Shouldn't Want You (Cataclysm Book 2)

by Jerica MacMillan

  Cynthia studies me, but seems content that I’m not holding anything important back. “Good. Well, now that that’s settled, let’s discuss compensation.”

  Chapter Four

  Danny

  I answer the knock on the door bright and early the next morning to find the new nanny on the doorstep, looking even younger than yesterday in cut-off shorts and a pink tank top. A backpack hangs off one shoulder, the cross body bag from yesterday again bisects her chest, making her breasts press even more firmly against the ribbed fabric of her top, and a suitcase stands next to her.

  I look past her to see a car driving away, then refocus on her. “Where’s the rest of your stuff?”

  She shrugs. “This is it.”

  I raise my eyebrows, taking her in again. “Packing light is a useful skill, but you could’ve brought more than this. We’ll be flying on a charter jet, so you’re not restricted by the usual commercial flight baggage and weight limits.”

  The change in her face is subtle, but rather than hopeful like she looked when I first opened the door, she now looks chagrined. Or embarrassed. “It’s okay. I didn’t bring my bedding. All I had was twin sheets, and the room your mom said would be mine has a queen bed. I had a furnished room, so none of the furniture was mine. All I need are my clothes and stuff.” Her eyes shift, looking past me. “Um, can I come in?”

  Dammit, I’m such an ass sometimes. “Of course. I’m sorry. You caught me by surprise.” I open the door wider, reaching for her suitcase.

  But her hand tightens on the handle. “It’s okay. I’ve got it.”

  I hold up my hands in a gesture of surrender and step out of her way. “Can I show you to your room?”

  Her chest rises with a deep breath, and she opens her mouth to answer, but before she can, a little blond head pops out of the kitchen at the end of the hall.

  “Ava?” Eli steps all the way into the hall, crumbs surrounding his mouth and trailing down the front of his shirt—a Captain America one today. “Ava!” he yells, running full tilt down the hallway and wrapping his arms around her bare legs like she’s his long-lost best friend.

  She lets go of her suitcase and reaches down to rub his head where it’s buried against her thighs. “Hey, Eli! Are you having breakfast?”

  He nods, rubbing his face against her and wiping crumbs all over her legs.

  “Hey, buddy,” I intervene, trying to pry one of his arms away from her and inadvertently touching the soft skin of her thigh in the process. But I ignore the way that makes me want to flip my hand over and caress her skin. It’s just from being without female company for months. From the way she reacted to me offering to get her suitcase, she’d slap me upside the head and quit on the spot if I did something like that. And I need her to help with Eli or I won’t be able to bring him on tour with me.

  Which is not an option.

  Ava’s hand lands on top of mine. “He’s fine. It’s no big deal. This is my job, right?”

  I meet her brown eyes, overly conscious of the way her hand feels on mine. We stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment, and then she seems to startle, snatching her hand away as if burned.

  “I’m sorry. You’re right. He’s your child. If you want him to finish his breakfast, then you have every right to insist he do that. I just don’t mind a few crumbs. I’m sure it’ll happen again soon. It’s part of the deal when you’re the nanny.”

  Eli’s loosened his grip on her as she babbled, my fingers still circling his arm, his little face looking back and forth between us as she talks and I stare at her.

  Her throat works as she swallows, then she reaches for Eli and ruffles his head. “Go with your dad, okay? I’ll come see you in a few minutes. I just need to get settled. But we’ll have lots of fun today once you’re done with breakfast.”

  He gives her a big grin in response, throwing his hands in the air and breaking my loose grip on his arm. “Yay!” He bounces up and down in his happiness. Then he abruptly turns and runs back down the hall to my mom who’s standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

  She runs an affectionate hand over Eli as he passes her, then smiles at Ava. “Glad you could make it. Let me just help Eli back into his booster seat. Danny can show you your room and go over the schedule for the week.”

  Mom disappears back into the kitchen, and Ava and I are left staring at each other for another long moment.

  I’m not quite sure what this reaction is that I’m having to her. She’s not my usual type. Too fresh-faced and innocent. And young.

  She went to a religious college. She’s probably saving herself for marriage.

  So what’s she doing on a tour with an alternative rock band? She’s not going to meet any nice Christian boys hanging around with bastards like us. We’re pretty tame in comparison to the usual sex, drugs, and rock and roll scene, eschewing most drugs, though I do enjoy smoking a bowl and relaxing every now and then. Marcus won’t do that, wanting to preserve his precious vocal cords, and smoke is bad for the voice.

  I sing backup vocals on occasion, so it doesn’t matter as much for me. As long as I show up and shred on the guitar, I’m golden.

  Pink creeps up Ava’s neck and across her cheeks, and she looks away from me. I guess I’m weirding her out just staring at her like this. I should stop.

  But if this is all it takes to make her blush, how’s she going to react when she learns about Blaire’s relationship with Mason and Aaron?

  Her blush deepens like she can read my mind, even though I know she can’t. With a shake of my head at myself, that she doesn’t catch because she’s looking everywhere except at me, I uncross my arms and take a step toward the hallway off the other side of the front room. “The bedrooms are this way.”

  Her cheeks are positively flaming now, but she just nods and grips her suitcase tightly, preparing to follow me. “Lead the way.”

  I open my mouth, tempted to reassure her that I won’t be ravishing her, just showing her where she’s sleeping for the time being, but somehow I think that might backfire.

  Chapter Five

  Ava

  I’d pushed aside how attractive Eli’s dad is.

  That’s how I’ve decided to think of him. Not by name. But by his relationship to my new charge.

  I’m here for Eli.

  I was specifically told not to be starstruck by his father. My interactions with his father will be solely related to Eli.

  Except right now I’m following Eli’s very attractive father down a dark hallway to a bedroom.

  While I blush like a schoolgirl as though him taking me to a bedroom means something significant. Other than the fact that the bedroom in question will be mine for the time being.

  He reaches a door, his muscled and tattooed arm pushing it open, flooding the hallway with morning sunshine that filters through the open blinds.

  My breath catches, but this time it’s because of the room. It’s bright and airy, decorated in whites and creams with navy accents. The queen-size bed, which is larger than any bed I’ve ever had just for me, sits front and center under the window. It’s covered by a plush white comforter with navy piping along the edge. Navy- and white-striped throw pillows are arranged against other fluffy white pillows.

  With the sunlight streaming past sheer white curtains that seem to float in the disturbed air, it looks like heaven.

  At the very least a haven.

  Eli’s father’s voice breaks my reverie. And it’s deep and smoky enough that I have to suppress shivers at the sound.

  “Eli’s room is the next one over. I’m on the other side. My parents are across the hall. And the bathroom is on your other side. I’ll leave you to get settled. If you need anything, we’ll be in the kitchen.”

  I force myself to meet his eyes, even though they study me too intently for my comfort, and I give him a polite smile. “Thank you. This will be lovely.”

  He nods, his lips pressing together in what I think he means to be a smile. At the very least i
t’s a lessening of the near frown that seems to perpetually occupy his face.

  Unable to help myself, I watch him leave, pulling the door closed behind him, and I stare at the white door for a long time after he’s gone.

  With a shake of my head, I take stock of the room. There’s a white shabby chic-style dresser against the wall adjacent to the door with a mirror hanging above it. A framed print of an ocean scene hangs on one wall, a cluster of small square shelves holding a dried starfish, seashells, and bottles of sand hang on the opposite wall.

  It’s beachy and cute and so much better than the closet of a room I just left. I didn’t have any artwork on the walls and half my clothes were already in my suitcase. I had no problem packing up last night after I got home and leaving this morning without looking back.

  But my reaction to Danny might be a problem. Trying to think of him as just Eli’s father isn’t working. His presence is too compelling for me to be able to ignore him. And the way he looks at me …

  I’m not sure what to make of that.

  The last time a man looked at me that way, I ended up—

  Well, I ended up here, when all was said and done.

  After setting my backpack and messenger bag on the bed—my bed, at least for now—I lay my suitcase on the ground and unzip it, all the while ignoring the sharp stab of pain and grief and guilt that knifes through me as the memories rise unbidden.

  I caught Grayson, who I initially only called Dr. Cox, staring at me often when we first met. Looking at me more than the other students in his class. Calling on me more often. Scheduling time to see me in his office to discuss my papers.

  At first I was confused by his attention. None of my other professors had asked me to schedule appointments to go over papers. I always got good grades. The first time he asked me to do that, I was so nervous, expecting him to rake me over the coals.

  Instead he praised me. Told me my paper was the most insightful he’d read in a while.

  I’d flushed under his praise, pleased. After that, he started asking me to come by his office more often. Once a week, then two or three times. At first we stayed on opposite sides of his desk, but then he started coming around and leaning against his desk. Which eventually led to him touching me. Casual touches at first, squeezing my shoulder to say goodbye, patting my hand or knee if I was upset about something.

  He told me he wanted to mentor me.

  I was flattered, and he was so handsome and smart, and I was so young and trusting, that when the casual touches turned into something more overtly affectionate, I took it in stride. Letting him wrap his arm around me and keep it there, enjoying the way he started kissing my forehead, my cheek, my nose, before moving to my lips.

  Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I zip my suitcase and flip up the bed skirt to see if there’s room for it under there. There is, so I slide it in place and stand, hands on hips, surveying the room now with the addition of my little touches. Laptop and phone charger on the nightstand. I had to unplug the lamp, but that’s okay. I’ll plug it back in when we leave. A few books I brought with me on child development and a binder full of ideas for educational activities to do with toddlers sit on the dresser.

  Aaaand this is what my life has been reduced to. Clothes, which are nothing fancy, basic toiletries, a few books, and my two pieces of technology to connect me to the rest of the world. When I leave, there will be no trace of me ever having set foot in this room, much less slept in it for however long until we go to Los Angeles.

  A weird little bubble of nervous excitement bursts in my abdomen, and I lay my hand there, thinking about what else I should’ve been feeling in my belly about now …

  But that way lies madness. Or at least self-torture and pain. And I’ve had enough of that for one morning, thankyouverymuch. Remembering Grayson’s drawn out seduction, how I fell so hard and so fast for him, and how everything turned to ashes and dust so quickly and so easily, is enough painful reminiscing for me right now.

  The positive thing about having survived all that, and remembering it now when I’m only minutes into my new position, is that I’ve come out the other side smarter and stronger. Less naive at the very least.

  So ignoring Danny’s frowny, intense stares will be easy. Or at least they won’t end up having the same effect as Grayson’s stares. Not that I think he intends them to. Danny takes broody to a whole new level. Does he stare and brood with his two-year-old too?

  Chapter Six

  Ava

  I think this is officially the strangest babysitting job I’ve ever had.

  Officially it’s my first time being an actual nanny, but I assumed that I’d have more one-on-one time with Eli.

  Since I moved in five days ago, I haven’t been alone with him once. In fact, almost every time I’ve interacted with him directly, his dad has joined us, spearing me with those blue eyes, intimidating me with his moody presence.

  In the short periods of time when he’s not home—at the gym or meeting with the band—Cynthia’s here. They’re never gone at the same time. And I can’t tell if it’s by chance or design.

  They hired me, after all. Don’t they trust me to take care of Eli?

  The evenings are the worst. Danny insists on doing the bedtime routine, and I stand and watch so I know the drill for when it’s my turn, feeling like a creepy creeper, pushing away fantasies of putting my own little boy or girl to bed. My baby was never more than a heartbeat and errant nausea before I lost it.

  That’s such a weird phrase—losing a baby. It sounds like something I misplaced or negligently left somewhere, not a life I carried inside me for too short a time.

  Stop it, I order myself as I assemble a peg puzzle with Eli in the living room in a rare moment alone with him while Cynthia is running errands, her husband is at work, and Danny’s on the phone in another room. Stop it now. It’s been over two months. I need to move on. That’s why I’m here, after all.

  Danny stands in the doorway, watching Eli and me together. For some reason I’m acutely attuned to him, feeling the way the air shifts when he enters the room, his gaze a physical weight on my skin.

  It’s a strange sort of feeling. Not attraction. Or not exactly. He’s so beyond not my type that it’s not even funny. But something about him is compelling.

  I ignore him, having learned that he’ll speak when he’s ready and not before. Instead, I keep my attention focused on Eli, handing him a piece shaped like an elephant, watching him try it in different spaces to find where it fits.

  “Where’s the elephant?” I ask, trying to guide him to the right spot.

  He holds up the puzzle piece with a big smile. “El-phant.”

  I grin back at his proud display of the puzzle piece and tap my finger on the wooden board. “That’s right. Now where’s the elephant on here?”

  Brow furrowed in concentration, Eli examines the board for a moment before slamming the puzzle piece on top of the elephant on the board with a loud thwack! He has it turned crooked, so it doesn’t slide right in, and he bangs it on the board a few times before turning a beseeching face to me.

  “Try turning it a little.” I reach over and adjust it so it almost lines up.

  Catching on, Eli tries again, rotating it until it slides into place, sitting back and clapping for himself.

  “Good job!” I hold up my hand for a high five, and he slaps it enthusiastically.

  “Again!” he yells.

  With a laugh, I pass him the zebra.

  Danny clears his throat, and I give him a polite smile, since he clearly wants to be acknowledged now. “Hey. Do you want to do puzzles with him?”

  “No!” yells Eli immediately, his tiny hand grabbing onto my arm. “Ava stay.”

  Danny gives his son an indulgent smile. “Yes, sir. Ava’s staying. Don’t worry.” Then to me, he says, “We have a band meeting this afternoon at two.” My heart leaps, excited at the prospect of getting Eli all to myself for an extended period of time. If Danny’s goin
g out of his way to tell me about his band meeting, that means Cynthia will still be gone, so I’ll finally get to do the job he’s hired me to do. But then he says, “You’ll be coming with me to meet everyone.”

  “What? Why?” The impertinent words fly out of my mouth before I can censor them.

  Crossing his arms, Danny’s eyebrows fly up. “You don’t want to?”

  “No, I mean, well,” I stammer, looking away, glancing around the room, trying to find something to say.

  Danny gives me what passes for a smile with him, which makes me abandon my search for words. The lines around his mouth shift as the corners turn slightly up instead of slightly down, and his eyes and forehead relax. Like this, I could almost think he’s handsome, if nothing like the kind of guy I usually go for. I prefer bookish guys. The nerdy ones with glasses who prefer hanging out in the library.

  Musicians aren’t out of the question, but the musicians I’m familiar with are of the orchestra and band variety, not rockstars, or even wannabe rockstars. And that’s always been just fine with me. I’ve never had a rockstar fantasy, and I don’t intend to start now. Especially not about a guy I work for.

  I’ve been burned by someone with authority over me once already. That’s more than enough for me.

  But then the smile fades, and his face resumes its normal expression. “I thought it would be a good idea for you to meet everyone before we start traveling together. Unless you prefer to meet them for the first time on the plane when you’re also helping with a small child and your attention is divided?”

  “Oh, right, yeah, good point.” I can’t stop stammering. He’s going to think I’m an idiot and fire me, except that Eli clearly likes me so that’s a point in my favor. For now.

  “My mom will watch Eli.” He pulls out his phone and glances at the screen. “We’ll need to leave in about an hour. I’ll come get you when it’s time to go.” And with that, he’s gone.