Don't Say You Love Me (Boundless Love Book 1)

by Deorre, Iris

  ‘How dare you!’ Myles spat. ‘This isn’t a game. Sahara isn’t someone you get to play with, and then get rid of after you’re done.’

  ‘Well hello to you too, Myles,’ Eugene said calmly.

  ‘Don’t you get it? What is wrong with you?’

  ‘What is this about?’

  ‘I think you know.’

  ‘Please, enlighten me.’

  ‘It’s the lie you told Sahara.’

  ‘Ah, yes that, I regretted it the moment it slipped out of my mouth. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to say.’

  ‘Not good enough. Not good enough!’

  ‘I know, I’ll make this right.’

  ‘Yes you will because Emily is making sure Sahara knows it wasn’t me who told you about her.’

  ‘Shit!’ He felt bad.

  ‘I hope you get what you’re looking for. I can’t believe you’re still doing this, after all these years!’

  ‘Listen, it’s not what you think. I don’t see her as someone I would date and drop. I really like her.’

  ‘I bet you do. Sahara is in a different place than most women, she doesn’t need the stress of a player.’

  ‘I swear, I’m not going to play her.’

  ‘Just leave her alone!’

  ‘I can’t do that, and it’s up to her to decide whether or not she wants that.’

  ‘Well, I’m sure after what you pulled, she’ll want nothing to do with you.’

  ‘That’s the risk I’m going to take.’

  ‘You never change.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘Exactly that! You’ll never understand that people grow up, they have responsibilities.’

  ‘Oh I get that alright, I just do it differently than you do. I don’t get what the big deal is anyway.’

  ‘You wouldn’t.’ He sighed.

  He heard Emily call for him in the background.

  ‘Whatever you do, don’t hurt her.’

  ‘I won’t, and you have to believe that.’

  There was nothing more to say, and both men hung up.

  ‘Is everything alright honey?’

  ‘He’ll never change, and I’m worried Sahara will be a victim of his reckless behaviour.’

  ‘Well, at least she knows the truth now.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘She said she’ll deal with it.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘I have no idea, but I’m quite certain she’ll put him in his place.’ She giggled.

  ‘Well, he’ll deserve it. I don’t know why I bothered inviting him to our wedding.’

  ‘Oh you don’t mean that. Anyway, let’s not let him ruin our day.’ She kissed his forehead.

  ‘Yeah, you’re right.’

  Chapter Six

  Sahara had settled for a lilac dress that was just above the knees. She’d also put on a white cardigan. Even though it was summer, it was a bit breezy, which wasn’t surprising for the English weather. A hat was tempting, there was a little nudge of self consciousness, but Sahara decided to brave it, to be herself. there was no point trying to hide what was, and if he didn’t like it, that was his lose, not hers.

  She gazed at herself in the mirror and laughed. She almost looked like a little girl. It was the lack of hair, she thought, it made her look so much younger. The light make-up had also contributed to the look, which she was pleased about.

  ‘Well, at least I look young.’ She smiled. ‘There is always a positive somewhere.’ She kept her smile, did a little twirl and then ventured downstairs.

  The doorbell rang the moment she picked up her handbag.

  ‘Right on time.’ She gazed at her watch. ‘Impressive.’

  Sahara headed for the door, her heart beating at high speed. It was going to be interesting. Not only did she have the lack of hair issue on her mind, but also the fact that he’d lied, mingled between her thoughts. Sahara had no idea how she’d tackle them, and in what order.

  ‘Okay, here goes.’ She took in a deep breath, and opened the door. ‘Hi,’ she said quickly with a wide smile.

  He was startled a moment. It was everything about her that made him stop in his tracks, more so now.

  ‘I know the lack of hair might be a shock, it was a shock for me too.’ She giggled.

  ‘Urm…’ He was lost for words. She was magical in everyway that he couldn’t even explain it. ‘It’s not that, it’s…’

  ‘What?’ She frowned.

  ‘It’s you. There is something about you. Something I’ve never experienced with anyone.’

  ‘Well, I hope that’s a good thing.’ She smiled feeling a bit more confident.

  ‘Oh yes, it’s a good thing, and I like the hair cut, it suits you.’

  ‘Really?’ She touched the back of her head. ‘You’re not just saying that.’

  ‘I don’t think it matters what you do with your hair, you look amazing to me.’

  She laughed gently, he certainly was a charmer. He lifted a bottle of wine and handed over to her.

  ‘My way of apologising.’ He winced.

  ‘Ah, that!’ She gazed at the bottle. ‘I don’t drink, and you’re not going to get out of it that easily. You can’t bribe your way out of it. That is something you’re going to learn about me.’

  ‘Ah, maybe that’s the reason I like you so much.’

  Again she laughed. She wanted to be angry at him for what he’d done, but she couldn’t, but that didn’t mean he was going to be let off.

  ‘Perhaps a family member would like it?’

  ‘We’re not drinkers I’m afraid.’

  ‘Okay, I guess I’ll remember that for next time. Shall we?’

  She nodded and followed him to the waiting jaguar. The driver hopped out and opened the door for them.

  ‘Is this really necessary?’ she asked.

  ‘No, but I’m trying to impress you.’

  ‘It’s not working.’

  ‘I can tell.’ He jumped into the car beside her. ‘What would impress you?’ he had to ask, most women would be doing the splits for him by now.

  ‘That’s for you to find out. Why would I make it easy for you, and besides, you need to make up for the lie.’

  ‘Ah, yes okay. I’m up for the challenge.’ He put the wine down and gazed at her a moment.

  ‘So tell me. Why did you lie?’

  He took in a deep breath. ‘I panicked.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because I thought if I came clean, you’d never speak to me again.’

  ‘There was the possibility. I almost cancelled when I found out.’

  ‘I’m glad you didn’t, and I’m so sorry I lied.’

  She watched him a moment, the man was strikingly handsome, she couldn’t get over that.

  ‘Apology accepted, but I’m curious though. Where did you get the information?’

  He really didn’t want her to know, it would make him look worse than who he really was. She raised her eyebrows at him and waited.

  ‘Will you promise to continue our date, if I tell you?’

  ‘It depends. I can’t promise anything.’

  ‘Fair enough.’

  ‘What matters is that I get the truth.’

  ‘Okay, here it goes.’

  He told her what he’d done, from the beginning to the end, and then he waited with baited breath, as if waiting for a bomb to go off.

  ‘So you’re a stalker?’

  ‘No, I’m not I promise. I was just really crazy about you and no one wanted to give me any information about you. Not even you.’

  She gazed ahead and thought about that a moment. There were so many questions, so many things she wanted to say and do, but then there was the feeling that he genuinely wanted to get to know her.

  ‘Okay, I forgive you, but don’t do it again. I don’t like it, it feels creepy.’

  ‘Yes ma’am, and I agree.’ He thought about it and realised the error of his ways.

  �
��So where are you taking me for this drink?’

  ‘Well I thought somewhere local would be good.’

  ‘That’s fine with me. I like local.’

  They drove out of Garforth, a small area under the Leeds postcode to a homely pub in Ledsham. The drive was relaxing, it had gone from town surroundings to country scenery in minutes. The winding roads, the green fields and the scattered sheep brought a peaceful feeling. She gazed out of the window a moment.

  ‘This is so beautiful.’ She gasped.

  ‘It is, isn’t it? To live amongst this everyday would be amazing.’

  ‘I have a friend who lives on a farm. Well I say friend, we haven’t seen each other for a long time. But I remember days on that farm. It was the most relaxing time in my life. The silence, the sound of sheep bleating, the walks through the fields, it just gave a feeling of tranquillity.’

  ‘Yes, I know that feeling although I don’t experience it a lot these days. I’m rushing about everywhere that I’ve forgotten to stop and listen.’ he smiled.

  ‘You never should. Life’s too short to do that.’ She smiled at him.

  ‘I agree.’

  The car pulled into the car park of the historic pub. It had a stone cottage look to it, warm and friendly, planted in the middle of a picturesque village.

  ‘I love this place,’ she said as they got out.

  ‘It does look lovely. I googled it before I set off. I hope the drinks are as good.’

  She laughed.

  ‘Perhaps if you like me enough, you’ll stay for something to eat.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know. I’ve already eaten.’

  ‘Dessert?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  They walked in silence to the entrance. The pub was partially busy with their regulars. It was warm and welcoming just as the outside. Sahara found a seat in the corner couches while Eugene headed off to order some drinks. She felt fuzzy and a little excited. It wasn’t something she’d felt before and for the first time, she wanted to try it out, even though she wasn’t entirely sure.

  ‘Here’s your orange juice.’ He placed it on the coaster on the table, when he got back from the bar.

  He placed his pint on the table too, and sat back into the comfortable sofa and smiled. He took a quick sweep of the pub. A few steps in front of them, there were chairs and tables set out for those who wished to eat, and further a field was the bar.

  ‘This is nice,’ he said. ‘This part is like our own private lounge.’

  ‘Yes, it is nice.’ She took a sip of the drink.

  ‘So, where shall we begin?’ he asked.

  ‘Why don’t we begin with you? It seems you already know an awful lot about me.’

  ‘Not really. Just your place of work, home and phone number.’

  ‘You mean my business.’

  ‘Yes, it must be nice owning your own flower shop.’

  ‘Best thing in the world! But let’s not get off course. Let’s talk about you.’

  ‘What do you want to know?’ He pulled off his jacket and got comfortable.

  Eugene went into detail about who he was, where he was from and where he was at that moment. He worked for himself and now owned a very successful investment company.

  ‘I buy failing businesses, build them up again and then sell them. I also invest of a lot of other things, but I won’t go into detail.’

  ‘That sounds very interesting and very exhausting.’

  ‘I love the buzz of it all. I love to see how I can make things better.’

  She nodded and watched how he lit up as he described his passion. He’d lost both of his parents in the space of a year.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ she said. ‘What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.’

  ‘Dad had a heart attack. It was so sudden, and it was like mum had lost her best friend.’

  Sahara could feel her heart race, the thought of death sometimes terrified her, even though she’d spoken about it a lot of times to her councillor.

  ‘A year later, she fell down the stairs and broke her hip, she never came out of hospital after that. It was terrible.’

  ‘Gosh, I’m sorry.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ve coped. Plus I’m an only child so I had no one to confide in. I had my relatives and friends, but it’s not the same.’

  ‘I understand. I’m an only child too.’

  ‘You are. Wow, so we do have something in common.’

  She giggled, she was warming up to him faster than she would’ve liked.

  ‘My mum’s great, she’s my life right now. I depend on her a lot.’

  He nodded. ‘You’re lucky you still have her.’

  ‘Yes I am.’

  He was silent for a while. He took the opportunity to take a sip of his drink and savour the moment.

  ‘I really like you,’ he said finally. ‘The moment I set eyes on you, that was it. I just wanted to know you.’

  She pursed her lips and swallowed back hard. ‘Well, I’d advise you not to.’

  ‘Why would you say that? It isn’t a bad thing to be liked by someone.’

  ‘My life is complicated. I can’t promise to give you back what you give me.’

  ‘I’m not asking you to. I just want you to receive.’

  ‘Ahh, but at some point, you’ll need something in return. Don’t warm up to me.’

  ‘I can’t accept that, not unless you tell me why.’

  She reached for her drink and took a big gulp. It was her way of pushing back the emotions that were threatening to come up.

  ‘Your friends have been very protective over you.’

  ‘There is a reason for that.’

  ‘Would it be too early, too forward of me to ask why?’

  She shut her eyes briefly and wondered about that. Did she really want to let him into their circle? How long would he be around, and would he stick around if he found out the truth?

  ‘I don’t know. It’s…’ she wanted to just get it out there and let him decide, but she also felt guarded.

  ‘It’s okay, I can handle it.’

  She smiled, he was sweet, behind those ice blue eyes, there was a warm man who she was warming up to very fast.

  ‘I’m fighting cancer,’ she blurted.

  Eugene wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting.

  ‘I know, it’s a shock, I thought if I just get it out there, it would be done and over with.’

  ‘Urm…yes…’

  ‘You don’t have to feel sorry for me. I don’t want it.’ She continued. She noticed he was having a hard time taking in what she’d said.

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I was first diagnosed at the age of seventeen with bowel cancer. The doctors didn’t want to accept that it was a possibility. I was too young, according to them.’ She laughed lightly.

  He shifted.

  ‘Luckily it was caught in time and I went into remission. But unfortunately cancer got me again, this time breast cancer.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ He couldn’t help it.

  ‘Don’t be sorry, and don’t say sorry again.’ She giggled.

  ‘I don’t know what to say.’

  ‘If you don’t know, say nothing, I’m comfortable with silences. I’ve learnt to deal with them.’

  He nodded.

  ‘It’s genetic. I live from day to day, because that’s all I’ve truly got.’ She took a sip of her drink. She couldn’t believe she’d told him.

  ‘I’m…gosh, this is hard. I guess I understand why Myles and Emily were so guarded.’

  ‘It’s our thing. I don’t want people to know because they start to treat me differently and I don’t like that.’

  He nodded.

  ‘I’m still Sahara, I want people to treat me like a normal person, because I am.’

  Again he nodded.

  ‘That’s the reason I don’t allow anyone to ask me how I am.’

  That had been his next question.

  ‘I don’t like it,
I don’t want to explain myself so we came up with a numbering system. I say a number between one and ten. One being I’m feeling pretty bad, ten being I’m feeling pretty good.’

  ‘I see, that sounds okay, I guess.’

  ‘It works and it keeps me in the moment. You’ll realise I mention the moment a lot.’ She smiled softly.

  He nodded.

  ‘It helps me stay focus on the good things right now. Like having a drink with you, tasting the orange juice. When I do that, I feel good. Tomorrow really is out of my hands.’

  ‘If you think about it, it’s out of all our hands. I could get hit by a car tomorrow.’

  ‘But you don’t think like that do you? To do that, would rob you of today. That’s the same with me. I don’t think about the cancer killing me, I don’t know that, it would rob me of the moments I’m sharing with you.’

  ‘Makes perfect sense. So…’ He looked her in the eye. ‘If you don’t mind me asking… What number are you today?’

  ‘You’re a quick learner.’ She teased.

  ‘Trying to be.’

  ‘I’m a ten.’ She beamed.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes really, and I hope I haven’t scared you off.’

  ‘Why would you think that?’

  ‘Because.’ She leaned forward, it was her turn to look at him. ‘This isn’t a fairytale. You and I are not going to ride out into the sunset and be happy ever after.’

  ‘We don’t know that.’

  ‘True, but when you’re with me, you’ve only got the present moment.’

  ‘I’m going to have to learn then, aren’t I?’

  ‘I don’t think you understand. This date, was great, but further from this, I can’t make you promises. The cancer I have now, I’m hoping to beat it, but there’s no saying I won’t get another type of cancer again. Do you understand?’

  ‘Like you said, there’s no point thinking about tomorrow. We can’t worry about a future that isn’t even here yet.’

  ‘Fair enough.’ she sat back.

  Her first instinct was to resist. It wasn’t just his heart she was worried about, it was hers. There was some uncomfortable silence between them. It was understandable. It wasn’t something one expected on a first date, but Sahara wanted it out in the open. She didn’t want to waste his or her time.

  ‘I’m sorry for this blow.’

  ‘Don’t worry.’ He smiled gently. ‘I’m a grown man, I can handle it.’