Even In Darkness (Between)

by Cyndi Tefft

  A familiar figure helping to load cargo caught my eye and I stiffened. Callison’s pull grew tighter on my arm as my pace slowed, and he finally noticed something was wrong.

  “What’s got into you, then?”

  “What is he doing here?” I spat the words in the direction of the oily-haired Spaniard. Señor Delgado had kept out of sight on the battleship back to England and it never occurred to me that he would follow us to America.

  “Who, ‘im? Looks to me like he’s hauling crates. Probably crates filled with food that you and your worthless arse of a husband will be eating, so I’d watch your manners, were I you.” With a hard yank on my bicep that nearly ripped my arm out of my socket, he propelled me forward.

  “Here we are. Home sweet home for the next three months, aye?” Callison said as we reached a door at the end of a hallway. “In ye go, then!” He pulled out a key and opened the door, then hocked a loogie right across the threshold. Ignoring the disgusting cretin and his laughter, I stepped inside Aiden’s new holding cell and heard the door click shut behind me. I barely had time to take in the cot in the corner of the room and the pitcher of water perched on his bedside table before Aiden leapt up and grabbed me by the shoulders.

  “What have you done?” he demanded, his face contorted in fury.

  My head snapped back in shock. “What?”

  “They were supposed to take me to the gallows! I was to be hanged as a traitor and instead, they dragged me onto this bloody ship and tossed me in this room with no explanation. I can only assume you’ve bargained for my life. What did ye give him? Nanny Fraser’s ring?” His hand whipped out and snatched my own, yanking it up to his face. Seeing the ring still on my finger, he scowled at me in confusion and distrust. “What are you not telling me?”

  I pulled out of his grasp and crossed my arms defensively. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  The chill in Aiden’s voice lowered the temperature in the room by ten degrees. “I’m going to ask you one more time.” He pronounced each word slowly and clearly, as though I were a child trying his patience. “What have you done?”

  Brushing past him, I crossed the room and sat on the end of his mattress. It was about as springy as plywood. My eyes found a knot in the paneling on the wall and focused there. Anything to keep from looking at Aiden.

  “I…I have to sleep with him.”

  Aiden grabbed the pitcher beside me and hurled it at the wall with an unearthly cry. It exploded in the exact spot where I’d been staring. Instinctively, I covered my face with my hands to keep from being hit with flying shards of pottery.

  “No. NO!” He pulled me to my feet and sidestepped the bed, pressing me against the wall next to the cot. “Go back and tell him you’ve changed your mind. I won’t have it. Do you hear me?”

  Anger bubbled up from deep within me and I latched onto it with both hands.

  “Screw you! You don’t get to make decisions for me. And what about your brother, huh? Do you even give a shit about Willie? Or do you want to see him swinging from a rope just like you?”

  He backed up slightly and I pressed my advantage. “And what about me? You’re so worried about me sleeping with the captain, but would you rather have me stand in the courtyard while they taunted you, marched you up the steps, slipped a rope over your neck and kicked the platform out from underneath you? Would you rather have me watch the man I love choke to death before my very eyes, knowing there was something I could have done to stop it? How could I live with myself? There’s so much you don’t understand, Aiden. I don’t even know everything that’s at stake here, but I’m doing the best I can. And if that means I have to sleep with the enemy, then I’ll do it. But I’m sure as hell not taking this crap from you!”

  Pressing my hands flat against his chest, I shoved him out of the way. He was so dumbstruck by my tirade that he stumbled to the side. I stormed over to the door and lifted my fist, ready to pound it and demand that Callison let me out, but Aiden recovered himself and grabbed my fist before it made contact. He turned me to face him.

  “Don’t leave. Please.”

  “Why not? It’s obvious I can’t do anything right here. You don’t want me. Eagan does. I might as well get this over with.”

  He blanched as if I’d slapped him. “Don’t want ye? When did I ever say that?”

  “Well, it’s just…” I started, then let my words drift away. My eyes dropped to the floor. This was wrong. Everything was falling apart and I had no idea how to fix it.

  He pinched my chin between his fingers and forced me to meet his gaze. His blue eyes burned into mine, searing me with their intensity. “I want ye so badly, it’s eating me up inside. I haven’t… I didn’t want to touch ye because I was a condemned man. I couldn’t take your purity and ruin your chance for happiness after I was gone. But I have ached for you every night since I first laid eyes on you, Lindsey. Make no mistake.” His hand softened on my face as he moved to stroke my cheek with the rough tips of his fingers.

  “You forget. We’re already married. My purity is long gone.” Even as I said the words, a furious blush heated my cheeks. This is Aiden, I reminded myself. I had no idea why I felt shy all of a sudden. We’d been together so many times that I’d lost count, but the way he was staring at me made me feel like everything was brand new. And I guess it was, since he didn’t remember me.

  He shook his head sadly. “You deserve a castle with fountains and sprawling, manicured grounds. Footmen to do your bidding. Stables. Livery. Silks. A lady’s maid to do your hair.” His thumb brushed against my temple, sending tingles down my spine. “You deserve to be worshipped and savored like the angel you are, not taken in the dark belly of a ship.”

  His hand threaded through my hair, then made a pathway down my body before falling limply at his side. I realized he was offering me an out, an opportunity to back away from him and from everything he stood for.

  My fingers sought his and squeezed. “I’m not an angel, but I wouldn’t mind being worshipped and savored. And you know, anything else you want to do.” When I looked up at him through my lashes, the expression on his face was one I’d seen so many times before. My heart did a little victory dance at having broken through his armor.

  His body leaned into mine, holding me tight against the door. “I know I shouldn’t, but...” His eyes swept over my cheeks, my hairline, and my mouth, drinking me in. “When ye look at me like that, like you know me, like you can see clear through me, and you want me anyway? I’m lost, Lindsey. You win.”

  His lips touched mine gently, teasing and soft, almost hesitant, as though he expected me to push him away at any moment. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer and touched my tongue to his bottom lip. A groan escaped from his throat and his reins completely snapped. Whatever had held him back was gone as he devoured me with his kiss. In one swift movement, he hoisted me up so that my legs could wrap around his waist. The pressure of his body against my most sensitive spot made me whimper with need.

  “Aiden.” The word was a plea for more and he understood. I thought he’d take me to the bed, undress me, and make love to me slowly, but I could not have been more wrong. Bracing me against the wall and supporting my weight with one hand, he shifted to move his kilt out of the way. Then he lifted my skirt higher and drove into me.

  My startled cry didn’t stop his momentum. Molten fire shone in his eyes as he took me up against the wall. My initial shock at his change of heart quickly evaporated and I let the tide of sensation sweep through me. He was savage, unyielding, rough, and wild. And I loved it.

  Afterward, he lowered me to my feet and seemed to come back to his senses. His eyes widened as though he’d completely lost control of himself and had just realized what had happened.

  “I shouldn’t have—” he began, but I pressed a kiss to his lips and cut him off.

  “That was...intense.” His sheepish smile sent a surge of love through me. “But maybe you could help me off with this,” I gest
ured to my corset, “and try your hand at savoring.”

  His face split into a wide grin and he scooped me up, carrying me like a new bride to the small bed in the corner of the room. “As you wish, my love.”

  Just as he set me down, a timid knock sounded from the door, followed by Callison’s rough voice.

  “Nae, lad. Ye’d best be giving it a pounding or they’ll not hear ye over the racket they’ve been making in there.” Three heavy thumps rattled the door, followed by the sound of the door unlocking. “All right, kids. Time to wrap it up. Ye’ve got company.”

  Heat blazed up my neck as I realized Callison had been sitting outside the door the entire time. The very door that Aiden and I had just—

  I forced the thought out of my mind. While I wrestled my clothing back into position, Aiden strode across the room and yanked open the door. He started to give Callison a piece of his mind but abruptly stopped at the sight of his brother.

  “Willie? Are ye well?”

  “Aye,” he responded, though his eyes didn’t meet Aiden’s. There was something beyond embarrassment on his face. Something like pity. Dread surged from deep within, nearly choking me. “Milady, the captain wishes to see you in his quarters.”

  Aiden swore so loudly that Willie winced and shrunk back a step. Hands in his hair, he paced the length of the room. “The nerve…He thinks he can…And that he’ll have…” He slammed his fist into the wall as if it were as soft as a pillow. The blood that sprang to his knuckles proved that it wasn’t.

  I jumped to my feet. “Aiden!” He turned to me, eyes wild with pain and fury. “It’s okay.” At the incredulous look on his face, I hastened to clarify. “No, I mean, it’s not okay. It’ll never be okay that he wants me to…” I let the words die, since finishing that sentence wasn’t going to help either of us. “What I mean is, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter. You’re the one I love and we’ll get through this. Together.”

  He pulled me into a fierce embrace, then held me at arms’ length for a moment. “I haven’t had the chance to tell ye, and I didn’t intend to do so with witnesses.” He gestured with his head to Willie and Callison behind us. “But ye shouldn’t go without…well, ye shouldn’t go at all, actually, but I don’t want to…’tis only that…”

  “What?” I’d never seen him so tongue-tied. “What are you trying to say?”

  His eyes held mine, as soft as a touch. “I love you. I’ve never said that to any woman, I give ye my oath. You’ve saved me and ruined me all at once, Lindsey MacRae. I want to stop this madness, but I don’t know how.”

  My heart did a flip-flop at the sincerity in his voice. Everything in me screamed to stay there in his arms, captain be damned, but I knew what I had to do. And putting it off wasn’t going to help.

  “I love you, too. I’ll come right back, I promise.”

  His lips crashed down over mine in a kiss filled with desperation, desire, and despair. When we finally broke for air, I didn’t look up at him—knowing that I wasn’t strong enough to handle what I’d see—and left with Willie.

  “Right this way,” he said, his soft voice leaden with apology. He knew somehow that I was going from Aiden’s bed to Eagan’s and that made me feel like the lowest worm. No, like the dirt caked on a worm’s slimy body. I wasn’t going to explain to him that I was doing this for him, too, so I just kept my mouth shut and let the silence stretch between us. He played with his pocket watch on its chain as we walked.

  I hadn’t been to the captain’s quarters on this new ship, so I paid attention to the path we were taking so I could make my way back to Aiden without assistance. We finally arrived at a door with a plaque above that read ‘Captain Masterson’ in bold lettering.

  “Here we are then,” Willie said with a sigh. Not meeting my eyes, he mumbled, “God speed,” and then slipped away, leaving me staring at Eagan’s door.

  Taking a deep breath, I straightened my spine. You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can—

  I opened the door forcefully and then stood there dumbly staring.

  Chapter 13

  Eagan’s modest living quarters from the battleship were a distant memory. The bedroom—no, luxury suite—I stood in made me catch my breath. The walls shone with cherry wood paneling, supporting several large oil paintings. There was an ornate armoire against one wall, and a mahogany dining set in another area. Deep green silks surrounded a huge, four-poster bed. And while the sight of that bed—and what it signified—made me swallow hard, that wasn’t what had snared my attention and made my jaw drop open in shock.

  In the center of the room sat an old-fashioned tub filled with steaming water. A tray was nestled against the tub, carrying all sorts of soaps, brushes, towels, and a couple bottles of who-knows-what. Perfume? Scented oils? The suite was empty; Eagan was nowhere to be found.

  The bathtub drew me like a magnet. My feet moved of their own accord to the heavenly sight as a hundred emotions poured over me: confusion, guilt, suspicion, worry. But the thought of being clean again blotted out everything else. I hadn’t realized until that moment just how filthy I’d become and all of a sudden, my skin itched like spiders were crawling all over me.

  A folded note on the tray caught my eye and I bent down to pick it up, still scratching my neck with my other hand.

  My dearest Lindsey,

  I thought you might enjoy a long soak. There’s a gift for you in the armoire when you’re finished.

  Yours, Eagan

  A gift? Trying to ignore the rush of warmth I felt at the idea, I crossed to the armoire and pulled it open, only to be assaulted by a fresh wave of joy. Three colorful dresses hung on one side while the captain’s clothes were meticulously folded on the other half, above a stack of drawers. A row of boots—his and mine—lined the bottom of the armoire. My heart rejoiced at the thought of having new clothes to wear. I had lost count of the number of days I’d been stuck in my filthy dress. I could hardly wait to peel it off. Maybe I’d throw it overboard, since I sure as hell never wanted to wear it again. I reached out my hand to stroke one of the gowns, but pulled away at the sight of the dirt smeared across my thumb.

  With a quick glance around the suite to convince myself no one was there to see, I wrestled myself out of my dress that was speckled with Aiden’s blood from his injury. The corset laces didn’t want to give so that I could loosen it enough to slip the devil’s material off my body, but I worked at it until they finally came free. My lungs greedily sucked in oxygen, knowing that even with the beautiful gowns awaiting me, the freedom from my corset was only a temporary reprieve.

  Finally naked, I stepped into the small, narrow tub and let the steaming water envelop me. Muscles I didn’t even know I had unclenched in the soothing warmth. Eyes closed, I scooted down further so that my head fell back and my knees stuck out of the water. A song bubbled up from inside me and I started singing softly, something I used to do all the time but had rarely done since we fell off that cliff and found ourselves in this mess. The tangle of emotions I’d been working so hard to keep in check started to unravel in the water’s comforting embrace.

  Images of my mother and father sprang to mind, flooding me with an ache I couldn’t contain. For once, I didn’t try to hold back the tears that ran down my cheeks. Encased in warmth and solitude, I finally let the sorrow flow over me and allowed myself to grieve all that I had lost. I had no idea where this charade was headed, but I knew I’d never see my parents again. The weight of their loss settled on my chest and seeped into my heart. I sagged under the pressure but knew I’d have to accept the ache that would be with me from that day forward. I held the pain close like a security blanket. Caressed it. Owned it. And somehow, I found the beginnings of peace from the depths within, like a seed that is planted deep in the soil and works its way up to the surface, pushing aside the darkness with its tiny bursts of strength. An enduring sense of calm settled over me until my tears were dry tracks along my cheeks. Taking a deep breath, I sat up in the
tub and splashed water over my face, ready to tackle whatever lay ahead. What I’d left behind was well and truly gone, but it would always be with me, always be a part of me, and for that, I was thankful. But holding on to the past wouldn’t help me navigate the minefield before me, and I had to let it go.

  The scent of lavender floated across to me and I reached out to bring a wedge of soap to my nose. Mmmm…it reminded me of the field of wild flowers where I’d first met Aiden. Holding tight to the sweet memory, I lathered my body and my hair. Weeks’ worth of dirt and grime washed away, leaving me feeling fresh and strong. Whatever came at me, I knew I could deal with it, even if it meant sleeping in Eagan’s bed, feeling his weight on top of me each night.

  The thought should have made me shudder, should have made me cringe, but somehow it didn’t. I refused to examine that too closely, afraid of what it might reveal about me. Instead, I gave myself a final rinse and gingerly stepped out of the tub, still favoring my weak ankle. My hands sought out the towel on the bottom shelf of the tray, but it was miniscule compared to the bath sheets we had at home. I was used to a big, fluffy towel that wrapped all the way around me and then some. The towel in my hand was hardly wide enough to cover my essential bits and not nearly long enough to wrap around my body. Still, no one was there to see, so I quickly dried off and headed to the armoire to pick out a gown.

  The sound of the door opening and closing made me gasp out loud. I whipped around to scream at the intruder, my insufficient towel clutched in front of me.

  “Get out! What do you think you’re—” I started to shriek, but the words got stuck in my mouth, collapsing against one another. Eagan stood in the doorframe, motionless and slack-jawed as though all the blood had rushed from his head. The bulge immediately straining the front of his pants was proof that that was exactly what had happened. He snapped his mouth closed and swallowed hard, never taking his eyes off the bare skin of my hips and breasts that peeked out on either side of my pitiful excuse for a towel.