. Not enough, anyway.

  I feel like I’m finally stepping out of some trance. I was so busy chasing after him, so desperate, so sure of myself, I never looked closely enough at what I was chasing. I never stopped to ask if he really was the answer. I’ve been such an idiot.

  I look up to see Ed’s dark, intelligent eyes still keenly scanning me. And in spite of myself I feel a sudden weird exhilaration that he, someone I barely know, wants to find out more about me. I can see it in his face: He’s not asking for the sake of it. He genuinely wants to know the truth.

  Only I can’t tell him. Obviously.

  “It’s… quite tricky to explain. Quite complicated.” I drain my glass, stuff a last bite of cake into my mouth, and beam distractingly at Ed. “Come on. Let’s go to the London Eye.”

  As we arrive at the South Bank, it’s buzzing with Sunday afternoon tourists, buskers, secondhand-book stalls, and lots of those living statues, which always slightly freak me out. The London Eye is creeping around like a massive Ferris wheel, and I can see people in each transparent pod, peering down at us. I’m quite excited, actually. I’ve only been in the London Eye once before, and that was at a work do with lots of obnoxious drunk people.

  A jazz band is playing an old twenties tune to a crowd of onlookers, and as we pass I can’t help meeting Ed’s eye. He does a couple of Charleston steps and I twirl my beads at him.

  “Very good!” says a bearded guy in a hat, approaching us with a bucket for donations. “Are you interested in jazz?”

  “Kind of,” I say as I root in my bag for some money.

  “We’re interested in the 1920s,” says Ed firmly, and winks at me. “Only the twenties, right, Lara?”

  “We’re holding an open-air jazz event in Jubilee Gardens next week,” says the guy eagerly. “You want tickets? Ten percent off if you buy them now.”

  “Sure,” says Ed, after glancing at me. “Why not?”

  He hands the guy some money, takes two tickets, and we walk on.

  “So,” says Ed after a bit. “We could go to this jazz thing… together. If you wanted to.”

  “Er… right. Cool. I’d like that.”

  He gives me one of the tickets, and a little awkwardly I put it in my bag. For a while I walk on silently, trying to work out what just happened. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this just an extension of the sightseeing? Or… what? What are we doing?

  I reckon Ed must be thinking something along the same lines, because as we join the queue for the Eye, he suddenly looks at me with a kind of quizzical expression.

  “Hey, Lara. Tell me something.”

  “Er… OK.” I’m instantly nervous. He’s going to ask about me being psychic again.

  “Why’d you burst into that conference room?” His forehead crinkles humorously. “Why did you ask me on a date?”

  A million times worse. What am I supposed to say?

  “That’s… a good question. And… and I have one for you,” I parry. “Why did you come? You could have turned me down!”

  “I know.” Ed looks mystified. “You want to know the truth? It’s almost a blur. I can’t decipher my own thought processes. A strange girl arrives in the office. Next moment I’m on a date with her.” He turns to me with renewed focus. “C’mon. You must have had a reason. Had you seen me around the place or something?”

  There’s an edge of hope to his voice. Like he’s hoping to hear something that will make his day better. I feel a sudden, horrible pang of guilt. He has no idea he’s just being used.

  “It was… a dare with a friend.” I stare over his shoulder. “I don’t know why I did it.”

  “Right.” His voice is as relaxed as before. “So I was a random dare. Doesn’t sound so good to the grandkids. I’ll tell them you were sent to me by aliens. Right after I tell them about the Duke of Marmaduke’s wigs.”

  I know he’s joking. I know this is all banter. But as I glance up I can see it in his face. I can see the warmth. He’s falling for me. No, scratch that, he thinks he’s falling for me. But it’s all fake. It’s all wrong. It’s another puppet show. He’s been manipulated by Sadie as much as Josh was. None of this is real, none of it means anything.

  I feel suddenly, ridiculously upset. This is all Sadie’s fault. She creates trouble wherever she goes. Ed is a really, really nice guy and he’s been screwed up enough already, and she’s messed with him and it’s not fair.

  “Ed.” I swallow.

  “Yes?”

  Oh God. What do I say? You haven’t been dating me, you’ve been dating a ghost, she’s been influencing your mind, she’s like LSD without the upside…

  “You might think you like me. But… you don’t.”

  “I do.” He laughs. “I really like you.”

  “You don’t.” I’m struggling here. “You’re not thinking for yourself. I mean… this isn’t real.”

  “Feels pretty real to me.”

  “I know it does. But… you don’t understand-” I break off, feeling helpless. There’s silence for a moment-then, Ed’s face abruptly changes.

  “Oh. I see.”

  “You do?” I say doubtfully.

  “Lara, you don’t have to soften me with an excuse.” His smile turns wry. “If you’ve had enough, just say. I can cope with an afternoon on my own. It’s been fun and I appreciate the time you’ve taken, thanks very much-”

  “No!” I say in dismay. “Stop i
t! I’m not trying to bail out! I’m having a really good time today. And I want to go on the London Eye.”

  Ed’s eyes scan my face, up and down, left and right, as though they’re lie detectors.

  “Well, so do I,” he says at last.

  “Well… good.”

  We’re so engrossed in our conversation, we haven’t noticed the gap growing in the queue ahead of us.

  “Get on with it!” A guy behind suddenly prods me. “You’re on!”

  “Oh!” I wake up. “Quick, we’re on!” I grab Ed’s hand and we run forward toward the big oval pod. It’s inching its way along the platform, and people are stepping on, amid giggles and shrieks. I step on, still hand in hand with Ed, and we beam at each other, all the awkwardness gone.

  “OK, Mr. Harrison.” I revert to my tour-operator voice. “Now you’re going to see London.”

  It’s brilliant. I mean, it just is brilliant.

  We’ve been right up to the top and seen the whole city stretching out below us, like the A-Z map come to life. We’ve peered down at the little people scurrying around like ants, getting into ant cars and ant buses. I’ve knowledgeably pointed out St. Paul’s, and Buckingham Palace, and Big Ben. Now I’ve taken charge of the Historic London guidebook. It doesn’t have a section on the London Eye, but I’m reading out facts from it anyway, which I’m making up.

  “The pod is made of transparent titanium melted down from eyeglasses,” I inform Ed. “If plunged underwater, each pod will automatically convert to a fully operational submarine.”

  “I would expect no less.” He nods, gazing out of the glass.

  “Each pod could survive underwater for thirteen hours…” I trail off. I can tell he isn’t really listening. “Ed?”

  He turns around to face me, his back against the glass wall of the pod. Behind him, the panoramic view of London is shifting slowly, infinitesimally upward. While we’ve been up, the sunshine has disappeared, and solid gray clouds are gathering overhead.

  “You want to know something, Lara?” He glances around to check no one is listening, but everyone else in the pod has piled to the other side, watching a police boat on the Thames.

  “Maybe,” I say warily. “Not if it’s a really important secret and I’m not supposed to give it away.”

  Ed’s face flickers with a smile. “You asked me why I agreed to go on that first date with you.”

  “Oh. That. Well, it doesn’t matter,” I say hurriedly. “Don’t feel you have to tell me-”

  “No. I want to tell you. It was… freaky.” He pauses. “I felt as though something inside my head was telling me to say yes. The more I resisted, the louder it shouted. Does that make any sense?”

  “No,” I say hastily. “None. I’ve no idea. Maybe it was… God.”

  “Maybe.” He gives a short laugh. “I could be the new Moses.” He hesitates. “Point is, I’ve never felt such a strong impulse, or voice, or whatever it was. Kinda blew me away.” He takes a step forward, his voice lower. “And whatever instinct it was-whatever deep place it came from-it was right. Spending time with you is the best thing I could have done. I feel like I’ve woken up from a dream, or limbo… and I want to thank you.”

  “There’s no need!” I say at once. “It was my pleasure. Anytime.”

  “I hope so.” His tone is oblique, and I feel a bit flustered under his gaze.

  “So… um… you want to hear more from the guidebook?” I riffle through the pages.

  “Sure.”

  “The pod is… um.” I can’t concentrate on what I’m saying.

  My heart has started beating more quickly. Everything seems heightened. I’m aware of every movement I’m making.

  “The wheel travels… it goes around…” I’m making no sense. I close the book and meet Ed’s gaze head-on, trying to match his deadpan expression, trying to appear as if nothing’s concerning me at all.

  Except quite a lot of things are concerning me. The heat rushing to my face. The hairs prickling at the back of my neck. The way Ed’s eyes are boring into mine, like they want to get straight to the point. They’re giving me twinges.

  Truth is, he’s giving me twinges all over the place.

  I don’t know how I ever thought he wasn’t good-looking. I think I must have been a bit blind.

  “Is something going on?” says Ed softly.

  “I… I don’t know.” I can barely speak. “Is something going on?”

  He puts a hand up to my chin and cups it for a moment, as though surveying the terrain. Then he leans forward and pulls my face gently up to his with both hands and kisses me. His mouth is warm and sweet and his stubble is grazing my skin but he doesn’t seem to care and… oh God. Yes, please. All my twinges have turned into singing, dancing urges. As he wraps his arms around me and pulls me tighter to him, two thoughts are jostling in my brain.

  He’s so different from Josh.

  He’s so good.

  I’m not having many other thoughts right now. At least you couldn’t really call them thoughts so much as ravening desires.

  At last Ed pulls away, his hands still cradling the back of my neck.

  “You know… that wasn’t the plan for today,” he says. “Just in case you were wondering.”

  “Wasn’t my plan either,” I say breathlessly. “Not at all.”

  He kisses me again, and I close my eyes, exploring his mouth with mine, inhaling the scent of him, wondering how much longer this London Eye ride has to go. As though reading my mind, Ed releases me.

  “Maybe we should look at the view one more time,” he says with a small laugh. “Before we land.”

  “I suppose we should.” I give him a reluctant smile. “We’ve paid for it, after all.”

  Arm in arm, we turn to face the transparent wall of the pod. And I scream in fright.

  Hovering outside the pod, looking in with searing, laserlike eyes, is Sadie.

  She saw us. She saw us kissing.

  Shit. Oh… shit. My heart is thumping like a rabbit’s. As I quiver in terror, she advances through the transparent wall, her nostrils flared, her eyes flashing, making me back away on stumbling legs as if I really have seen a terrifying ghost.

  “Lara?” Ed is staring at me in shock. “Lara, what’s wrong?”

  “How could you?” Sadie’s shriek of betrayal makes me clap my hands to my ears. “How could you?”

  “I… I didn’t… it wasn’t…” I gulp, but the words won’t come out properly. I want to tell her I didn’t plan all this, that it’s not as bad as she might think-

  “I saw you!”

  She gives a huge, racking sob, wheels around, and disappears.

  “Sadie!” I rush forward and clutch at the transparent wall of the pod, peering out, trying to glimpse her in the clouds or in the rushing water of the Thames or among the nearing crowds of people on the ground.

  “Lara! Jesus! What happened?” Ed looks totally freaked out. I suddenly notice that all the other people in the pod have stopped staring out at the view and are goggling at me.

  “Nothing!” I manage. “Sorry. I just… I was…” As he puts his arm around me, I flinch. “Ed, I’m sorry… I can’t…”

  After a pause Ed takes his arm away. “Sure.”

  We’ve reached the ground now. Shooting anxious glances at me, Ed ushers me off the pod and onto solid ground.

  “So.” His tone is cheerful, but I can tell he’s perturbed. As well he might be. “What’s up?”

  “I can’t explain,” I say miserably. I’m desperately scanning the horizon, searching for any sight of Sadie.

  “Would a Ye Olde Starbucks help? Lara?”

  “Sorry.” I stop looking around and focus on Ed’s concerned face. “Ed, I’m so sorry. I can’t do… this. It’s been a lovely day, but…”

  “But… it didn’t go according to plan?” he says slowly.

  “No. It’s not that!” I rub my face. “It’s… it’s complicated. I need to sort myself out.”

  I look up
at him, willing him to understand. Or half understand. Or at least not think I’m a flake.

  “No problem.” He nods. “I get it. Things aren’t always clear-cut.” He hesitates, then touches my arm briefly. “Let’s leave it here, then. It’s been a great day. Thanks, Lara. You’ve been very generous with your time.”

  He’s retreated into his formal gentlemanly style. All the warmth and joking between us has ebbed away. It’s like we’re two distant acquaintances. He’s protecting himself, I suddenly realize with a pang. He’s going back into his tunnel.

  “Ed, I’d love to see you again sometime,” I say desperately. “Once things are… sorted out.”

  “I’d like that.” I can tell he doesn’t believe me for a minute. “Let me call you a taxi.” As he looks up and down the road, I can see his frown returning, like little lines of disappointment.

  “No. I’ll just stay here a bit and wander about, get my head straight.” I muster a smile. “Thanks. For everything.”

  He gives me a farewell wave, like a salute, then heads off into the crowd. I stare after him, feeling crushed. I like him. I really, really like him. And now he feels hurt. And so do I. And so does Sadie. What a mess.

  “So this is what you do behind my back!” Sadie’s voice in my ear makes me jump and clasp my chest. Has she been waiting there all this time? “You lying snake. You backstabber. I came here to see how you were getting on with Josh. With Josh!”

  She whirls around in front of me, looking so incandescent, I find myself backing away.

  “I’m sorry,” I stutter, clutching my phone to my ear as camouflage. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I didn’t want to admit Josh and I broke up. But I’m not a backstabber! I didn’t mean for Ed and me to kiss, I didn’t mean any of this, I didn’t plan it-”

  “I don’t care whether you planned it or not!” she shrieks. “Keep your hands off him!”

  “Sadie, I’m really sorry-”

  “I found him! I danced with him! He’s mine! Mine! Mine!”

  She’s so self-righteous, and so livid, and she’s not even listening to what I’m saying. And suddenly, from underneath all my guilt I feel a surge of resentment.